


The End of the World

by Shreddedparchment



Series: Ashes to Ashes [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Ashes to Ashes Universe, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Marvel Universe, after the snap, marvel AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-01 17:08:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 171,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16769344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shreddedparchment/pseuds/Shreddedparchment
Summary: Thanos has used the Infinity Gauntlet to eradicate half of the universe, including your friends and family. You once shared a connection with the God of Thunder and when you meet again you vow to never leave him again, even if that means sharing in his grief and the grief of the remaining Avengers.





	1. Thor and the Rabbit

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first piece written for my Ashes to Ashes Universe but the second of a three part, possible four part series. The first part does not need to be read to understand this one.

Waiting. That’s what you’ve suffered through. Unbearable, torturous, never ending waiting.

It’s been months. Months since the world literally ended. Well, it's still turning. People are still living, if that’s what you can call it. Life for everyone, life for you, has become a half life.

In one unbelievable instant everything changed. People, your family, your friends, all gone.

As you stand by the sink, the water running over a small pile of unwashed dishes, you stare at your hands. You can still see it, falling through your fingers, dust…or something like it. Your hands had grasped frantically to hold them close, to keep them from going, but they’d dissolved and disappeared anyway. The people around you not your family. You hadn't been there when they were wiped away. Wiped from existence as if they’d never been there but behind them they’d left a painful hole proving that they had and now they were gone.

You clench your fists, urging your mind to stop thinking about it. You feel so angry that you grab the pale blue ceramic plate from the top of the pile in the sink and traverse towards the living room then chuck it.

There is no satisfying crash of a breaking plate. Instead you find a large, tall, gorgeous blonde standing there with the plate in hand over his head.

“I see you have not lost your impeccable aim." He brings the plate down to twirl in his large hands, a soft and nervous smile stretching his lips.

“You’ve looked better.” You whisper, unable to find the strength to speak any louder as you're overwhelmed with a flurry of memories. Of sleepless nights spent talking, exchanged embraces, kisses, and other intimacies that would have normally made your cheeks flush were your heart not currently aching.

His mouth contorts into a wry smile, a humorless expression as your words send some sort of bitterness through him.

“I have felt better.”

For several painful moments you both stare at each other and you take the opportunity to get a good look at him. His hair is short now. When did he cut it? Why? His eyes…they’re not the same. One is still that beautiful blue but the other is amber and slightly mechanical. He’s still huge. His arms bulge out of his armor with his cape resting against the sides of his wide shoulders.

You want to say something but you're not sure whether you want to be angry or sad. Maybe you want to be honest?

“Are you two just going to stand there staring at each other? If you are could you point me in the direction of the bathroom? Never mind, this potted plant will do.”

Your attention is pulled to what is, in no doubt, a raccoon wearing some type of space armor with a large gun strapped to his back. Did that raccoon just talk?! His voice is hard, gruff, and somewhat cold. Your eyes go wide.

“Wha…?!” Is all you manage to say as the raccoon makes its way to your large potted Philodendron by the fridge.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Thor says, watching Rocket walk to your plant. “Y/N this is Rocket, a talking rabbit. Rabbit, this is Y/N, a human female.”

Clearly, Rocket is not a rabbit, but it’s Thor so you’re not surprised by the confusion.

“This is Y/N? I don’t see the fuss. She’s no better than that other one back at the compound.” Rocket grumbles stopping beside your philodendron.

You hear a zipper then rush to stop him from peeing on your plant. “Hey! Stop. Don’t pee there. If you want to use the bathroom, it’s through that door.”

You point towards the solid white door beside the open French doors that give a glimpse into your bedroom, the bed still unmade.

Rocket zips his pants back up and after a glare at you, he moves towards the door. He reaches up and turns the handle, having to stretch a bit to reach it, and disappears into your bathroom. As the door closes you turn back to Thor and find him watching you.

You have a gnawing sense that you know who he visited first but you’re afraid to ask. You know it’ll only hurt but still, you to ask anyway.

“Who was he talking about?”

Thor’s gaze changes and you recognize the guilt there. In his hesitation he shifts his weight to his front leg like you’ve seen him do when he’s readying himself for a confrontation. He clenches his fists around the plate and sighs. It’s a miracle it doesn’t shatter.

“We saw Jane on the way here.”

You scoff at the same moment that her name touches his lips. You can’t help the knee-jerk reaction at her mention. It sends a coldness into your heart as it lurches with jealousy.

“Of course, you’re going to go see her.” You are going to add ‘first’ but that would imply that you had expected him to come see you. Until the moment that you saw him standing in your living room you weren’t even really sure he had survived.

You move towards him and watch as he tenses, expecting who knows what? A hit? Like you could ever hurt him. You take the plate from his hands and watch as he physically flinches away from you but lets the plate go all the same.

With nothing to hold onto, he snaps his fingers then holds his hands neatly in front of him at ease. His eyes watching you as you move to the sink and shut the water off, depositing the plate with the rest. You hold onto the edge of the sink, staring as the water drains, urging yourself not to overreact.

“We only saw Jane because Bruce Banner is assisting me in finding my people and Jane is the only astrophysicist that might know of a way in which we might find them. It has been a long time since Jane and I stopped courting, you know that.”

“Find them? You lost your people? Aren’t they on Asgard?” You ignore the part about Thor and Jane courting. 

You don’t need to think about that. You’d seen more than enough of their courting.

“Asgard was destroyed.” He states simply.

You turn around and search for his face but he’s no longer looking at you. He’s looking at the ground, his eyes unnaturally sad.

“I’m sorry.” You want to comfort him, but your pride roots your feet to your kitchen floor. “What happened?”

“My sister Hela,” He begins.

“You have a sister?”

“Yes, she tried to take Asgard and rule it after my father died.”

“Your dad is dead?”

“Yes. He is with my mother now.” The area around his eyes tightens as his jaw clenches and unclenches. “My brother and I summoned Surtur so that he could bring about Ragnarok to destroy Asgard, as Hela was using it to sustain her power over my people. We succeeded and escaped Asgard but before we could reach Earth we were ambushed by Thanos. He killed half of my people…and Heimdall. And Loki.” 

His voice falters on Loki’s name. His brother’s name.

You let your feet carry you forward as your heart aches for him, pride be damned. You don’t stop until your arms are wrapped around him, pulling him down so that you can hug as much of his torso as possible. He melts in your arms, his own wrapping about your waist to hold you against his body as he buries his face in your neck.

“I’m so sorry, Thor. Loki was…I know you loved him.” Whatever anger you held towards Loki for his attack on New York, you now know what it feels like to lose your loved ones. 

To have them be gone as if they’d never existed. How could you not feel anguish for Thor?

“I was right there, Y/N. I could not save him. He saved me.” His voice sounds thick as he struggles to contain his grief. “He was a terrible brother.”

You understand the love in his voice as he says it. Though Loki had given Thor such heartache in life, no pain compares to what he must be feeling now after losing him.

You run your hand along the back of his head, comforting him as best you can. “So, this happened before…before everyone else…?”

You don’t need to finish the question. He knows what you’re talking about and he hugs you closer. Tighter.

“Thrice I have failed, Y/N. I failed to save my people. I failed to save my brother. And I failed to save the universe. It’s my fault that they’re gone. If I’d been smarter, if I’d killed Thanos before he could use the gauntlet none of this would have happened.”

You let that sink in for a moment and wait for the anger to wash over you. You lost everyone and yet the anger doesn’t come. All you feel is an ache in your chest, a squirm in your stomach, and relief to finally have your arms around him. It feels like you can breathe again. Like the world is right though you know it’s far from.

“I’m sure you did the best you could.” You finally pull back so that he can straighten up a bit and so that you can look into his mismatched eyes. 

He looks tired and defeated. You place your hands on either side of his face and with your thumbs caress it. He stares into your eyes, searching for something, forgiveness maybe?

“I’m so glad you’re safe.” You whisper.

There’s no warning as he suddenly dips his head and closes the distance between your lips and his. He pulls you closer against his body and up so that you’re standing on your tip-toes as you kiss him. Your stomach does somersaults.

His lips are warm, soft at first but then they become demanding. You run out of breath before he does, like always, what with your human lungs. You pull back so that you can catch it and he lets you, but keeps his forehead pressed to yours and his eyes shut. 

“I do not know what I would have done if I had shown up and you were not here.” He confesses.

“You would have gone back to help Jane find your people. If your father is gone, that means you’re King of Asgard, doesn’t it?”

“I do hold a responsibility for my people now, you are right.” He sighs, and you feel his fists grip the back of your shirt tightly as if he were making sure that you can’t go anywhere. “But I would have been lost if you were not here.”

Suddenly, you hear your toilet flush and are reluctantly pulled from the moment as Rocket walks out of your bathroom drying his hands on the front of his shirt. He stops and stares at you and Thor. 

“That was fast. And you were worried she’d hit you?”

You pull back, inserting some space between you both. Thor straightens up and turns slightly to face Rocket, but he doesn’t release the back of your shirt. He’s still gripping it tightly, wrinkling the fabric.

“Have you finished relieving yourself rabbit?” He asks Rocket who shrugs.

“As far as relief goes. Are we almost ready to leave? I’ve got a date with the Man of Steel. I’m gonna show him the proper way to make a flight suit and he said he had some drink called ‘Tequila’ he wanted me to try.” Rocket moves towards the open front door. 

You hadn’t noticed it before but that was clearly how they’d got in. Had you left it unlocked?

“Stark is called the ‘Iron Man’, and yes. We can leave. But,” Thor turns towards you once again. “I must insist that you come with us, Y/N. I cannot bear to be apart from you for a moment longer and I will not leave you here, alone. I am assuming that your family-?”

“Yes, they’re gone.” You don’t seem to need to explain that to him. He knows.

You turn to watch Rocket walk out your door and then look back up at Thor who stands staring at you with pleading eyes and you know that you can’t leave his side either. You reach behind your back, gently worm your hand underneath his and intertwine your fingers, gripping his hand tightly.

“Let’s go.”


	2. Thor, the Rabbit, and the Benatar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You board Rocket's ship and set off for the Avengers Compound with Thor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing the first part and was inspired to write a second. I've already got an idea for a third and maybe fourth part. I'm having a blast writing this and I hope you enjoy reading it.

As you board the orange and silver ship, you feel suddenly out of place. Disconnected as if you aren't really there, just dreaming.

“So this is your ship?” You stop to stare at the alien technology running throughout the large and somewhat dirty space.

“Move it, toots.” Rocket pushes past you, shoving you out of his way.

As you gently slam into Thor he catches you. Steadies you. Smiles at you. Then moves into the ship after Rocket.

“Y/N, come sit down. We are about to lift off and Rocket has not learned to do so gently. It will be safer if you are seated.”

You move in further, passing a bench and then do a double-take as you recognize an old Zune speaker soldered into the wall. On the dock sits a Zune, currently powered off.

As you reach the cockpit you notice a small table surrounded by several chairs.

“Sit here.” Thor urges you, takes your hand and leads you to a seat at the table then proceeds to take the one opposite you. 

As he finally sits, the ship suddenly jerks upwards and you barely have enough time to adjust to that weightless feeling before you’re rocketed forward at full speed. Your stomach twists uncomfortably and you’re suddenly glad you haven’t eaten.

“Hey, jerks, this is your Captain speaking, shut up and enjoy the ride. Or don't. I don't care.” Rocket pushes a few buttons on the console and then gently pushes a lever forward and the ship adjusts in response.

“He does know how to fly this thing, right?” You ask Thor who then looks to you, shrugs, and smiles.

“I hope so.” His face contorts into the carefree smile that he'd been wearing when you two first met. It gives your stomach butterflies.

You smile and turn away to watch the landscape fly by but look across the table at Thor again to make sure he’s really there, with you. For a long minute you lose yourself in the beauty and splendor of having him right there, sitting across from you. Alive!

Your eyes mist over as you realize that he is all you have left. And you promise yourself in that moment that you will never let yourself be parted from him unless it's absolutely necessary.

He doesn’t see you watching him. His mismatched eyes are on the console that Rocket sits in front of.

“You do know where you’re going, don’t you Rocket?” Thor’s brow puckers as he watches the lights, numbers, and graphs on the screen change and morph.

You have no idea what it says. It doesn’t even look like English. More like random symbols.

“Oh, cause the lower life form is incapable of navigating, right? That’s what you see when you look at me. Admit it.” Rocket seems to speak in a perpetual state of annoyance and sarcasm.

He sounds serious but does he really think that Thor underestimates him?

“That’s not what I meant, dear Rabbit. I only mean to imply that you might not be familiar with Earth as this is your first time here.” Thor's voice is calming, smooth, and somewhat amused. The relaxed nature of his tone makes you smile again.

“How hard can it be? I saw the maps. What? You think I can’t read? Besides, if Earth programming is to be believed, you always take the left turn at Albuquerque.”

Your eyes are finally pulled away from Thor's heavenly visage as curiosity overtakes you.

“Programs? What kind of programs did you watch?” It sounds an awful lot like he’s taken instruction from another certain rabbit with sass.

“I don’t know,” Rocket waves his hand as if swatting your question away. “Looney something or other. Quill-"

Rocket suddenly stops speaking, his mouth, slightly agape shuts slowly as his small hands tighten around the controls of the ship.

Though you can sense that something is wrong, you don’t understand exactly what yet. Thor also seems oblivious as he turns to you, then turns back to Rocket.

“Do not worry, sweet Rabbit, I trust you will navigate us to the compound without much struggle.” Thor turns to smile at you again, a soft, innocent smile that melts and breaks your heart all at once.

You push past the heartbreak, focus on the melting, and return his smile, unable to fight off the infectious pleasure his gives you.

“Thor, honey, you know that Rocket is not a rabbit, right?"

"What? Yes, of course I know that Rocket is not really a rabbit. He's a...a..." Thor waves his hand in the air in slow circles as if he's trying to sift for the word. "...a...he's a..."

"He’s a raccoon.” You supply.

“Hey!”

You jump as Rocket's angry shout reverberates around the cockpit. You look for him by the console and are startled to find him stomping towards you in fury, his small hands clenched into tight little fists.

In an instant Thor is on his feet planting himself in front of you as Rocket leans around him and points a finger at you, which he proceeds to jab in your direction as he speaks.

“You don’t get to call me raboon, lady. I don’t know you. You’re not my friend, you’re not my family. DON'T CALL ME RABOON!”

“Rocket, calm yourself my friend. You’re scaring Y/N and I’m sure she meant no harm by calling you a raccoon.” Thor tries to reason with him.

Though his body is massive and he towers over the tiny Rocket, the fact that he feels he must protect you from him means Rocket must be dangerous.

Yet, despite the apparent danger, you don’t feel any fear. Okay, perhaps you feel a small amount of fear. This is your first ever talking raccoon. However, what you feel the most is guilt as you realize what you hadn’t earlier when Rocket had suddenly stopped speaking.

This outburst of his is because of what happened. He's lost someone. Like you, like Thor. This was a wound for him. And if it was anything like what you feel when you think of your family and friends, his hurt must be great.

Rocket glares up at Thor, exasperated with him not understanding.

“I don’t care if she means me any harm. She's just some stupid human.” He leans around Thor again to look you in the eyes and you see it. The grief you knew you’d find in them. “Don't call me raboon!”

“I’m-" You hesitate, stuttering. “I’m sorry.”

Rocket stares at your face for an unbearably tense moment before he seems to slump. He glares at you a few moments longer before he walks around Thor.

“Ah, shove your ‘sorry' where the sun don’t shine. I’m taking a nap.” He says as he passes you.

You and Thor twist to watch him disappear below deck. Thor moves after him for a few steps, his fists clench and unclench as he watches Rocket go. When he's out of sight you then look at each other in mutual understanding.

Something tells you that this won’t be the last bit of pain and grief you’ll get to witness. This thought saddens you.

Thor moves past you to the ship's console and sits himself in the chair behind it.

“Rocket has lost-"

“Everything?” You ask. You know it's true. Like all of you, he lost it all.

“Truly, everything. Well, except for Nebula but she left shortly after delivering Stark. And from what I could gather she and Rocket weren’t exactly the best of friends.”

You lapse into silence, watching the desert fly by through the ship's front viewport.

You lose yourself to your depressing thoughts. Thoughts that over the last few months, had become your only companions. It makes sense that they wouldn't leave you now, just because you have Thor back.

Finally, after an immeasurable silence, Thor places his hand on your shoulder and draws your gaze up to meet his.

His expression is bittersweet, the smile not quite reaching his eyes. There's a sadness there that you know will take a long time to get rid of, like yours. He reaches up and takes a gentle hold of your chin and leans your head further back. His fingers stroke your chin and cheek.

You lean into his touch, shutting your eyes as you rejoice in the truth that is his reassuring affection.

“Don’t worry, Y/N, Rocket will not be angry for long. He will find the strength to overcome his sorrow again. He is brave and…angry. But mostly brave. Maybe.”

You can’t help the chuckle that escapes your lips but you’re grateful for his words and for the comfort they give you.

“How long until we arrive?”

Thor moves back to the console and pushes a few buttons before an overlay appears on the glass of the front viewport. It projects the plotted course and an estimated time of arrival in numbers you can read alongside words you cannot.

“A few hours.” Thor straightens up, his hulking form casting a wide shadow over the display. “You should get some rest. You may not get much when we arrive.”

You nod, acknowledging to yourself that you are very tired. Sleep might be the best course.

You get to your feet and head towards the same steps Rocket had taken, rubbing your right eye with your palm, you fight against the drowsiness as it catches up with you.

"Second cabin on your right." Thor instructs.

"Okay." You reply sleepily.

With Thor around you might finally be able to get some sleep.

“Y/N?” You hear Thor say from behind you.

You turn around in time to see him close the distance between you in three large strides. He wraps his arms around your waist, lifts you up to bring you level with his face as he presses his lips to yours.

Heat erupts in your chest as his hot, soft lips, move in tandem with your own.

Unlike in your apartment, this kiss starts fast, demanding, and passionate then slowly transitions into a slow churning serenity.

When you two finally pull apart, you're not breathless but your head is buzzing. Thor rests his forehead against yours as he sighs, content.

“Now, you must get some rest.” He lowers you slowly and once your feet touch the ground he steps back, gives you one last long look then moves back to take his seat in front of the console while you turn and disappear below deck to try to calm your pounding heart.


	3. Thor, the Iron Man, and the Iron Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up in Avengers Compound and have your first encounters with a few of the grieving Avengers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a few days to figure out how to begin this one. A portion of the story was very clear in my mind but another wasn’t. I had to spend some time thinking about the characters and how they would move and speak and I’m pretty happy with how it came out.

The bed suddenly jerks around you as Thor sits up with a strangled gasp. Though you had been slowly rousing you are still more asleep than awake. The disturbance scares you and you sit up looking around in shock. You find you’re in a modern bedroom with a black dresser straight across from the end of the bed. Two small tables are on either side of the head of the bed. There’s also a red armchair by the dresser and a small desk on the wall closest to you scattered with papers and books. You are no longer on the ship. When did that happen? To your left is Thor, still breathing somewhat quickly but now sitting with his legs hanging over the bed as he rubs his face and then the back of his head. He’s stressed. He’s not wearing a shirt and your eyes explore the hard muscles of his back which are stretched taut with tension. You reach out. Your fingers gently graze it and he relaxes almost instantly. The smoothness of his skin is familiar. He leans into your hand, then looks over his shoulder at you with a sheepish smile.

“You okay?” You ask, push yourself up a little more and scoot a little closer, keeping your hand against his back.

Thor reaches around and wraps an arm around your torso. He uses his considerable strength to lift and pull you towards and around him until your head is resting in his lap and his hands are softly resting against your stomach. He looks down into your eyes, his own shocking blues take your breath away as you look into his. Despite their beauty, they’re sad. You can see that his usual spark is vacant and instead his eyes seem to go on forever. A deep abyss of endless worry that shatters your heart. Wait, why do his eyes suddenly match?

“Did you have a bad dream?” You ask, ignoring the mystery of his eyes for now.

Thor leans down and kisses you softly. His lips warm and tender. When he pulls back and you look into his eyes once more you can see a crackle of the spark returns as he smiles a bit more genuinely. He kisses you again and again. Soft pecks, each one longer than the last. After the fourth or fifth one he finally stops.

“A memory. It is over now and you are here.” He caresses the side of your face.

“Was it the attack you were remembering?”

His smile falters and a bit of the sadness returns to his eyes. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry.” You whisper and reach up to touch his temples. “I wish I could take them from you.”

“They are my burden to bear, like the search for my people.” His smile disappears, replaced with a frown as he looks away. His eyebrows pull together as he seems to look past the wall opposite.

“Where are we?” You ask, suddenly remembering the room. As long as you are with Thor it almost doesn’t matter where you are but the subject of the Asgardians brings your attention to your location.

“In my bedroom at Avengers Headquaters. We arrived late this afternoon. I did try to rouse you but you would not wake so I carried you.” Thor’s large hands cup the sides of your face to keep your eyes on him. “How long had it been since you slept?”

“A while.” You admit reluctantly. “I was alone and I…a few hours every few nights was all I could really get.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry I did not come sooner. Can you forgive me?” And his remorse is so genuine that it sends butterflies into your stomach.

“There’s nothing to forgive, Thor. You’re here now.” You gaze at each other, memorizing each other’s faces. Relishing in each other’s presence for who knows how long. You break the silence first, unable to stand not knowing.

“Did they find your people?”

“I have not checked in to see if they have.”

“What? Why?” Wasn’t finding his people his top priority?

“Once we find them I will have to go and rescue them. Bring them here, to Earth.” He explains, avoiding your gaze to stare at the wall again.

“Isn’t that the point of finding them?”

“Y/N,” He begins, the deep timber of his voice making your own chest swell. You squirm out of his lap and sit on your knees beside him on the bed instead to get a better look at his face. He’s struggling with something. His eyes seem tortured, his hands are balled into fists on his lap.

“Once I know their location I must go and bring them here and you,” He looks at you. “ You cannot come with me.”

Realization hits you as you begin to understand his reluctance. The last thing you want is for him to leave you again. You only just got him back. However, his people are important to him and his responsibility more so. He’s king of Asgard. They must be his priority.

“Besides, Brunnhilde is with them. She will keep them safe.” He reasons. You reach out and grasp the back of his neck, rubbing the base of his growing hairline.

“Baby, you are the King of Asgard, your people have to come first and I’m not going anywhere. I know that in the past we’ve left things unsaid and when you left before that left us in unsure territory about where we stand but I’m not planning on moving on or forgetting you. I’ve chosen you. And if you’ll let me, all I ask is that you allow me to live my life at your side. I will always be right here, waiting for you.” You give the back of his neck a squeeze for reassurance and then lean forward to kiss his cheek.

He watches you with an unyielding gaze but doesn’t say anything. Maybe you broke him? You can’t read his expression. There’s something there, in his suddenly matching eyes. A small spark.

“Come on.” You push yourself off of the bed, landing clumsily on your feet. You move around towards the armchair where you can see your shoes peeking out from behind Thor’s red cape and a robe.

“We’ll go down now and see if they’ve made any progress.”

You bend over to reach for your shoes but Thor’s large hand is suddenly on your forearm. He pulls you back into a standing position then whirls you around and lifts you by your waist. He sits you on the dresser and closes the distance between you two, angling your chin up as he locks you in a passionate kiss.

He nudges your knees apart and settles in between your legs. With his hands on the small of your back he pulls you against his body.

You gasp as the heat of the moment overtakes you and though you want to keep kissing him, again you’re out of breath. You pull back, breathing deep as Thor moves his lips to your neck tracing small circles with his tongue before slowly moving to the space just beneath your ear.

With each kiss, each squeeze to your side, your body quivers with anticipation.

“Thor, we h-have to check on their progress.” You say the words because you know they’re what you should say but the emotion is lost as Thor’s hand slips underneath your shirt to softly glide against the skin of your back raising goosebumps as it goes.

He pulls back to look into your eyes and you can see that his full spark has returned. His eyes dazzle in the darkness taking what breath you have left, away.

“Later.” He whispers softly, deeply, his chest rumbling against yours.

He hooks his hands underneath your thighs and carries you, not tearing his eyes from yours, and moves towards the bed.

You wrap as much of your arms around his wide shoulders as you can. Your hands stretch to touch as much of the hard muscles of his back as you are able to reach.

“Later.” He repeats as you both topple onto the bed. 

A few hours later, you both lay underneath a thin cotton sheet, naked and happy. Though, judging by his breathing, you’re sure that Thor is more asleep than awake. You can hear his heartbeat, it’s soothing. It reminds you that he’s right there. His skin, hot to the touch is electric underneath your fingers for reasons that have nothing to do with him being the God of thunder. You shut your eyes as happiness bubbles its way up your fluttering stomach and into your chest making you warm and content. For a few precious moments, everything is perfect. You wish that it could last forever. But it can’t. And even as you relish in the bliss, you’re already being pulled back to reality. It’s distant and at first you think you might have finally gone crazy. The loss of your family, your friends, having Thor back. It’s finally driven you past the brink and you’re hearing what you know, beyond a doubt, is Barry Manilow’s “Can’t Smile Without You”. That beginning whistle is unmistakable. You push yourself up, listening, straining to make sure you aren’t hearing things. “Do you hear that?”

“Mmm.” Thor agrees to hearing it though he sounds sleepy.

You look at him and find him with his eyes shut, his hand slowly tracing circles on your bare shoulder.

“Who the hell is listening to Barry Manilow this late?” You wonder and look back towards the closed door. “That’s such a depressing song too.”

“I do not know who this Barry Manilow is,“ Thor says sleepily. "But he has my compliments on a successful meshing of melody and harmony. It is pleasant.”

You can’t help the small breath of a laugh that escapes you as you look back at Thor and shake your head. So, Thor is a fan of Barry Manilow? You make a mental note to get him an album when you’re next able to.

“I wanna go see who it is.” You whisper and rest your chin on the lower half of his chest.

“It is late. We should sleep.” He disagrees.

“I can’t.” You argue and push yourself up and out of the bed. Thor’s hands grasp at you gently as you slip away. You quietly make your way to the armchair by his dresser and pull on a pair of underwear from the small bag you’d packed and throw on Thor’s dark grey robe. It’s so soft you’re positive that it cost more than your monthly rent. You leave the room and slowly, quietly, make your way down the hallway, hugging the wall so that when you reach the end of the hall you can peek if you have to. And you do need to peek. You don’t see anyone immediately though the song is still playing. Carefully you lean around the corner far enough to get a sliver of a glimpse into a long and large center space. You look past the two or three tables with rolling chairs in both red and silver and past the small seating area of tan lounge chairs around a coffee table on which there is a chess set, currently not being played. You focus on the large frosted sliding doors. There’s a dim light coming from inside and the door is cracked open slightly, that’s how the music escaped.

You scan the large room to be sure no one is in there before you hurry towards the sliding doors and hug the wall beside them. You peek into the opening and spot two men sitting on a plush red L-shaped sofa with white pillows. One of them sits on the sofa, a black man with a shaved head and a strange sort of brace around his waist and legs. The other man is unmistakable and sitting on the floor, his right leg propped up and his arm extended and resting upon it. In that hand a large clear bottle with dark brown liquid that sloshes as he brings it to his lips and takes a drink. You would have known him even if he’d been dressed in some sort of silly costume. You’ve seen Tony Stark on TV for years. So many times, over and over again. Despite that, despite your recognition, you notice that his face isn’t right. He looks slightly thinner? Maybe it’s only the light. The music begins to come to an end and Tony grabs a small black remote from the floor beside him, pushes a button, and the song starts again.

“Tony…again?” The black man asks. Tony doesn’t respond. He only takes another drink. His eyes are bloodshot, red rimmed, and is he crying?

“I don’t know how much longer we can let you do this. The world needs you Tony. Whether you want it to or not.”

“Oh, does it, Rhodey? Does the world need me? You’d think after Wakanda it would have learned its lesson.” He sounds so bitter. “Besides, my house, my rules.”

“Your house, your rules? That shouldn’t include an infinite repeat button. For all our sakes.” The man named Rhodey, who you suddenly realize must be War Machine without the suit, sits forward so that he can get a better look at Tony’s face.

“How long are you going to beat yourself up about all this, Tony? You said that Strange said he would gladly sacrifice you for the stone, right?” It sounds like they’ve had this discussion many times in the past few months.

“Yeah, and he didn’t. Fickle bastard.” There was that bitterness again. "You know he was a really lousy wizard.”

“So, there must have been a reason for that. Tell me again what he said before…” Even Rhodey doesn’t seem to be able to finish the sentence.

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Tony mumbles.

“Come on, Tony. What did Strange say?”

“I said, I don’t want to talk about this.” Tony says a little louder. Your breath catches because you can feel it coming. It fills the room, the anger, the bitterness, the hurt he must be feeling. It flows off him and permeates the air.

“Tony,” Rhodey begins.

“I said, I don’t wanna talk about it!” Tony suddenly shouts. His voice echoes around the too empty space making you cringe. Rhodey and Tony stare at each other for a few tense moments, Tony’s chest heaving, his lip shaking, his eyes wide and glaring. Rhodey looks forward, shakes his head, then gets up and moves around the back of the sofa. He stops in front of a door on the far wall and looks back at Tony.

“I know it feels like the world stopped turning, Tony. But it didn’t. And this world still needs Tony Stark.”

Rhodey leaves. Tony stares resolutely at the wall straight across from him. You think you see a tear stream down his cheek, but it could be a trick of the light. He lifts the bottle to his lips and chugs half of what’s left in it. You don’t know why he’s listening to “Can’t Smile Without You” still. It’s even more depressing now, having listened to their exchange. There’s a deadness in his eyes. Like something is missing. You didn’t know him before but you’re sure that the deadness must have come only after the world ended. Something had changed him.

“He looks worse.” Thor’s deep voice surprises you and you jump, pressing your hand to your chest as you urge your heart to beat more quietly. He’s pulled on a pair of simple black sweats and nothing else.

“You scared me.” You whisper guiltily, however, his comment draws your attention back to Tony. “What happened to him?”

“The same thing that happened to all of us.” Thor replies. You feel his hands slide slowly onto your waist before he draws you against his chest, his arms wrap around you and hold you firmly. You know what he’s feeling because you’ve been feeling it since he showed up in your living room. He needs to feel you there, within reach. “Only slightly worse.”

You have to wonder, what could be worse than seeing all the people you love disappear before your eyes? Behind you, you suddenly hear a distant whoosh that grows steadily closer and closer. Thor reaches forward and slowly shuts the sliding door into the living room before taking your hand and leading you towards another set of glass doors that lead out onto a balcony. You stop in the doorway and watch as the Iron Man suit lands then straightens up, the mechanical whirring louder than you would have thought. It’s an older model. You recognize it from a few years ago, having seen it on TV. The helmet’s face suddenly retracts up and collapses down into the suit to reveal a golden-red headed woman who you instantly recognize as Pepper Potts, Tony’s fiancé and the powerhouse behind his company.

“Thor, you’re back. Did you have a safe trip?” She looks at you and smiles kindly as the rest of the iron suit collapses in on itself and disappears into a pair of bracelets on her wrists, leaving her in a pair of black skin-tight pants that look more like body armor of some sort and a similar high-necked shirt with quarter sleeves.

“Yes. Thank you. Did you encounter much trouble on your patrol?” Thor also keeps his voice light, polite, and kind. Forced normality, is what it feels like.

“Not much. The world seems a bit quieter now. Though there is no shortage of crime.” She looks to you and holds out her hand. “Pepper Potts, nice to meet you.”

“Forgive me.” Thor replies and adjusts as he pulls you forward a bit. “Pepper this is Y/N. Y/N, Miss Pepper Potts. She’s-“

“Mr. Stark’s fiancé?” You say with a smile. “Nice to meet you, Miss Potts.”

The two of you shake hands. You can’t help but admire her bravery.

“Just Pepper is fine. Nice to meet you, Y/N.” She looks up at Thor as she takes her hand back and moves past you two inside. “How is he?”

Thor moves after her and since he doesn’t release your hand, so do you.

“Not better. Worse than when I left.” He looks towards the living room and then back to Pepper. “How much longer will he wallow? I know that he feels guilty but we all-“

“Peter was different, Thor. I’ve never seen him like this. For a while I thought he might do what he always does and bury himself in his work but one day he just gave up. I don’t know what he was looking for with all that research but whatever it was he didn’t find it.”

“Is Banner still working on the tracking system with Jane in the lab?” Thor suddenly wonders. He takes his hand back to cross his arms across his chest, his expression serious and your heart aching at the mention of her name.

“He was still working on it, but Jane had to go back to Washington. They needed her for something official. The government is still freezing us out so we have no idea what they’re doing. You’d think that with all that’s happened they might have learned to trust us.” Pepper’s voice was tainted with anger.

“People in power often find it difficult to ask for forgiveness when they have wronged someone. Give them time. They will come around.” Thor assures her with a small, knowing smile.

“I hope so. We could use some backup.”

“I will provide whatever assistance I can.” He assures her.

“Thank you.” She nods and then moves towards the living room doors. “I’m gonna go see if I can convince him that the world needs Iron Man.”

“Good luck.” Thor says. Pepper slides the door open and closes it behind her. A moment later, the music stops and Eric Carmen’s “Hungry Eyes” floats muffled through the doors.

“I forgot Jane was here.” You admit.

“So, did I.” Thor says though you’re not sure you believe him. “Come.”

He holds out his hand for yours and after a moment you take hold of it.

“Let’s get you back to bed.” And with a smirk, he leads you back down the hall and into his room.


	4. Thor, the Hulk, and the Lab

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to explore the large lab in the Avengers Compound and meet Thor's good friend Bruce Banner and discover the methods they're using to locate Thor's people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot begin to express how much fun I’m having with this fic. I am so grateful to anyone reading it and I’d love to get some feedback! Even if you don’t want to leave a comment, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read my little fic. xoxo

“Thor, you’re back!”

“Banner, it’s good to see you again.”

Both Thor and the man called Banner move towards each other eagerly as you follow Thor into the most massive lab you have ever seen. The walls are smooth white concrete, on the largest wall is etched a large ‘A’ which your recognize as the same ‘A’ that emblazoned the old Avengers tower in New York. The floor is a darker shade of grey, concrete, with patches of what looks like metal grating. The place gives off a sterile, hospital vibe, as all good and clean labs should. There’s a corner where three Iron Man suits are on display with one piece or another missing from each. Works in progress? Or perhaps being fixed. Behind these normal ones is the large iron suit you saw Iron Man use on the news when the Hulk went crazy in Johannesburg back before you’d met Thor. You’d met him shortly after that when he had still been with Jane.

Another part of the lab is taken up by a series of tables with stools. The tables are scattered with lab equipment. Beakers and microscopes and other more high tech gadgets that you’ve never seen before. There’s even a shiny and beaten circular shield with faded red and white paint half hidden beneath a messy pile of papers. The center of the lab is taken up by a large circular table with an open center where someone might stand. The area where Banner has clearly been working has several computer screens and a strange metal box with smaller metal boxes along its top and sides along with a large satellite dish pointed up at the ceiling.

Thor and Banner grasp forearms in greeting and genuinely look happy to see each other.

Banner turns his gaze on you. He takes his arm back and pushes the left sleeve of his grey button up shirt as he moves towards you then stops a few feet away. He scratches at the inside of his elbow as he looks from you to Thor and back to you with one of the sweetest and pleased smiles you’ve ever seen. His wavy hair is in disarray and you can’t help but wish he had glasses and a lab coat. He would look every part the mad scientist.

“And who’s this?” Banner asks.

“Banner, this is Y/N. She’s my…er…” Thor stops.

“Your girlfriend?” Banner finishes.

You look at Thor with a small frown. Why couldn’t he say it? He smiles however a small sheepish smile.

“Y/N this is Bruce Banner. He’s an amazing scientist and a good friend.” You reach out towards Bruce to shake his hand. “But you might know him better as the Hulk.”

You freeze. Your eyes dart to the hulk sized iron suit and then back to Bruce. This tiny man is the Hulk? His size isn’t the only thing that shocks you. You’ve seen the Hulk on the news and only once in person but he’d been far away. And yet, when he’d yelled back then, even so far away from you, you’d felt the reverberations of his war cry in your body. Fear suddenly grips you and you try not to let it show in your expression as you give Bruce a tight smile as he takes your hand and shakes it.

He seems to see the fear however because he gives you a grimace. A tight smile of his own, guarded as he realizes where your thoughts are. “Nice to meet you, Y/N. Don’t worry, I haven’t been able to get the Hulk to come out since Thanos showed up and kicked his ass.”

You let yourself relax and let a nervous laugh escape through your lips as your fear slowly dissipates. “Oh. Sorry.”

“No need to apologize. Fear is a perfectly reasonable response to Hulk. He’s unpredictable.”

Bruce takes his hand back and begins to move back towards his table and his contraption but keeps his eyes on you and then looks at Thor. He points at Thor, gesturing at him with the pen in his hand.

“Besides, even if he were to show his cowardly face, Thor would be the best person to protect you.” He turns to his table then reaches down and slips a pair of glasses on as he picks up a small metal box with strange small computer chips of some sort made of shiny bronze wafers.

He replaces the pen with a pair of very small tweezers and begins to prod into the box.

“Barely.” Bruce finishes then looks at Thor over the rim of his glasses, a smug smile on his face.

“I beat him in that fight, Banner. If I hadn’t had that damn contraption on my neck I would have been victorious. Cheater.” Thor moves towards Bruce’s table and looks over his shoulder at what he’s working on. “Have you made any progress?”

Thor stops slightly behind and to the left of Bruce as he works, his arms move up to cross over his chest. Despite the inappropriateness of it in the moment, you admire the way his chest bulges and pushes against the light blue and white striped t-shirt he wears over a pair of plain jeans.

“Sort of.” Bruce sighs. “Jane and I were able to piece together the scanner from the scraps of the ship that you and Rocket brought us. We also took a few things from some of the broken suits Tony leaves lying around. Since he’s not really around to tell us not to we figured it would be fine.”

There was that name again. You try to push past the childish jealousy and focus on the important things.

“Perhaps we just won’t tell him we took anything.” Thor suggests seriously.

“I think that might be a good idea.” Bruce agrees then leans to the side as Thor leans forward so that he can get a better look at Bruce’s work. “What do you think?”

Thor looks at Bruce who then gestures to the innards of the scanner with the hand holding the small cube. Thor leans back again, his eyes narrowed as he nods.

“It, uh…it looks like you’re doing well. Getting it all built.”

Bruce stares at Thor quietly before giving you a smile and then going back to his work. You’re both sure that Thor has no idea what he’s looking at.

“Do you know how it works?” Bruce asks. There’s a small glint of pleasure that passes through his eyes.

Thor looks at you. You’re still standing closer to the entrance of the lab than Bruce’s work station. He gives you the widest and possibly fakest smile you’ve ever seen. It reduces his eyes to near-slits and crinkles the corners. He looks back to Bruce. You finally move to the round table and take a seat, resting your arms on the cold surface.

“Of course I do. But maybe you should explain it to Y/N, in case she doesn’t know?”

Bruce looks up at Thor over the rim of his glasses again. Thor looks to you, gives you that goofy smile again, then back to Bruce as his right hand comes up to scratch underneath his chin.

“Right.” Bruce says. He looks to you and gestures to the box. “We took the pieces of the ship that Rocket and the rest of the Guardians were able to recover when they rescued Thor, and Jane was able to extract a mineral specific to the ship’s construction. Something we don’t have here. I’m calling it Particle U. Jane had a fancier name for it but it was too hard to remember.”

Of course.

The door of the lab suddenly opens and in walks Rocket. He doesn’t look at any of you as he moves to the tables with the custom equipment, then begins to rifle through it. Bruce and Thor also watch Rocket until he reaches the table.

“We built the scanner around Particle U so that it’ll scan space and hopefully we can find the ships that the Asgardians were able to escape on. Hopefully we’ll be able to reach out far enough. I’ve never had to scan space in search of a ship before.”

You nod understanding the general idea but you cock your head to the left as a thought occurs to you.

“What is it, love?” Thor asks. He crosses both arms across his chest but his goofy smile is gone as he considers you seriously.

“Scanning for Particle U in all of space, how do you know it’s the ships you’re going to find? What if you scan and there’s some planet with a large deposit of Particle U? Wouldn’t that just send Thor on a wild goose chase?” Your eyes are on Bruce.

“She has a point.” Thor agrees with you and turns back to Bruce who finishes fitting the small square he’d been working on back into its slot.

He removes his glasses before he answers you. “We’ve calibrated the scanner to pick up only the amounts of Particle U that we estimate the ships to have together collectively. If by chance they got separated we’ll alternate between the multiple ship estimates and the single ship estimates. But you’re right. It is a possibility.”

You get up from your seat and move over to Bruce’s work station to get a look at the scanner. It’s complex looking. It has a small screen that is currently completely black and unlit.

“Here goes nothing.” Bruce reaches around to the back of the scanner and flips what must be a small switch. You hear the click. The screen suddenly flares to life.

Well, it’s on anyway. You can see the small amount of light along the edges of the screen indicating it’s on but nothing populates the black screen.

Thor’s expression changes as he too stares at the screen. His brow is furrowed and his lips squished into a straight line.

You all wait for several minutes before Bruce finally releases a held breath, Thor’s shoulders slump, and he sighs as he looks down at his feet.

“What’s wrong?” You wonder.

“We don’t have a transmitter large enough in space for us to receive this specific signal.” Bruce shakes his head. “If I had more time I might be able to build something…”

Thor turns away, literally walks away from the problem. You move to replace his spot and stare at the blank screen.

“Isn’t there something you can do?” You ask, desperate to see Thor smile and have his stress lessened.

“Nothing.” Bruce admits. “It’s hopeless.”

“How can you know what a collapsing neutron star inside an Einstein-Rosen Bridge looks like and not know how to make this scanner work?” Thor’s tone is hard and impatient, disbelieving. Like he cannot believe that Bruce has failed him.

“I’m sorry, I’ve never done this kind of specific scanning before. I’ve never had to build anything to scan outer space before.”

Bruce reaches up and pinches the bridge of his nose and shuts his eyes.

You turn to look at Thor, his wide shoulders hunched with his disappointment. You consider going over to him to hug him but that’ll only make you feel better. In order for Thor to feel better the scanner needs to work!

The stressful quiet is suddenly interrupted by a series of scrapes and bangs.

“Hey!” Bruce suddenly protests.

You turn back quickly and see the tip of Rocket’s ears disappear behind the tall table as he steps off of a stool just behind the scanner.

“Humans.” You hear Rocket grumble.

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP

You imagine yourself crazy for a second before you notice that the black screen is no longer blank and a code of coordinates followed by strings of numbers are filling it.

The computer to Bruce’s right is also diligently recording the numbers before it wipes it and then replaces them with another.

“How’d you do that?!” Bruce bolts from his seat and rushes around to the back of the scanner to see what Rocket had done.

Rocket himself is no longer nearby having retreated back to the tables with equipment.

Thor rushes forward and bumps into you in his excitement to see the scanner’s screen and the computer monitor as well.

“It’s working. It’s working!” He turns to you, wraps his arms around you, and lifts you up as he laughs excitedly and spins you.

Your heart soars for him, his happiness is yours until he sets you back down on your feet.

He calls Bruce back to the computer monitor to explain what he’s seeing.

As you watch them eagerly sift through the numbers on the screen you realize that soon Thor will leave you again.


	5. Thor, the Hulk, and the Iron Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally meet Tony Stark.

You pace the length of Thor’s room as the implications of getting the scanner working overtake your every thought. Yesterday had been a slight wake up call. As soon as the correct reading comes through, Thor will leave you again. You look at the bed, still messy, but no Thor. You chew on your bottom lip before you break for the door. Hurrying to where you know he’ll be, you ignore anyone else you may pass on your way to the lab.

There is little chance that Thor will be anywhere else from here on out. He’d even hugged Rocket for fixing the scanner. Though Rocket had held a gun to his head and warned him to never do that again, he’d seemed pleased to have been able to help Thor. He’d been less happy about having Bruce follow him around for instructions on how he’d fixed the scanner in the first place.

As you walk into the lab, a stool flies by the right side of your head, splintering into pieces as it hits the wall beside you. You freeze, fear immobilizes you.

“Don’t move, Y/N!” Thor shouts, he turns towards you, reaching out with his hand as if he were physically stopping you though he’s half a lab away. You really didn’t need to be told. The large and looming green figure on the other side of the lab had already glued your feet to the ground. You wish you hadn’t walked in. Thor’s distraction draws the Hulk’s gaze towards you. He growls making all the glass in the room shake.

“Girl go!”

“No. The girl stays.” Thor asserts. This seems to make the Hulk angrier.

“Girl, go! Friends only!” He grabs another stool and makes to throw it. You instinctively curl in on yourself, readying yourself for impact.

“Don’t do it!” You hear the throw, the whistle of the air as the wooden stool rockets in your direction. However, there is no impact. You open your eyes and find Thor standing right in front of you, his hands closed around the stool.

“Hulk, stop throwing things at my…girlfriend.” Thor finishes the sentence sounding slightly dissatisfied. Though you’ll think about that hesitation later, for now you’re too focused on the Hulk to pay his lack of commitment much attention.

“No. Hulk don’t like girl! Girl, go!” He throws another stool which Thor also catches as he stands protectively before you.

“I said, stop or I’ll make you stop. I didn’t confront Banner and bring you out so that you could hurl things at my girlfriend.” He threatens. The Hulk laughs.

“Thor weak!” Hulk shouts, pointing one massive finger in your and Thor’s direction. “Thanos beat Thor. Thor weakest avenger.”

“You’re a coward!” Thor retaliates, shouting just as loudly but he manages to keep you behind him despite the distracting anger. “I beat Thanos while you were hiding behind Banner, too scared to come out and fight. You’re the scared avenger!”

“Hulk strong!” Hulk slams his fist into his chest like a male silverback gorilla exerting his strength for them to see. The thud of fist to muscle is loud.

“You’re weak.” Thor says, offhand, like it’s truly a fact that cannot be disputed. He turns around, scooping you into the cage of his arms as he begins to push you towards the door.

“Thor?” You whisper, afraid to speak in case you upset the Hulk.

Thor narrows his eyes, staring straight over your head. You see the concentration of an idea forming in his head. Your hands suddenly grasp onto his large, concrete forearms to keep him there with you, but you could have been caressing him for all the good it did. He tears out of your meek grip, charging at Hulk before he stops with his own finger pointing straight at Hulk’s face. You race to close the distance, afraid he’s going to fight him.

“You know what? You said you were like fire? You’re not like fire. You have no fire. You only have cowardice and fear. You’re the baby avenger.”

You peek around Thor’s massive shoulder at Hulk who stands staring at Thor. He grits his teeth, glares in your direction, then punches the air as he turns and skulks off to the corner of the lab with the Iron Man armor.

He sits down on the floor, his ginormous green back to the both of you. You can see his shoulders hunched in embarrassment? Shame? His hands open and close into fists, over and over. It reminds you of the son of the lady who’d lived next to you before they both disappeared.

Despite his success, Thor deflates, his hunched shoulders mirroring the Hulk’s. They really are friends. You can see Thor’s pain for his friend in his body, the way he seems to crumble now that the Hulk is in the corner sulking.

You place your hand on Thor’s bicep and give his arm a squeeze. This time he notices. He looks at you and sighs.

“Go talk to him.” You urge Thor. “He’s probably as upset with himself as you are.”

Thor wraps his arm around your shoulder then pulls you against his side to kiss the top of your head before he hesitantly moves towards the Hulk.

You hang back, moving towards the doors of the lab. As you watch them there’s a sense of intimacy between them that chokes your throat as your hope that they reconcile grows.

“Hulk,” Thor begins. The Hulk however huffs and angles himself away from Thor.

“I did not mean what I said. You’re not the baby avenger. I’m sorry.” Thor moves up towards Hulk’s left side and leans forward to try and get a better look at his face.

“Hulk know.” Hulk steals a glance at Thor before he shakes his head. “Hulk sorry too. But Hulk was sad. Thought Thor was dead. Hulk scared so Hulk hide.”

“I was afraid too.” Thor admits.

With the conversation flowing you feel better about leaving them to their own devices and retreat from the lab for the kitchen where hopefully there’s food.

You find the kitchen occupied. Pepper and Rhodey are huddled by the sink talking in hushed tones. You clear your throat as you walk in so that they know you’re there. Pepper looks up first.

“Oh, good, you’re awake. I was hoping to see you again before I left for Washington.” Pepper sidles her way over to you with a small polite smile and pulls you further into the kitchen.

“Rhodey, have you met Y/N? She came with Thor.” Pepper releases you as you reach the very long concrete island and moves around to one of the extra large, double door fridges.

“No. I haven’t had the pleasure. Nice to meet you. Are you enjoying your stay with us?”

You nod and can’t help it when your eyes move down to look at Rhodey’s mechanical brace. He notices, and you blush as you notice him look down at his brace with you.

“Sorry…” You begin.

“I had a bad fall. A souvenir to remind us why fighting amongst ourselves isn’t a good idea.”

Pepper emerges from the fridge with a container of what looks like sliced turkey, cheese, and some pickles. She deposits the food on the island before she retrieves a loaf of whole wheat bread from a cabinet by the sink.

“You’re probably hungry.” She smiles and begins to make a sandwich. “Thor told me you like turkey. What else would you like on it?”

“Er…”

You’re saved the trouble of answering as a small crash and the sound of glass breaking reaches your ears and interrupts the peace of the kitchen. All of you turn to look towards the disturbance.

“Whoops.” Tony clutches a wall and stares down at a puddle of dark brown liquid peppered with crystalline shards of glass. “That was an accident.”

He’s still drunk. He pushes away from the wall and staggers into the kitchen where he pauses by one of the large pillars that separates the central sitting area from the kitchen and slowly scans the room.

His drunken stupor makes him slow. He lingers on Pepper who is watching him with perplexed and worried cerulean eyes. He throws her a kiss then moves his gaze to Rhodey who doesn’t seem worried at all. His previously warm and welcoming brown eyes are hard and cold as he frowns in disapproval at his friend.

Tony moves on and finally settles his gaze upon you.

“Well, well, well, who is this?” He staggers closer to you, stopping a few feet away. He has to lean against the island to keep his balance and even at this distance you can smell the alcohol on his breath. Up close he looks even worse. He’s sweating, because of the alcohol no doubt, as it’s not hot at all. And his eyes are not only bloodshot but the dark circles underneath his eyes tell you that he has the same problem you had before Thor walked back into your life. No sleep. You heart aches for this broken man before you. You can feel the devastation that he must be feeling. As the captain that helms the ship that is the Avengers, he must feel the pain and disappointment more acutely than anyone else. You consider reaching out to him, maybe even embracing him but again you remind yourself that showing such affection would only make you feel better. What Tony needs is…

“So, you’re Thor’s new squeeze? Huh?” His voice is easy but there’s a bitter edge to it that you hadn’t noticed before.

“Tony…” Rhodey warns.

“I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Stark.” You hold out your hand so that he might shake it if he can keep his balance long enough to do so.

Tony narrows his eyes as if he’s trying to focus them, the world must be a blur for him in his inebriated state. He ignores your hand and moves a step closer.

“You’re alright, I guess. Pepper’s prettier.”

“Tony.” Pepper chastises.

“You’re something normal…what was it?” He wonders, ignoring his much better half. He snaps his fingers as he tries to recall. “Come on, what was it again? You’re a librarian or something…something boring like that.”

You bristle at the passive insults but realize that he’s after your occupation. “I’m a teacher. Or…I was.” With no kids to teach at your school there was no sense in staying there.

“That’s right.” He says with a snap and points his finger at you as he moves a step closer. “A teacher. You know, before he made this random trip to go and find you, Thor had never mentioned you before. Now, why is that?” His words sting sharply creating gashes inside your chest. They sear and burn as every thought you’d ever fought about why Thor might have left you without a word comes charging back in complete and utter validation.

“Tony.” Rhodey warns again. You look to Rhodey, your breathing has increased slightly as you try and control the harsh hurt that makes the corners of your eyes sting.

“He used to brag about Jane all the time. But then again, she’s an astrophysicist. What’s a teacher compared to that?”

You’re losing control of yourself. Your emotions are raw now and it’s harder to breathe. You try to ignore the insecurities you’ve always felt dating Thor as they come rushing back. He’s too good for you. Powerful. Brave. Kind. Honorable. Unbelievably and breathtakingly gorgeous. And you’re no one. A human teacher with nothing to offer.

“Tony, that’s enough.” Pepper’s warm nature has also been turned cold. Her voice cuts into Tony. You see him physically flinch.

Tony closes the distance between you two, leaving but a foot of space. You look back up at him, unwilling to back down as he confronts you. As the foul smell of the bourbon and whiskey invades your senses you stare into his eyes as they challenge you, looking for a weakness that he can exploit. You remind yourself that whatever he might say, he’s only lashing out because he’s hurting. That were you in his position you might be willing to attack someone like this too. Wanting to cause pain is a perfectly understandable impulse when your own pain is as great as his might be. And yet…

“Do you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into? Thor’s a God, immortal, almost unkillable and you’re nothing but a human. When you’re sixty he’s still going to look like the man he is now. All you’re going to do is slow him down. You’re a weakness. Don’t you care about that at all? Loving you is going to get you killed or worse get him killed. At least with Jane he had someone who could help him out with the science stuff. You must feel pretty small knowing you have nothing to offer him. In the end he’ll see you for what you are. A waste. Of. Time.”

SMACK!

The sound of your hand as it makes contact with the left side of Tony’s face echoes throughout the large room. His cheek is fine at first, but it slowly turns red, a welt the size of your hand emerging. You tried to remember that he was in pain. But yours overpowered you. You don’t regret slapping him. The tears in your eyes finally spill over, heavy and hot. You’re so angry you could strangle Tony Stark. But your chest burns as his words hit home. You want to claw your heart out and your hand instinctively reaches for your shirt. You grasp the fabric tightly in your fist.

“You think you’re the only one that’s lost someone? I lost everyone. You’re nothing special, Mr. Stark. Just an asshole.” You sputter the last bit through a choked sob. You move around him, eager to be away from all of them.

“You deserved that.” You hear Rhodey say, but his voice is already in the distance as you turn down the hallway that leads towards Thor’s room.

As if on auto-pilot, your feet carry you through Avengers Headquarters turning this way and that without care as to where they may take you. Part of you wants to be as far from anyone as possible. Part of you wants to run and never look back. He’s right. You know that Tony’s right. You have nothing to offer Thor and in the long run you’re only a weakness that his enemies might exploit. You’re a dead end. A life at your side would pass in the blink of an eye for Thor. What kind of love can you offer him? Selfish love.

You will never be worthy of him. He might try to convince you otherwise, but you know that in the end this will end the same way. With one of you dying and the other left to mourn. And you’ve lost enough people already.

Your feet finally stop as a breeze of fresh air dries your tears into salty streaks on your cheeks. You grip the banister of the balcony you’ve found yourself on and try and get a grip on yourself. Even though your chest is caving in around your heart, you almost have your emotions under control when Thor’s deep, penetrating timber fills your ears.

“Y/N? Is everything alright?”

You set your jaw, clenching it so that you can fight against the renewed grief that threatens to consume you, and slowly turn to face him.


	6. Thor, the Truth, and the Great Ocean Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor whisks you away to Australia for a night.

The security you feel, cradled in Thor’s arms as you both soar through the blue and orange evening sky, is unlike any feeling you’ve ever felt before. Though the wind rushes by your ears, deafening you to anything but the vacuum of the warm air, you take solace in the feeling of Thor’s strong heart beating against his chest. And even though you’re happy in his arms, you’re also still reeling from your encounter with Tony.

His words had not been wrong. You are a liability and nothing more than that. You aren’t useful. Not to Thor. Here you are again, taking him away from his mission to find his people so that he can comfort you because someone had hurt your feelings. You shut your eyes against the wind, clutching tightly to his shirt, hiding your face in his chest in embarrassment and disappointment with yourself. He doesn’t seem to notice as he extends his arm a bit more and Stormbreaker allows you to fly faster.

Your skin prickles and the small hairs on your arms and behind your neck stand on end. You can smell the charge of the electricity coming off of both Thor and Stormbreaker, the crackle of that charge the only other sound mixed in with the overbearing wind.

Suddenly you feel yourself surge downward. You don’t even slip in his arms he’s got you so tight. Gravity pulls you down faster than it would if it were just you. With Thor’s added weight and Stormbreaker’s lead you all but careen towards the ground. The sound of the wind begins to get closer as the ground approaches. Before you crash your stomach is sent into a dizzying upset as Thor pulls you two out of the dive and you somewhat gently touch ground. He holds you up so that his feet touch first and the carefully he lowers you.

Once you’re on your feet you begin to take notice of where you are. Beneath your feet is yellow sand, coarse and warm from a day of endless sun. Behind you stands a tall cliff made of limestone. It burns orange in the evening sun. The rush of the jade water fills your ears propelling you to a beach only half as beautiful as this one but more beloved because of the memories it holds for you. You miss your family suddenly and you feel just a little bit worse.

“What do you think?” Thor wonders. He sets Stormbreaker down in the sand where it glistens in the light.

He moves towards the water, his body relaxed and a pleased and peaceful smile on his lips.

“What do I think about what?” You ask trying hard not to let your mood taint your tone, but you can hear the regret in it and in your attempt to keep it from showing your voice is too quiet. Barely above a whisper.

“This beach.” Thor clarifies. “It’s my favorite of all Earth’s beaches. The road nearby is a memorial built for fallen soldiers in one of Earth’s World wars. It’s admirable that the humans wanted to honor their fallen warriors with such a beautiful sight.”

Ever the warrior.

“It’s nice.” You agree and let yourself look at its beauty with untainted eyes. The limestone pillars of rock that protrude from the shallow waters is particularly beautiful. The sun makes them burn as it slowly begins to turn the water to fire and the sky up above darkens, speckling slowly as the stars come out to also enjoy the coming night. The sand turns to a burnt orange, you look down at your feet and reach down to pull off your shoes. You let them fall and spread your toes, burying them in the sand. It really is beautiful.

“I’ve wanted to come back to see it for quite some time. I found it when I was last on Earth. I came with-”

“Jane?” You don’t mean to say it, but it comes out anyway. Tony’s words have you focused on her. Concentrating on your jealousy when all you want to do is forget it. To move on. To grow up.

Thor finally turns to look at you, he seems to suddenly realize that you’re not in the same happy place he’s in. His smile is gone, his brow is furrowed, and his blue eyes are searching your face for some sort of clue as to why you aren’t really here with him.

“I was going to say, when I came with Vision. It was a short trip but one that I greatly enjoyed. What is the matter?” He turns and casually moves towards you. His arms swing at his sides, his shoulders are relaxed, and the only indication that he’s vexed is his expression. Concern etched all along the corners of his slightly narrowed eyes as he continues to search your face.

You bite your lower lip, a bitter huff of a laugh escapes you, and you shake your head. “Sorry.” You whisper. You know he can hear you.

“Why?” He stops five feet away, leaning back on his right foot.

“I’m just, not myself today.” You look up at him and attempt a smile but only manage to grimace.

“Yes, I can see that. What has upset you? Was it me? Did I say something wrong? Or was it what happened with Hulk in the lab? He’ll come to like you, Y/N, do not worry. He will soon see how amazing you are.” He takes two steps towards you, but you take one back. He freezes. Real worry drowns his eyes as he looks down at your feet then back up at your face.

“If I have upset you, please tell me what I can do to make it better and I will do it.” He’s certain now that it’s him and you know he’s not exactly wrong, so you don’t deny it.

You lick your lips, tilting your head to the side slightly as you swallow hard. Honesty was the best policy, right?

“I finally got to meet Tony Stark.” You say. Your voice is surprisingly strong as you say it.

“Okay?” He urges you to continue but he doesn’t move closer.

“You’ve never told them about me. Any of them. I’ve known you since Sokovia, Thor. Why haven’t you told them about me?” You didn’t intend for your hurt to seep into your words but it’s there and he hears it.

“I had nothing to tell. At first.” He admits.

“Nothing?” You repeat in a disbelieving whisper as you take another step back. Thor moves one step closer in response to maintain your current distance.

“I meet so many humans when I visit Earth. I don’t tell my friends about all of them. That would take hours.” He laughs once at the silliness of telling the Avengers about all the humans he meets and though you know he isn’t laughing at you it feels like he is and you look away again, biting your lip. “And at the time-”

“I was no different?” You finish. “Just another human. I get it. Please don’t elaborate anymore.”

You turn as if to leave but Thor was your ride. Where will you go? You realize this and stop both because of this and because Thor suddenly rushes forward, taking hold of your wrist to slowly, gently, turn you around. He’s always so gentle. His hands are strong and can break bones and metal and other things so easily. His fingers glide gently along the length of your forearm, up past your elbow, and stop to rest on your lower bicep where they gently caress you. His other hand follows suit and he lowers his head as he tries to catch your eye.

“What else did Stark say?” You’re sure he can sense that there’s more to it, but you shake your head. “Fine, do not tell me. It does not matter.”

“Why can’t you just call me your girlfriend?” You spit it out because it’s been on your mind every time he’s introduced you to someone and though defining what you have with Thor has never been very important before, something about being thrown in with his friends seems to make it matter so much more. You hate that it does, but there it is.

“Is that what you’re upset about?” He half laughs as he speaks, still ducking his head to try and catch your eye which you keep glued on his chest. It would be so pleasant to listen to, his laugh, if your heart wasn’t aching and pounding. You feel the rush of blood in your ears as your fear mounts.

He laughs genuinely this time, a chuckle, deep and light. Pleased and happy. It makes your own heart ache. He pulls you close suddenly, pulling you into his arms as he rubs your back slowly then leans down to kiss your head. When you don’t speak he renews the distance and even increases it to about two feet so that he can look at your face which you finally let him see.

You’re crying. You didn’t mean to. It just happened. And your embarrassment grows. His own expression sobers as he observes you and the pain you must be feeling.

“Y/N, calling you my girlfriend has never felt right. I have known from the very beginning…well, no not from the very beginning. From the second time that we met I knew that you could never be my girlfriend. It’s such a human term. Trivial. It has always felt wrong to call you so because you are so much more to me than a girlfriend.”

He lets that simmer and though at first your heart had ached; his explanation begins to lessen your grief. You blink, trying to clear your eyes of tears, and attempt to read beyond his words. “What?”

“The word ‘girlfriend’ has always seemed so temporary. It’s not a word I want to use when I refer to you.” He clarifies.

“Then…what? ‘Lover’?” You wonder. Which to you sounds just as temporary as ‘girlfriend’.

“No, that’s just as temporary as ‘girlfriend’. Anyone can be a lover.” He agrees. “How about ‘Queen’?”

Your heart stops and skips a beat. Then stops again. Your mouth falls open and you finally bring your eyes up to meet his where his own electrifying blues are beaming at you.

He chuckles again at your, no doubt, ridiculous expression and reaches for your arms, once again taking hold of your lower biceps to pull you closer but not too close. “If I’d know this is what you were stressing over, I would have told you of my intentions when we were in your apartment. Were we on Asgard, I would seek out your family and ask for their blessing. They would have accepted me, of course, being a Prince of Asgard and I would only have needed to express to my mother that without you I would know no happiness. I would have told her the story of how you offered me shelter when I was wounded by a leftover Ultron bomb and how the kind and sweet woman who buys herself flowers asked for nothing in return. She would have accepted you, loved you as a daughter, and my father would have admired your strong will of heart so much that he would have had no choice but to accept you.”

You’re crying again but this time your tears are your joy escaping. The unbelievable miracle happening before you must be a dream!

Thor smiles that goofy smile that you know and love, wide, eye crinkling, and unabashed. He reaches up with his right hand to wipe at a tear on your left cheek.

“Since we do not have families to speak of anymore we can forgo the ceremony of my people but if Banner and Pepper are to be believed, I do have one observance that I must abide by.”

Without warning, Thor suddenly drags his right leg back and gracefully lowers himself onto his knee. He pulls you down onto his lap so that he can wrap his arm around your waist as his right hand rifles through a pocket on his pants.

“Oh my God.” You utter in disbelief as tears continue to stream slowly down your face.

“Yes.” He agrees. “I am, forevermore, your God of Thunder.”

Thor finally produces the ring; a thin band which ends in a Celtic knot, on which sits a solitary yellow diamond.

“What do you say, Y/N?” Thor sighs, seemingly as nervous as you are. You’re so dizzy that you think you might pass out. You went from sheer emotional torment to an extraordinary emotional high in the span of a day. “Will you be my Queen and rule New Asgard by my side as my wife?”

You stare at his soft, nervous smile, unwilling to believe that this God has chosen you to be his life’s companion. After what for him must feel like an age, you nod.

“Yes.” You whisper, unable to speak any louder for fear of passing out.

Thor chuckles heartily, his laugh sending vibrations into your chest. He holds out the ring and you let him slip it onto your left hand. You look at his face, admiring it once more before you grasp the collar of his shirt and slowly pull him closer. You feel the scruff of his beard first as you lean in and touch your lips to his for a soft kiss. For the second time in your life, the world melts away in a blur of blissful haze.

As his left hand slides along the length of your spine and the right moves up your calf, along your knee, and finally comes to rest on your thigh, you can’t help but deepen the kiss. He pulls you closer, squishing as much of you to his body as he can.

Bathed in golden light, on the sands of a beautiful beach, you and Thor seal your engagement with a kiss.


	7. Thor, Rescue, and War Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's an attack on the compound by mysterious men in black.

Spending the night on a beach with Thor definitely has to be in your top five nights ever. Seeing as how things ended with “the snap” you feel a little guilty for feeling so happy. Its bursting from you. Unbidden and uncontrollable, as you land on the same balcony that you’d first seen Pepper in what you now know as the Rescue armor, you don’t protest as Thor leans down to steal another kiss. He slides his hand into your salt encrusted hair. You can still smell the ocean on his skin and its intoxicating.

You place your hands on either side of his face and return the affection and follow it up with one, two, three more pecks. With a sappy smile on his face, Thor takes your hand and leads you towards the atrium. You know that’s not what it’s called but it’s the largest living space you’ve ever seen and it’s not exactly a living room since there are two meeting tables, a large display screen, and the kitchen there. So, it’ll do.

As you two get closer you can hear a muddle of voices talking in worried tones. Thor stops and looks at you, his previously relaxed brow now furrowed. You cling to his arm a little closer and follow him when he leads you into the atrium. At the second meeting table stands Rhodey, Pepper, Bruce, while Tony sits at the head of the table with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. The sight of him makes your stomach churn a little but you force yourself to focus on the newest addition to the group.

She stands upright, her back at attention with her arms crossed over her chest. You remember her with red hair from the few times you’d seen her on TV but the blonde isn’t bad. You can still remember the time she was questioned over Shield collapsing because of some Hydra thing or other. Again, before you knew Thor.

She looks severe, her own eyes narrowed at something at the center of the table.

“Natasha?” Thor recognizes her faster and releases you as he moves towards her. Natasha looks over at the sound of her name and her face breaks into a pleasant smile.

“Thor! Jeez, have you gotten bigger?” As they reach each other they exchange a brief hug.

“I thought you and Steve were helping the Black Panther in Wakanda?” Thor glances over his shoulder at you and turns back to Natasha, but holds his hand open back towards you.

You move forward and take it; a relief washes over you for some unknown reason.

“Oh, well Steve is still there. He sent me to help Pepper with her mission in Washington.” Pepper had already gone to Washington? “And who’s this?” Natasha’s voice is kind and polite.

“Y/N this is Natasha, who you might know as the Black Widow. Natasha, this is Y/N, my intended.” Thor says proudly looking down at you.

There are several reactions, all at once.

“What? Oh, my God. Wow.” Bruce says, he sounds happy.

“You did it, already?” Pepper asks excitedly.

Rhodey claps his hands twice. “Yeah, alright. It’s about time something good happened.”

Tony’s head shoots out of his hands as he turns his only slightly less drunken gaze on both you and Thor. He doesn’t say anything, and his expression is unreadable. You don’t have long to contemplate his look because Natasha suddenly hugs Thor and you.

“Congratulations, Thor, Y/N. I’m so happy for you. And it’s,” She laughs a little as she looks at Thor and then back at you. “Nice to meet you.”

It is a little weird that she only just met you and you’re suddenly engaged to Thor, but she does seem genuinely happy for you both.

You can’t help but wiggle the ring on your finger as you smile like a fool at Thor in your own, now renewed excitement.

“Nice to meet you.” You say, also with a slight laugh.

“So, what were they hauling?” Rhodey probes. Suddenly, it’s all business again. Pepper leans forward and opens a plain looking cardboard box. She pulls out only one of the many small tubes inside. She holds the glass vial gently with one hand, gently balancing it from one silver tipped end to the other. As it comes into the light you see that the vial is full of an almost opaque blue liquid. It’s almost as if it wants to be clear but can’t quite fully manage it. As Pepper angles it this way and that you notice an odd shimmer within the blue liquid. It looks like small veins of a bright orange substance. You lean in closer to see if you can get a better look at the lines but as you’re trying to get your look, you notice that Tony is still watching you and Thor, some strange emotion in his eyes.

“Is that Super Soldier Serum?” Bruce wonders. He takes a step away, his hands coming up to wipe at his shirt just underneath his chest where he leaves them nervously.

“Yes.” Natasha says, plainly, her voice hard as she stares at the vial Pepper holds.

“What’s that?” Rhodey says, leaning in towards the vial. “May I?” He holds out his hand for it and Pepper hands it over to him.

“How did you come by this?” Thor asks, looking straight at Pepper, his brow furrowed again. How can they all go into business mode so quickly? Lots of experience probably.

“We intercepted a shipment as it was being transferred between two shadow groups.” Pepper begins then leans with both hands on the table as she gives Thor her full attention. “We’re not sure who they are or who they even report to. With half the population gone it’s left lots of facilities open. People are getting into things that they never would have before. Our defenses are down and so is everyone else’s. These new groups are exploiting those weaknesses to their full extent. I can only assume what they were going to do with this stuff but after what Tony said about the other Super Soldiers in Siberia, I thought it would be best if we got these off the streets.”

Other Super Soldiers? There are more than just Captain America? “What other Super Soldiers?”

Thor looks at you and wraps one arm around your shoulders but before he can explain Bruce suddenly looks down and pulls a vibrating device out of his pocket. He looks at the screen for two seconds then looks up at Thor, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. “I think we found them.”

In the same moment both Bruce and Thor are racing down out of the atrium and down the hallway that leads to the lab. You watch Thor leave with a heavy heart and fidget with your ring again. The others give them a quick look as they race off but otherwise turn their faces back to the table.

“This looks modified.” Rhodey says as he passes the vial into Natasha’s open hand.

“I wouldn’t doubt it. Everyone seems to be trying to get this to work better.” She tilts her head to the side slightly as she considers the vial then hands it back to Pepper. “Quick fix.”

You glance over your shoulder towards the lab again, your heart dropping as you admit to yourself that you might have to say goodbye to Thor much sooner than you’d hoped.

“How many of these did you find?” Rhodey moves to pull the box closer but stops as Tony suddenly gets to his feet. You turn your gaze on him and catch him still watching you. His expression is more readable now. He’s serious, considering you it seems, and for a moment he even looks smug? The look vanishes quickly as he turns away from the table and wanders off into some random door that you hadn’t noticed before.

You’re not the only one watching him. “How long has he been like that?” Natasha asks.

“Too damn long.” Rhodey’s annoyance seeps into his tone making him sound bitter and angry.

“I didn’t count how many were in this box but it’s full. And we found seventeen other boxes just like this one.” Pepper sighs turning her gaze back on the vials. She places the one she took back in the box and then places her hands on her hips. “Whoever we took these from is going to want them back.”

“Yeah they are.” Rhodey agrees. “Maybe we should-”

You don’t get to hear what you should maybe do. There’s a small thud that draws everyone’s attention to the wall of windows that makes up the balcony that you’d walked in through.

“Everyone get down!” Natasha shouts, but before you can react a ball of heat explodes from the wall of glass. It shatters and the glass flies towards you as you fight against the blindness the bright and sudden flash has given you. The force of the explosion throws you onto the ground and you feel yourself hit one of the chairs on your way down. No way you didn’t break something.

As the smoke settles you hear a rush of feet over shattered glass around you but you still cannot see. You blink your eyes, trying to clear them, and look around at where you were sure Natasha, Rhodey, and Pepper had been standing.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Natasha’s voice comes from somewhere to your left but you’re winded and you can’t answer right away. You hear her grunt and then the sound of fists hitting flesh. “Pepper, there’s too many of them.”

“I got it!” Pepper cries out. You hear the unmistakable sound of her suit. You push yourself up into a sitting position, one hand nursing your right ribs, as your eyes finally begin to clear. There, where Pepper had been standing, is Rescue. Pepper disappears behind the mask of her suit and lifts off the ground. She flies, full speed at two men clad in dark clothes. They could be hoodies and ski masks, but they look sleeker. She vanishes through the now open wall, into the night sky taking a man in each hand. Natasha throws herself into her punches, hitting one, two, three black clad men after the other. She knees one in the stomach. Swipes the legs out from underneath the second. Punches the third in the face, once, twice, three times. As the first comes back and aims a hit she blocks it, throwing her weight into the block then goes for his stomach. He yells in his anger. He brings his other arm up and over to hit her hard over the head, but Natasha grabs his arm, side-steps the move, and brings the arm hard down on her knee. A sickening crack echoes around you as the man’s arm breaks. He falls to the ground. Natasha has no chance to catch her breath as the second and third men have recovered, and both charge her. Your eyes fly to Rhodey who is also fighting two men. He extends his arm and his shining silver and black armor fly towards him from down the hall. As the glove falls into place he lunges forward in a full body punch and hits one of the men. He goes flying. The rest of his suit arrives covering him head to toe. A well-aimed uppercut sends the second man into the ceiling and back down to the floor in a heap. As a third man rushes towards him he extends his arm in a fist. A small panel at his wrist slides up and to the side to reveal a small missile.

“No explosives in the house.” Natasha shouts as she ducks a punch and delivers one herself. “We’ve got civilians in here.”

It takes you a second to realize she means you. War Machine looks at you then opens his palm and sends a repulsor beam at the man instead. It hits him square on the chest and he flies through the open wall and off the balcony to the ground below. Natasha turns back to a new two men and lays one out with a hard kick to the face. She twirls around a punch and kicks hard at the back of the second man’s leg. He falls to his knees. She wraps her arms around his neck and squeezes until he stops moving then lets him drop. She moves towards the wall of glass as Rescue comes flying in and lands roughly on the floor. War Machine moves towards the two and they survey the men littering the floor. Five by Natasha, two by War Machine, one on the ground below the balcony, the two that Rescue had taken out. Under Rescue’s arm is the cardboard box that had been sitting on the table.

Her mask slides back revealing a slightly sweaty face. “There were six more outside, waiting about half a mile outside of the property. Some of them got away. My priority was the box but I don’t think they’ll be trying again.” She looks at the broken wall then her gaze falls on you.

“Y/N? Are you-”

A penetrating shout from the other side of the room cuts her off. “Y/N?!” Thor is a near blur as he races towards you and drops to his knees to get a look at you. “What the hell happened?” He demands as he looks to the others then back to you.

“Some guys broke in.” Natasha moves to your side as well and begins to check out your arms and legs then moves to poking at your sides.

Thor looks at the unconscious men on the floor and glares in their direction before he brings his gaze back to you and exchanges his rage for worry.

“I’m going to go patrol the perimeter.” War Machine moves to the balcony then lifts off and flies off into the sky. Rescue moves towards your small group and places the box on the table again. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., call down to the hospital wing and get a doctor up here. And call security up here to collect these guys. Lock them up.”

“Calling now, Miss Potts.” A few seconds later. “The doc will be here in ten minutes. He was asleep.” A cool and slightly accented voice sounds from somewhere around you but you’re not sure where exactly it’s coming from.

“I’m going to go help James.” Pepper’s mask falls back into place and Rescue flies off from the balcony too. A moment later several men and women wearing dark blue uniforms rush in and in teams of two remove one intruder after the other.

Natasha finally reaches your right side and as she pokes at your ribs you gasp and flinch away from her touch. “Broken ribs maybe just fractured. We’ll have to get her x-rayed. What’s keeping that doctor?”

Natasha gets to her feet and hurries out of the atrium. As the last intruder is removed Thor scoops you up into his arms and carefully places you in the nearest chair. Even the slight jostling has your side burning. You try to keep as much of the pain from showing up on your face as you can. You don’t want him to see you like that.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I should not have left you here alone.” Thor’s voice is hard and full of regret. You reach up and place your hand on his cheek as he kneels beside you.

“You didn’t leave me alone, you left me with War Machine, Rescue, and freakin’ Black Widow. None of you could have predicted that someone would attack.” You look to the wall, now a gaping hole of shattered glass and broken supports. “I guess being here isn’t as safe as we thought?”

“I should have protected you.” Thor insists.

“Thor, you couldn’t have done anything differently.” You didn’t want him focusing on the attack, so you shift the focus to the only thing that might matter more than you. “What happened with Bruce? The scanner? Was it your people?”

Thor sighs. “It might be. I was coming to tell you that I’ll have to go but now…I don’t think I should. I’ll send Rocket and he’ll be able to lead my people here to Earth. He’s the smartest Captain I know, and he’s travelled space by ship much more than I have.”

“What? You can’t not go just because of this.” You gesture at the chaos around you.

“I will not leave you here. You are right, this place is not safe.”

You frown, unwilling to be the reason Thor is kept from his people. Not only does it bother you that you’re keeping him from his rightful place but the fact that it’s for something as stupid as possible broken ribs. “You’re not staying. You’re going.”

“How can I possibly-”

“I refuse to be a choice between you and your people. You’ve asked me to marry you and with that comes certain risks. I’m prepared to take them.” You keep your voice steady and manage to forget the pain as you focus on convincing him to go.

“I know but-”

“Unless you regret asking me to marry you? You think I can’t handle it?”

“What? No, never. I could never think that. I know how brave you are, but you shouldn’t have to deal with injuries or danger.”

“And yet, I will. Thor, go. Like I said the other day, I will be right here, waiting for you. I promise.” You reach out for his face and pull him in for a quick kiss. His hands find your shoulders and then cling to you as if he’s worried you’ll disappear. When you pull back, you lick your lips and sigh. “Please don’t make me the thing that holds you back.”

Thor sighs. “Alright.”

Relief washes over you. “When will you go?” Your relief disappears, replaced by nervous fear. You don’t want to be away from him.

“Immediately. The faster I go the faster I may return to you. I will not be gone long.” He promises. He pulls you in for another kiss, this one longer, stronger, and tender. He pulls away suddenly, leaving you wanting more. He moves towards the balcony and stops once he’s reached it to take a long look at you. He holds out his hand and storm breaker flies into it from where? You don’t know. As it touches his hand he’s suddenly bathed in bright blue and white electricity. It singes his regular clothes, replacing it with his black armor and red cape. His gaze on you is unbearable. His brow drawn down at the outer corners as he struggles with his decision. His blue eyes fill with more and more hesitation the longer he looks at you. His shoulders are tense and the muscles of his arms flex as he grips Stormbreaker’s handle tightly. He clenches his jaw, finally resolving to go. “Please stay safe for me.”

“I promise.” You give him a small smile for reassurance and hope that your own sadness at seeing him go is well hidden. He holds up Stormbreaker and in a flash of bright white rainbow light he’s gone. You’re alone now. Natasha has yet to return. You can hear the distant sounds of Rescue and War Machine flying around the facility. You look down at your arms and then slowly stand to look at yourself in the reflection of the surprisingly undamaged monitor. Your face is covered in small scratches from the glass, your arms and legs as well. Aside from the ache in your ribs, you feel your right leg also burning. This is what he saw when he looked at you? A damaged human, weak and frail. No wonder he didn’t want to leave.

Would he be focused on his mission? He would be wondering if you are safe. Distracted. A weakness. His hindrance. Anger bubbles up in your chest and your eyes shift to the cardboard box on the table.


	8. Thor?, Rocket, and the Serum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rocket takes you home.

The days immediately following Thor’s departure were some of the toughest days you’ve faced since the world ended. That’s not saying much since almost nothing is worse than what happened. Still, it was tough not only dealing with your bed suddenly having a Thor shaped vacancy but getting around the facility was also difficult.

You woke up in the mornings with intense pain in your side and then you had to limp to the cane that Pepper had found for you so that you could make your way to the kitchen to eat. It turned out that the pain in your leg had been a fracture. If there was one thing that made it all okay, it was that Thor wasn’t around to see you struggle with your injuries. After his reluctance to leave, you were sure that he would have freaked out and probably carried you everywhere. The latter wasn’t such a bad thing, just unnecessary.

As you walk into the kitchen again you find Tony slumped in a stool by the counter. He turns to look at you with surprisingly clear eyes. He’s not drunk anymore and yet there’s that same look of contemplation from the night of the attack as he looks at you. He doesn’t say anything and neither do you.

He gets up and takes his transparent glass, with some type of green juice in it, with him. He disappears down the hall without another glance at you.

With him gone you move to the fruit bowl in the corner and take an orange. You stand there awkwardly, the orange given a squeeze as you stare at the empty kitchen.

You had never had a problem being alone before everyone disappeared. You’d craved solitude in some instances but now that you’ve found Thor again, being alone like this makes you feel so empty that you think you might cry. Unwilling to give in to these dark emotions you slowly find your way to the lab.

As you walk in you find Bruce and Rocket arguing at the tables full of equipment. Rocket is leaning over something protectively while Bruce tries to get a better look at whatever it is Rocket is hiding.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking but you can’t fuse that with an unstable Chitauri grenade. Where did you even get it, anyway?” You can tell Bruce is stressed by simply hearing his voice.

“That’s none of your business. I don’t ask you where you got your Hulk mutation formula, do I?” Rocket sounds more relaxed than he looks.

“You’ve asked me like, ten times!” Bruce almost growls.

“I don’t remember that.” Rocket shakes his head then leans back and exposes his project to Bruce though you still cannot see it. You’re slow, at the moment, and barely reach the table when Bruce points at the space in front of Rocket.

“What’s that? That looks like some sort of power core.”

“What? This?” Rocket holds up a small glass tube that shines with a shiny yellow light. From this distance you can’t see what causes the glow. “It’s just a battery.”

“That doesn’t look like any sort of battery I’ve ever seen. Do you have any idea what you could do with that grenade alone? You’re going to blow up my lab!”

“Only if I’m lucky.” Rocket jokes then brushes Bruce off. “Don’t worry, Doc, I know what I’m doing.”

You clear your throat and Bruce finally notices you. “Not possible.” He replies to Rocket before moving towards you, his hands clutching a screwdriver. “Please, just be careful.” He turns it over in his hands over and over again as he approaches. When he’s close enough he takes in your injuries with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Everything okay?” You peek over his shoulder at Rocket.

“Huh?” Bruce looks over his shoulder and then brings his gaze back to you. “Oh, yeah. I just wasn’t expecting to have to host a talking raccoon who builds weapons of mass destruction.”

You smile because Rocket really is unique. You can see how having to keep an eye on him might be stressful for someone like Bruce.

“How are you feeling?” Bruce gestures at your leg. “Rhodey told me you fractured your leg?”

“And my ribs.” You nod. “I’m fine. Did they manage to lock up the rest of the serum?”

Bruce moves over towards his work station where the scanner looking for Thor’s people is still running. You carefully sit yourself down, angling the chair so you can look at Bruce. You finally begin to peel and eat your orange.

“They did. Pepper and Nat went back out to see if they could trace the men that attacked that night.”

“That night, Pepper said something about Super Soldiers in Siberia, I thought Captain America was the only Super Soldier?”

“No. Steve wasn’t even the first one. Then there was Bucky after him. You probably know him as the Winter Soldier?”

“Oh.” You look down at your hands in surprise, chewing on an orange slice.

“But he's…he’s gone now. And the ones in Siberia. They’re also dead. We thought the serum was gone but if it’s out on the streets who knows what we’re in for? It could mean big trouble.”

His dire expression raises questions in your mind suddenly. “I thought the serum just made you stronger?”

“No, not just stronger. It does that, but Cap says it does much more. It enhances the person you are. That’s why with the Cap, well he is who he is. If you’re evil at heart I guess it’ll make it so that you look it too. Cap said that was why the Red Skull got all,” Bruce gestures at his face, a disgusted expression overtaking him. “those changes to his face.”

“The Red Skull?”

“Yeah he was the leader of Hydra way back in World War II.”

You allow his words to sink in. His explanation on the Super Soldiers was not what you had expected but it wasn’t far off.

“So, if one of those people out in the streets with the stolen serum were to take it, what exactly would you guys be looking at?”

“Well, if it’s anything like what happened to the Cap; increased endurance, zero fatigue, more strength, speed, intelligence, accelerated healing, and a being with an increased lifespan.” Bruce counts off each ability as he scribbles numbers on a pad from the scanner’s screen. “Along with impossible to determine side effects.”

“Increased lifespan?” You can hear your voice rise slightly. “What do you mean? They’ll live longer?”

“Well, when the Cap was found in the ice he hadn’t aged a day. However, when he was analyzed they determined that he was indeed still aging but at a rate so slow that he’ll no doubt, outlive all of us. Except maybe Thor. And…me…”

Bruce stops, distracted by his own words. You too are so consumed with his words and the picture it paints that you try to find something else to distract yourself with.

“Have there been any new possible coordinates?”

“What? Oh, a few. If he comes back empty handed, then I have a few more he might be able to try.”

You sigh heavily, not excited in the least to have Thor come back only to leave you again.

“I know it must be hard for you, to have him leave again?”

“Yeah, well, it can’t be helped. He’s the King of Asgard first. I think I wanna go home.” You sound like you suddenly realize this. That right at that moment, you want to be at home.

“Er, please don’t go because of what I said. Thor would prefer it if you stay here, where it’s safe, I’m sure. Plus, he’ll kill me.” Thor would most definitely not kill him, but Bruce comes out from behind his workspace and stands nervously watching you from a few feet away.

“It’s not really safe here though.” You give him a kind smile but begin to move towards the doors slowly. “At least not any safer than I would be in my own house. Besides, it’ll be easier for him to come and go if I’m not here. I don’t want to be a distraction for him.”

“Well, at least let me ask Pepper to get someone to fly you there?”

“I’ll take her.” Rocket’s voice is surprisingly close.

You freeze and slowly turn to look at him. Bruce’s face brightens up. “Really? I mean, are you sure?” He says trying to look a little less excited.

“Oh, don’t sound so concerned. I know you would rather I wasn’t in your lab. And anyway, I know where she lives. Come on, Trouble.” Rocket walks past you carrying a small metal box under his arm in the middle of which is the small glass tube you’d seen him with.

“Please, don’t lose her Rocket. Thor would be upset.“

It takes you an hour to pack the few things you’d brought with you. Just clothes mostly. Somehow your things had found their way all around Thor’s room.

When you board the ship in the large hangar, you don’t notice him at first, you see Tony watching you from the hangar’s comm room. You stare, and he stares right back. Is he smirking?! Bastard! He’s happy you’re leaving?

Rocket gets his ship, the Benatar, going and you find a seat a little deeper and away from the cockpit than where you’d sat with Thor when he’d picked you up.

At first the two of you fly along in silence. You slowly get more comfortable. First, you lean back in your seat, mindful of your ribs as you do. You can’t help but wince. Second, you put your bag on the seat beside you, relief washes over you as the weight disappears. It was making your ribs burn. Third, you stretch out your leg, this also hurts. Finally, when you can no longer take the silence you clear your throat quickly.

“Why did you offer to bring me home?”

“I don’t know. Something to do?” Rocket shrugs his little shoulders but then shakes his head. “You’re Thor’s lady.”

You smile, the words sounding so sweet and very true on Rocket’s lips. Maybe it’s because you’d only ever heard him speak in anger or with sarcasm but truth was nice on his lips.

“I guess I wanted to make sure you get home safe. I knew from the tone of your voice and the stupid conversation the Doc was having with you that you weren’t going to change your mind so,”

You slowly get to your feet as your eyes find that Zune from before. You balance on your third leg and after making your way slowly to the music player you give Rocket a nervous glance.

“I might as well bring you myself and make sure Thor knows that you arrived in one piece when he gets back.”

The ship is suddenly filled with the rock piano beginning of ‘I Want You Back’ by the Jackson 5, then comes the guitar, bass, and the vocals.

“Hey, don’t touch that!” Rocket gripes. He’s not shouting at you, but he is annoyed with you. He presses a few buttons then rushes up from his seat behind the control console to the Zune in the wall. He shuts off the music quickly, and you can see that returned pain from before.

You move away from the Zune in the wall and sit down on the closest chair, not the one you’d first sat in. Your elbow hits a hard piece of plastic as you settle in and the cabin is suddenly filled with a strange array of beeps that remind you of your old Nintendo from when you were a kid. You pick up the portable gaming console and look the screen over as little figures race across it.

“Hey!” Rocket says again. “Don’t touch that either! Stop touching stuff.”

“I’m sorry.” You put the console down and shove your hands between your knees ignoring the protest from your fractured leg, as Rocket races over to pick up the screen and hold it close to his chest.

“Stop apologizing.” He grumbles. “What are you some sort of serial apologizer?”

“I-what?” You cock your head to the side in complete and utter confusion.

“I’ve been listening to you talk to the Avengers the past couple of days. You keep apologizing for everything. Stop it.” He demands and turns to walk towards the front of the cabin.

“I’m-” You stop as Rocket turns to frown at you. “What do you want me to do then?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you start kicking some ass and stop playing the weak little damsel in distress?”

Your heart stutters as you feel suddenly exposed. Has he read your mind? Is that one of his abilities? Does he have more than just the ability to be a sarcastic mess and build bombs? He’s pushed a button and you can’t really hide it, so you steer it in a direction that might be believable. You laugh without humor, finally bringing your eyes up to stare at his expecting expression.

“I’m not exactly on par with anyone that I’ve been in the company of the past couple of days. Everyone that I’ve met is stronger than me. Pepper, James, Bruce, Natasha, and you’re terrifying and obviously dangerous, otherwise Thor wouldn’t have tried to protect me when you got mad at me before.” Your thoughts drift to the moment you’d first noticed that Rocket was missing someone. He’d shouted at you not to call him a Raboon, though you’d clearly said Raccoon.

“What are you talking about? You’re the most dangerous person I know.” Rocket waves your statement off, his voice climbing and dropping in pitch as if what he says is truth and not just nonsense. You’re the one speaking nonsense.

“Rocket, I’m the only human with no power or skill among you. I could never hurt any of you.” Though you don’t regret that slap you gave Tony, you’re sure that it probably didn’t hurt him.

Rocket places the portable gaming console on a shelf hidden beneath a large monitor.

“You’re crazy, lady. You’ve got Thor wrapped around your little finger.” He turns and shows you his way tiny little finger and wiggles it in your direction. “You two share a bedroom. Just wait until he’s asleep and then sock him in the balls.”

You can’t help but smile and drift into thought as he returns to the Captain’s chair. He sighs heavily as he takes manual control back.

“Those things I touched, they belonged to people you lost.” You aren’t asking but Rocket nods once.

“Yeah, I lost ‘em. Whole damn lot of ‘em.” He gets very quiet as he speaks, you strain to hear him over the sounds of the ship. “I told Thor I had a lot to lose and…I did. I shouldn’ta left ‘em.” You can hear the guilt in his voice and it makes your own heart ache for his loss.

“I’m so sorry, Rocket. I wish that made some type of difference but it’s all I can offer.”

“Don’t worry about it. And don’t worry about me hurting you. You’re Thor’s lady. I ain’t gonna hurt ya.” Again, his words give you a strange sense of comfort. Was making this trip the right decision? It had to be.

When you arrive home, Rocket doesn’t stay. He promises to let Thor know that you’re okay, “despite the pirate limp.” He says with a smirk. You tell him goodbye and watch him until he’s long gone.

For the next week you pace your apartment, if pacing is what you can call it. You’re reliant on your cane so you walk when you can but sit when you can’t, which is a lot of the time. It’s nice to be back in your little one-bedroom apartment, though you glare at your kitchen sink every time you pass it since you never actually finished the dishes before you left with Thor. And now with your ribs and your leg, you can’t stand long enough to finish them. On the seventh day, after a long stretch of pacing as the sun begins to stream in through the large windows bathing your living room in warm and comforting sunlight, you slowly lower yourself onto the couch. You give your arms a long look, tracing several of the larger scratches. You look down at your legs, left exposed from wearing shorts, and trace the large cuts on those too. You look towards the windows, stare for several long minutes as you admire the way the beams of light refract through the glass, then look over at your bag. Still unpacked. Sitting with the zipper open on the table beside your sofa. You reach into the bag, close your hand around something, then rest it in the small space between your leg and the sofa’s arm.

You consider your closed fist for another minute and finally resolve yourself. You’re going to do it. You’ve thought it through for a whole week. Thor isn’t back yet. And you have no other options.

Slowly you open your fist and let your eyes finally gaze upon the small, and very stolen, glass vial of Super Soldier serum.


	9. Thor, the Iron Man, and Super Soldier VX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You deal with the consequences of your choices.

You’re not sure how long you were lying on your bed, frozen in pain. It felt as if your blood was knives and needles drenched in gasoline and set on fire. Your body had gone rigid shortly after you injected yourself with the first full syringe of serum. The needle had penetrated your skin and almost from the first depression you’d regretted your decision.

The regret was temporary. You struggled with your muscles, which had tensed so much in reaction to the serum that you grunted and groaned as you strained to reach the vial of serum once more. You threw your body in the direction of the vial, your stiff arm reached out and with straining and stretching fingers you grabbed it. It took you longer than it should have but you finally jammed the needle into the top and filled the syringe once more, emptying the rest of the vial.

Ruthlessly you violently jam the needle into the crook of your arm—and amazingly, right into your vein—half in resolve to do what you said you’d do and half because you had little control left in your limbs.

As the rest of the serum spread throughout your bloodstream you felt your chest explode. Your heart began to pound and finally, thankfully you lost consciousness, sprawled out on the bed with one arm hanging over the edge. Probably looked dead.

image  
“Why hasn’t she woken up?” Thor demands, his voice worried and angry. You’re mostly asleep still. No. Not asleep. In transition. You try to wake yourself up but your body doesn’t respond.

“You have to give her time. She's…different now.” Natasha keeps her voice even, stern as she speaks to Thor.

“How could you all let this happen?” Thor sounds like he’s somewhere to your right, still stressed and angry. “You should have kept her here.”

“Thor, I asked her to stay, I swear. I told her you wouldn’t like her leaving but she wouldn’t change her mind.” Bruce’s voice is laden with remorse and failure as he explains his time with you.

“Then you should have chained her to a chair!” His voice shakes the room though he’s still not even really shouting.

“Hey, I heard her with the Doc,” Rocket agrees to your left, up by your head. “She’d made up her mind to go home. You probably woulda flayed us if we touched her and from what I know of your girl, she wasn’t going to take no for an answer.”

A huff to your right tells you Thor still isn’t happy, but he does accept Rocket’s explanation. When he speaks again his voice is strained with worry and near-agony.

“Why hasn’t she woken up, Banner?”

“I think that might be my fault. I gave her a bit of Tetrodotoxin B. Her heart was racing when you brought her in and I was afraid she’d have a heart attack so I wanted to slow her heart rate down. I think maybe it might have sedated her as well.”

“Does she have to be sedated?” Thor wonders.

“I honestly don’t know. I prefer it but it would be better if Steve were here.” You can almost picture Bruce leaning back in a stool, rubbing his chin. His voice is calm as always but there’s an underlying tone of fascination. “He has first hand experience with this.”

“I’ll go get him. It’ll be a little tense but I think this is more important than old fights.”

“Nat, be careful. Don’t tell anyone about Y/N until we know more.“ Bruce says.

“Of course.” Natasha’s footsteps fade.

“What was it she injected herself with?” Thor’s voice is much closer, aggrieved, quieter since he’s so close now. His left hand finds the top of your head where he gently cups it. His right hand tenderly takes hold of your own.

“It looks like either during or after the attack she took one of the vials from the box Pepper and Nat brought back.” If there was an audible equivalent to quietly punching the air with your fist, Bruce did it. “I shoulda known something was off. She was asking me a lot of questions about the Super Soldiers in Siberia and Steve, why didn’t I pick up on it?”

“Y/N has always been good at keeping her thoughts private. When I first met her, she helped me recover from a small injury. I might have played the hurt up a little. She was cute and very kind.” You can hear the smile in his voice. The hand on the top of your head gently strokes your hair.

“That was just after Sokovia right? I wasn’t there but Nat filled me in on what she could remember happened.”

“Yes. She told me later that I spent so much time talking about Jane during our first meeting that she buried her feelings for me. Despite being attracted to me instantly. It took me four months to get her to open up. Another four weeks until she allowed me to kiss her. With Jane everything simply happened, falling into place easily. With Y/N, things have always taken a little more work.” You hear him sigh heavily then feel the warmth of his breath on your right temple.

“Wow, what a pain in the ass. Hey, I don’t mean anything by it. Your girl will be alright, Thor.” Rocket says. “I mean, she’s stubborn, right? She’s not gonna let this keep her from marrying you. I think I’ll go grab something to eat.”

You hear Rocket leave.

Almost ten minutes pass in silence.

“Why is her hair this color?” Thor strokes your head again.

“I don’t know. The serum alters body and mind, it’s unpredictable and this one that Pepper and Nat found was especially strange. Modified. There’s no way to know what she’s going to wake up with. I mean, I’m sure she’ll still be her.”

“You’re sure?” Thor sounds upset again and the hand on the top of your head tightens. “Why would she do this to herself?”

His breath was on your face again. “Whatever was troubling you, why did you not come to me? I could have helped you. I am your harbor. Your escape.”

You hear fading footsteps as Thor continues to speak.

“Please, do not leave me when our lives have yet to begin. My love, my soul, my reason for existence. Wake up, Y/N.” He says your name with strength in his voice like he’s trying to order you awake. His soft pleas and declarations of love only serve to send you under again and with his warm breath lingering on your cheek, you fall back into darkness.

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As your eyes slowly flutter open you take in the plain off-white ceiling. There’s so much more to the ceiling though. You can see the small pores of the white ceiling tiles, the dust within them. A very small movement, someone taking a breath, pulls your eyesight to the left.

Standing in front of a dark grey wall, painted in uneven strokes, is Tony Stark. There’s a gradient in the wall that you’re only sure is unintentional because you’ve been in this room before just a few days ago. Despite the uneven paint and the small bits of dust, the rest of the plain medical room is spotless. So much of the room is clearer, like you’ve upgraded to a higher definition T.V., that for a second you don’t notice the increase in your hearing at first.

As Tony clears his throat to bring your attention back to him, you notice the clarity of it. You can hear each small breath that he takes. In and out. In and out. Steady and relaxed breaths.

You push yourself up a little and remember your injured ribs. You sit up straighter and gently press against your side. No pain. And your leg has no cast or brace.

When you look back up Tony is moving over with a chair held by its back. He places the chair by your bed, his face bright and alert, and sits himself in it. His pants are black sweats and his top a blue compression sports shirt.

“Don’t you own anything other than suits and sportswear, Mr. Stank?” You ask dryly. You’re not sure this is the face you want to see as soon as you wake up. Where the hell is Thor?

Tony laughs casually, subdued, and you definitely don’t want his face to be the first you see. When he finally stops laughing he leans back and watches you with that same smug and contemplative look from before.

“Rhodey?” He asks.

You nod. “He said to wait until you were sober.”

“I knew you were fearless.” He admits. “I mean, you’d have to be to shack up with Thor. To choose this life after what happened?” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of gum, took a piece, then shoved the pack back into his pocket. “Takes guts. Gum?”

You shake your head. “Easy to say when you’ve given up. Where are your guts?”

Tony chews his gum then fixes you with that unreadable and penetrating gaze. “On Titan.”

You see his grief again, this time multiplied by a hundred as you can suddenly see every twitch of his lip, eye, and the way his mouth turns down at the corners for a second. There’s also that same dead look you’ve seen in Thor’s and Rocket’s eyes. And pretty much everyone else that’s lost someone.

“I saw it, you know? The intent in your eyes even before you made up your mind.” He’s smirking, like he knows you. Why does it feel like he can see through you? “I knew if I set things up just right, you’d bite. And here you are, all superheroed out. How’s it feel to be the newest member of the Super Soldier club?”

You watch Tony with narrowed eyes. Something about what he said. “What do you mean, set things up just right?”

“Listen Teach,” Tony pushes off of the chair and sits up straight then leans forward so that he can reach out towards you. The familiarity is not welcome so you pull your hand close, crossing your arms over your chest and remain wary. “What I said to you that day I first met you, I’m sorry. I was out of line and not…myself.”

His hand comes up to nervously rub at his bottom lip. He clasps his hands together and raises his eyebrows once as he lets his apology linger between you. You want to tell him to fuck off. You want to tell him that he can shove his apology, that you hate him, and nothing he can say to you will make up for the fears and all consuming insecurities that his words re-exposed. You’d resolved yourself to living and loving quietly at Thor’s side. But then you were injured and despite the mortality worries you’d had, nothing compared to watching Thor have to choose between leaving you here injured and choosing his people.

You needed to be strong for your God of Thunder and that’s what you would be now.

Even though you want to tell Tony all of this and be done with him, you see the sincerity of his remorse. Here was a broken man, apologizing, eyes slightly watery, how could you not let it go?

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to do this.” He says more quietly.

“You didn’t. I mean, you did, but it was already there. It’s been there since Thor left me.” Admitting this aloud makes you nervous. “I think eventually I would have done something more stupid.”

“I think so to. Which makes me glad this serum fell right into our lap.” Tony says with a smile. “I’d really like to be friends, if you think that’s at all possible?”

He gets to his feet and moves closer to you, his hand extended. You stare at it for a good two minutes, Tony stands there sweating buckets. You finally take his hand and squeeze.

“Woah, ow, easy there Miss Mischief. You can break us plain people like sticks, now. You’re going to have to adapt to your strength.”

“Sorry.” You rush to say as you release his hand.

He keeps his eyes on you. They wander up to your hair as he shakes his right hand and then massages his fingers.

“Ow.” He repeats. “I like the hair.”

You reach up and pull your hair forward as you remember Thor asking about it. Or had you dreamt that?

For a moment you’re sure that you aren’t seeing things right. It looks almost as if someone has sucked all the pigment from your hair.

“Haven’t seen it?” Tony realizes. You shake your head at him. He looks the room over before he reaches for a silver tray with several medical tools on it. He dumps the tools then moves back towards you with the underside of the tray held up for you like a mirror.

Almost all of your hair has turned what looks like white. Pure, non-polluted white hair save for a thick black strip, about two inches wide, that starts at the center of your scalp and extends down the right side of your head.

“What the shit?” You say, unable to contain the surprise.

“That’s one way to put it.” Tony agrees.

You take the tray and turn your head this way and that to get a better look.

“Anyway, I wanted to come and apologize, and congratulate you on both the engagement and your new lease on life. I’m sorry that I had a hand in pushing you to it…wait, no I’m not. We need the hands.”

You put the tray down to glare at him and don’t realize how hard you’re gripping the tray until you feel the metal bend in your hands. You look down at the silver tray and carefully place it on the small table by your hospital style bed.

Tony is also watching you with the tray. “Don’t worry. We’ll get you trained up. Sleep some more.”

He begins to leave but you lean towards the door, forgetting your momentary anger.

“Wait, where’s Thor?” You don’t realize how strongly you want to see him until you say his name with your own mouth.

“I’m sure Mr. Mischief is somewhere around here.” He seems to see your distress as he reaches the door. “Tell you what, I’ll find him. Send him this way.”

He taps the frame with his hand and waits for you to nod. “Good girl. Hang tight.”

Tony Stark leaves you alone in your room, confused, expectant—Where the hell is Thor?!—and wondering if you might not have just made the biggest mistake of your life.


	10. Thor, Jane, and the New Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor returns and things don't go quite as you hoped.

Where is Thor? That is the question you continue to ask yourself. You’ve been awake for almost a day. You tried to go back to sleep but found that it was almost impossible. Your body is buzzing, coursing with strange unfamiliar strength and an overflow of input. Your sense of smell is stronger as is your eyesight. Your brain processes things much more quickly, you can hear people walking down the hall and can see things much more clearly noticing details you’d never noticed before. All of these changes and yet your heart still beats for Thor, though perhaps a little stronger than before.

Your hair isn’t changing back and after staring at yourself in a mirror for about two hours you give in to the idea that the new do is here to stay. It isn’t so bad. Just odd. You quickly pulled it back and up into a high messy bun. Now with it not constantly swinging in your face you don’t have to look at the new color, which if you’re honest, has a very faint shade of pink in the light.

You stand at the large kitchen island, shoving dry cereal in your mouth, piece by piece. You chew without thinking, consuming because your body is telling you that it needs the energy, but don’t really feel yourself getting full. You hear the soft pat, pat, pat, of padded feet coming from the direction of the lab and know that you won’t be alone for long.

“Is he not back yet?” Rocket meanders into the kitchen with the same metal box from a week ago.

“Nope.” You respond curtly, popping the p and don’t even look at him as he climbs up onto a stool and sits down. He places the box in front of him gently and then reaches for one of the large apples in the bowl closest to him.

There is such an excess of fruit throughout headquarters that you realize Tony must like to have fruit available at all times.

“Ah, I wouldn’t worry. I’m sure he and Jane are just catching up.” Rocket waves his hand dismissively as he moves to take a bite of the apple, but you look at him, glaring daggers.

“What?!” You can hear the jealousy in your voice, but you don’t care. “Where is he?”

“He went to go see Jane, didn’t the Doc tell you? When he went to go check on you early this morning I thought he went to go tell you?” Rocket scoffs and then bites into the apple. “Sloppy message delivering if you ask me. If Thor asks you to do something, you do it, most of the times. If I feel like it.”

Thor wanted you to know? Maybe there was nothing to it then? Just then, Bruce walks in, his glasses slipping down to the end of his nose with a book held open with one hand, propped against his chest. He doesn’t notice you or Rocket as he moves to the fridge to grab a pitcher of some type of juice.

“Hey, Doc, why didn’t you tell Trouble that Thor was going to see Jane?” Rocket scoffs again. “If he asks you to do something you should do it. It’s the polite thing to do. I didn’t take you for a man without manners.”

Bruce freezes with his hand on the glass pitcher’s handle and looks suddenly nervous. He looks at you, registers your glare, then at Rocket. He smiles tightly, his mouth unmoving as he speaks.

“He asked me not to tell her where he was going, you dumbass.”

“Oops.” Rocket whispers. “My bad.”

Bruce looks back at you and smiles more genuinely but obviously still nervous.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. He only went to ask her for instructions on how to narrow the search scope on the scanner. I got it to read more exact samples, but I did tell him that it might be better to get a second opinion. She might know of a way to make it even more accurate.”

“So, you sent him?” You demand as you move around the island to get to Bruce. He watches you warily and then slowly begins to circle the island away from you.

“I just said it might be better to get a second opinion, going to see Jane was his idea. I swear.” He holds his hands up in surrender and looks relieved as you stop your approach.

“Right. Of course it was. Why wouldn’t he want to go see his ex-girlfriend?” You grumble, your heart tears this way and that as your blood begins to boil. You walk back around to your bowl, empty the cereal into the trashcan, then deposit the dish in the sink.

“What? No, you’re taking it all wrong, Y/N.” Bruce hurries to reassure you, shaking his hands as if he’s trying to reject your words physically. “This is why he asked me not to tell you. You’d take it the wrong way.”

You look at Bruce and glare, his words only making you angrier as your stomach twists uncomfortably. “So, it’s better to lie to me than to just be honest?”

“I’m sure he just wanted to spare you the worry.” Bruce says nodding.

Rocket sighs. “He shouldn’ta lied. I woulda just told you.”

“Not helping, Rocket.” Bruce says in a low growl.

“What? She’s not wrong. She seemed calmer when I told her he asked you to tell her. Am I right?” Rocket looks at you, expecting a reply but you’re already moving towards the hallway that leads to the stairs.

You really want to punch something, but you resist the urge as you reach the sizeable gym and move to a punching bag in the corner. You stand and stare at the bag and lose all sense of time as scenario after scenario plays out in your head.

You’re not sure how long you stand there staring at the bag. You never punch it. Just picture things you shouldn’t. Was he kissing her? No. He would never. Was she holding his hand? Trying to seduce him? Was he giving in to her? Was he wanting to give in to her?

Your thoughts are suddenly interrupted as heavy footfall draws your attention to the gym’s doorway. The door is suddenly thrown open and Thor quickly scans the room until he finds you. He looks so damn good in his jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie that for a moment you forget you’re angry. It’s not until he begins to run towards you that you remember your anger.

“Y/N, you’re awake.” He reaches you and without hesitation he takes you in his arms. He pulls back to look at you, glancing over every inch of your body in order to assess the damage.

“How do you feel? Is everything working alright in your brain? Not feeling murderous?” That really was the wrong question for him to be asking.

“Do you want me to answer that honestly?” You deadpan.

He seems to sense your anger and yet he smiles, pulling back a bit so that he can get a better look at you. Over and over he stares into your eyes then checks your body with a glance as he considers your health and wellness.

“Where were you?” You demand.

“I went to check on something for the scanner. Nothing important.”

“Bruce and Rocket said you went to go see Jane. For the scanner.”

Thor sighs heavily, his shoulders rising and dropping with the weight of his disappointment. “Of course, they did. It was no big deal. I’m back now.” He smiles widely, happy.

Your anger begins to disappear as you look into his eyes and see the sheer relief in them. He reaches out and places his hands on your arms and rubs them softly going from elbow to bicep, back down to your elbow then back up to your shoulders where they stop.

“I am so glad you’re safe. I feared the worst when I found you…not moving.” And you can indeed see the fear in his eyes. His right hand slides up from your shoulder along the skin of your throat, his fingers tickling the nape of your neck as he caresses it gently. He edges closer, his massive body leaving only a few inches of space between you as he suddenly ducks and pulls you up to meet his lips.

It takes your breath away. Your senses are on overload. You can feel the electricity in his touch and it makes the small hairs on your arms and back of your neck stand on end as the rest of your skin bursts with goosebumps.

His lips are so warm, soft, and his kiss slowly becomes more urgent. This time, finally, you don’t run out of breath and you reach up to grab the collar of his hoodie and pull him against your body.

The heat he exudes penetrates your layers of clothing, makes your heart race as each contour of his body fits into yours. His hands are hard, rocks, and forceful. Despite this, you feel no pain. He crushes you against him not holding back his strength and you realize how much he’d had to be careful with you before.

He finally pulls back, waiting with his forehead against yours as both of your heavy breathing slows.

“That was new.“ He whispers in a husky tone. “I have been holding back a bit.”

You laugh once and slowly wrap your arms around his neck as you inhale his scent. Rain clouds, a cool spring breeze, and the slightest hint of ozone. You wanna kiss him again, you yearn for him.

He wraps his arms around your waist and sighs contentedly.

Although in the moment you’re in utter peace, the gnawing suspicion that Thor isn’t being honest with you returns and you chew on the inside of your lip as you consider pressing the matter. You don’t even know what Jane looks like. You’ve refused to Google her.

“Baby, you’re not keeping anything from me, right? What you said was the truth? You went to see Jane only for the information on how to improve the scanner, right? Be honest with me.” You feel your heart begin to race as he slowly pulls back to look at you.

“I did lie.” He admits. He looks confused for a second as he stares into your suddenly disbelieving expression, but quickly sets his jaw.

“What?” You keep your voice low, confusion and suspicion making it sharp.

“I…er…I did go see Jane for the scanner, but I also went because I wanted to see her.” His voice is so matter-of-fact that you stare at him not able to believe what he’s saying. He doesn’t say anything else and you scoff, turn away from him, and move closer to the punching bag then turn to look at him once more.

“Are you kidding me?” You demand. “You’re joking, right?”

Thor shakes his head slowly, his eyes staring straight into yours.

“Why did you want to see her? And don’t lie to me.”

“I was worried about her.” He admits and your stomach bottoms out, the clench in your heart is so painful that you reach out to hold the punching bag to keep you steady. But wait, friends can worry about friends. That’s what it is. “And I don’t think I’ve completely forgotten her.”

Damn! He’s torturing you. This is torture. You don’t scoff this time and instead just stare at him with your mouth slightly agape, your heart pounding hard, and your breathing labored.

“But what does that matter?” Thor suddenly asks, he hurries forward towards you, his hands stretched out to take hold of you. As he comes within reach however, you put your fist out and push against his hard stomach to keep him at a distance. He stops as if he’s suddenly hit a wall with no way forward, freezing at your touch. “Jane is my past. You are my future.”

“Yeah, well, you just spent the entire morning with your past while I was here waiting for you.” You try to keep the pain from seeping into your voice, but you know you’re not wholly successful. You also can’t help but let the hard and angry edge in your voice be exposed. You’re so upset that it feels like it’s choking you, bile and disappointment clogging your throat.

“You cannot really be angry with me about this?” Thor asks, anger starting to mar his tone as well, making his voice deeper.

“My fiancé just admitted to having feelings for his ex-girlfriend who he just spent the entire morning with doing who knows what? And he tried to get two of my newest friends to lie to me about where he was. So, yes, I’m angry. I’m pretty pissed off.” You can’t help but be belligerent as the thought of him and Jane together, far away from you, keeps painting pictures of intimate and secret shared moments.

“You’re pissed off? You think you have the right to be angry with me after what you have done?” Thor’s voice is scornful, a tone he has never used with you in all the time you’ve known him. It hurts to hear, and your blood boils in response. You clench your fists at your side. You grit your teeth and take a few steps towards him.

“And what’s that? What have I done to be sorry for? Come on, don’t hold back, tell me what you really think.” You taunt him with your chin up in the air and your jaw clenched.

“I think you’re a fool!” His scathing words are like a slap in the face. You retreat a step as you watch his face contort into one of sheer anger and disapproval. There’s a small crackle as his eyes shine blue for a moment. “You’re reckless and inconsiderate and a horrible fiancé for making a decision like injecting yourself with the Super Soldier serum without talking to me about it first. You made a stupid decision. One that makes me question the very core of who I thought you were and maybe I made a mistake asking you to marry me if I don’t really know you or what you are capable of?”

You stand there, staring at Thor with an unimaginable pain in your chest. Your hands have gone numb, your brain is all fuzzy. You can’t speak. Your mouth opens once to speak but there are no words. You shut it. You look down at his chest, tearing your watery eyes away from his disparaging gaze. You can’t seem to catch your breath and it finally hitches as tears fall from your eyes.

“Th-then let me remedy that for y-you.” You sob. You reach onto your left hand and rip off the ring before forcefully placing it in his. “There. P-problem solved.”

Thor looks down at the ring in his hand his brow gathered in a look of utter confusion. “Wait,” He begins but you don’t let yourself hear what he has to say. He’s said enough. You turn and race towards the balcony on this floor and without thinking push off as soon as you’re clear of the ceiling. “Y/N!”

Your new and strong legs take you up into the air and then down onto the ground where you land painfully. Compared to the pain of your heartbreak however, it’s nothing. You hit the ground, spring up, and just run. You don’t stop until you’ve cleared the grounds and disappear into the surrounding trees. You’re sure that you’re still on Stark property but you’re far enough away from the actual facility that you no longer hear anyone or anything but the sounds of the surrounding nature.

Your grief finally takes you. He was right. He was absolutely right. You are inconsiderate, and you could have died. You hadn’t thought about that when you injected yourself. All you could see was the long, nearly immortal life that you could lead with Thor and that alone had been enough to convince you to take the risk of death. If you could become stronger to help him and still be with him, then why not take the chance of death? But he was right, you were a fool.

Your tears fall freely as you slowly lower yourself onto your knees. “So s-s-stupid.” You mutter to yourself between sobs. You were half expecting Thor to follow you, to come and get you. To force that stupid ring back on your finger because he was just joking, and he really did still want to marry you.

However, at the sound of steps approaching, you turn to look at him and instead find yourself looking across a small clearing at a man slightly shorter than Thor with blonde hair, a neat but full beard, a large physique made up of large muscles, wearing a dark blue suit of tactical armor with the outline of a star on his chest and a serious but kind expression.

“Y/N?” He says in a cool and easy tone. There’s the slightest hint of authority in it.

“C-Captain America?” You say in slight surprise. You had been hoping for Thor but suddenly here was the only other person on the planet that could possibly know how out of your body you felt.

He walks until he reaches where you’re kneeling on the ground and slowly lowers himself down so that he’s on your level. He slowly extends a hand and places it gently on your shoulder.

“I’m here to help you adjust.” His earnest intent is so overwhelming in light of your fight with Thor that you can’t help it when you begin to sob again, grateful for Steve Rogers.


	11. Thor and Captain America

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Thor butt heads, yet again.

You stand at the edge of the roof staring out across the sunlit facility grounds. The sun is high in the sky, beaming down in strong rays against your skin. The sensation is pleasant, and you wish you could extend this one moment into hundreds.

You take a deep breath. Your chest rises, the tips of your pearlescent hair, pulled into a sporty ponytail, tickles the area between your shoulder blades and with the addition of the warm sun your skin bursts with chills. You shiver. All these sensations are much stronger. Your eyesight is so clear you can see a Purple Finch on a distant tree stop at a nest where three tiny and naked baby birds poke their heads up, mouths open and expectant. Your hearing is so attuned to your surroundings that you can tell that Tony and Pepper are in the smaller den he keeps for more private affairs. You had dinner there two nights ago.

You hear her laugh, happily, giddy, and in love. Your chest tightens, and you look down at the solid ground. So easy. You can just jump. Just do it. It might hurt, but it’ll be easy, and the pain will be short.

Jump. Jump! JUMP!

“Not gonna go?” An even, soothing, mellow tone reaches your ears. You might even call it monotone if it weren’t for the subtle inflections in his words. The amusement was also very apparent but also subdued and polite.

“Give me a minute.” You release a held breath slowly as you stare at the ground and try to gather your courage.

The man beside you sighs lightly, not annoyed, but perhaps a little impatient.

“This is gonna hurt, isn’t it?” You finally look at Steve. Despite the heat, neither of you are sweating. Your resilience to the atmosphere and fatigue in general is unmatched, except by Steve.

“Probably.” Steve assents and turns to face you, his arms already crossed over his chest. His own physique is impressive. Though he’s not as large as Thor he’s a damn close second. His muscles strain against the plain white t-shirt he wears. “But that’s why we’re up here. We need to test your limits to see how different the serum you took made you from me. Jump. Just remember to roll…if you can. Don’t absorb all of the impact on your feet. The idea is to spread it out.”

“Roll. Roll.” You look back down at the green grass below and shake your head. “I can’t do it.”

“Yes, you can, Y/N. Jump.”

“You jump!” You bark back, annoyed with his insistence.

Suddenly, Steve drops his arms. He turns and without hesitation jumps off the roof.

“Holy shit!” You cry after him. He falls fast and then suddenly you see his body land. It curls in on itself and he rolls forward once then lands ready to run. “Why the hell did you jump?!”

Steve stops and turns to look up at you. He’s small so many floors down. He shakes his head at your question. “I don’t know. Jump!”

“Naw, fuck that. I’m not jumping!” He’s crazy!

You see him smile and shake his own head. “Fine. Meet me in the gym.”

He disappears through a door, letting two cadets exit first. With one last glance at the distant ground you shiver then head inside.

As you descend the stairs, you’re so wrapped up in your own thoughts that you don’t realize who is in the atrium until you’re standing in the hallway that leads to the lab—and the roof apparently—and you stop dead.

“I can’t explain what happened.” Thor’s deep timber is quiet. This conversation is not meant to be heard by anyone but the person he’s talking to. “One moment we’re perfectly happy and then the next I’m yelling at her. Telling her things I had never intended to tell her. It was almost like I had to tell her. I was compelled to do it. I couldn’t think of doing anything else.”

“Are you saying you told her things in the spur of the moment? Or accidentally?” Bruce’s voice is also quiet but inquisitive. Like he’s trying to solve a puzzle.

“It was not an accident. It did not feel like a slip. There was intent behind my words but I would have never in my wildest dreams told her the things I told her.” Thor sounds distressed but also frustrated and confused. You try to see the true emotion behind his tone but you can’t. You’re lost in memories of that day, a week ago, when he had ripped out your heart.

“That’s so weird.” Bruce admits. “But fascinating. How can you say something without meaning to, but also mean to say it?”

“Banner, I told her that I still had feelings for Jane. Why would I do that? Jane and I have been over for so long and I do, I cannot deny it, think of her sometimes when I feel lost or bewildered by something she would so obviously know-“

You can’t listen anymore. Your throat is thick, your blood hot and coursing, and your eyes are beginning to sting. You don’t want to cry again. No more crying!

You walk out into the atrium and turn towards the kitchen.

Thor, sitting in the seating area with the unused chessboard across from Bruce, stops speaking and quickly rises to his feet as he sees you.

You don’t look in his direction, but you hear him move after you into the kitchen.

“I’m, uh, gonna go check on Rocket.” Bruce begins to leave but then stops and moves into the kitchen. “Thor, here are the latest directions. I’ll keep my eyes on the scanner.”

He leaves. As you pull out a refillable water bottle from one of the cupboards you feel Thor circle around the island so that he can stand a few feet away from you. You glance at the stainless-steel espresso machine on the counter and take in his reflection.

He looks so good your chest aches. He’s wearing a pair of dark denim jeans, a light grey V-neck t-shirt, under a dark grey vest which he leaves unbuttoned. You move towards the fridge and pull out the green liquid you had seen Tony drinking before. A health juice made of cucumber, apples, kale, and other vegetables.

“I uh…”

As he addresses you the pain in your chest intensifies and you gasp very quietly. He still hears it. You remove the bottle’s top and begin to pour.

“How are you adjusting?” He asks, his right arm hanging limply at his side while his left hand fidgets on the island, poking the concrete counter then tracing small circles on it’s cool surface. His electrifying blue eyes are glued on your face however.

“I’m fine, Thor.” You say this to mean that you know he’s wondering about your broken engagement and he nods, understanding that you aren’t.

“Right. Well, listen, I must go-”

“To see Jane?” You ask, feeling petty and so angry you could spit. Why did he have to keep talking about her around you?

“Why would you say that? Of course, not to see Jane.” He’s angry too, but he takes a deep breath. “I know that I should have perhaps elaborated a bit more by what I meant when I said that I still had not forgotten Jane-“

“Oh, I think you’ve elaborated enough.” Your bitterness overflows and it seems to make him angrier. His hand balls into a fist on the counter as he takes a step closer to you.

“I can see that this conversation is pointless.” He turns and begins to leave, and it makes your stomach clench so painfully that you slam the plastic bottle down and the room is filled with the sound of plastic hitting concrete.

“Stop!” You shout. Thor freezes. After a moment of just standing there, he turns to look at you, slightly confused until he sees your indignation. “That’s it? You’re going to give up that easily?”

“I am in no mood to quarrel and I can see that any sort of conversation I try to have with you will result in only that. So, no, I am not giving up that easily, but I refuse to argue.”

“You refuse to argue? So, it’s my fault that this fight isn’t over, right? Y/N just won’t let it go. Why can’t she be more rational? Well, excuse me for losing my shit at the thought of the man I love wanting to see a woman that isn’t me!”

He doesn’t rise to your taunt, stares at you impatiently, and again you feel your anger bubble up to the surface.

“What?” You demand. “Go on, say it.”

“You are acting like a child.” He replies.

“You know what? Go. Go and don’t come back until you really want to do this.” You gesture to him and then yourself.

Thor gives you one more exasperated look before he turns and moves back out into the atrium, onto the newly repaired balcony, and in a flash of scorching blue electricity followed by a bright white rainbow light, he’s gone.

You stand by the island, staring at the balcony, your chest heaving as you try and calm your heart.

What if he never comes back?

With your bottle in hand you find your way to the gym where Steve has changed into a pair of grey sweatpants and a figure hugging compression shirt in navy blue. He stops punching the same punching bag that you and Thor had previously fought in front of and holds it steady as you approach.

“Everything okay?” He’s reacting to whatever look you have on your face. Or maybe it’s in your eyes? Either way, his concern is genuine, and you nod because you don’t feel like talking about it. You sit down on the edge of a treadmill and take a large swig of your juice.

Steve moves towards you pulling a pair of punching mitts on. “Come on. On your feet. It helps.” It’s an order, not a request.

You put your drink to the side then get up and approach him.

“Just like we practiced. Try not to drop your shoulder. Come on.” He smacks the pads together twice then holds them at a height you can punch easily.

One, two. One, two. One, two, three.

Over and over you punch. It does help. You channel your heartache into each punch and can’t hold back when a tear trickles from your eye and down your cheek. Steve notices it and his expression changes slightly. Knowing him only a week, you’re not sure what it means but it looks like understanding or maybe realization?

When you finally stop some time later, you sit yourself down again and chug your juice. Steve approaches you, standing a few feet away, removing the gloves. He holds one under his arm while he pulls off the second with his free hand.

“Have you two talked yet?”

Your lips pucker, curling to the right as you shake your head.

Steve throws the mitts aside and moves to squat down in front of you.

“You know, I never met Jane.” He states this plainly. Informative and casual. The name sends a sharp dagger into your heart.

“Can we not talk about Jane? I’ve had my fill of hearing her name uttered in one week.” You’re annoyed and rise to your feet so suddenly that Steve rocks back on his heels.

“Hey, wait.” You move for the door but get only a few feet before Steve’s hot hand—probably from the mitts—is on your bicep, pulling you to a stop. He turns you around slowly. “What I’m trying to say is that in all the time that I’ve known Thor, I have never met Jane. And he knew her before he knew me. He never brought her around. She helped him with his things, sure, but he never brought her here, where she could be a part of our lives.”

You can see what he means. “I-“

“You’re important to him, Y/N. I know right now it may not feel like it but trust me.” His hand is still on your arm, wrapped gently around it. You look at it, wishing now that you hadn’t sent Thor off in anger. What if something happened to him out there in space? What if he never came back?!

You swallow hard, looking down at your left hand where your ring should be.

“Let’s go grab some food, yeah?” Steve leans back slightly, hunching his shoulders so that he can look at your eyes, and smiles lightly. It’s a soft sweet smile and it calms you.

“I want pizza.” You admit.

Steve chuckles once. “Pizza it is.” He places his other hand on your other shoulder and turns you around to head out of the gym.

“Can we order any toppings I want?” You ask, looking up at him.

“Sure.”

The two of you have almost reached the door when it bursts open. You’ve been training with Steve so much the past week that you don’t fight it when your immediate reaction to the loud noise and swinging door is to take a fighting stance. Steve is calmer, alert, but not standing with his fists raised.

Bruce runs over to you a look of utter excitement in his eyes. “I know what’s happening!” He declares.

Steve looks at you and reaches over to gently lower your fists. You look at him and oblige. “What are you talking about, Bruce?” Steve’s voice is a bit more agitated but probably just from the surprise.

“I mean, I think I know what’s happening.” Bruce corrects. He moves towards you specifically, his salt and pepper waves slightly wild after his run. “I have a theory and I need to test it but I’m sure of it and testing it will give us an immediate answer.”

“What are you talking about?” Your confusion is mounting and it’s making you cranky. Especially since you really need to eat.

“You.” Bruce says, excited again.

“What about Y/N?” Steve asks, concern painting his voice.

“Your hair, why Thor said the things he said a week ago. I think I know why it’s happening and, Y/N, I’m going to need you to do something for me, in order to test my theory.”

Your curiosity is absolutely salivating at the possibility of understanding yourself more. You’ll do anything to find out what is going on with your body after taking the serum.

“What is it? I’ll do anything.” You assure him.

“Good…because I’m going to need you to bring out the Hulk.”


	12. Thor is Gone and Variant X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You learn more about the serum you injected yourself with.

It seems almost impossible to have known Bruce for almost two months now and never have seen him this excited. He was always so calm. He had his epiphany moments often but never like this.

“Okay, you sit here, Y/N and Cap you just stand to the side.”

Bruce takes you by the shoulders and steers you towards a single stool. It’s tall so you climb up, using the back as leverage to get your leg up.

“You good?” Bruce asks you, his hands held out towards you as he removes them from your shoulders.

“Yeah. Bruce, when I said I’d do anything, I didn’t really mean anything.” Bring out the Hulk?!

“Good?” He asks again, ignoring you and lowering one hand to point at you.

“Yes.” You assure him feeling slightly annoyed but also curious. You are very hungry and eating pizza with Steve had been something you were looking forward to.

You look for him and find him standing to your left about ten feet away and slightly behind you by the edge of Bruce’s work station. He smiles at you, arms crossed over his hard chest.

As you look back at Bruce you notice that he’s standing where the donut table had been. Where was it now?

He rolls up his sleeves to the elbow then clicks a button on a remote and the lights suddenly dim. The large windows that line the top border of the outer lab wall suddenly grow dark as blackout technology obscures the light. He clicks another button and the large monitor you’d noticed when you first saw the lab lowers from overhead and then bursts to life.

For a moment there is nothing but white light and then suddenly the room is bathed in soft blue as the screen is filled with the moving image of a blue, thick, but opaque liquid.

“What do you see?” Bruce asks, his right arm extends towards the screen as he keeps his eyes on you and probably Steve.

You examine the image, seeing the small bubbles and perfect composition of the liquid.

“It’s Super Soldier serum.” Steve states. His voice is hard, all business. So much different from the soft tone he’s been using with you. It makes you look at him.

“Right.” Bruce agrees. He points at Steve and adjusts his glasses. “This is the same serum that was used on you, Cap, or a very well imitated one. All the original serum was lost, right?”

“Yeah.” Steve nods, moving a few steps closer so that when he speaks again, he’s almost standing beside you. “Did you try to imitate that formula?”

Bruce shakes his head. “I don’t mess with that stuff anymore.“ He looks to Steve with a grimace. “This is only a simulation based off of old catalogued descriptions.”

He clicks the small black clicker in his hand and the image changes. This one is a video. It moves, never ending, perhaps on a loop. The screen is suddenly filled with a slightly lighter colored liquid, slightly too thick to be opaque, but still blue. In the liquid are tiny veins that flow in complicated patterns, orange in color. A shining, bright orange.

“Alright, so what is this one?” Bruce stares at the video, watching it with fascination on his face and sounding very much like the teacher you used to be.

“That one is mine.” You say, eyes narrowed as you stare at the serum that had put a rift between you and Thor.

“That’s what you injected yourself with?” Steve uncrosses his right arm to point at the video while his eyes find you for confirmation.

“Yeah?” You’re confused by his surprise and don’t understand it.

He stares at you, his brow furrowed in a worried focus, for only a few seconds then he turns his eyes back onto the video.

“What are those orange lines?” Steve asks. You want to know more about your serum but you would also rather not think about it.

“They’re proof of tampering. Someone messed with this serum, mixing it with something else. Some other serum or chemical. I don’t know.”

“So it’s been altered.” Steve agrees.

“Alright, so, now what?” You wonder as irritably you shift on your perch.

Bruce clicks the button again and the lights come back on, the windows clear, and the screen retracts back into the ceiling.

“I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of why Thor would suddenly go off on you.”

Steve looks at you and you frown at Bruce. This conversation was headed in a direction you did not want to go. Steve senses your distress and tries to steer the conversation.

“Do we know what the serum is called? The one Y/N used?”

Bruce is successfully distracted. He moves to a pile of papers on his desk and rifles through them as you turn a grateful gaze on Steve. He gives you a soft, knowing smile and is close enough that he reaches out and places his right hand on your left shoulder to comfort you. To give you strength.

“Uh, the vials are all labeled with the name Variant X. I’ve been calling it Serum VX. What I can surmise from that is that whoever made Serum VX tried a whole bunch of times before they came upon this one. Assuming that they chose to go down the alphabet to name their experiments.”

“Bruce, I’m sorry, but I’m starving.” You admit and turn away from Steve to look at Bruce. “What exactly does Serum VX do?”

“Well, if I make the explanation as short as possible, it takes latent abilities and enhances them. Or activates them.” He waves his hand as if saying ‘either or’.

“Are you saying that Y/N is not only a Super Soldier now but also an enhanced?”

“Well, yeah. And I think I’ve got a pretty good idea as to what your enhancement might be.”

You watch as Bruce removes his glasses then hurries to put them aside before running back to the center spot in the room. His face is alight, his hands excited, but there is also the faintest amount of fear in his eyes. He suddenly looks at Steve and nods.

“Protect her, Cap, I don’t know what he’ll do. He’s still not-I still can’t get him to work with me. He only wanted to see Thor and won’t come out again no matter how much I try.”

Steve doesn’t hesitate as he moves around to stand before you. He leaves a few feet between the two of you and your eyes explore his wide shoulders. It makes you feel safe.

You lean to the right to peek at Bruce who sighs and then finds your face. “Okay. Y/N, tell me to change into the Hulk.”

“What? Why?”

“Just tell me, please. I want to show you.”

“Can’t we do something smaller like, tell you to jump or something?” You ask slightly desperate. You can’t help but be a little afraid at the prospect of facing the Hulk again.

“I need it to be something that I can’t fake. That no one can fake.” Bruce explains. When he speaks again, his voice is more mellow. “Y/N, trust me. You’ll be safe. Steve is just a precaution.”

“Are you sure about this Bruce?” Steve turns to give you a glance and seems to get taller as he glues himself to the space in front of you protectively.

“Positive.”

“Just, do what he says, Y/N.” Steve says only loud enough for you to hear.

“Fine, Bruce, change into the Hulk.” You say, offhand, just throwing the words out not caring if they work.

Steve tenses up in front of you, but nothing happens.

“Y/N, you have to mean it. You need to want it. Make me change.” Bruce explains.

You’re not sure how you’re supposed to want to make him change when you really don’t want him to.

“Bruce, change into the Hulk.” You say with slightly more authority.

Nothing.

“This isn’t working.” You gripe. “I’m hungry.”

Steve suddenly turns and closes the space between you. He places his hands on your shoulders giving them a gentle squeeze.

His sudden closeness surprises you and you stare up at him in stunned silence.

“You remember when we were up on the roof and you were so annoyed with me you told me to jump, and I did?”

Your mind races as it tries to repaint the picture in your head, the moment you yelled at him in frustration. “Yes.”

“Channel that. Don’t try and convince yourself to mean it, just say it so that we believe you do.” His expression is resolute, stern, and his chin is set and clenched as he waits for your response.

“Wait, is that why you jumped?” You realize.

“I think so.”

As you look up into his eyes, blue like the distant storm clouds of an approaching storm—you think of Thor and the sharp pain in your chest makes you sigh—you see kindness and faith?

“You can do this.” He says.

You nod and Steve returns to his spot. You look over his shoulder at Bruce. You take a moment to gather all of your focus and channel the annoyance and frustration you’re feeling in the moment into your words as you speak again. “Bruce…change into the Hulk.”

Your words are even, your voice stern, and though your fear is great, there’s no trace of it in them.

Bruce, whose eyes were glued to yours, is rigid. His hands suddenly clench into fists as his body explodes. He falls back, half falling half throwing himself as parts of him grow large and green. He seems to flicker between himself and the hulk as he shouts and groans, filling the room up with his voice.

Your eyes are wide as you watch Bruce struggle between forms. You slowly slide yourself off of your stool until your feet are on the ground. Your fear guides you forward and you take hold of Steve’s shirt at the curve of his back where it meets his hips. He steals a quick glance at you then turns his tactical gaze back on Bruce who finally, with one final shout and two furious pounding fists on the floor which crack the concrete—“That’s what it was. I forgot to Hulkproof the lab.” Tony says from somewhere behind you.—he becomes the Hulk.

For a very tense moment the room is absolutely still. Hulk’s hulking body rises and falls slowly with his massive breaths. He lifts his head and looks around then slowly turns to look the room over.

His eyes find you and there’s the clear illumination of recognition in them. He takes a step in your direction, his face converted into a frightening, teeth baring, grimace.

“Hulk want Thor!” What was it with him and Thor.

He looks over you at whoever is back behind you.

“Tony friend?”

“Hey buddy, yeah. Of course I’m your friend.” Tony still sounds far enough away that he must be by the outer wall, way behind Bruce’s workspace. “How’ve you been? Not gonna lie, Hulk, we could a used you against Thanos.”

Hearing Thanos’s name does something to Hulk. He turns his shoulders away, shouts angrily, and then looks back at you.

“Where Thor?!”

“I don’t know.” You reply quickly, eager to appease him.

He growls.

“I’m sorry.” You realize that Thor is gone because of you. Thinking back on your fight, you remember you told him not to come back until he was ready to really commit to the two of you. Again, your mind races. What if he never comes back? Your hand tightens around Steve’s shirt.

“Why?” Hulk paces, shoving objects out of his way as he does. “Why girl sorry?”

“Because…” You sigh, realizing that maybe you lost the reason you took the serum for. What was the point of it all without Thor? “I told him to leave. He left because of me.”

You can hear the despair in your own voice. Steve’s hand is suddenly around yours, the one holding onto your shirt, giving you comfort but in the same second Hulk erupts into a deafening bellow of rage.

You hear his heavy feet falling on the floor as he races towards you. Steve uses the same hand he reached back with to push you, hard. You go crashing over the stool and fall onto the trembling floor.

You look up, pushing yourself up onto your elbows in time to see Steve race forward to meet Hulk but Hulk merely swats him away with his right hand. Steve goes flying through the wall leaving a large hole—"Damn it.” Tony grumbles. where he hit and fell through to the next room.

You rise to your feet quickly and realize that you’re standing right in front of Bruce’s workspace. Behind you is the beep,beep,beep, of Thor’s scanner. Your heart drops as you realize that Hulk will probably destroy it.

No! That can’t happen. If There doesn’t find his people this time he’ll need the scanner to keep looking. Desperation fills you as your fear of the Hulk falls away for fear of failing Thor. You have to save his scanner.

You turn to watch as Hulk closes the distance between you and without any forethought you scream, as loud as you can, “STOP!”

Hulk freezes. He skids to a stop, looking confused for a second but then stands with his enormous hands balled into fists. He continues to glare at you. Blaming you.

“I said I was sorry.” You hear him growl at you but shake your head. If this is how it really works then maybe you can learn to control it. You’ll have to learn to control it. “Hulk, change back into Bruce Banner.”

Hulk growls angrily but slowly begins to shrink, restoring the pretty light olive skin tone Bruce has. He stumbles as he falls onto his hands and knees and you turn away as you begin to notice the clothes issue.

As you turn towards the door you notice Tony at the far wall, sitting in a stool of his own as he casually munches on a bag of grapes. “Good going.”

You glare at him. The door to the lab suddenly opens and in runs Steve at full speed. He slows as he notices Bruce and walk the rest of the way to you before he looks down at you. “Looks like you didn’t need my protection after all.”

“Can we go get some pizza now?” You ask desperately.

“I second that.” From behind you.

Steve looks at Bruce then turns those storm blue eyes back on you and smiles.

“Pizza it is.”


	13. Missing Thor with Steve and Vex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You learn more about your new abilities and your friendship with Steve grows.

As you sit chewing slowly you don’t notice the way that Steve keeps his eyes on you. It had been an entire two weeks since Thor had gone and you were beside yourself missing him. You also have that terrible guilt that gnaws at you whenever you wonder if he’ll be back soon. You _were_ the one to send him off.

You can hear Bruce and Tony conversing quietly across the table from you and Steve.

Their words were lost on you however, as you were choosing to ignore them. Though you’d thought it would be difficult to adjust to the massive amount of input that you were getting now, Steve had been very instructional on how to help tune things out.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_You sit cross legged on the floor of the gym, waiting as Steve moves to a small panel in the wall and presses a few buttons._

_“No matter how long I live here, I still can’t get used to all this tech stuff. I feel like such a dip stick for admitting it but I think I need a little help.“ He looks at you sheepishly, a very small embarrassed smile curling the corners of his lips._

_You lean back on your hands, returning his smile with one of your own. Then you remember that Thor would have just mashed the buttons on the screen until something happened._

_You look down at your lap and feel your eyes burn as you try and erase the image of your lovable fool at a loss with technology._

_“Y/N?” Steve’s voice is full of worry but he doesn’t crowd you. He knows, somehow, that you need your space._

_“I’m fine. F.R.I.D.A.Y. can you put on something soothing? Some classical maybe but not too stuffy so maybe not the original?”_

_“Oh.” Steve moves towards you and slowly lowers himself down in front of you so that his knees are only a few inches away from your own. “I forgot I could do that. It’s been a while since I’ve been home.”_

_“Of course. Tony has a_ Get Her In the Mood _playlist. Shall I play that?” You stare at the panel and choke on your laugh as Steve shakes his head._

_“No. Don’t play that. Just play something relaxing.” Steve says smoothly._

_“Sure thing, Cap. After examining your heartrates and tonal inflections, I think this might be just right.” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s words are answered with nervous silence as you and Steve both wait to see what she’s chosen._

_Both of you are pleasantly surprised as a pretty music box tune begins to play filling the gym with sleep worthy notes. It’s definitely classical music but you don’t know what._

_“Not bad. It’ll do. Alright, now Y/N, I want you to relax. Sit up, hands on your thighs, straight back.”_

_You do as Steve says and settle yourself, placing your hands flat against your thighs._

_Steve scoots a bit closer and reaches forward to turn your hands over so that they rest on your lap palms up._

_“There, like that. Now close your eyes.” He says it quietly. Maybe it’s the music playing but it makes both of you quieter, almost whispering. “And take a deep, slow breath. This exercise is something you can do when you begin to feel overwhelmed. It’ll help clear your mind and also help you get a bit more control on your new abilities. Well, the ones we share. I want you to try and do this every day, twice a day, for at least a month. Maybe two if you really struggle.”_

_“What exactly is this supposed to help with?” You sound slightly sleepy but it’s probably just the closed eyes and lullaby-like music._

_“Well for one, the hearing. I know you’ve probably been hearing everything lately. Can you hear Rocket in the Benatar?”_

_You listen carefully and yes, you can. “He’s pacing again. Listening to the Zune._ Dust in the Wind _by_ Kansas?”

_You frown and open your eyes to stare in the direction of the hangar. How could he listen to that song of all the songs he could possibly be listening to? Rude!_

_“Concentrate, Y/N. It’s in poor taste but I can understand his grief. Now, focus on us. Close your eyes.”_

_You turn your frown on Steve and find his facial expression stern. Another order. Not a request._

_You shut your eyes and sigh. Forcing yourself to relax again is difficult._

_“Focus on my voice. Hear only my voice. If that’s too hard then focus on the music or my breathing. Focus hard so that it’s the only thing you can hear.” Steve breathes in and out, his breathe warm as it wafts in your direction._

_You sit there, trying to focus on the music and failing. Suddenly you feel a warm fingertip press against the space between your brow. It smoothes out the crease forcing your face to relax._

_“Focus.” Steve whispers deeply. His voice is so even. Like smooth ironed cotton. Soft but structured and resilient._

_You focus on his voice but when it fades, you focus on his breathing. In and out, slowly and softly. Gentle breaths to fill his lungs and then out it goes. The music comes into focus along with his breathing and slowly every other sound falls away. You can no longer hear Rocket or his terribly chosen song. You can’t hear Pepper and Tony in his den or Bruce in the library. The marching cadets outside fade away and soon the only thing you hear is Steve’s even breath and the music. It flows through you smoothly like wind through fog. You dissipate into the air becoming one with the room and the very relaxing atmosphere. You’re falling through clouds when you suddenly feel warm arms embracing you._

_“Y/N?” Steve’s voice almost lulls you back into the pit of peace but you remember that you’re in the gym._

_You open your eyes and find yourself leaning to your right against the left side of Steve’s wide chest. He’s facing you, balanced on his knees as he holds you steady with his right arm around your shoulder and his left hand on your right shoulder._

_“Easy. Maybe this song wasn’t such a good choice?”_

_Your eyes try to focus on where you are and Steve’s voice fills your mind. You stare into his storm blue eyes and feel suddenly exposed._

_You’re not sure what it is you’re seeing as Steve’s lips part. There’s a hesitation in his eyes and you’re so surprised by the lurch in your chest his gaze gives you that you sober up immediately._

_“Woah, sorry.” You sit up straight and give your head a shake. The music isn’t playing anymore._

_“It’s alright. The first few times are going to be tough. You’ll probably fall asleep a couple times.” Steve gets to his feet and begins to adjust his shirt._

_Was he being fidgety? No. Not possible._

_“I think it’s the sudden quiet. You’ll adjust.” Steve doesn’t look at you again. “I think it’s almost dinner time. I’ll go check to see what Tony wants to do about dinner.”_

_You watch Steve go feeling unsure and reluctant. As you get to your feet you grab your water bottle and take a quick sip before heading towards the gym doors. As you approach the panel that Steve had been messing with you stop to stare at the screen._

_“F.R.I.D.A.Y. what was that song you were playing?” You wait for her to display the title but she says it aloud as well._

_“The song playing was a simplified and shortened version of Beethoven’s_ Romance No.2 _for Violin and Orchestra. The music box version.”_

_You stare at the screen, immobilized by the words you see:_ Romance No.2.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey, you okay?” Steve leans over a bit and places his left arm on the back of your chair.

You turn to look at him and nod. “Yeah, I’m good.” You force a quick smile then turn to look at Tony and Bruce, abandoning your pasta as you let their conversation in.

“Its vexing. I’m not even sure I could properly explain what I think she’s doing. We could do more tests I suppose.” Bruce says, he has also abandoned his food.

“ _Vexing,_ ” Tony repeats. “Say that’s a good name. How do you like it, Y/N?”

“How do I like what?” You’re annoyed that they were talking about you. They’re always talking about you.

“That word, _Vexing_ , as a pseudonym. I think it has a good ring to it.” Tony looks to Bruce expectantly then at you and Steve, both of which wear serious and unamused expressions. “No? We can shorten it. _Vex_. Ooh, I like that better. That’ll be your Avenger name. We all have one.”

“Thor doesn’t have one.” Bruce counters.

“Vision doesn’t either.” Steve says.

“Whatever, don’t rain on my parade. It’s a good name.” Tony says quickly making a rapid waving motion with his hands as if he’s swatting away their arguments.

His words however, shift your annoyance to surprise. “I’m an Avenger?” You look at Steve who is staring at his drink with troubled eyes, then back to Tony.

“Yeah. I though that was clear when I told you we needed the hands?” Tony hold out his right hand as he shrugs, saying _duh_ with his body instead of his words. “What do you think we’re training you for?”

You open your mouth to say something but you have nothing to really say. You bring your hands down under the table and shove them between your knees as you look at Steve again and find him smiling softly at you. His scruffy beard obscures his mouth but you’ve learned what he looks like when he’s smiling. He needs a shave.

“You don’t have to be an Avenger, Y/N. It's…dangerous.” He says the words and you’re sure he means them but his smile makes you not care.

“I know it is.” You reply with a shrug. “But I do wanna help.”

“Of course you do, Vex.” Tony says. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. get all the prototype armor plans and the ones in development sent to my lab. I gotta get started on your suit.”

Tony gets to his feet and begins to head out but stops when Pepper walks in wearing a stunning red pant suit, her hair pulled into a long red ponytail. “What’s for dinner? Hey, where are _you_ going? You haven’t even touched your food.”

She taps Tony’s shoulder and points at the table. Tony turns to look at it and gives her a grimace. “I’m not hungry. I gotta go work on Vex’s suit.”

Pepper’s face animates with surprise as she listens and registers what Tony has just said. “You’ve gotta work on _whose_ suit?”

“Vex.” Tony repeats.

“Who is _Vex_?”

“Y/N is.” Tony gestures towards you with his head and looks to you with a proud smile.

“Why are we calling Y/N, Vex?”

“Because her enhancement, her manipulation thing is vexing. She vexes Bruce and she vexes me and she didn’t like _Vexing_. So I shortened it.”

“Oh, Tony, no.” Pepper screws up her nose, shaking her head with her dislike for your new moniker.

“Hun, I gotta go.” Tony takes her by the shoulders and pulls her in to kiss her cheek as she continues to look displeased and shake her head. He moves around her and heads towards the lab.

Pepper looks from you to Steve then back to you. “Tony, wait, we need to rethink that name.”

She hurries after him leaving you, Steve, and Bruce alone with your food.

You sit back, relaxing in your chair as you think about the fact that you’re an Avenger. Untested and zero mission experience but an Avenger just the same. Though you wanna smile, you’re a little sad that it comes as a results of losing so many people. So many members of the team were lost because of Thanos.

You feel warm gentle fingers tickle the skin of your bare left shoulder. You look at it and see Steve’s index finger and thumb gently glide across your shoulder. You look at him and find him watching you seriously.

“I mean it, Y/N, we don’t expect you to join just because you’re different now. This life isn’t an easy one and despite what Tony thinks it’s never really over. There will always be someone trying to tear our world down and we’ll always have to fight.”

“That’s why I wanna help.” You give Steve a long stare.

He finally sighs, his worry clear in his eyes. You can tell he’s thinking a million thoughts and you almost ask him to tell you what they are when you remember you’re not alone. Which for a shocking second, embarrasses you.

You turn your eyes to Bruce who is watching not you, not Steve, but Steve’s two fingers, still gently pressed against the skin of your shoulder with the strangest expression you’ve ever seen Bruce wear. Something between confusion and disbelief and also a bit of an _a-ha_.

He realizes you’re watching and hurries to turn his gaze back onto his food. He pokes at it, not eating, as you slump your shoulders a little more so that Steve is no longer touching you. You feel weightless suddenly and guilt rushes to take its place.

“Why does my ability vex you, Bruce?” You’re eager to distract yourself from the panicked thoughts of what Bruce might be thinking about what he thinks he sees across from him.

“Well, when we had you make Steve do things in the lab we noticed that there was no change to his brain function or his body’s chemical composition.”

“Are you saying that it was a trick?” You wonder, suddenly very invested in the conversation.

“No, just the opposite actually. And you aren’t actually controlling someone so it’s not any type of compulsion. What it looks and feels like…” He puts his hands up as of he’s holding an invisible ball as his eyes find a spot on the ceiling to try and work out his thought.

“It feels like being talked into something. Like you suddenly realize that this, what you’re telling us to do, is what we’d rather do. It’s deep. When I think back to my transformation all I remember is feeling that being the Hulk was the only thing that sounded like a good idea at the time. I know I felt that way because of you but it still doesn’t feel like you made me do something I didn’t want to.” Bruce was excited again, his eyes alight with the wonder of his experience and what it means about your ability.

“That makes sense.” Steve interjects. “When I jumped off of the roof, I wasn’t obeying a command. I just suddenly thought it would he a good idea to jump. And when you asked me why I jumped, I really didn’t know because I hadn’t made the choice myself.”

You let their words sink in as you watch each of them deal with their own experiences of what you’d done to them. You think of Thor and what you made him say and what you made him do and your heart damn near breaks again.

“That’s actually a really good way to look at it.” Bruce tells Steve, wagging his finger. “She’s thinking for us. She makes the decision and we obey. It’s like for the short time that she influences us, she’s actually a part of our brain.”

Bruce’s expression would have had you laughing were you not completely shocked by his brainstorming conclusion. His eyes were wide. His mouth agape. A small crazed spark had erupted behind his eyes. He’s frozen like that and you look to Steve to see if he’s as worried as you are.

He isn’t. He’s smiling, his wide, perfect teeth showing and the smile reaches his eyes making the storm blue shine.

“I gotta go tell Tony.” Bruce suddenly says and disappears down the hallway at the end of the atrium.

As you and Steve are left alone again you pick up your fork and begin to fiddle with your pasta. Despite feeling like you understand your ability better, you feel wretched for what you made them and Thor do. What if you really ordered him away and he never came back? He had no reason to when he you made him feel as if leaving was the best decision to make.

You feel Steve’s hand on your shoulder. “Y/N?”

You can feel your resolve to not cry crumbling as he comforts you. “Why are you so nice to me? I’m a terrible person. Thor was right, I’m a complete fool and I was a terrible fiancé for making this choice alone.”

Steve sits up, having been leaning towards you, and twists in his chair so that he can face you. He reaches around to grab the far corner of the seat of your chair, his hand brushing your thigh as he pulls you around to face him.

You hide your face behind your hands as the tears finally begin to fall.

You hear him sigh and he reaches up to pull your hands down and away from your face.

“Y/N, you are not a fool. You are a bit reckless and definitely suffer from a bit of impulse control. You have a temper.” Was he supposed to be making you feel better? “But you’re not a fool. If Thor doesn’t come back and beg you to marry him then _he’s_ the fool.

“He doesn’t know what it feels like to wake up every morning and want to make a difference but lack the strength to do it. I did it for love of country. You did it simply for love. Give him time and he’ll see the brave and fearless woman that you are.”

Damn him, he’s good. You sniffle as you let his words give you the comfort that he intends and bite on your bottom lip.

“Ready to go blow off some steam?” He asks, smiling kindly.

“Yeah.”

“Alright then. Come on.” He slaps his thighs and stands up before offering you his hands.

You take them and pull yourself up onto your feet. He releases you and begins to lead the way to the gym.

“Tonight, we’ll start you on some Judo.” He looks at you, pride beaming off of his face.

“Am I ready for Judo?” You ask slightly worried you may not have enough base training to pick it up easily.

“Y/N, you were born ready."


	14. Vex, Steve, and a Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Steve grow even closer.

Times were tough for you. You miss Thor. Two weeks had turned into a month. Then a month into three. Three turned into six. Half a damn year. Winter had come and gone and with Spring in the air you and Steve have taken to training outdoors.

That’s who you have spent the past few months with. Steve was kind and tough. He has worked you hard, pushing you to your limits and beyond so that you can become the strong Avenger that he says he knows you can be.

With Thor’s absence you find yourself at a loss as to where you stand with not only him but also the grand scheme of things here. Sure, Tony said you were an Avenger, but what if Thor comes back to stay and he doesn’t want to be with you anymore and you have to leave? You’ve grown so close to everyone that leaving feels like an impossible thing to do. You miss Thor so much that it kills you to think of him even for a second, so you try to spend all of your time training or reading up on books that Bruce and Tony recommend to get you more familiar with useful things you’ll need like physics and history. Though, to be fair, the history you read up on is less like the history you read about in school and has much more evil plot, secret societies, and strange phenomena.

Because you’ve been up all night wondering why Thor still hasn’t come home yet, you come out early onto the grounds to get some exercise in before you meet up with Steve at your usual time. The sun is already up, the rays beating down on your skin. It feels amazing and you stop halfway across the lawn to soak the it up.

You close your eyes, open your arms, and turn your chin towards the sun as you let the warmth engulf you. The breeze is soft and soothing as it caresses you gently bringing with it the scent of freshly washed linen and soap. You can’t help but smile as you recognize the pleasing scent. You hear his footsteps before he speaks.

“You’re out here early. Couldn’t sleep?” Steve’s voice is winded which means he tried to push himself into fatigue again. It’s damn near impossible for you and him to get winded.

“You know me. Nightmares.” You admit. Mostly you are searching for Thor and being unable to find him. The setting always changes. Sometimes you’re in your old apartment. Sometimes it’s the facility. Sometimes it’s nothing but darkness all around you, engulfing you.

“Well, you know what I’ll say.” Steve’s footsteps stop a few feet from you and you finally lower your head and open your eyes to look at him.

“You’ll say that _he’ll_ be back. Not to worr-” Your words suddenly fail you as you take in Steve’s new look. He’s wearing the same old plain white t-shirt. It hugs his wide chest and large arms leaving little room for much else. He’s also still wearing the same dark blue sweats, nothing special about them. What has changed however is his hair.

“Steve…” You begin. “You cut your hair?”

“That bad, huh?” He asks.

“And you shaved your beard?” He looks years younger without his scruffy beard. With his hair shorter, parted on the right, and his beard gone Steve looks so good. It reminds you of the first time you saw him on the news during the attack on New York.

You take a deep, quivering breath as you try to recover.

“Well it was getting a little long and I needed a change.” He reaches up to touch his chin and you notice that despite his easy words, he seems slightly nervous, his eyes shifting from the ground up to your face then away again.

“It’s…a _good_ change.” You say and feel your heart stutter as he looks back up at you, his eyes at ease as a small half smile transforms his face.

You realize that you’re staring with your mouth slightly open and quickly shut it. “Yeah?”

“Yes. Can we train now?” You need to expend this new energy fast.

“Sure, run?” He gestures towards your usual trail. It leads out into the surrounding woods for ten miles and circles back. “Ladies first.” He says.

You don’t wait for him to say anything else. You take off at a speedy run. At this rate you’ll finish the ten miles in a little over fifteen minutes. You force yourself to slow down so that you can relish in the smell of the woods around you.

Both you and Steve run in silence. You do the ten miles then run back. You do it again. And again. And again. Finally, after your fifth run Steve stops at the center of the lawn where he met you earlier.

“Got something on your mind?” He asks. He places his hands on his hips as he watches you with a furrowed brow.

“No.” You reply defensively, shaking your head more than you need to. Definitely not him. Nope. Not his new haircut or the way he looks without his beard. You’re focused on your training! You begin to fidget, needing desperately to expend your pent-up energy again. With no suggestions coming from Steve you reluctantly turn away from him and head back towards the trail.

“You going to run it again?” He wonders as he moves to walk behind you.

“No. I just feel like a walk.” You admit trying hard not to let the nerves you’re feeling affect the tone of your voice. Any shift and he’ll be able to hear it. This is terrifying.

“Oh. Okay.” Steve quickens his steps so that he catches up to you and keeps your pace.

For a while the two of you walk in silence, appreciating the tress (and the way his arm bumps into yours occasionally), and the sounds of the birds. When you finally can’t stand the silence and his hand grazes yours you clear your throat and cross your arms over your chest. “I was reading up on Hydra the other day.”

“Yeah?” Steve nods, his eyes on the ground in front of his feet as he walks along beside you. He looks so at ease, so at peace. You hate it-not really.

“It led to some history about you. I didn’t know that you’d been rejected from the military when you first enlisted.” Your mind, simple as it is, is easily distracted and all traces of awkwardness leaves you as you look up at him and watch his face carefully in case you begin to speak about something he’d rather not talk about.

But he smiles instead, and you’re drawn in by the apparently good memory that you’ve unsurfaced. “Yeah, I was. I was exempted five times before I was finally accepted into the Scientific Strategic Reserve.”

“And that’s how you got the serum?” Steve nods again, his smile still plastered on his face. “And that’s where you met Agent Peggy Carter?”

This makes Steve stop for a step as he looks at you, his smile not as wide. “Yes.” He starts walking again. “I met a lot of people during that time. Made some good friends. Most of them gone now. Peggy too.”

You watch his expression carefully and are so absorbed into his history that you forget why you put your arms up and drop them. “And what about your friend? The Winter Soldier? His name was James Barnes, right?”

Steve stops walking again and angles himself so that he’s facing you a little more. You stop too, worried that you might be pushing your luck. In all this time that you’ve spent training with him, he hadn’t spoken up much about himself. You wonder whether it’s because he doesn’t trust you or maybe you’re not close enough to him yet to warrant such privilege. You bite on your bottom lip and feel your heart skip a bit in fear of upsetting him. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to pry, I mean, I _was_ trying to pry. I was just curious. I know so little about you. I wanted to get to know you better. You know all about me and my family and all my personal drama that I just wanted to know you more, if it’s too tough to talk about please stop me. I kinda don’t know when to shut my mouth sometimes, especially when it’s something I’m curious about-

Steve reaches out and places his hand on your shoulder which shuts your mouth instantly. His eyes are still relaxed but the shadow of pain resides within them. It darkens his storm blue eyes and you regret asking him about his friends.

“Y/N, it’s okay. Really. Yes, his name was James…but I called him Bucky.” He takes his hand back and looks down at the ground, and for a moment he seems so far away. He’s awash in memories long past and a pain still fresh despite the time that’s passed. “He died because of Thanos. Because of what he did. So did Wanda, and Vision, and Sam…”

The hint of pain in his face grows to full on agony and you can’t help it. You reach out, take hold of his arm just above his elbow and slowly slide your hand down the length of his arm until you reach his hand. He takes hold of yours, squeezing it tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Steve.” You say so quiet it’s barely above a whisper.

“So am I. If we hadn’t failed, then your family would still be here, and you wouldn’t be here, facing problems you don’t need.” His suggestion of your not being among them sends a flutter of panic into your chest.

“Steve, I want to be here. There is nowhere else that I would rather be than with all of you here. I finally found my place in the world.” You give his hand a squeeze for emphasis that you do want to be here with all of them. Part of the team.

“With Thor?” Steve asks. It feels like a slap in the face though you know that’s not how he means it. The fact that you’re here without Thor, missing him, wishing he’d come back so that you could apologize for forcing him to leave. You look away, down at the ground, and avoid letting him see how much his words hurt you.

“Don’t talk about Thor.” You mutter painfully.

You look back up at Steve who looks slightly confused as he stares into your eyes.

“Oh my god, no. I’m sorry. Steve, you can talk about whatever you want.” You rush, releasing his hand as you ball them into fists, watching his face for the release. His expression clears up immediately.

“Thanks.” He replies, reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck. “I’ll never get used to that. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought him up.”

You hate that Thor has become a taboo topic around you. He can’t be spoken of because it’ll upset you, despite you being the one at fault for the way things are now. “Don’t apologize. I just…I wasn’t expecting you to mention him and you did and I just…it came out.”

“Should we just go train?” Steve asks, gesturing over his shoulder back the way you both came.

“Yeah.” You agree and you both set off back towards the facility. Still, despite the hiccup in your conversation, your curiosity knows no bounds and you press one last time for some info. “Steve, Tony said that you were seeing someone, is that true?”

This time his expression does darken. “Why would you ask me that?”

“I was just wond-”

“No. I’m not seeing anyone.”

Did you want to leave it there? The way Steve is talking, and the seriousness of his face tells you that you should. “Why would Tony-?”

“Because I was seeing someone. Sort of. We had a connection and things happened, but she had to run, and I had to run, and we just sort of drifted. I waited too long to do something and missed my window. Story of my life.”

“Steve…?” You reach out for him again and he lets you take hold of his arm again. Why was he being so negative about it all?

“I don’t even know if she survived. She could very well be out there, right now. Or she could be gone, like everyone else.” He adds bitterly.

“Why don’t you call her?” You ask, genuinely concerned about this mystery woman. What if she was alive? Why wouldn’t he want to know that? If there was even a small chance that your family was alive you would pick up the phone and call to check.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to know, I guess. We just sort of ended and if she _is_ gone…I prefer to live with the possibility that she may still be out there, even if she isn’t.” He stops to look at you, his expression hopeful yet sad. The sentiment of his words has your heart breaking for him. How could he be so good and just so pure? You pull him towards you, happy that the serum has made you strong enough to move these large and usually immovable men and wrap your arms around his neck. You stretch, pushing yourself up onto your tip-toes to comfort him more comfortably. He seems stunned for only a moment because his arms wrap themselves around you after a second, holding you tightly against his chest.

“What is this for?” He wonders, quietly whispering into your ear.

“Because you’re the sweetest guy I’ve ever met, Steve.” You pull back, placing your hands on his shoulders so that you can get a good look at his face. “You’re a good man, Steve Rogers. I’m so glad you are and always have been faithful to who you are.”

Steve’s face has relaxed again, that same half-smile from before back and suddenly you remember why you had put so much space between you two to begin with. You drop your arms and quickly straighten your shirt before moving down the trail again. He follows and the both of you walk until you’ve reached the center of the yard again. You stop and turn towards him and find him also ready a few feet away. Training time.

“What are you up for today? Hand-to-hand?” Steve asks as he slowly raises his fists.

“Are you going to go easy on me again? I really don’t appreciate it.” You fuss.

“No. I won’t go easy on you. I promise.” He smiles and your heart shakes from the effect it has on you. It irritates you! You’re trying so hard to ignore this, to ignore the way that you’ve been feeling the past couple months, but he makes it so difficult.

Petty anger fills your chest and it drives you forward in a sudden burst of speed. As you and Steve collide you begin to throw punches. He skillfully avoids them, blocking mostly, ducking when it’s high. As he blocks a punch to his torso, you use the leverage to push hard against the ground and shove him back a few feet. “Woah.” He says, surprised by the strength you exude to move him. He digs in his feet however and it stops you both. You use the distraction to bring your leg up, using your knee to break his arms away from his chest. You almost land a punch, but his arms come back down quickly, catching your fist. He uses this grab to twist you around under his arms almost as if he’s twirling you in a dance, so that you’re standing with your back against his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around your torso.

“That was good.” He mutters excitedly. You can hear the amusement in his voice and it drives you mad. You grit your teeth and throw your head back hard. It hits him straight in the face and he releases you, staggering back slightly shocked by the aggressiveness of your attack. You turn back around and rush him, lifting your knees up—left, right, left—trying to hit his chest again but each knee is blocked by one of Steve’s hands.

You land with your feet back on the ground, fists up and ready for more. Steve seems flustered, still surprised by the new aggressive approach to your fighting and realizes that if he continues to let you attack you may land more and more hits. He throws a sharp right hook at you. You step in moving much close to his body, avoiding the punch, and catch his arm. You use your grip to pull yourself up off of the ground and bring your knee up to strike his chest, using the momentum of your pull to fly fast.

Steve’s amusement is fades as he concentrates on the fight. Catching your knee with the other hand he pushes you away hard before you can land your hit. You fall to the ground. You throw your head back, looking up at him from the ground as he rushes you, and stick out your leg, aiming a kick at his groin. He catches your foot and you use this to shove your free leg between his legs and force them out from under him. He seems to be expecting this however as he suddenly changes the direction of his fall, shifting sideways so that he can use his falling weight as leverage to bring you up off the ground. He’s so powerful that it works and your body flies upwards then back down on his other side. You both roll, Steve’s arms forming a protective cage around you until you both finally come to a stop and his body finally comes to rest atop yours.

You feel his right leg between yours. His right arm rests on its forearm by your head, his left hand he uses on the ground to your right to keep himself from lying completely on top of you. Despite this, you can still feel his body pressed against yours while your chests heave as you both try to catch your breath.

Steve chuckles. “You’ve gotten much better.”

“Well I have a good instructor.” You counter still breathing heavily though if you’re honest, it might not be because of the fight.

“You’re much more aggressive. What made you change tactics?” His eyes are still playful but his expression is quizzical.

“Just…” You release a slow breath in an attempt to relax. It doesn’t work. “Some extra energy.”

He gives you that _disgusting_ half smile again and your heart nearly shatters your ribcage. Steve suddenly moves closer. You’re already inches apart leaving little room between you. You see the intent in his eyes and find yourself quickly beginning to panic. Your heart lurches, constricting with nerves as you try and wrap your head around what’s about to happen.

You can feel his hot breath on your lips and become suddenly overwhelmed that you can’t block out the world the way you usually do. Everything comes flooding in. The birds, the sounds of the cadets marching their drills. Random people’s conversations overtake your mind until you recognize a pair of voices.

“If he doesn’t get back soon, we’re going to have a different kind of problem.” Tony’s dire voice reaches you and you instinctively turn to look in its direction.

You see both Tony and Bruce on the gym balcony, eyes glued on you and Steve.

“Is she looking at us?” Bruce asks sounding worried and a bit embarrassed.

“Er…yeah. Looks like it.” Tony agrees.

“Crap.” Bruce mutters. He turns away. “Look away, man.”

“Why? She already know we see her. She can probably hear us.” Tony mutters back moving his mouth as little as possible. “Watch. Y/N, can you hear us? If you can hear us, give us a sign.”

You narrow your eyes before slowly pushing Steve up. “What is it?” He says, but obeys your movements and follows your gaze to the balcony.

You sit up still glaring at the two voyeurs then lift your hand up in the air as you flip them the bird.

“Shit. She sees us. Run away.” Tony shoves Bruce aside and rushes back into the gym.

“Hey, don’t push me.” Bruce says as he disappears after Tony.

You lower your hand and sigh. Though you just flipped them off you’re also really glad that they intruded.

You look at Steve and can see the hesitation you’re feeling reflected in his storm blue eyes.

“Guess that was kind of a blessing in disguise.” You say.

“Yeah.” Steve agrees. He stands up then offers you his hand and helps you up onto your feet. “Y/N?”

You keep your eyes trained on Steve, his eyes shifting nervously as he struggles with what he wants to say. “Yeah?”

“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but I also don’t want you to undervalue what I’m about to ask you.” He moves a step closer, his hands gently reach forward until they touch yours and he takes them, holding them softly while his thumb rubs the back of them.

“Are you gonna ask me out on a date?” You supply feeling just as nervous as he looks.

“No. I mean, yes. A date is, can we start with something simple? I don’t want to label it a date. I want to spend time with you away from here, from who we are here. And I know with…with…with Thor being gone for so long you don’t really know where you two stand but I don’t want to make the same mistakes I’ve always made. Thor is my buddy _and_ my comrade. He could kill me, to be honest. I feel terrible for asking out his girl but I can’t keep it to myself anymore.” His confession leaves you breathless both because he mentions Thor and the pain of missing him and his leaving you again hurts so much and also because you’re just as excited by the prospect of going out with Steve as he seems to be. Plus, at the moment, you weren’t officially Thor’s girl.

“How about we just grab some drinks? Have a few beers. Relax?”

“But we can’t get drunk.” He reminds you.

“I’ll fix that.” You say with a smile then release his hands as you move towards the facility doors.

With a mixture of heartache and excitement you give in to the depressing possibility that Thor might never come back.


	15. Steve, Vex, and a Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your date with Steve is interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapter contains NSFW content, smut, and mature content. Please read at your own discretion.

Having been caught the day before in a compromising position with Steve makes you both shy. You don’t do it intentionally, but you avoid the others. Nat is thankfully still in Wakanda with Shuri, who you know now is the current Black Panther. Pepper spends most of her time at the company now that Tony is back to a somewhat normal and more responsible state. He goes out on patrols now, shutting down the toxic criminals that have surfaced in the wake of all the chaos. There are fewer avengers in the facility so it makes avoiding them easier.

The world is slowly recovering and yet you find that for you, the world still feels a little empty. You know why but you don’t linger on these thoughts.

Your guilt is harder to ignore.

Maybe that’s also why you avoid Bruce, Tony, and Rocket when they’re home. Rocket especially has taken to giving you the stink eye and hasn’t said a word to you since yesterday. Did he see too? Or did he just hear about it? There were others that had no doubt seen it happen. They must have talked.

This morning you grab your breakfast to go. You’re already done eating it by the time you reach the lawn where Steve is already waiting for you. He turns to look at you and a wide smile brightens his face. Your feet stutter but only because your heart begins to pound as you approach. You chew on your lower lip for a second before you resume your normal pace.

“Morning.” Steve welcomes you but places his hands neatly in front of him.

“Morning.” You reply, clearing your throat as your nerves threaten to get the best of you.

“Shall we run?” He asks and with a nod from you he sets off towards the trail. You both glance back towards the facility as you cross onto the trail. You know that the facility is out of sight because Steve finally reaches for your hand, taking it gently then giving it a small squeeze. Your stomach flutters and you feel your cheeks blush as you relish in the feeling of the excitement holding his hand gives you.

“I can’t wait to go out with you. We have to go tonight.” Steve pulls you closer so that the two of you are walking side by side with little to no space between you.

“Okay. Where are we going?” You can’t stop smiling just as Steve can’t stop smiling either.

“There’s a little place I know not that far away from here. Soldier’s bar. It’s good company and the beer isn’t bad either. It’s also got some out of the way corners where we can just talk.”

Your heart flutters at the idea of sitting in a booth with Steve cozy and hidden from prying eyes.

“That sounds great. Do they have a jukebox?”

“They do.” Steve assures you and gives your hand another squeeze.

You two walk like that, hand in hand, most of the way down the trail. Finally, Steve suggests that you train and you both run at casual speeds. The atmosphere is so different from before that you find yourself giddy. You race behind Steve then touch his back.

“You’re it.” You gasp excitedly and then take off past him at full speed.

“Seriously?” You hear him ask, slightly shocked, slightly amused.

You’re running for only four seconds before you feel Steve’s hand on your arm.

“Not anymore.” He turns and watches you, he runs backwards and beckons you after him with both hands, taunting you. “Come on, Y/N, catch me if you can.”

You bite your lip at the playfulness in his eyes and as he turns and bolts you run after him. It takes you a little more than six seconds, but you rush up behind him and jump up onto his back, your arms wrapped around his shoulders. You lean forward so that your lips are by his ear. “Caught you.”

You feel his body vibrate as he chuckles. You slowly slide along his back, your hands tracing the large planes of his shoulders before your feet hit the ground and you remove your hands. He turns to look at you with that _horrible_ half smile and moves a step closer before you quickly move around him. “Your turn.”

You turn and race away leaving him in your dust. You can’t hear him this time and you try to focus your ears on hearing his feet. Still nothing. As you continue along the trail you begin to wonder if maybe you had left him behind and he hadn’t followed. You’re about to stop and look behind you when you feel a strong pair of arms wrap around your upper arms and torso to pull you to a stop. You don’t mean to, but the sudden hold makes you scream though it’s not in terror, just surprise. You laugh as you realize that it’s only Steve.

“Gotcha.” Steve whispers.

“Yeah.” You agree, at a loss for anything else to say. You’re insanely distracted by the feeling of being in his arms. He’s pressed against your back, his breath hot on your cheek as he leans forward to see your face. Slowly, his arms relax and he’s no longer stopping you from moving but embracing you. His hands find yours and he carefully intertwines his fingers with yours. He does it slowly and you wonder if maybe it’s because he’s checking to see if it’s okay.

It is. For the moment, all you can feel is Steve’s pounding heart against your back and your own beating against your own chest. “Y/N?” He begins.

But you don’t get to hear what he wants to say as you’re both suddenly interrupted by Tony’s sarcastic voice. _“Hey, Josh and Kate, better come back up to the compound. We’ve got trouble.”_

You pull away from Steve slowly as he releases you to adjust the earpiece in his left ear. “Josh and Kate?” He wonders, confused.

You’re not. You understand the reference to the movie _Pearl Harbor_ right away and you’re not happy about it. “Don’t worry about it.” You grumble at him and begin to lead the way back.

Steve moves to follow you. You cross your arms and shove your hands out of reach before he can think to take hold of them again.

“I can’t go. Hulk is still being completely uncooperative with me, so it’ll have to be you two.” Bruce gestures to you and Steve.

You’re sitting on one of the sofas by the table with the chess board while Steve sits on the opposite sofa. Tony stands by the large monitor over by the tables and Bruce stands by your sofa.

“We’re just checking out this warehouse then?” You ask to be sure. You’ve only been out on one mission since you became an Avenger and it had only been an escort mission to lock up the rest of the serum that Pepper had brought in. Tony didn’t want a repeat of what you’d done so he’d moved the serum off-site to a more secure and well-hidden vault.

“There may be _some_ resistance. Our scout said he saw a few of those guys in black masks outside, similar to the ones that attacked the night you stole the serum.” Tony points at you and smiles. Of course, he’d remember that.

“So minimal fighting. With both Tony and I there, you’ll be completely safe, Y/N. No need to worry.” Steve assures you from across the table. He sits leaning forward, his elbows on his knees.

“I’m not worried about facing people, I’m just worried we won’t get back in time.” You admit.

The room goes awkwardly quiet and Steve looks down and blushes. “Well, we’ll just have to work fast then.”

“Riiight.” Tony says reminding you that he and Bruce are in the room. “Well, let’s get going. Cap, I’ll meet you there.”

Tony leaves the room and Bruce stands awkwardly looking from you to Steve. “I should go check…the lab…” He hurries out of the room leaving you and Steve to wallow in the awkward.

“Well, let’s suit up.” Steve says then gets up and heads to his room.

You’re not sure what exactly Tony had done to your suit or what it was made of. You know that it’s bulletproof, so you can’t get shot as long as you wear it. It’s weather resistant and warm when it needs to be or cool when you need that too. It’s reinforced, and you know that its got more technology in it than your cell phone, but you zoned out when Bruce and Tony had explained its structure and couldn’t recall anything they’d said other than it was bulletproof. It’s simple and looks very similar to what Steve wears but newer. The one feature that is exclusive to your uniform is the modified hip holster and garter that carries your throwing knives. One thing that you’d discovered by training with Steve was the accuracy at which you could throw knives and that you preferred to fight bare handed. You didn’t like the idea of having to carry large bulky weapons. Despite this, Steve had still made you train in all sorts of weapons, but your knives were by far your favorite.

It takes you and Steve twenty minutes to drive to the warehouse Tony had indicated on your comm. When you approach you know he’s around even though you cannot see him. _“Took you long enough. Were you helping Vex with the garter?”_

“Focus, Tony. We don’t want a repeat of last week.” Steve chastises.

 _“You’re giving me orders? Really?”_ Tony’s tone is hard and bitter.

Steve had explained their falling out to you a few months ago but hadn’t elaborated on the details so you can’t understand why he can’t just move on. Was what Steve had done really that bad? Steve says he deserves Tony’s anger to an extent, but you can hear how tired he is of it in his voice.

“I technically outrank you, seeing as you’re a civilian. So yeah?”

 _“You outrank me?!”_ Tony repeats, _“Listen,_ Captain _,”_

“Guys, can we focus on the warehouse?” You say sternly. You’re careful how you phrase your words. Mistakes had been made during the previous mission.

“Vex is right.” Steve says, keeping his eyes trained on the warehouse from the safety of your jeep. “Has anyone come out?”

_“No. It’s been quiet. A little too quiet.”_

“Did you close off the street?” Steve looks around. You keep your eyes trained on the warehouse while he does so that if someone comes out you can warn him.

 _“You know me. Safety first.”_ Tony replies.

“Alright, let’s go.” Steve exits the jeep then walks around to the front where he waits for you. You slide out of your own seat and quietly shut the door. He looks at you and gives you a quick once over to make sure you’re prepared. “Stay outta the action unless we really need to get involved, Vex. Tony and I can handle things.” You frown because you’re not some meek and weak little mouse. You’re stronger than Tony when he’s not in his suit! You frown but nod as well.

Together you and Steve approach the warehouse’s main doors while Tony circles around to the back. Steve takes a moment to prepare himself mentally then moves in only to stop just inside the door. You’re not paying attention and barrel into him when he stops.

“What the hell?” You look up at him then around his shoulder.

Straight at the other end of the warehouse is Tony, standing with both hands held up, ready to fire. He’s also frozen however, just like Steve.

The warehouse is completely empty. There is nothing, not even a second floor which you are sure a warehouse of this size should have. There’s no trace of anything. The floor even looks recently swept.

“Are you sure this is the right warehouse?” You ask Tony as you move around Steve to look at one of the support beams to see if it might be concealing anything.

“Yeah, no mistake. They were supposed to be here.” Tony insists.

“Well, whoever they are, they’re gone now.”

“Damn it.” Tony mutters. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

_“Yes, boss?”_

“Get a team down here to scan the entire building. Have them check the surrounding warehouses as well.”

_“Shall I have them fly the thermal over the area?”_

“Might as well. Do it. The whole works.”

_“Right away, Mr. Stark.”_

“Sorry, Vex, guess this one was a bust. Next time.” Tony says, and he does sound a little disappointed. Maybe he was as eager to see you in action as you were to be in it.

“So much for my first real mission.” You say with a shrug.

“At least we’ll be back early.” Steve says from behind you.

You turn to look at him and he’s giving you that stupid half smile again! Why can’t he stop doing that? You feel your heart clench and return his smile.

“Great, now you get to go on your date.” Tony teases.

Both you and Steve turn to Tony. “It’s not a date.” You both say at the same time.

“Whatever.” Tony replies turning for the doors he’d come through. “See you back home.”

He leaves, and you hear his take off as he takes to the air.

You turn back to Steve to find he’s still smiling at you. “Come on.” He says, with a gesture of his head towards the doors.

The bar that Steve takes you to is nice and very much your typical pub with old wooden floors, walls, and ceilings that are painted a muted green. The lighting is dim and the atmosphere casual. The entire left side of the bar, as you walk in, is one long bar lined with wooden stools. The bartender is a man in his early fifties who nods to Steve as the two of you walk in. The right side of the bar is a grouping of tables. Along the walls are countless photos of soldiers, insignia, and the occasional U.S. flag. This was _really_ a soldier’s bar. At the far back are a row of booths all of which are empty. Steve leads you into the booth furthest to the left, somewhat hidden behind the end of the bar which makes it the most private booth in the bar.

There are already some patrons and a few of them turn to offer Steve their greetings as you take your seats. Steve allows you to slide in first. You’re careful to keep your red dress down as you do. He then moves in after you sitting close.

“This is nice.” You admit. With the friendly atmosphere and the fact that no one knows who you are, the pressure of seeing Steve seems to fall away as no one pays you a second glance. You feel freer than you have in the past six months and for the first time since you became aware of your feelings for Steve, you truly feel good about them. You can see the possibilities that they present and the opportunity that this night has become for you two. This might not be a date but if tonight goes well and Steve asks you out again, you’re going to make sure the next one is a date.

“I’m glad you like it.” He waves over the waitress who takes your drink order and then leaves you two alone again. “So, are we really going to get drunk?” Steve presses curiously. “Can you really do that? Our bodies don’t work like that anymore, you know? Our metabolism breaks down the alcohol to let us feel its effects.”

“I guess we’ll find out.” You aren’t sure if it’s going to work either. You haven’t tried to make yourself get drunk. Just a small buzz would be fine. Can you convince your bodies to let you? That’s different from everything you’ve done before.

When the waitress returns with your drinks Steve’s brow is furrowed, his eyes serious, and his lips set in a tight line. “Thank you.” He says as the waitress leaves your beers then leaves again. He carefully takes one and places it before you.

“What is it?” You ask him as you notice his contemplation. You place both hands on the mug and watch him with wary eyes.

“I don’t understand how those guys could have cleared out of the warehouse so quickly. The scout was there last night. It’s only been, what? Sixteen hours? What kind of organization has the resources to mount a clear out like that?”

You frown because this is a good question but he’s asking it and the wrong time. You reach forward to take hold of his hand on the table and this does what you want it to do and draws his storm blue eyes back to you. “Can’t we forget the shop talk for the next few hours? We’ll be back on the compound soon enough and then we can talk about the possibility of organized crime.”

“Right, sorry.” He smiles at you and after a quick moment of hesitation he adjusts his hand so that he can intertwine your fingers. And it feels so good! Your heart flutters in excitement as you grip his hand back.

“Okay, so, the beer…I don’t know if I can do it but there’s no other way to know than to try.” You look at Steve and nod. “Should I go first? Or should I do you?”

He thinks about it for a second before looking at his beer. “I’ll try.”

You turn in your seat so that you can look into his eyes and he’s done this enough times with you that he knows how it works. He focuses on your eyes. He doesn’t _have_ to be looking into your eyes, but he says that it helps him remember that you’re doing this to him afterwards and you’re not about to take that away from him.

“Steve, when you drink your beer, the alcohol is going to get you drunk.” You watch his eyes travel down to your lips where the linger. “Okay, try it.”

You bite your lip and nervously squeeze his hand as he takes his mug and takes a long drink. When he puts the mug down he’s drunk half of the beer in it. He sits in silence letting the drink settle into his stomach before he slowly turns his gaze back to you.

“Did it work?” You ask.

Steve watches your expression with a serious unmoving expression of his own before he slowly shakes his head, a smile on his lips. “No. I’m sorry.”

Your shoulders slump as your disappointment overtakes you. “Damn it.”

Steve laughs and releases your hand so that he can drape his arm around your shoulders instead. “It was always a long shot. Altering body chemistry would take a massive amount of convincing. You’d have to be able to convince the body to do something it doesn’t normally do.

“That’s what I already do.”

Steve opens his mouth to speak but seems to realize that you’re right. “Right…”

“Whatever, let’s just drink.” You give up and instead focus on having as much fun with Steve as you can, so far away from all your other responsibilities.

The two of you drink for several hours and though he said it didn’t work you notice a marked decrease in Steve’s inhibitions as the night progresses. He’s easier with his laugh and after the tenth beer he’s even singing along with the jukebox when an old song comes on. You heart is so light that you’re sure it’ll float away. Seeing Steve relax and just be is like medicine to your normally weary heart. Steve eventually asks you to dance as a slower jazz number comes on and only after a bit of hesitation do you accept and take his hand.

He pulls you out of your booth and into the small space in front of your table. He spins you once and you laugh, then he pulls you close holding your right hand with his left and securely placing his own right arm around your waist. You place your own left hand on his arm, gently holding onto his bicep. You’re close to him and you can feel his breath on your temple as he sways with you gently. The way he moves, the skill in his feet, tells you that if he wanted to, he could probably dance circles around you. Proper dancing, with steps and rhythm.

“I didn’t know you could dance.” You admit as you look up at his happy and sweet face.

“Well, now you do.” He says playfully. His expression sobers up a little as he stares down at you, the hand on your hip moving up to rest on the small of your back pulling you closer. “Do you like to dance?”

You nod twice. You’re unable to find your voice, it’s stuck somewhere between your chest and throat.

“I’ll take you dancing, Y/N.” He whispers leaning down a little more, closing the space between you. You sigh and swallow hard. He seems to find this funny because he smiles that stupid half smile then suddenly twirls you out and draws you back in so that you’re facing away from him. “If you’ll let me.”

You consider his words, completely engulfed in his arms, and look up towards the bar’s dark entrance as you consider his tempting offer.

Suddenly your gut clenches as a beautiful mirage fills your vision. Your brain is a sudden jumbled mess as it tries to comprehend what it’s seeing. In the doorway to the bar, staring at you with dark and pained eyes, is Thor wearing a plain white shirt and black pants. You blink hard because you have to be imagining things. Your guilty conscience maybe? When you open your eyes again, he’s still there. He stares at you and Steve for another two seconds before he turns away finally tearing his eyes away from you.

“No.” You utter and pull out of Steve’s arms realizing the position that Thor must have seen you in. How long had he been watching?

Steve doesn’t protest and as he drops his arms immediately you’re sure that he must have seen Thor too. You move towards the door a step then turn back to look at Steve. You move back towards him and shake your head.

“Steve I…I’m sorry, I have to…” You stutter, knowing the pain you must be causing him. Despite this Steve merely smiles softly and nods. He looks down at his hands then back up at you with a more serious expression.

“I understand.” He says.

“I’m sorry.” You repeat. You grab your coat and hurry after Thor.

No matter how fast you run you don’t manage to catch up to him immediately. You reach home and even there when you barrel through the atrium you don’t see him. Fearful that he might have left again you run to your room and upon entering it feel your heart break and soar at the same time. Sitting at the edge of his bed is Thor, his shoulders slumped, and his hands clasped together between his legs.

He looks good, so damn good, despite the expression of despair on his face. “Thor?” You hesitate at the door with your coat in your hand, but he looks up at you and gestures at the open door.

“Shut the door.” He says.

You turn and close it before dropping your coat off on the red chair then move to stand a bit close. For a long time neither of you says anything. He looks at you and he stares at you, his eyes watching your face as you struggle between so many emotions. One right after the other. Pain, relief, grief, guilt, anger, despair, hope. You can’t pick one because you’re feeling all of them. You’re so happy to see him. You’re so elated that he’s alive. The one thought you didn’t let yourself think more than once, your fear of his being dead, and it’s the thing you’re the most happy about.

Finally, when you can no longer take the silence you drift to the dresser and lean back against it. “You were gone…” You begin, your voice quiet and any emotion you feel subdued because like your mind your body also doesn’t know what to feel first. “For six months.

Thor nods, “You told me not to come back until I was sure about us and I thought I was. About two seconds after I left. And then I found a few of my people.” He says this and it has the intended effect, punching your in the gut as you realize that your guilt should be the first thing you feel. That’s all that’s important.

“You found them?” You ask, elated for him.

“A few. It took some work to get them free. They’d been taken prisoner by some Chitauri scouts.”

You move around to stand a few feet in front of him so that you can get a better look at his face. “It took you six months to rescue them?”

“No. Well, yes. I got…stuck. Took me a while to get out.”

Stuck? “Stuck? Like, you weren’t sure how to get them out?”

“No, like, stuck. Literally. I went in a vent. I was too big. I did not think that one through.”

Despite the tension in the room you can’t help the laugh that escapes you and he shifts as he hears it. He looks down at the floor and shakes his head once. “I missed that sound.”

It hurts! “Thor, I’m so… _so_ sorry. I can’t even begin to apologize for what I did to you.” You can feel your grief getting the better of you and you bite down on your lip to resist the urge to cry.

“I was gone for six months. Though if you _were_ going to leave me I would have expected it the first time I left you.” He’s misunderstood you and you don’t blame him.

“No, Thor, I’m…I’m not sorry about Steve. I’m sorry that I made you leave.” You fidget as your guilt gnaws at you.

“We quarreled. It was I who stayed away.” He explains away his absence still not understanding.

“No, Thor. You left because I told you to. And all that stuff you told me in the gym before,” You move back to the dresser and face the wall as you continue to explain. “What started this stupid mess, you also said that because I told you to.”

“What do you-?”

“It’s because of the serum. Those little orange lines that Bruce said were signs of the serum being modified? Well we think that they magnified some type of latent ability that I had. It makes it so that when I tell someone to do something…they do it.” You turn to look at him, watching his face for signs of disbelief.

“That doesn’t make any sense. I thought those things I said to you, you didn’t make me say them.”

“I did.” When he opens his mouth to argue again you put as much focus into your words as you can. “Shut up.”

His mouth snaps closed, and he looks at you with confusion. “Now stand up.” He does. “Sit down.” He does. “Speak.”

“What the hell just happened?” He looks from you to his body then back to you.

“I told you, it’s my fault. And I’m so sorry, Thor. I didn’t…at the time I didn’t know that it was something I was capable of doing. Bruce figured it out a couple of days after you left and I’ve been wishing you’d come back since. To apologize and give you back your free will.” You finally can’t hold the tears back and they spill over. “I’m so…so sorry. This,” You gesture at him and yourself. “This is all my fault.”

Thor watches you with grave eyes then looks down at his hands again, his eyes dark and pained. “No. You may have made me say the words but this all started because I went to see Jane.”

Well that was certainly true. “It doesn’t matter, Thor. That fight would have ended right then and there if you’d been able to lie to me.” Some truths were just not yours to know. Some truths were better left unsaid. “And now…”

“Steve?” He provides and you bite down hard on your lower lip.

“I love you, so much.”

“And I you.” He replies and it’s enough to make your tears stop. Just hearing his voice again is intoxicating and you can’t believe you ever picked a fight with him over stupid Jane. He watches you before he looks forward again and then suddenly holds out his hand like you’ve seen him do back when he used to call Mjolnir. You look at the red chair where he’d placed Stormbreaker but it doesn’t move and when you look back at him and find him smiling you remember the stupid game you use to play way back when your relationship was new and the silliness the two of you came up with was amusing and cute.

You smile and after a moment you begin to spin and fly into hand like you used to. His arm wraps around your waist as you spin around until you stand right in front of him, your hands on his shoulders and his right hand on your hip.

“What do we do?” He asks, pleading with you as he looks up into your eyes.

“We move forward. In order to do so, I need you to answer a question. And this time I’m not going to force you to tell me the truth. Just tell me whatever you want.”

Thor nods once.

“Can you leave her in your past? Can you forget Jane? Are you sure that there is no possibility of a future with her?” The words are hard to speak because you’re pretty sure you know what the answer will be and still, you must ask it. Thor looks down at your stomach and pulls you close to rest his forehead against it.

“No.” He admits.

You shut your eyes and bite into your bottom lip again as your sorrow is renewed. Your heart burns as your stomach drops. “And if _I’m_ honest, this thing with Steve, it’s not nothing. I think I need to find out what it is.”

Thor’s hands on your hips grasp your dress in response to your words as he, no doubt, also feels pain.

“Is this to be our end?” He asks.

“For now, I think it has to be. Until you’re sure about Jane and I can be sure about Steve, I think it might be best.”

“As do I.” He admits.

You look around at the room that had effectively become yours over the past six months and sigh as you think about the fact that you’re going to have to leave it. Maybe you can get an apartment in town? You definitely can’t stay and watch Thor come and go while he sees Jane. That’s too painful. And you most definitely cannot expose him to you and Steve walking the facility together.

“I can find another place to live.” You say.

“You must stay here. In my room. You _are_ an Avenger now.” He looks up at you, your hands still resting on his large shoulders. “I should go.”

He looks around the room and sighs before looking back up into your eyes. “I don’t suppose you have a bag I can borrow?” He says with a small smile.

You half laugh and half sob as you drop down into a crouch, your head hanging as you press the top of it against Thor’s stomach. Your eyes fill with tears as the realization that this breakup is finally here. You’ve been expecting it since your fight began because you knew that one thing was holding him back; Jane. Now with Steve you are each being pulled in two different directions and it felt inevitable.

Thor’s large hands slide along the length of your back then move back up, one hand resting between your shoulder blades while the other cups the side of your face. His touch makes you look up, your own hand coming up to rest over his.

“I never wanted this to happen.” You cry.

“Neither did I.” Thor admits. He brings his other hand up to cup your other cheek. You look up at him. He then pulls you up towards him and lowers his head so that he can kiss you. The kiss is soft and then hard as desperation overtakes both of you. Will this really be the last kiss?

He pulls you up onto his lap and you wrap your arms around his neck as you continue to kiss him. You hear the slightest groan escape him as you break the kiss to sob and pull him back into a rougher kiss as his groan awakens something in you. His arms wrap themselves around you tightening as he clutches you to his chest. You break the kiss again as you’re overwhelmed by the needs your body presents, an ache you know only he can fill. You stand for a quick second and hurry to straddle his lap. He pulls you to him, hard. You kiss him as one of his hands pulls your dress up to your waist and then slowly slides underneath the waistband of your underwear where he takes a handful of your rear and pulls you against himself, hard once again. You break the kiss as you moan, Thor’s other arm snaking up underneath the other side of your dress, feeling the skin of your back. He continues to pull you against himself as you cling onto his shoulders letting him move you against his bulge.

When you can’t take it anymore, when you feel as if your body will explode if you don’t have him on you, you press your lips to his ear. “Thor…” You whisper a breathless moan and that’s all you need to do.

Thor stands pulling you along with him, your legs wrapped around his waist. He turns around and lowers you onto the bed where he kisses your forehead, your cheek, your lips, chin, he kisses along the bottom of your chin then along your neck down to your collarbone. He stands and pulls off his shirt then unbuttons and unzips his pants, letting them fall to the ground. You’ve seen him so many times before and still, whenever you see his bare body you find yourself suddenly breathless and in awe of his beauty. He’s steel and lightning wrapped in muscle and as he runs his hands along your legs you quiver in anticipation.

He strokes your thighs slowly, hooking the edges of your dress with his thumbs as he slowly slides it up over your hips. He plants a kiss along the upper crease of your left thigh and then another on your exposed pelvis. He kisses his way up as he strips you naked; your stomach, he lingers on your chest a little longer tracing circles with his tongue on each breast but finally pulls the dress off. He makes short work of your underwear tossing them aside before he climbs over you. He lowers himself over you first, taking in your face with a troubled and passionate gaze. You can see his eyes scan from your damn pearlescent pink hair to your chin. He reaches up and slowly traces the shape of your face as your legs slowly spread to rest against his hips. You reach up with one hand—as his own moves to stroke the skin of your shoulder—and trace a single line from the back of his ear down to his chin. The tip of his nose grazes yours as his hand slides down along your arm, your side. He caresses your hip, his fingers are light feathers against your skin, and then slides his hand down further along the curve of your backside, cupping it and relishing in the smoothness of your skin. Your right hand comes up to grasp his large bicep as you prepare for what you’ve been waiting for, bracing yourself.

He kisses your lips and then pulls your hips up as he slides into you slowly. You gasp, both legs wrapping around his waist to keep him from escaping, not that he wants to. He stops when he’s in you completely waiting as his hands continue to explore the skin of your backside. When every part of him is pressed against every part of you he begins to move. Slowly, focusing on feeling your body against his. His heat is all-encompassing, he sucks you in and overwhelms your senses and yet he’s all that you see. He’s all you can hear. He’s all you can feel. The strength of his body is finally not dangerous for you and he shows it as he speeds up his thrusts.

Never have you and Thor felt more complete than you do in the moment. Never has your union felt more right, more needed, more desired, than it does right now. It’s more than need, more than want. Being with him is life. Without this, without him, you’re not living. Every cell of your body craves him and as he drives himself into you, harder, pumping in and out as he groans against you, every desire you’ve ever had that does not mean having Thor within you being a part of you is lost. He is not Thor and you are not you. You are both non-existent if you are not together as you are now.

You can feel the build up as your body responds to his hips. He pulls you up, sitting back as he pulls you down against him in an apparently dire need to hold you closer. On his hips you begin to rise and fall, moving with and against his motions as your own body begins to heat up. You moan against his ear and then pull back and pull him in for a kiss as his hands fall from your back to your rear. He takes hold of it and helps pull you up and down on him. As you fall on him, your body suddenly seizes and explodes with electric pleasure that curls your toes. The pleasure builds as he continues to lower you onto him for a few more thrusts before he grips your hips tightly and shoves your hips against his own with one final groan.

For a few glorious moments you both bask in the body numbing bliss of your unity. His hands slowly travel up to your back where he caresses your smooth skin before slowly lowering you both down onto the bed where he continues to lay on top of you, his face only inches from your own as his bright blue eyes peer into yours.

You wake slowly. You open your eyes slowly unaware of where you are or really even who you are. For a moment you’re nothing but the pleasant feeling of happy confusion. You’re content and you don’t know why. You stretch. Your skin slides against the sheets of your bed and you’re slowly reminded of why you might feel so good. You stretch some more and finally memories of the night before come crashing down on you, flooding your mind with an array of sights, smells, and sounds that your mind explodes for a second before you reel it in and translate the input into your night with Thor.

You twist underneath the sheets and reach out to Thor’s side of the bed and your hand feels nothing. Just more sheets. You sigh as you push yourself up to sit and look around your room and feel your heart shatter as you notice that Stormbreaker is gone. So is your bag along with, you assume, all of Thor’s clothes.


	16. Vex, Steve, and the Pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You struggle with Thor's departure and find a way to cope.

“Y/N? Are you awake?” Steve’s voice filters in from the doorway of your bedroom, a quiet whisper in what is already a quiet night.

You’ve been in bed all day unable to find the will to get up and face the music. Thor is gone. He did borrow your bag, just as he said he would and part of you feels glad that he’ll at least have that to remind him of you. Maybe it’ll even make him feel guilty!

This thought disappoints you. You feel shame with yourself because you know that you falling for Steve is just as much at fault for you and Thor splitting up. All day your thoughts have been with Thor and the fact that you can never kiss his lips again. You can never hold him or have him hold you. Last night had been one hell of a goodbye and a reminder of what you were letting go.

It makes your heart ache to think about Thor looking into your eyes, drinking in your soul as the two of you shared in each other’s bliss, and know that last night was for the last time.

And now, as Steve’s voice reaches your ears, your heartache doubles as you realize that you’ve left him hanging this entire time. Waiting. You had abandoned him last night to chase after Thor. What must he be thinking? What can he be feeling?

You don’t reply when he asks if you’re awake again.

“I ordered some pizza, all the toppings you like. Double.” He sounds hopeful as if this would be enough to rouse you. It doesn’t, and he sighs lightly when you don’t reply. You’re nestled in your sheets, turned away from the doorway, clinging to the memory of the night before as waves of guilt wash over you. Steve’s worry hurts. It makes it all the worse that he’s not angry with you for leaving him in the bar.

“I’ll leave it on the island. Come eat…whenever you want…” His voice fades. You shut your eyes listening hard and wait a full two minutes before your door closes and another four minutes before he _really_ leaves. How many times had he stood by your door today and waited to see if you would come out?

This thought drives you back under your sheets and you shut your eyes, closing the world out as you refuse to deal with both the reality of Thor being gone, gone back to Jane, and the responsibility that you know you have for Steve. You wanted it. You still want it. You want him. But what did you have to give up in order to have him? Nope. You don’t want to deal with it tonight.

“Sleep.” You tell yourself. You’ve become so good with your ability that you hardly have to try hard to convince yourself of something now. If last night proved anything it was that Steve had indeed gotten drunk after you told him the alcohol would affect his body. You’re confident as you command yourself and you drift to sleep within seconds.

You’re unaware of the time that passes. You hear knocks to your door throughout the following day but you’re not sure whether it’s minutes or hours that pass between interruptions. Every time your body begins to wake you put yourself back to sleep. Eventually the interruptions to your solitude cease and you’re able to stay awake a bit before you begin to cry again and then force yourself to sleep once more. It could be two days or a whole week, you don’t know.

What you do know is that suddenly you’re awoken by the sound of metal chair legs slamming into the ground by your bed. You turn to look towards the door where the sound came from but find the chair much closer, right by your bed, in fact. No one is sitting in it, so you scan the room and find Tony rifling through your underwear drawer. Groggily you push yourself up into a sitting position.

“Hey! Get out of there.” You protest and consider making him. You’re upset enough that you can channel it into anger if you desire to do so.

“Settle down, She-Hulk, I’m just retrieving…a-ha!” He pulls from the far back a small bag of raw almonds mixed with dry fruit. He moves to the chair he’s placed by your bed and settles in, lifting his feet and places them on the bed. He sighs and pops a few almonds and a dried strawberry into his mouth. But he doesn’t say anything. He sits there, staring at you.

“What?” You finally ask when you can’t take his silence any longer. You can see the judgement in his eyes. Or maybe its disappointment? Disapproval? All at once, probably.

“So, what’s the plan? You’re just gonna sleep through the mess you’ve made?”

You lean back against the headboard, slouching, your guilt making you uncomfortable. You don’t like being called out.

“I get it. I do. You and Thor, makes sense. You and Steve? Makes even more sense. I can see that.” He pops a few more almonds into his mouth and chews quietly for a minute. When you don’t respond he holds the bag out towards you.

You look at the food and feel your stomach clench, it’s painfully empty, but you shake your head. How can you eat right now?

“You can’t hide in your room and refuse to face the consequences of your actions, young lady.”

You turn to glare at him, you don’t like being patronized, but you know he’s right.

“So, you chose not to give Thor the rose. That’s tough. But no rose, no spot in the game. Gotta keep going.”

You still don’t say anything. Tony, finally fed up it seems, takes his feet down and leans towards you.

“You _can’t_ just shut the world out, Y/N. Whether you realize it or not, this world needs you. You’re an Avenger now. And you’ve got people out there,” He points towards your door, clearly indicating the compound, “Who care about you. They’re wondering how you are. You mean something to this team. You can’t just shut yourself off from the rest of us. Trust me, I’ve tried it. They don’t leave you alone. Can’t take a hint, these people.” He gets to his feet, his bag of almonds and fruit clutched tightly in one hand while the other moves up to stroke at his chin. He turns and leans against the back of the chair he’d clearly brought in from another room. “You’re hurting. I get that, I really do. But you’ve been in here for four days and it’s time to get back into the world. You don’t have to stop hurting but you do have to start making an effort, okay? So, get dressed. And come out and eat some lunch. Not a request. Bruce made fancy sandwiches.”

Tony moves towards the door and looks back at you sternly as he opens it but then leaves without another word.

You can’t help it. As soon as the door closes you’re in tears again. A few minutes later, when you’ve got a hold of yourself again, you rise out of the bed and pull on some clothes and try to fix your hair as best you can. Unwilling to deal with it you pull it up into a messy bun and after a long look in the mirror and taking not of your horribly red eyes you know that you can’t just go out there looking like you’ve spent the past four days crying. You pull on a pair of sunglasses and grudgingly head out into the atrium.

You can hear Tony and Bruce as you approach but are somewhat glad that you don’t hear Steve. You’re not quite ready for that yet. Tony and Bruce seem to be in a heated discussion. Well, _heated_ might be a strong word. More like a petty argument, really.

“I’ve been on two planets, so…” Bruce is saying.

“So have I. You’re not _special_.” Tony argues.

“Mine was populated and we travelled through an Einstein-Rosen bridge.” Bruce counters.

“Mine was six degrees off its access. Gravity was all mucked up.” Tony retaliates.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Bruce asks, incredulous and annoyed.

“What does _that_ have to do with anything? As opposed to the abundance of aliens you encountered that makes you more qualified to make this decision?”

“My problem-solving skills are off the charts.” Bruce is adamant and seems to become more frustrated as Tony rolls his eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes at me.”

“Or what? What are you gonna do?” Tony taunts.

“I’m gonna,” Bruce suddenly widens his eyes and grits his teeth then squats down and with a great and slow grunt he pulls himself upward as he curls his hands into claws.

“Gonna what? Groan at me?”

“Dammit, stupid Hulk.” Bruce says with heavy disappointment, his voice back to its soft gentle cadence.

You finally reach them. “Hey guys, what are you two fighting about?”

They turn to look at you and you half expect to see them fighting over something technical or maybe even something about a mission but as you clear the column and get a clear view of the space on the island beside them you frown.

“Oh, hi Y/N, it’s good to see you. Uh…Pepper thought we needed to relax, take a break from the lab, so she brought us this puzzle and told us to take the afternoon off.” Bruce holds up the box of a thousand-piece puzzle with five very cute kittens nestled among pink flowers.

“I keep telling Macho Man here that we should start with the edges and work our way in.” Tony says with a swat to Bruce’s arm.

“Ow, and I keep telling Mr. Stank over here-“

“Hey!”

“-that if we do the larger pieces first we can then circle outwards and build with a greater foundation.”

“Why don’t you just do both?” Isn’t it simple? “Tony can work on the edges while Bruce, you start the larger parts of the picture. Then you can slap ‘em together when you’re both done.”

They’re quiet as they look away from you to each other with slightly stoic gazes then, without another word, pull the box open and dump the pieces onto the counter.

It’s silly but their fight gives you a bit of reprieve from your dark thoughts and mood. It’s nice. Like coming up for air. You’re also glad that they’re polite enough to ignore the sunglasses. You look over at the sandwiches at the center of the island but still can’t find it in yourself to eat. “Where’s Steve?”

“Where else?” Tony replies sarcastically. “Hey, don’t touch my pieces.”

“I’m not touching your pieces! These are my pieces. See? No edge.”

The puzzle might not have been a good idea.

You head for the gym and when you arrive you can hear the pounding of fist on fabric. You approach quietly. You try to at least. Trying to sneak up on Captain America is damn near impossible. He hears you and you freeze about ten feet away from him as he slowly begins to turn around. You know that he’s probably been in here all morning training, and yet, his gray shirt is still dry. It takes a lot to make you or him sweat.

Your breath catches as he finally looks at you, his storm blue eyes unrelenting in their intensity. His full lips part slightly as he takes you in, relief and maybe even a bit of annoyance flashes across his face.

“You’re up.” He states in that same relaxed monotone he’d first used around you. Was he trying to hide his own emotions now too? Have you pushed him away? “How do you feel?”

You shake your head once and give him a tight smile. “I’ve been…” You were going to go for honesty but maybe that wasn’t the best policy at the moment. “I’m fine.” You lie.

Steve seems to sense the lie and he peels off the white tape around the knuckles of his right hand as he approaches you with purpose. He stops before you, less than a foot away, and stares at your face. You keep your eyes on his chest, unable to hold his eyes. What must he be thinking? Maybe you should make him tell you?

No! Bad idea. Been there, done that.

“Aren’t you going to look at me?” Steve wonders. His voice is no longer monotone and sounds confrontational in a way that you’ve never heard him before. It’s not anger in his voice, more like resentment with a splash of confusion.

You hesitantly tilt your head upwards until your eyes can find his. He’s not backing down with that gaze, that mixture of relief and annoyance on his face. It’s an interesting expression, masculine and intimidating. It’s so different from the careful and casual persona he’d been up until now.

He sighs very lightly—it barely moves his shoulders—and moves even closer, reducing the gap between you to inches. You can feel the heat radiating off of his body, his wide shoulders obscuring everything behind him so that all you can see is Steve. Was that his intent? He reaches up slowly, his left hand still wrapped in white tape, and gently places two fingers on either side of your glasses. He lifts them off your nose and deftly slides them off of your face.

You’re suddenly very self-conscious as your shame is exposed. Your eyes are red, and your cheeks still stained with tear streaks. You hadn’t even washed your face. You regret it now. You must look like a downright mess. Steve stares as you look down at his nose then mouth then back up to his eyes and continue to do this several times, nervous and insecure. You’re ashamed at presenting him with a woman who was still clearly mourning the end of her previous relationship.

He drops his arms, the glasses held loosely in his right hand. He lets them drop to the floor then with the same hand grabs your left one and drags you from the gym. You don’t say anything for fear of what he might do or say in return. He stops in the atrium and points you towards the stairs. “Meet me in the hangar. I’ll only be a minute.”

You hesitate but when he frowns you turn and hurry down the hall and into the elevator. As the doors shut you get a good look at yourself in the shiny steel with fresh eyes. You quickly pull down your bun and run your fingers through your hair, smoothing it out and fixing it as best you can. When the metal doors open you step out into the hangar and move to wait by the first jet. Several people look at you as you stand there waiting. The way they look at you makes you uncomfortable. They would only look at you that way if they knew what was going on. It was extremely embarrassing and shameful. You avoid their gazes and luckily you don’t have to wait long before Steve comes walking out of the elevator to where you stand.

In his now tape-free left hand he holds a small plastic box by its metal handle. Well, small in Steve’s hands. It’s rather large actually. As he approaches he grabs your hand again sending a sudden drop in your gut. The way he just grabs you and pulls you along…again, masculinity in a way that you hadn’t really seen from him before. He was always so sweet and supportive. He could be commanding at times, but this was different. You aren’t exactly sure what it is but as he pulls you into the nearest jet you continue to try and pinpoint what makes it feel different.

He drops the box off in one of the jet’s corners then pulls you to the co-pilot seat and this time waits for you to sit on your own. The way he’d been pulling you along you half expect him to push you into the chair. Once you’re sitting he does however reach down and strap you in making sure you’re secure in the seat before he takes the pilot’s seat and straps himself in too.

“Where are we going?” You wonder.

“Somewhere to get our minds off of this mess.” He looks at you and you finally see a hint of the Steve that must have been knocking on your door the first two days after Thor left. “We need a break.”

You can’t disagree and nod.

The two of you don’t talk as you fly. You’re too afraid to ask where you’re going again because you’re sure all of this is in response to whatever he saw in your face when he pulled those glasses off and though you want to ask him if he’s okay, to apologize about the night at the bar you can’t bring yourself to broach the subject. He keeps his eyes on the skies and you keep your eyes on your hands and occasionally him. Steve looks focused, guarded, and still wrong. Not bad, but not himself. Not completely. Or maybe this is just a side of him you haven’t seen yet?

It’s just over four hours later when the jet begins to move at a decline. You glance out the window and find yourself staring at what is the unmistakable russet beauty of the Grand Canyon. It stretches out before you in shades of red, orange, yellow, brown, and bronze. The river below is dark and then light blue, then turquoise as mineral deposits changes its hue. “You brought us to the Grand Canyon?”

Steve doesn’t reply. He flies the jet away from where you can see are the popular areas with tourists. It’s almost four and the trails are still full of people making their way across the rocky landscape in hiking groups. The river is still full of kayakers and other people on boats and on foot trekking through the waters. You expect to descend close by, but Steve continues to fly for another fifty minutes until there are literally no other people around.

“Switch that on.” He tells you and points at a small control panel in front of you. You do as he says and the display flashes to tell you that you’ve turned the cloaking on. He flies you down onto a lower ledge, still closer to the top of the canyon than the bottom, and large enough to hold the jet. He sets it down and after he switches it off he unbuckles from his seat and then moves out of the jet leaving you behind.

You sit there, wondering if you’re expected to follow and decide that you probably are. You unfasten your safety harness and exit through the back after him. He’s already standing at the edge of the large ledge. About twelve feet to his right you can see the rush of flowing water. You move up behind him and glance over the edge carefully, your stomach dropping as you see how far down the waterfall goes. It must be at least 150 feet! At the bottom of which seems to be a large pool that flows down even further with another waterfall.

“Steve, what are we doing here?” You ask, you’re officially tired of his silence, though you know you have no right to be after what you put him through the past four days.

“We’re taking a break.” He looks at you and for a moment he stares so intently that you begin to blush, but he soon moves back towards the jet and disappears within it. He unloads two small metal chairs and the plastic box he’d brought from the compound. He places the chairs near the flowing water which extends into the side of the canyon’s cliffside and disappears going who knows where. He places the box between the two chairs and finally moves towards you, slowly this time, his expression a bit darker and less confused.

This time he doesn’t take your hand forcefully, he holds out his left hand and without hesitation you take it. He leads you to the chairs and lets you choose where to sit before taking the other chair. You watch him flip open the lid of the box and find that he’s packed enough food to last normal people four days along with two large bottles of water.

“Tony said you didn’t eat when you came out.” You look up at him and he’s watching you with soft storm-blue eyes, his voice soft again, gentle and coaxing. He leans forward, elbows on his knees as he pulls out a sandwich and holds it out to you. “You need to eat. Your body burns calories at a faster rate than a normal person’s. Starving yourself is dangerous.”

You bite down on the right corner of your lip and take the sandwich. You unwrap it and Steve watches you until you take a bite, then he too takes a sandwich and eats.

The two of you eat in heavy silence and you want to cry again from relief of finally being with him. Seeing him. Knowing how he is. From having your hunger finally tended to. And of course, from your pain over Thor. You finish your sandwich and grab another and eat that one too. Then another. You’re halfway through your fourth sandwich when you can no longer hold it back and a tear slowly falls along your left cheek. Why did it have to be the side that he can see?

He’s watching you and his face is serious, his eyes clearly sad. He reaches towards you and gently cups your face while his thumb brushes your tear away.

You slowly lower your sandwich onto your lap as your guilt eats at your heart making it yearn for peace. His touch is so gentle, so comforting. He’s always comforting you.

“Oh, Steve.” You say quietly, wishing that you could force your voice to be stronger. Wait…you can! But you’re too distracted to think about that.

“I get it, Y/N. We don’t have to talk about it. Ever, if you don’t want to. I’m just glad you’re here. With me.” He seems to realize that he’s saying something selfish because he drops his hand and looks from your face to your hands. “Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“I’m glad I’m here with you too, Steve. That’s what I want to say.” His eyes shoot up to your face again. “I’m…I’m so sorry for what I put you through. Can you forgive me? I-”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” He shakes his head and reaches out for your hand again. You quickly put your sandwich down and take it. He holds your hand for a few minutes, staring at you with words needing to be spoken but without the will to speak them. He seems content for the moment just holding your hand and you’re also glad that you’re touching him. His warmth is amazing, and your heart seems to ache less when he’s touching you. Finally, he stands up and leads you to the edge of the ledge again. “I’ve been thinking the past couple days and I know what it’s like to have to say goodbye to a life you thought you would live. To have all those possibilities dashed when all you saw was your future the way you’d planned it? I get it. You haven’t only given up on someone you loved but you also gave up on the life that you’d pictured for yourself.”

Gave up on Thor? That wasn’t exactly how it went but you can understand what he’s saying. Though if you were completely honest with yourself if Thor had given up Jane, you weren’t sure whether you’d actually still be here with Steve. But that didn’t matter. You _are_ here with Steve and that’s all that matters. This man, standing before you, staring at you with understanding and a clear desire to show you that he didn’t expect anything from you, is the only person that matters now.

“Even though I understand what you’re going through, Y/N, I was wondering if you might give me an opportunity? Will you let me? Can I show you _our_ possibilities? Can you give me that chance?” He places his free hand on your elbow and pulls you a little closer.

Hearing him say _our_ as he refers to the two of you sends shivers down your spine. Excitement begins to course through your veins as you consider the possibilities with Steve that had consumed you before Thor had returned.

You look away from his eyes, too overwhelmed to hold his gaze again, and stare at his wide chest. “I…” You begin, your throat thick with emotion. “Yes.” You look back up at him and nod. “I can.”

Steve smiles then looks over the edge at the pool of blue water below. The sky is dark purple and already littered with stars even though the sun has yet to fully set. The pool below reflects the evening sky back up at you.

Steve suddenly releases you and grabs the bottom of his shirt and proceeds to pull it up over his head. Your breath catches as your eyes automatically drift down to his chest. You marvel in the artistry that is his physique and have the sudden urge to touch. He fixes you with a knowing smirk before he reaches down and unbuckles his pants too. He slips them down to his feet and then steps out of them.

You feel your cheeks blush and begin to panic. This isn’t what you meant! You’re not ready for this yet. It’s too soon.

Steve breathes a soundless laugh then reaches out to grab both your arms. “Relax, I’m not there yet, either.” He reads you like a book and you flush brighter. He pulls you closer so that his face is only inches away from yours. “When you’re ready, join me.”

“What do you-?” You begin but he suddenly turns and jumps over the edge. Your heart speeds up and your stomach turns over as you watch him fall and then break the peaceful surface of the pool below. “He’s nuts!” You don’t mean to shout but the surprise causes you to lose your composure.

You stare with bated breath until finally he resurfaces. “Come on.” He urges you.

You back up and consider the possibility of just staying up here. You like it up here. There’s food and the jet and it doesn’t require you to fall 150 feet into a sparkling pool at the baes of a cliff. But down there, Steve is waiting. Shirtless. Pantless. And you suddenly realize that if you don’t jump you may be dooming yourself to be stuck in your past, clinging to the future you saw with Thor. But damn, it was such a future! You’d done all this for him! Damn him! Damn you, too.

You fight the renewed grief and quickly peel off your own clothes until you’re standing in your own underwear. You peek over the edge and stare at the distant water. Quickly your heartrate begins to accelerate once more and the longer you look the less likely you are to jump so with intense focus you stand up straight and jump.

The air whistles around you as you soar through the air and then, in no time at all, you’re plunged into the surprisingly warm water. It’s deep. Deeper than you thought it would be. The spot is so secluded that you’re sure no one else could get here. Not without lots of climbing equipment or maybe a helicopter.

You surface, gasping for air as you recover more from the fall than being submerged in the water. Suddenly, strong arms are wrapped around your waist, supporting you as you catch your breath.

“You okay?” Steve asks, the excitement in his voice palpable.

You reach up and quickly push your hair back out of your face so that when you open your eyes you can look straight into his, the water lapping at both your bodies gently.

“That was amazing.” Your adrenaline pumping, you understand now why people bungee jump and sky dive.

“I thought you might like it.” Steve smiles, reaching up with one hand to push some hair away from your eyes. “Glad you took the leap?”

And you know what he means without needing him to say it plainly. His loaded question sobers the both of you up and for several long moments you both stare into each other’s eyes, all traces of excitement dissipating as it’s replaced with a nervous and unsure energy, tying itself from your heart to his. You swallow hard, glancing down at his lips then back up into his eyes.

“Kiss me.” You whisper.

He begins to lean forward, closing the distance between you but you suddenly pull back a bit and he freezes.

“That wasn’t an order.” You explain. Was he going to kiss you because you ordered him to? That’s not what you want. “Only if you want to…if you don’t want to…”

Steve’s right arm suddenly tightens around you, pulling you against him. His left hand takes hold of the back of your neck as his soft and hot lips finally meld with yours. Surprised and breathless you gasp against his lips before you finally return his kiss. His lips part with yours and his scent is so intoxicating your mind is wiped clean of all thoughts but him. You shut your eyes, succumbing to the yearning he exudes, his right hand tickles the skin at your waist. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him more tightly against your body as he deepens the kiss.


	17. Vex, Science, and Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You explore your new relationship and discover new things about yourself.

Not once, over the next three weeks, does Steve leave your side. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of a stretch. Steve has gone on several scouting missions without you but as soon as he’s returned, he’s sought you out.

You aren’t going to lie, you much rather have him with you than not. When Steve is with you, you have no time to think about Thor and you can’t deny that when you’re alone, when Steve isn’t around, and your mind is left to wander, Thor is in your every thought. The pain is just as bad as it was when he left three weeks ago. But with Steve, being around him is so distracting that you have no time to think about Thor. And so, you’re just as addicted to Steve as he seems to be to you. Together the two of you have formed a routine.

You and Steve have breakfast in the atrium every morning, sometimes with only Bruce and sometimes with Tony, Pepper, and Rhodey there too. It’s surprisingly normal and no one has asked about the two of you. Maybe they’re being polite. Or maybe they just don’t simply because when you’re around other people, you and Steve are careful to keep your hands to yourself. You’re not sure if it’s him doing this or you but it feels natural to save your affection for when you’re alone.

Your late mornings and early afternoons are spent training with Steve either out on the grounds or in the gym. Your afternoons are spent with Bruce in the lab, trying to learn as much about technology as you can. This, learning with Bruce, is the most stressful for you. You find that it’s easy for you to _use_ the things that he makes or the gadgets that he and Tony collaborate on, but for the most part you can’t understand the science behind it well. For a while Steve couldn’t understand the frustration you felt and why it made you so angry that you couldn’t grasp the lessons but then slowly his expression began to change. From concerned amusement to hurt suspicion. Today his storm blue eyes are so troubled that you apologize to Bruce and tell him you will no longer need the lessons because they aren’t helping.

You take Steve’s hand and he resists only a little when you easily pull him to his feet and drag him off to get away from Bruce and his stupid technology and how it works.

“Why don’t you want your lessons anymore?” He follows behind you, watching what he can see of your face with wary eyes.

“Because they’re not helping. He keeps trying to teach me the same things but all that science stuff, I just don’t understand it. I don’t _care_ if I do.” Your frustration is getting more obvious and you know why but you’re afraid that Steve will also understand your reasons.

“Hey,” Steve tugs at your arm and pulls you to a stop. “I know…I get it, Y/N. And you have things that _you’re_ good at that I’m sure _no one else_ is good at. You’re one of the best fighters I’ve ever met or had the pleasure to train. Your instincts are good, and you’ve picked up more martial arts skills in the seven months I’ve known you than most of our agents pick up in four years.”

You stare at him, hating yourself for being unable to hide your petty competition with Jane. His words, the way he refers to her without saying her name, give him away and you know that he knows that you’ve been comparing yourself to her. You’re not as smart as she is.

Maybe that’s why Thor…?

You can’t finish the thought and you hope that Steve can’t see you thinking it.

He pulls you towards him and reaches up with both hands to tuck a few stray hairs behind your ears then places both hands along your jaw and the side of your neck. He gives you that devastatingly hateful half-smile.

“You’re doing great.” He says with a soft chuckle, amused with your insecurity for some reason.

You reach up and place your right hand over his left and nod, biting your lip as you try to calm your nerves.

Steve knows the perfect way to do that and he obliges. He leans down, pulling you into a soft kiss. It’s a peck. A quick one. But then he goes in for another and you close your eyes. Another peck. Then another. You laugh against his lips as he continues to pepper you with quick kisses. One, two, three more. He holds the third one, his hands sliding down along your neck to your shoulders where his arms wrap to pull you against his wide chest. He slowly tilts his head to his right his lips parting to grasp your lower lip. The sudden shift sends your heart into overdrive and you slowly sneak your hands up to rest against his chest between you. He tightens his arms around your shoulders. If you were anyone other than you, he’d break you, he’s holding you so tightly. When he breaks the kiss, his breathing is labored. He tilts his head to his left and pulls you back into a kiss, this time parting your lips with the tip of his tongue.

You try to hold it in but a moan escapes against his lips, muffling the sound. He responds to the sound by tightening his arms again, no distance is close enough.

“Woah, er…sorry Cap.” You recognize Rhodey’s voice, sounding embarrassed, but maybe a little impressed?

You and Steve pull apart slowly. You hadn’t realized that Steve had actually lifted you off the ground to deepen the kiss and only now that he’s lowering you do you realize how intense the moment had become. Steve licks his lips and turns his gaze on Rhodey.

“We’re blocking the hallway.” Steve admits. He takes hold of your hand as you turn to look sheepishly at Rhodey, your cheeks a flaming scarlet. “We’ll get out of your way.”

He pulls you down the hallway as Rhodey watches the two of you go with a smirk. “Don’t mind me.”

“Well, that was embarrassing.” Steve says with a smile in his voice once you’re both at the end of the hall. You laugh.

He leads you out towards the yard and doesn’t slow down until you’re both on your running trail. You walk until you’ve reached the water and veer off the trail towards a small peninsula.

Every day the two of you escape to this secluded spot. The Grand Canyon had set a precedent for the two of you and how the two of you relate to each other as a couple. You like being alone together and getting away to this small corner of your world has been one of the most intimate things you’ve done with anyone, ever. Sure, you sometimes make out, maybe grope a little. You’re both adults and your blood boils with a desire for each other but most of the time you spend it sitting on the grass talking about things you’ve accomplished as an adult and experiences you had as a teen and a child. You’ve told him about your family and your friends and how hard it was losing all of them. Not one single family member had remained, and you had never had a large circle of friends. The few you had were gone now and you were truly alone.

He sits himself down as you reach the very small clearing that then opens up to the rocky shore of the peninsula, only a few trees shield you from view. After he sits he pulls you down gently. You kneel, moving your dress out of the way.

Pepper had taken you shopping after she’d seen you recycle the same four outfits twice. Being with Steve, for some reason, you want to be feminine for him, more so than you normally are. Your dress today is a white, floral maxi dress, with a sweeping skirt and a plunging V-cut back. You’re making more of an effort for Steve and every morning when he sees you, it pays off. The look in his eyes sends shivers down your spine and right now is no different.

At first you straddle only one of his legs, but you edge your way closer so that you can straddle his lap, facing him. He supports your back with his arms, holding you close but not too close as you sit down and relax. He reaches up to once again move your white-pink locks out of your face.

“How did you feel getting caught like that?” He asks, staring deep into your eyes.

“We’re not doing anything wrong, Steve. I felt a bit embarrassed but only because I was enjoying myself.”

Steve smiles and nods.

“I actually wish you’d kiss me more often. Do you think you can do that?” You add quickly, afraid that you might give him an order without meaning to.

“Yes, ma’am.” And he obeys instantly, pulling you down for another lingering kiss.

“Steve?” You bring your hands up to stroke gently against the hairline by his ears and then slide your hands behind his neck where you continue to fiddle with the short hair at the nape of his neck.

“Mm?” He’s distracted, his own hands sliding along the skin of your back. It’s a little distracting but if there’s one thing that you’re determined to do this evening, it’s getting him to open up. You’ve told him everything about you and you still know only what you’ve read about him in your study books and only what’s current and he’s volunteered. You know nothing real about his past. Even Bucky seems to be off limits.

“Can you tell me about Sharon?” You try and keep your words as light as possible, non-threatening, but even that doesn’t help.

Steve’s eyes shift to yours and his hands freeze on your shoulder blades. “Why do you want to know about Sharon?”

“I just want to know more about you and Sharon was a part of that, wasn’t she? Or if you don’t want to tell me about Sharon, then what about Bucky?” Steve drops his hands to your hips and grips them with large, firm hands. He breaths out deeply and looks away towards the water behind you.

“I don’t want to talk about Sharon, or Bucky, Y/N.”

“Why?” You plead, not understanding his secrecy. You’d told him everything! Well, everything except for Thor. That was obvious though.

“Why do you want to hear about another girl I was with?” He asks, frustrated with your insistence.

“Okay, forget Sharon then, what about Bucky?”

“He’s gone, Y/N. What more is there to say?”

You can see that it’s really bothering him. You feel the sting of disappointment as you drop your hands between you and his chest, your eyes following shortly after. “I’m sorry, I won’t ask again. You don’t have to tell me about them if you don’t want to.” You finish, once again phrasing your words so that you don’t accidentally make him say something he doesn’t want to say. Maybe it’s because he’s been on the run for so long or because of the nature of his work but he’s much more secretive than you thought he would be. It bothers you only because you know what it’s like to share everything with someone. Thor had no secrets. Even Jane. He’d never stop talking about her, of course that was before you two were together. And yet, he’d never shied away from a question. Even when it was painful.

Steve takes hold of your chin and gently pulls your gaze up again so that he can look into your eyes.

“I understand what you want from me, Y/N. And I wish I was ready to give it to you. I’m sorry that I’m slower at opening up about my past. Give me time. Can you do that?” He’s sincere and his eyes are brutally sad as he searches yours for your answer.

After a minute of staring at him you nod slowly. He wraps you up in his arms and pulls you against his chest, your head finding a spot on his left shoulder. You can feel his heart pounding against his chest, fast, and you feel guilty for pressuring him to open up to you. Your arms wrap themselves around him and for a long time he simply holds you.

Is he lost in thought? You’re not sure.

When he finally lets you sit up he takes hold of your shoulders and smiles, back to his old self. “Wanna try that thing again?”

You instantly know what he means and after a small smile you nod. He lets you rise up off of his lap and then leans forward, his elbows on his knees, as he watches you move a few feet away.

“So, you really did get drunk that night? At the bar?” You ask again. He’s told you dozens of times but hearing him say it validates your power and you feel like you might do anything.

“Yes. I don’t now how it’s possible, but you affected by body chemistry which I suppose if any human mind were unlocked to its full capabilities anything might be possible.”

He’s drifting into science territory, so you ignore his last words in order to keep the process as simple as possible. The last thing you need is science making it complicated and difficult to understand. You might never be able to progress in your ability. Best not to think about it too hard.

“Here I go.” You say excitedly, and Steve’s expression mirrors your anticipation.

You step back, putting at least six feet between you and Steve before you stand straight, both feet together and your hands flush with your sides. You take a deep breath and concentrate as hard as you can. You draw from your knowledge that succeeding again would mean that you were truly the master of your ability. You weren’t weak. You were strong. Stronger than anyone had anticipated. You and Steve were keeping this one close to the vest for now, but if you could get it working in a way that really meant something, then this would change everything.

You look beyond Steve, your eyes boring into the distance as you try and visualize the chances that this could bring you. You steel your will and inject your voice with as much gravitas as you can muster.

“Fly.” You command yourself.

For a moment you feel nothing and then ever so slowly your weight seems to shift. A strange fluttering at the base of your chest pulls you upwards and you feel the ground disappear beneath your feet as you rise a foot, then two, and finally three feet above the ground. The Spring breeze blows your dress around you, flowing like silk in water.

Your face relaxes as you break into a laugh then look down at Steve who sits watching you from the ground with a proud smirk.


	18. Vex, Steve, and Rescuing Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper is in trouble but you're not allowed to help.

Flight; a concept that never in your life did you think would apply to you.

Needless to say, Bruce was ecstatic. Tony was speechless and then excited. Steve was proud as you stood before all of your friends and nervously showed them your neat new trick only a week after cuddling up with him on your little peninsula.

Of course, Bruce and Tony ruined the thrill a bit by immediately attaching sensors to your body and head to see if they could pinpoint exactly what was giving you the ability to fly.

They theorized many things. Magnetic fields. Gas propulsion—which is not as gross as it sounds—matter manipulation, body chemistry alteration, they went on and on for an entire night until you could no longer stand being poked and prodded.

You’ve been sitting on this stupid uncomfortable stool, alternating from staring at Bruce and Tony to the repaired lab floor, then to the tables that are even more cluttered than they were before, and a hydraulic factory arm that has been attempting to organize them. The hydraulic arm was the most frustrating to watch. Every time Tony got a new idea he’d race to take or deposit something on the tables and the arm would start all over again from scratch.

“Is it the blue one?” Bruce asks Tony who is standing before you, attaching another teal rectangular electrode to the back of your neck.

Tony is careful not to put it on your hair, but he doesn’t get that he’s pulling your hair anyway. You huff as he straightens up, yanking at the hair on your neck as he lets it go.

“Yeah. Go ahead.” He says, “No wait!”

A sharp pain stabs you in the back of the neck as the electrode shoots a momentarily paralyzing jolt of electricity, shocking your system and making you gasp.

Tony rushes to Bruce’s side. Bruce lifts his hands up in surrender.

“Not the blue, the red. Red button, Bruce.”

“I’m sorry. I asked if it was the blue one and you said yes. How about I use my equipment and you use yours?” Bruce reaches for a large metallic rod, altered for portable use.

“Good idea. I don’t want you touching my stuff anyway.” Tony retorts.

You reach up behind your head and yank the three electrodes from the base of your head and glare at Bruce and Tony. They’re not even looking at you! You’re on your feet, fuming, and about to tell both Bruce and Tony where they can shove Bruce’s altered gamma scanning rod when Steve hurries from the doorway to your side, reading the intent on your face, and easily covers your mouth with his hand.

“Guys, it’s late.” He says, a clear warning in his voice. “I’m gonna get Y/N to bed.”

“Late?” Bruce looks towards the clock on the wall by the door, his eyes wide with confusion. “Dammit, I was supposed to call Nat two hours ago.”

Bruce drops his rod on his work station and hurries out of the lab leaving Tony staring after him, a large amused smirk plastered on his face.

 _“Hey, Boss, distress signal coming in from Miss Potts’s Rescue armor.”_ F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s calm voice fills the room drawing Tony’s attention back.

“What kind of distress?” Tony asks, worry shifting his face from passive amusement to near-panic.

_“Multiple systems failing, I’ll try and reboot and divert some power to restore her communications functionality.”_

Steve drops his hand slowly, letting them fall to rest on your shoulders as all three of you wait with bated breath.

 _“Tony?”_ Pepper’s voice comes through, crackling at first then clear. _“Can you hear me?”_

“I hear you. Pepper? What’s happening?” Tony looks around at the walls of the lab as if he’s trying to find her in the room. “Honey, talk to me.”

Your eyes, full of sudden worry, are glued to Tony as his exposed vulnerability changes the very core of how you’ve perceived his strength.

 _“Tony? Tony, I found them. They’re here, they’re in New York. They're…”_ The audio suddenly cuts out and you take an involuntary step towards Tony as fear grips your heart, turning your blood cold.

Steve’s hand drops from your shoulders to grip your wrist, keeping you close at his side.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. can you get her back?” Tony taps at the glowing piece in his chest and you watch as his suit builds up around him until he’s completely covered from head to toe.

_“Communications systems in the Rescue armor have been permanently damaged but I can monitor her vitals. Her heart rate is elevated but otherwise all vitals are normal.”_

“Alright, F.R.I.D.A.Y. get me Pepper’s position.” Tony instructs as he moves to the center of the lab where a glass panel overhead has begun to move aside.

“Tony, I can come with you.” Steve offer but his grip on your wrist is as tight as ever.

“We both can.” You assure him and your voice pulls Steve storm blue eyes to you, his brow creased in turn confusion.

“You’ve got your hands full. Keep the girl safe.” Tony points at you throwing you into a black hole of chagrin.

“Me?!” But Pepper was the one in trouble! You look up at Steve then back at Tony.

“And Cap? You’re gonna need that.” Tony points over both of your heads at another cluttered table then zooms out through the lab’s skylight and disappears into the night.

Steve releases your wrist and turns around then moves to the table and gingerly lifts a large piece of black plastic tarp as the glass skylight slides back into place.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. please keep tell us if anything serious happens with Tony and Pepper.” You ask the A.I. as you also move to follow Steve.

_“Will do, Vex.”_

“Steve? What is it?” You reach up, placing your hands on his wide shoulders as you stretch around his left to try and get a glimpse of what he’s found but are saved the trouble as he turns to face you.

Held in both hands, his thumbs gently rubbing along the smooth metal surface, is his old and recently painted vibranium shield. The red and blue, vivid on the cold metal, is without flaw. The white star settled within the blue is pure and untarnished. You never thought you would get to see it for yourself. And in his hands too? It was like catching glimpses of him in New York on the news. Only here he was, in front of you, and he was yours.

“Your shield?” You let your hand fall to his bicep as he turns emotional and hopeful eyes towards the skylight. You can see by the way that he suddenly stands taller, his shoulders pulled back that he’s got something back now.

He doesn’t seem to be able to say anything. He fits the shield onto his left arm and breathes a quiet sigh of relief. You move away from him, giving him his moment and head for the door. Why had Tony told Steve to keep you safe? What was there to keep you safe from? And why was thinking about it making you really angry?

“This shield…” He begins. “After a while I began to resent it a little.”

You don’t turn to look at him. “Why?”

“It became the symbol of someone I was no longer capable of being. The world changed, and this shield belonged to a man with different problems. I just wanted to be Steve Rogers. But everyone thought I was Captain America.”

He sounds a little sad but also confident. He was sure of who Steve Rogers was now.

“People started telling me that doing the right thing was wrong.”

“I know about the Sokovia Accords, Steve and I agree with you. Putting that kind of power in the hands of people with possible ulterior motives was not a good idea. Not to mention the accords were a violation of all your human rights. How do you ask people to sign an agreement to stop being who they are? You and everyone else in the Avengers, I can see how you and your personas are not separate people. I couldn’t separate Nat or Pepper from Black Widow and Rescue if I tried.”

Steve is silent but maybe he can hear the frustration in your voice because he’s suddenly there beside you.

“Y/N, I should have told you earlier and now I guess I have to. Tony told us to stay behind because we’re pretty sure that someone’s after you.”

You turn around to face him and find him standing so close you teeter as you almost bump into his chest. You look up at him and frown.

“I said I should’ve told you. I’m sorry. I didn’t want this to weigh you down while you were trying to figure out your flying.”

You shake your head, do an about-face—Steve, for some reason, flinches as you turn, instinctively holding his shield up—and march right out of that lab.

Maybe because you decked him good this morning during your training?

As you pound your way down the hallway, you’re very aware of Steve keeping up with you. It irritates you that he’s able to keep up with you so easily. Those damn long legs! And without thinking you will your body up so that you’re hovering about a foot in the air and zoom forward down the hall until you’ve reached the atrium where you land gently on the floor then move to one of the tables and sit in the closest steel rolling chair.

A minute later, Steve rounds the corner of the hallway. You cross your arms over your chest and give him a glare. He’s not angry however, and instead his face is full of amazement. His smile is breathtaking, and it softens your anger to see him so happy.

“That was amazing.” He says when he reaches you. He places his shield on the table and sits in his own chair then slides over to you, his hands finding your thighs to grasp as he leans forward, elbows on knees.

“What was?”

“You. You don’t-? Y/N, you just flew in here.” He says with a small chuckle. “You left me behind.”

“Oh.” You drop your arms, your hands shoved between your thighs as you look back towards the hallway you’d just come from. “I didn’t mean to.”

“You did it on instinct.” Steve realizes and gives your thighs a squeeze and a rub. That distracts you but only momentarily.

“Why did you lie to me?” You really don’t like being lied to. How are you supposed to make smart and informed decisions if you’re robbed of all the necessary information?

Steve nods, his face wiped of his excitement as he assesses your own look of disappointment.

“I told you, I didn’t want you to worry, but I’m sorry. I was wrong to keep it from you.”

“So, tell me now.” You urge him. Your voice softens and as you look up at him you see the flash of confusion on his face as your words fall and you panic, fear grips you and your heart rate quickens. “Only if you want to!”

Adding the second part seems to clear up his confusion and he sighs with a small bit of relief. For some reason you suddenly feel desperate and sad. Your slip ways heavy on your heart and you hate yourself a little bit because you know that you can’t let your anger get the better of you. You must be in control at all time! If you aren’t you could ruin lives with your ability. Taking away Steve’s free will? That’s not something that you ever want!

This train of thought brings you back to where it all started and as Thor fills your every thought you shut your eyes as tears fall because you know that everything that happened was because of you. You’re to blame.

“Hey, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to.” Steve grips the metal arms of your rolling chair and pulls you closer, your knees fitting in the space between his as his hands find your waist. He cups your sides, his fingers gently caressing the small of your back as he tries to comfort you.

“That’s the problem. I don’t mean to do it and it just happens.” You reach up and wipe the tears from your cheeks as you avoid his gaze.

“No harm done, Y/N.” He rubs your sides. “Don’t you wanna know why we feel you need to be kept safe?”

You nod, and Steve smiles a soft, small smile, happy to have distracted you.

“We found your picture.” Steve states simply.

“My picture? On one of your scouting missions?” You realize. “That’s why you haven’t been letting me go?”

“It was in one of the warehouses that we searched. It was empty like all the others except they forgot something this time. It was probably an accident seeing as we found the picture in the space between one of the warehouse loading doors and the lip at the bottom where it locks. But it was your picture. An old one. You didn’t have your…white hair.” He reaches up and touches a strand of your hair gently. He wanted to say pink! But your hair was too much a mix of each for it to be just one of the two colors. Not to mention the single stripe towards the middle.

“Why would they have my picture?” You wonder, turning your gaze back on Steve and meeting his storm blue eyes with yours.

“We don’t know for sure, but best we can guess is they know you took the serum. If Nat and Pepper took the serum before they could use it, then maybe they’re just curious about its effects? Tony and Bruce think they might be more than just curious and might even try and take you. I don’t know how they could possibly overpower you to do it. And with your ability you can make them do whatever you want.”

Steve’s words calm you and you’re suddenly glad that you have your ability. He’s right. If someone were to try and kidnap you—how silly does that sound? —then they were going to suddenly find themselves running in endless circles. Literally.

You don’t like the idea of taking away the free will of the people you love but bad guys? Bring ‘em on!

“You can’t keep me from going with you guys anymore, okay? It’s not right. Or fair.”

“Really? ‘It’s not fair’? That’s your argument?”

You don’t mean to pout but it slips out. “Steve, I’m not some helpless civilian anymore. You trained me yourself. And I really can’t force you to take me.”

“Well…?” He tilts his head to the side, his expression playful as he turns his eyes back on you.

“Steve, you know what I mean.”

Steve smiles and nods. “I know. Okay. Next mission, you’re up, Vex.”

For a moment the two of you smile at each other.

Then you think about Pepper and your eyes are drawn towards the glass wall, New York was somewhere in that direction.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. what’s the status on Pepper and Tony?”

_“Mr. Stark and Miss Potts are together but there is nothing further to report. Both seem to be alive and relatively unharmed.”_

You chew on your bottom lip as your hands drift up to find Steve’s.

“I really wish Tony would have at least let you go.”

“Y/N, I wouldn’t have gone even if he’d asked. Tony knows that. This could be a distraction to get us out of the compound to get to you. I could never leave you here defenseless.”

You turn to frown at him but find him watching you with intense and fearful eyes.

“You have no idea what you mean to me, do you?” He asks you with his voice smooth and passionate. It puts a lump in your throat and you swallow hard. Your chest burns with nervous energy as he sits up and pulls you a little closer, the wheels on both your chairs squeaking.

 _“Incoming.”_ F.R.I.D.A.Y. says in warning.

Both you and Steve look away from each other to watch the distant sky as two light trails come zooming towards the compound. Tony lands first, Pepper held close at his side as he supports most of not all of her weight. Her suit is completely dark and as they land the suit begins to fall away to the ground in pieces instead of retracting at her wrists as it normally does.

She’s sweaty, red hair unkempt, and there’s a nasty cut on her head and you suspect on her left side since she’s got her hand pressed against it tightly.

The second suit to land is Rhodey’s shining silver War Machine. His helmet retracts so that you can see his worried expression as he eyes Pepper’s wounds.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., prep the doc on call, tell him Pepper’s got a laceration to her left side just underneath her rib cage and a head wound. Possible concussion.”

_“Right away, boss.”_

Steve jumps up from his chair and rushes to Tony’s side where he easily picks up Pepper and cradles her gently in his arms. Tony staggers and taps the light on his chest, his suit then gathering and disappearing at that point. Steve is already racing towards the elevator, Tony follows.

“I’m gonna go make another sweep.” Rhodey says, loudly enough for Tony to hear.

Tony turns to look at his best friend. “Don’t engage. We’re gonna need more backup. Just a sweep.” War Machine’s mask falls back into place and he’s gone a moment later, hot air from his takeoff filling the room and warming your skin.

“And you.” Tony says, pointing his finger at you.

You stand up, ready to follow orders.

“You’re grounded. Go to your room.” He turns and hurries after Steve and Pepper leaving you with heavy worry and frustration.

You know that he’s only worried for you and that’s why he wants you in a safe place, but you also hate being coddled.

You pick up Steve’s shield and grudgingly make your way to his room.


	19. Thor and Vex to the Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A perfect night takes a turn and a surprise visitor threatens the peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapter includes NSFW content, smut, and mature content. Please read at your own discretion.

This isn’t your first time in Steve’s room. It’s spacious, the carpet is nice, and the furnishings are nice too. Lighter colors than what you have in your room. There’s a record player in the corner with a vinyl disc sitting in place. You move to it and give the name a glance. Your eyes linger on the name because you’ve never heard it before.

Curious as to what Steve likes to listen to you reach down, pulling your hair onto your right shoulder as you carefully line up the needle and flip the switch. The disc spins for a moment and then the sounds of smooth trumpet, steady snare, and easy piano fills the room.

Jazz? You smile because you suddenly realize that Steve’s taste in music would be influenced by the time he was pulled from. It’s soothing, the song, and romantic.

“Catching up with Chet?” Steve’s voice floats in, smooth like the trumpet in the song, pleasant to listen to.

“Mmm.” You say in the affirmative but don’t turn to look at him as you reach for a few of the other sleeved records he has lying nearby. You’re pulled back from the past as you remember Pepper and quickly get to your feet. “Pepper?”

The calmness in your eyes has vanished as you remember why you’re in Steve’s room to begin with. His shield sits by the door, propped up against the wall.

Steve holds up his hand as if to calm you. “She’s alright. She got lucky. Deep cut on her left side. No concussion, luckily. She’s strong. She’ll be alright.”

Steve moves towards his dresser and begins to remove his shoes and the blue lightweight jacket he’d been wearing. He pulls up the sleeves of his black long-sleeved shirt to the elbow then turns his entire body to face you. The black shirt hugs his torso close accentuating every little move he makes, and you find yourself staring.

You realize this and quickly begin to sift through the records in your hands. You’re happy that Pepper is doing well but that happiness is not enough to distract from the fact that there’s a shift in the air. The atmosphere in the room has become somewhat charged and you’re not sure you want to deal with it yet.

You’re saved the trouble of making the decision because Steve walks over to you and stands about a foot away, his hands shoved into the pockets of his khaki pants as he watches you with a small content smile.

“Did you go dancing a lot before? Back before I was born?” You realize this as you say it and it strikes you as so funny that you can’t help but smirk up at him.

Steve furrows his brow as he frowns through his smile and shakes his head. “Uh, no. I didn’t get to do much dancing.”

“How come?” You wonder, still sifting through the sleeves in your hands. You stop on one with a name you recognize. “I know this guy. Nat King Cole. My mom use to play his Christmas album every Christmas.”

Steve reaches for the album and you eagerly hand it over. He moves to the record player and lifts the needle plunging the room into silence. He pulls the vinyl disc you had indicated out of its sleeve and then gently places it on the player, lifts the needle and puts it down at the very edge. The room is suddenly filled with new music, more soft piano, no trumpet however, instead this one has a full orchestra. You can hear violins, clarinets, and other instruments accompanied by a deep and smooth voice. Steve slowly gets to his feet and turns back to you. He takes the discs from your hands and puts them aside on a bookshelf before moving back to you and offering his hand.

“I didn’t have the right partner.” He says, finally answering your question. “May I have this dance?”

You smile, feeling completely out of place. It’s like you’ve stepped out of your world and into Steve’s old one. You take his hand and he twirls you out then in. You come to rest in front of him, just right. He places his hand on your waist as the other holds your right hand. Slowly he begins to sway moving the two of you in controlled and structured circles. This isn’t like that normal slow dancing you see people do now-a-days, this is smoother, more intimate in some way. Or maybe that’s just you liking it so much?

Steve leads you in this dance for a few minutes. You let your hand slide along his shoulder down to his bicep and back up to his shoulder as he tightens the arm around your waist and pulls you much closer. Your poor stomach erupts in an array of flutters as your heart pounds loudly against your chest. Your chest is practically against his. You wrap your arm around the outside of his shoulder to get a good grip as he spins you around his room.

A thought suddenly occurs to you as he leads you around and though you know you should probably keep your mouth shut, you open it up to speak as the song changes. “What about Peggy?”

Steve leans back a little so that he can get a look at your face. He’s searching for something there but whatever it is he doesn’t seem to find it or maybe he does. He looks back up, leans his chin against the top of your head, and spins you twice, fast before moving back into his slower pace. “Peggy and I had made plans to go dancing but we…I went into the ice before we ever went dancing.”

Your heart aches for him. The future he might have had. Sure, you’re glad that he’s here with you now but how depressing.

“None of that.” Steve says, reading your silence. He pulls you back, spins you out again and gets a good long look at you before he spins you back in. “I waited too long with Peggy. And she led a full life. She got married and had kids.”

He suddenly dips down so that he’s whispering against your ear, his hot breath sending shivers up and down your spine. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up. “Besides, I think things worked out for the better, don’t you?”

You can feel his lips against your ear, brushing softly against the skin.

“Er…yeah.” You say, your mind a muddled mess as it tries to ignore the sudden burst of input as you become suddenly very aware of how low Steve’s hand is resting on your back. You can feel the tickle of his fingers on the top of your backside.

“You know, I know this may sound a little selfish but I’m glad that you weren’t anywhere near New York tonight.” Steve admits as he slows down his pace a bit. His hips sway lightly against yours, keeping your mind distracted. “Seeing Tony with Pepper down in the medical bay, I’m not afraid to say that it scares me to think of you in a similar position.”

“Me too.” You admit, suddenly clearheaded. Steve stops moving and brings both of his hands up, placing one on either side of your face as he stares down into your eyes.

“You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met, Y/N. You’re brave and compassionate and so…stubborn. What am I going to do with you?”

“I’m sure you can think of something.” You retort.

He smiles wide then with a shifting gaze to your lips he closes the space between you as he drops his arms and pulls you close against his body. You’re lost in his kiss as his tongue parts your lips eagerly. Again, like in the hallway, you lose yourself in his embrace. The taste of him floods your senses and this time you don’t realize what’s happening until you feel the wall at your back. He traps you there, his left hand hungrily clawing at your thigh as he hikes up your leg and you wrap it around his waist and gently rock against him.

You break your kiss to catch your breath and Steve grabs your other leg and lifts you off the ground, using his body to hold you against the wall as he lunges towards you and pulls you back into a kiss. You’re realize quickly where this is going. You didn’t plan it and he probably didn’t either. There’s a frenzy to it, like it had been building up and finally, it was about to explode.

You moan against his lips and this seems to please him. He lets you down and you immediately reach for the hem of his shirt and yank it upwards until the shirt is free of his head. You drop it then move onto his pants, unbuttoning them until he’s exposed, and you can take a hold of him. He quivers at your touch and walks back until his legs hit the edge of his bed and he falls, sitting onto the mattress. You continue to work him as he pulls you closer and gently removes your pants then moves up to your shirt. He undoes each button, moving more quickly the closer he gets to your breasts. When the shirt is open, and your chest exposed, he pulls you close and takes you in his mouth. You place one knee on the bed beside his hips so that you can continue to touch him as your skin erupts in chills at the warmth of his mouth.

He groans against you, driving you just a little bit nuts by the sounds he makes. He pulls back and reaches up with one hand to pull you down for a kiss, his hands entangling in your hair. You bring both hands up to rest against the sides of his neck as Steve’s hands move to slide up along your belly. He gives your breasts a small squeeze before he slides his hands along your shoulders, pushing your shirt down along your arms and onto the floor.

When you’re completely naked he stands up and lifts you again. He turns and carefully places you on the bed, his hands squeezing your hips as he slides them down along to your thighs where he, again, claws at them as if he were in desperate need to make sure you are really there.

“Is this okay?” He asks, looking up at you, his storm blue eyes are so bright and dazzling that you find yourself mesmerized with him. How can you say no to him when he looks at you that way?

You nod, unable to find your voice as your breathing hitches the further down his hand moves.

This seems to be all the encouragement that Steve needs. He kisses your stomach then slowly slides his tongue the length of your torso until he’s at your lips again and pulls you into another lustful kiss. You’re so lost in his kiss that you don’t see it coming and he’s suddenly inside of you. You break the kiss, gasping at the shock but reach up to claw at his back as your legs come up to rest against the sides of his hips. You have only seconds to recover because Steve is quick in his movements. He’s pumping in and out of you, shocking your system as he also makes sure to kiss your breasts, taking each one into his mouth to suck for a few seconds. His hands wander, groping your body but he always seems to come back to your thighs where he grips your flesh tightly, yanking you up against him.

He suddenly stops and without a word he pulls you up to sit before he takes your hips and turns you over. He softly pushes you down so that you’re lying face down on the bed. He kisses the nape of your neck and you feel his hot breath move down along your spine before he suddenly disappears between your legs, his tongue working some kind of magic that makes you weak. He’s up after a few minutes and very slowly he pushes himself into you again. He lays himself as close to you as possible, knowing that with your strength you can take his weight. He places kisses between your shoulder blades, down your spine, as he slowly does you. When he can’t hold himself back anymore he speeds up his thrusts, shaking your hips with each in and out.

You squirm and moan until the blood rushes to your head as a sudden wave of pleasure numbs your limbs and turns the world into a golden dazed blur. Steve grunts as he pushes himself into you one final time, then collapses against your back gasping for breath.

You both lay like this, relishing in each other’s bodies as the brilliant glow of ecstasy dissipates.

You wait until your arms can feel again before you pull a pillow closer to you so that you can rest your head against it, relaxed and at ease. Steve still has you wrapped in his large arms. You can feel them engulfing you from behind. His legs are still over yours, his hips pressed against you as his mouth moves along your sides and he plants kisses on your skin, stopping at the curve of your rear before he moves back up.

You stare across the room at nothing in particular as you relive what just happened over and over in your mind and with Steve’s lips still on you, your stomach clenches with nervous pleasure, your heart and body aching for more.

  


The sounds of a digital ringing pierces your pleasant dreams. You’re nestled in Steve’s bed, cradled in his arms, but the ringing won’t stop.

Sleepily you open one eye and see that the room is still dark. Steve’s hands explore the length of your back as he also stirs against the ringing of what you know has to be a phone.

“What is that?” You ask sleepily.

“Mmm?” Steve wonders, groaning against his exhaustion. How long had you two gone on for? You don’t remember but you know you need more sleep.

“What’s that ringing?” You ask more annoyed.

“Mmmm….” Steve’s large hands take hold of your hips, his hands drifting down to your butt as he seems to drift back to sleep.

Irritated as the phone rings again, you growl. “Steve! Wake up.”

Steve suddenly shoots up, sitting and looking around. Confused of course because you made him wake up, that’s what he gets for not waking up sooner!

“What?” He asks, and he seems to register the ringing phone, finally. “Oh, sorry.”

He leans away from you and slides open the drawer to his bedside table. You can still hear the phone ringing and its made louder by the fact that its now echoing around the drawer out into the room.

“Steve…” You complain and slowly push yourself up to look at him, clutching a sheet to your chest.

As your eyes focus on his face, your stomach suddenly drops as you register the dark and worried expression on his face.

“What is it?” You reach out towards him and run your hand slowly along the muscles of his back.

Steve stares at the phone but doesn’t answer you. After a moment he reaches for it and hesitates before he flips the old-style phone open. The ringing stops, and he presses the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” He says. He’s so serious that you feel sure that it must be something terrible coming through that line. His face suddenly softens as he listens to the other person on the line. He’s relieved, so much so that he closes his eyes as he celebrates silently for whatever he’s hearing.

You lay your head back down on the pillow, your hand still touching his back.

“I’m on my way.” Steve says, and your head shoots up from the pillow again.

“What?” You ask, confused.

Steve quickly glances at you but then shuts the phone and moves to his pants to pull them back on. He pulls on his shirt and then moves to his dresser to pull on his jacket. The phone he’d just used he slides into his pants pocket.

“Steve, who was that? Where are you going?” You ask, sitting up completely.

“I don’t have any time to explain.” He says as he looks around for something else and then grabs his shield, already by the door. “Don’t wait up.” He says without a second glance at you and disappears from the room.

You sit for several minutes, shocked and dismayed by the sudden shift in atmosphere. Twice the atmosphere has shifted in this room and you much prefer the first shift.

Unable to continue to sit awkwardly in Steve’s bed you slide out of it and slip back into your own clothes. You give the room one final look before you leave, wishing the night had never ended.

A whole day, well more actually. Twenty-seven hours and forty minutes is how much time has passed since Steve left in the middle of the night.

You’re trying not to let it get to you, the fact that you have no idea where he’s at. You went for your morning run. You went to the peninsula without him after loitering in the lab with Bruce while he watched you levitate and then fly around a bit at short distances. You were only able to get him to let you do it without the sensors because you threatened him of bringing out the Hulk and then telling the Hulk to never let Bruce out again.

You didn’t mean it, but it was nice to have a little control without using your ability.

The peninsula felt lonely with it just you. And you went a lot earlier than you usually do. It’s only half past one when you begin to make your way back to the compound. You ride the elevator up until you’re in your hallway and you’re about to go to your room to find some other way to distract yourself when you hear a Bruce talking in quick, hushed tones.

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Bruce says.

You hurry towards the atrium, eager to see if Steve is back yet but when you cross into the large room you slide to a stop as you’re greeted by not Steve’s storm blue eyes, but Thor’s electric charged ones. He stands at the end of the atrium by the balcony doorway, Bruce’s hands held out in front of him as if he were pleading with him.

“You shouldn’t be here, Thor. I don’t think it’ll do anyone any good.”

“I am aware of the mistake that I may be making by coming here at a time like this, but I need your help.” Thor’s voice is pleading and as you watch him, his eyes—eyes that you didn’t think you’d have to see so soon—shine bright with worry.

_“Rocket, that eye that you gave Thor?”_

_“Yeah?” Rocket is distracted, messing with his box._

_“When you two first came to get me, it was brown or like an amber color, it’s blue, now, like his other one. Why?”_

_“I don’t know for sure, but I think over time the eye adjusts to whatever the wearer’s natural color and eyesight is. I stole it for a reason. It ain’t just a simple mechanical eye.”_

The conversation plays clearly in your mind even though it was over seven months ago that you’d asked Rocket about Thor’s artificial eye.

“Need help with what?” You say, and you’re surprised at how strong your voice is because your heart is throbbing. Your stomach feels like a black hole suddenly sprung up within it and devoured your insides. How can it be over a month and the pain is just as fresh as the night he left you?

Thor’s eyes search for you and when they find you, you hate the wave of euphoria that passes through both you and him. You feel yours in your chest as it aches and yearns for Thor. Thor’s euphoria you see in his expression. The corners of his eyes crinkle as he can’t stop the smile completely from overcoming his face. He smiles with everything but his lips. And then pain replaces the euphoria as your own expression remains frozen in grief. You force yourself to move into a more neutral mood as you walk towards them but stop with ten feet still between you.

“Y/N, Thor was just leaving, weren’t you?” Bruce growls at Thor, nudging him with his elbow.

You’re not sure why Bruce is trying so hard to get him out. You know he’s your friend but he’s closer to Thor than he is to you.

Thor looks at Bruce and seems to understand something before he nods. “You’re right. I was hoping that Stark or the Captain would be available to help me on a mission, but I see that I was mistaken. I will go.” He nods to Bruce then without another look at you he moves back out onto the balcony.

“Stop.” You order, and he does. He turns to look at you, his face full of confusion. “Sorry, do what you want.”

You amend, and Thor looks grateful. “You’ve gotten stronger.” He says.

He has no idea.

“I knew you would excel in this life.” He means of course the life after taking the serum and you can’t help but hate him a little bit for pretending like he wasn’t angry at you for taking it in the first place.

“Why are you here, Thor? What mission?” You ask, and your take no prisoners tone seems to do the job.

Thor looks to Bruce, who again raises his hands in surrender before he moves towards the island to take a seat. When Thor looks at you again, he seems a little embarrassed, or guilty?

“I needed their help, I…I think Jane might have been kidnapped.” The words linger in the air after he says them, and you don’t know how to respond so you shut your eyes to clear your head but the only thing that popped in was how much of a copycat Jane was turning out to be.

“Kidnapped?” You repeat, your voice tight as your anger bubbled.

“Oh, boy.” Bruce whispers.

“Banner has told me of Pepper’s condition. I understand that he must not wish to leave her side.” Thor reasons, trying to keep things calm with his voice alone.

“Well, Steve,” Bruce began, looking at you as if you were going to produce him out of thin air.

“Isn’t here.” You finish. “He left in the middle of the night, the night before last and he hasn’t come back yet.”

“Oh.” Thor replies and for once you can hear the ache that you feel in his voice. “How do you know what time he left?”

He’s jealous? He has the nerve to be jealous?!

“That’s none of your business.” You defensively cross your arms over your chest.

Thor’s gaze sobers up and he drops it from your face to your hands as he nods. “Right. Well, if I am to expect no help here then I must seek assistance elsewhere.”

“Good idea.” Bruce says from behind you.

As Thor turns to leave he gives the atrium a longing and desperate look. The sadness in his eyes pulls you forward towards him and you stop just a foot away. He freezes as well, looking down at you.

“I’ll help you.”

“What?!” Bruce demands behind you, surprise and fear filling his voice. You can hear him jump out of his stool and the hurry as he approaches you and Thor.

Thor stares down at you, his eyes boring into yours as he measures you up. He reaches out towards you and his arm snakes itself around your waist. All the desire that you’ve felt since he’s left you is quenched as he touches you. You can breathe. Your heart goes still with relief as if you were in unbearable pain and by embracing you, Thor has quelled the ache. He pulls you against his body, taking your breath away, and before Bruce can reach the two of you, he swings his hammer up to the sky. You lift off and disappear into the clouds.


	20. Thor and Vex in the Desert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go with Thor in search of Jane.

The sky was a blur—duh—but it was a blur not from sight but because after all the time you and Thor had spent apart, all the time you’ve spent with Steve investing your emotions and time in building a relationship with him, being in Thor’s arms again feels so fucking right. You’re not sure how long the two of you fly. The time is all too quick and endless at the same time. Your hands, wrapped around his waist, explore the hard planes of his back. Even through his jacket you can feel how tense he is. Feeling him up passes as you trying to maintain your grip, so you’re not embarrassed by it.

The way his own arm squeezes you tightly to his body, you suspect that maybe you’re not the only one relishing in the relief of being together once more. You want to bury your face in his chest but settle for simply staring at it. You want to look at his face but know that if you do you won’t be able to hide the way you’re feeling from him. So, you don’t.

The two of you begin to slow and then suddenly you’re standing in front of a very large cabin in the middle of what you guess is the woods near D.C. because that was the last place you’d heard Jane was. As soon as you both land, Thor is all business. And yet, he takes your hand as he leads you towards the cabin. It’s four floors at least, a mansion. There are several people in black suits walking around. Security, you guess seeing as they’re armed.

Thor is an interesting contrast to the well-dressed security. In his soft and loose black jacket, white t-shirt, and black pants, he looks like the casual owner of the cabin as opposed to someone just staying here.

Inside the cabin, through the massive large windows, you can see many other people rushing about. The second floor seems to be where most of them are. The third floor is mostly balcony, but no one seems to be up there. You don’t get to see the rest as Thor pulls you in through the large front doors and move towards a set of stairs. You’re ignored for the most part, but a few people do stop as Thor cuts in front of them, tugging you along at a hastened pace.

The second floor is the worst. More people stare. You feel especially awkward as one or two of them stare at your hand in Thor’s as you disappear up the stairs to the third floor. You don’t belong here. This entire time, Thor has been here with Jane. _Being_ with Jane. It must look bad to see him with another woman.

You feel your chest cave in a little and you yank your hand out of his. He stops to look at you, confused by the rejection. “I can walk on my own.”

Thor doesn’t say anything and leads the way down a long hallway and then left into an array of rooms that had probably once been bedrooms but were now fitted as offices. He leads you into the largest office, the furthest on the right, surrounded on three sides at the very front by glass, and inside you see what might pass as the clear sign of a struggle.

Thor stops just inside the doorway looking around at the mess. You move around him, business mode turned on as you step carefully over the knocked over lamp, the books, the scattered papers, and the broken bottle. Wine? You’ll torture yourself with that later.

There are other people in here taking pictures. More security you guess.

“May we have the room?” Thor asks them and they clear out moving around you and Thor.

“What happened here?” You ask, moving towards the large desk where everything, computer, picture frames, mugs, and books have been organized around a large empty space where something had obviously been sitting.

“The scanner sat there.” Thor points at the empty spot on the desk.

As you continue to scan the room you take in the bookshelves that line the wall through which you’ve come through. Books still nestled in their spots. There’s a small sofa at the edge of the large square that makes up the workspace and behind that a large bed. Your eyes stop here, as your chest hollows out. How many more times can you lose your heart while you’re here? You figure it’s probably going to be a large amount of times. The sheets are still unmade and both sides have obviously been slept in. You clench your jaw, fighting the pout you feel coming on as your heart begins to push your focus from the missing person to the pain you feel building within you. You force your eyes to scan past the bed and take in the large wardrobe and dresser, both untouched.

You move back to the desk and see a smaller empty spot on the opposite end. “What sat here?”

“Jane’s laptop. If they were after her notes, then they would surely have taken that with them. She keeps all of her most important work in there.”

You carefully give the array of books and papers on the desk a look. You pick up two books. One written by Stephen Hawking, the other by some other scientist whose name you wouldn’t be able to pronounce. You put them back down and sift slowly through the papers upon papers with handwritten notes. Some are equations, others are words. It’s all Greek to you and you feel that sting of anger and jealousy again as your inadequacy is magnified. You don’t understand any of what you’re looking at.

You feel the delicate chaos of Jane’s writing as you pass your fingers over her work. Each stroke was quick, and you can almost see her bending over this desk scribbling away madly at whatever she was working on. Of course, your image of Jane is a supermodel with long brown hair, slender arms and legs, a large bust, ample hips and she’s as tall as Thor’s shoulders, easily. That’s your curse for never having seen her.

“Do you detect anything?” Thor asks, worry in his voice. You want to turn and glare at him, but you don’t and urge yourself to keep this professional. He wanted help from an Avenger and an Avenger is what you will be. You still quirk a brow and turn to give him a glance. Despite the worry in his voice, the look on his face is confusing. He’s watching you, trying to figure you out. He’s trying to read you but you’re not sure what for.

“No.” You admit. You turn your eyes back on the mess of papers when one suddenly grabs your attention. You move over to it and pull it gently out from underneath a large journal. “These are co-ordinates. Do you have somewhere I can check these?”

“Co-ordinates?” Thor moves to you and looks over your shoulder at the slip of paper. The co-ordinates are circled in red. “Jane’s computer.” He moves over to the keyboard in front of the monitor and presses the enter button. The screen comes to life.

Thor proceeds to move the mouse on the desk to the small textbox where the computer waits for a password. He leans over the keyboard and with two fingers begins to type in word after word. He looks at you after the third failed attempt and smiles nervously. “I’m sure I know her password.”

He types in another six incorrect guesses before he begins to pound on the keyboard. You move over to him and place your hand over his to stop him from destroying the keyboard. He looks up at you and smiles awkwardly before standing up straight. “Well, I suppose we can ask one of these other fine agents to assist us with finding out the location these co-ordinates indicate.”

You lean over the computer and notice a tiny post-it on the very base of the monitor. You type the name in, for it’s clearly a name though you don’t know whose it is, and press enter. The screen populates with several programs and you give them a quick scan before you find one for mapping. You open it and type in the co-ordinates.

“Y/N, I did not know you could hack a computer?” Thor says, sounding impressed.

You pull the post-it and hold it up for him to see.

“She keeps her password by her computer.” Irresponsible if you say so yourself. You can’t help but judge her a little.

“Oh.”

“Arizona. She’s in a desert in Arizona.” You point at the screen and Thor leans in to get a look at the desert. He’s so close you can smell him. His hair is longer now, still short but it’s long enough to run your fingers through and you seriously want to run your fingers through it.

“Arizona? Do you think she was taken there?” He turns to look at you and your faces are so close that he stops short too. His eyes flit to your lips then back up to your eyes.

“It’s a place to start.”

“Right.” Is he leaning closer? The moment is heavy, and it takes every bit of your self-control to look away and move towards the door.

“We should go.”

“Right.” He repeats. He seems a little dazed as he moves to you and leads the way out to the balcony. He’s so wide and large that you have to press yourself against the doorjamb so that he doesn’t bump into you.

As the two of you walk outside you turn your gaze to the sky. This would be the perfect time to test your limits. You’ve never tried flying at high speeds for long periods of time.

“Thor, I wanna try and f-”

Before you can finish Thor’s arm winds its way around your waist again, pulling you to him more tightly than before. “Hold on.”

He swings Stormbreaker upwards and the two of you fly off again. You barely have enough time to catch your breath after he’s pulled you close.

Once again, the two of you fly for an undetermined amount of time. You don’t want it to end. Being in his arms feels like where you belong. You feel guilt overtake you as you think about Steve. That’s not to say that his arms don’t feel right either. It is different however, and you’re not sure what exactly makes it different. All you know is that in Thor’s arms you feel like you can breathe. Like there was never a rift between you despite knowing that that’s not the case.

As you descend onto the Arizona desert near the co-ordinates that were indicated on the slip of paper, your keen eyes spot a van in the distance. It’s a pale blue color, almost silver, with a large satellite dish on the roof with two smaller ones on either side.

“There.” You point towards the van and Thor obliges. As you near the van, something begins to become very apparent to you. There is only one person moving around the van. Thor finally lands at the back of the Van and without ceremony he drops his arm from your waist and hurries around to the right side of the van.

“Jane?” He says with worry and authority in his voice.

It hurts so you turn your gaze away from the van and instead focus on the desert that surrounds you. You’ve never been to Arizona before. The sand beneath your feet is soft and red. Probably an old riverbed? Somewhere that water had been before, for sure. In the distance behind you are several mountain ranges. More rock than sand. The air is hot, you breathe it in, dry and coarse. You’re not used to it, so it bothers you more than it should.

The sun however feels good on your skin. It’s still high and the rays shine down on you directly, but it must be nearly five in the afternoon.

“Thor?” Jane’s voice reaches your ears and it’s surprisingly steady, an even tone, not unpleasant to listen to. You’d been expecting either very husky or maybe really high, but she sounds normal. Clear, like she’s good at speaking in public. Another reason to dislike her. You know you’re wrong, but you can’t help it. “What are you doing here?”

“Are you alright?” He asks, and you can almost hear him looking her over with his eyes.

“Of course.” She says, matter-of-factly.

“Why are you here? Do you have any idea how long I have been searching for you? I thought you had been taken.”

You’re beginning to understand that there were no kidnappers and the more you stand here listening to them talk the angrier you’re getting. You move around the van so that you can get a look at the pair of them. Jane is not the supermodel you had been expecting. She does have long brown hair; her body is more athletic, square and small, and not an hour glass figure. She’s wearing a pair of jeans, brown boots, a loose green button up shirt, underneath a tan leather jacket—her wardrobe is so boyish that you look down at your own much more feminine clothing and feel self-conscious—she’s shorter than you were picturing. Her face is not that of an exotic beauty or one of those faces that you see on actresses or singers and just know that their looks must have helped them get by easily in life. She was still however, beautiful in a simpler way. Her features were nice to look at and her eyes were large. She was sweet looking.

“Why am I here? I told you, the scanner began to read a really strong power signature at these co-ordinates and I was coming to see if I could get a better look with one of the stronger telescopes.” She looks away from Thor, notices you, her demeanor defensive. “I left you a note.”

“A note?” Thor asks, his hands are on her arms, holding her at the elbows. He sounds frustrated but that just proves he cares all the more.

_Of course, he does, what were you expecting?_

“Who’s this?” Jane asks, giving you a small and unsure smile.

You’re so not in the mood for a smile, much less to meet your ex’s current girlfriend. Your eyes are on Thor, an angry glare slowly taking over your features.

Thor looks from Jane to you and you can see the moment his worry transitions to nervousness. “Jane, this is…this is a friend. Y/N, she’s an Avenger.”

“Oh! Another female Avenger?” Jane smiles, impressed and excited she moves to you, holding her hand out. “Nice to meet you.”

You realize how heavy your breathing is getting as your anger mounts and you don’t even look at Jane or her extended hand as she approaches you.

“Jane?” Thor says, trying to pull her attention away from you as he reads your mood quickly.

You finally tear your gaze off Thor and move around the backside of the van to the other side needing to put some distance between you and the reasons you’re upset.

“That was kinda rude.” Jane says as you leave but she turns her gaze back on Thor.

“Why don’t you go and set up the telescope and the scanner? I must speak to and thank my friend for helping me find you.”

Thor suddenly rounds the back of the van. He moves towards you quickly, panic in his eyes.

“Y/N, I am…I cannot begin to apologize for-”

“She wasn’t kidnapped, Thor. She left you a note.” You huff, so angry that you begin to pace to find a way to release the excess energy.

“I saw no note. I swear to you. Otherwise, I would have never-”

“She leaves, to chase a lead, and your immediate reaction is that she was kidnapped?” You’ve bring your voice down low, a careful whisper, so that Jane doesn’t hear. “Does that make any kind of sense to you? Are you out of your mind?”

“Jane’s work is of the utmost importance.” Thor declares, trying to explain. “It is not improbable that someone would want to thwart her in her pursuits.”

“Oh, of course. _Jane’s_ work is of the utmost importance. Teaching kids is a shit job, right?” You ask emotionally. “What the hell am I doing here, Thor?”

“ _You_ volunteered to help me. And why do you compare your job to Jane’s?”

“Ugh!” You turn to walk away. Distance. That’s what you need.

“Teaching is a noble and honorable profession, Y/N. There are many teachers on Asgard who I regarded as highly as I did my father. Why do you continue to compare yourself to Jane?” He seems genuinely confused by it as he follows you.

You turn so suddenly that he slides on the sand in his surprise as you move towards him, shoving him in the chest. “Because you chose her!”

Thor stares at you, unsure of what to say or do, his eyes narrowed in confusion as he takes in your pained expression.

“That’s why I compare myself to Jane, Thor. Somewhere along the line I had to start asking myself, ‘Why her? Why not me? What does she have that I don’t? Is she more beautiful? Is she smarter?’ But of course, I know the answer to that question.” You hate yourself for admitting these thoughts to him, but he doesn’t seem to get it. “I was always going to be the girl who didn’t compare, the girl who couldn’t measure up to the God of Thunder. Not that I _needed_ to measure up. You’re so wonderful but I couldn’t help you. All I was ever going to do was keep you down. Ground you. Put you in danger. I didn’t want _this_ ,” You gesture towards Jane and Thor, “To be us. I didn’t want to be a liability. I didn’t want to be the thing that distracts you because you need to be watching me in case I fall into some kind of danger. I needed to be able to take care of myself so that I knew that _you_ were focused on taking care of _yourself_. And still, even after I took that step, after I became that person for you, you didn’t want me.”

You’re going to cry. You growl and turn to move away but Thor grabs your arm and pulls you around.

“I have never not desired you, Y/N.”

“Then why did you leave? You were gone, Thor. I woke up and you were gone. Why?”

He doesn’t seem to have an answer for your question.

“After that night when you saw me in the bar, you just…left. How can I think anything other than that you didn’t want me?”

“I did want you.” He repeats. “I d-”

“Ugh, what’s the point of saying that now? What’s the point of you telling me you wanted me when it’s all in the past? It’s too late.” You pull away from him again turning to hide the quiver of your lips. You can hear him right behind you, so close.

“Why? Why is it too late? Why can we not just go back to the way things were?” Thor asks, desperate and pleading, there’s even a small laugh as if going back were so easy a decision he couldn’t believe you both hadn’t made it yet. It tears at your heart and you turn around to hit his chest with your fists. Not a punch, just a good smack in frustration. He feels it, though you know it doesn’t _really_ hurt him.

“Because you told me that you wanted her more than you wanted me.” You’re trying to keep your voice down to a whisper and because of this it comes out hoarse, like you’re losing your voice. You’re also trying desperately not to cry. “Because I wasn’t enough for you and you needed to find out what this was between you and her. How am I supposed to feel about you leaving me for her? And you told me that you regret asking me to marry you!”

You grip the front of his jacket tightly, your knuckles white from the force of your grip, and stomp your foot as your tears finally spill over. Your guilt consumes you, eating all your restraint. You take a few moments to catch your breath and nod. “And that was _my_ fault. I did that. You didn’t do that. I did. And I’m paying for it.”

You can feel Thor’s hands on your waist as he tries to support you. “I did say that I could not promise that she was nothing. But you and Steve…you said that you needed to find out what it was the two of you had.”

“Because you told me that she mattered!” You yell, unintentionally. In a panic, you glance at the truck where Jane waits on the other side. When she doesn’t say anything, you look back at Thor’s chest, unable to meet his eyes. “All you had to do was tell me that you wanted me…only me, and I would have _been_ yours. I already was.” You shake him, still holding onto his jacket, and angry at him for not being intuitive enough to know that.

“I was already yours.” You repeat.

His hands come up to cup your face as he closes the distance between you two, pulling you closer to him. You shut your eyes, fighting the sorrow you didn’t know you still had for him.

“Thor? You have to come see this. The energy signature on this projectile is off the charts. I don’t even think I have the right equipment to measure it!” Jane’s voice drifts in from the van.

Thor pulls back a little at the sound of his name and looks towards the van. It’s enough to snap you back to reality. You reach up and pull his hands down and away from your face. You push him hard in the chest so that he’s not so close to you and turn to walk away in the same movement.

Thor’s attention is drawn back to you as he rushes to turn you around again, his hands finding the sides of your face once more. “Y/N…”

You stop, letting him hold you as you stare into his ocean sapphire eyes.

“Tell me what to do. What can I do?” He pleads, his own voice deep but quiet. You’re both very aware of the strange scene that someone watching at a distance would see. The two of you fighting on this side of the van, Jane oblivious on the other side. The way she’d looked at you earlier you are pretty sure that she doesn’t even know you exist. Not as Thor’s almost wife.

“Can you leave her? Can you let it all go?” You wait, your heart seems to almost stop as you watch him think. But a second passes. Then another. And it’s too much. Too much hesitation. He opens his mouth but tilts his head as he begins to tell you that he can’t because it’s in his face. It’s in his eyes. He can’t just leave her.

Your anger takes over. “Let me go.” You order. But for some reason, this time, it doesn’t work. You’re not sure whether it’s because Thor’s mind is already consumed with so much or because you’re just not focused on making him do what you want him to do as distracted as you are. Either way, he doesn’t let you go and it makes you even angrier.

You swipe your hands upwards, dislodging his arms and then push his chest hard and send him sliding back a foot. This shocks him. He still didn’t know how strong you were, how much more capable you had become in his absence. As you turn to leave again he hurries forward and grabs your wrist.

“Wait. I will escort you home.” He offers. It’s an insult.

You yank your wrist out of his grip and he moves to grab hold of your other wrist, but you sidestep his reach and push his arm away then elbow his chest sending him back again. You glare at him, tears still streaming from your eyes. He blinks, rubbing at the spot you hit, and stares at you in surprise. You hit him! You can’t believe it yourself. He can’t keep grabbing you, though. You need to get out of here and he keeps trying to stop you.

You turn and move to leave again. “Next time you need help, use the damn phone.”

You hear him this time, his feet sliding along the sand as he moves to grab your right shoulder with his left hand. You stop and step back into his reach. Taking hold of his wrist you switch his arm over to your left and spin to your right releasing his arm as you lift your leg, aim, and land a hard kick right smack in the middle of his chest. The impact sends him flying back about ten feet where he lands in the sand slightly dazed if only from the shock of you hitting him. You face him, arms up in fighting stance. Your breathing is labored more from being upset than from the effort of kicking him. The sound of your fighting however seems to have finally drawn Jane from around the Van.

“Oh my god!” She rushes to Thor and falls onto the sand at his side as Thor stares up at you with a furrowed brow, his hand again massaging the spot you just kicked, this time clearly feeling pain from it. Jane turns outraged eyes on you. “What is your problem?”

You don’t even look at Jane. You don’t want to look at her. Your eyes are on Thor and Thor only. “I don’t need your help.”

You don’t wait to hear their response to your words as you look up towards the sky, draw yourself up straight, and with more speed than you’ve managed before, you fly up leaving them in the desert beneath you.


	21. Thor, Steve, and the Caller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make your way home and find Thor waiting to make sure you arrived home safely.

Flying isn’t as fun as it looks. You’ve seen Thor and Tony take off many times. Though, sheltered in his suit, you’re sure that for Tony maybe it is as fun as it looks. For you, soaring through the sky at speeds and altitudes that you had yet to reach is a pain in the ass.

It’s cold. Someone smarter than you would have known that flying high up in the sky would mean that it would be colder. Silly of you not to think of that. You’ve always been nestled in Thor’s arms, warm and shielded so how were you supposed to know that doing it alone would suck? Apart from the temperature, the flight seems to take a lot of your strength. Your focus is not so much a problem. You’re still so angry that you channel that into your flying and find that a small tilt to the left or right alters your flight easily. But the effort it takes to change directions at this speed is larger than at slower speeds. Your control needs to be more precise.

You just need practice. You’ll get better at it. You’ve been flying for about an hour when you begin to feel strange. You’re still focused but you find it harder to keep your body moving at the speed with which it moves. You stop suddenly, hovering for a second before your body suddenly dips five feet. You scream in surprise. Your stomach bottoms out with the sudden lurch downwards.

“What the hell?” You look around and you’re sure that you’re nowhere near home. This would be a terrible place to stop.

A strange pain hits your stomach and you begin to realize that you might be running out of energy. You haven’t eaten since breakfast and with the sun to your left already dipping down along the horizon, you’re sure your body is expecting dinner. “Damn it.”

You push yourself forward again, focusing as much of your energy into propelling you through the air. Despite this, you still begin to fly at an incline, unintentionally as your body begins to lose its stamina.

“Shit.” Your body begins to fall. As your stomach turns over and then clenches painfully again to remind you you’re hungry, you watch as the world begins to come closer and into fast focus. Below you is a large lake surrounded by green trees. Thanks to your keen, serum enhanced eyes, you can see that there are several docks around the lake that jut out from the shore. A thousand feet up and you try to focus again. You need to land in the water. Landing on the ground from this height would result in injuries that you have no training to deal with. Even with the serum you know that at this distance a fall would hurt. Would it kill you?

Eight hundred feet up and the people around the lake begin to come into focus. There’s a group of teens to the left of the lake, a family having a party straight ahead, and to your right, as you reach three hundred feet, you can see a small girl—a toddler—wrapped in an oversized towel. Her soft brown hair is pulled up high into a palm tree ponytail and the only other thing you can see are her chubby little legs peeking out from the bottom of her towel. She’s bathed in the golden orange light of the sunset and can’t be more than three years old. She stares at you, watching you fall with a gaze so stoic that it puts Steve’s to shame.

A hundred feet and then suddenly, as the water seems to rise to meet you, you crash through the surface of the water. The pain and sudden warm temperatures of the water shocks you. You were freezing up in that sky. Next time, you’ll definitely change into your uniform. For several minutes you simply sink as your body registers the change in gravity and atmosphere. The pain begins to subside only when the ache of your stomach and lungs becomes more demanding. Your mind clears a bit as you struggle to breathe. You swim upwards, weak strokes at first, but as the oxygen levels in your body begin to seriously fall your arms and legs pump faster against the water.

You break the surface, greedily gulping in the air around you and lean back so that you can relax and allow your body to float as your lungs fill. The more oxygen your body consumes the clearer your mind gets. With your senses returning your sense of smell seems to take priority. You smell hot dogs to your right!

You push yourself up so that you can look towards the small girl who still watches you from her dock. Behind her, two men—one with blonde hair and one with black hair wearing a chef’s hat—stand mid embrace, staring out at you as well. Though the girl is unimpressed, the two men watch you with mouths agape.

With your stomach in command you swim towards the trio and watch as the blonde headed man rushes forward to scoop up his little girl. He moves aside as you climb up onto the dock, clutching his daughter close as he watches you with wary eyes. You’re dripping, tired, and so damn hungry. You give the man a smile, a small wave to the girl, and over to the chef you move.

“I’m sorry to bother you and I know the last thing you expected to do today was to feed some chick that just fell from the sky, but can I have one of those? I’m starving.” You stare at the steaming dogs, the sizzle so mouth watering it makes you swallow hard.

The chef holds the tongs out for you to take, his hand shaking slightly. You smile, ecstatic at his generosity, and move to the grill to make yourself a hotdog, ignoring all condiments in favor of getting the food into your stomach as quickly as possible.

“Thank you so much. Seriously. You’re a life saver.” You said one but as you devour the hotdog in three bites you make yourself another one.

The man takes a step back and as you swallow a large bite you shake your head. “I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

“Wh-wh-who are you?” The man asks, his eyes boring into yours.

“Are you an alien?” The blonde man says.

You turn your gaze on him and he sways back as if you lunged at him. “Do I look like an alien?”

Oh, that’s right, the hair.

“No. I’m…human. My name is…uh…Vex.” Which is true. You had been about to tell him your real name but that probably wasn’t a good idea.

“How did you fall from the sky and survive?”

You chew quickly and swallow. You take another bite as you consider how to answer him and then begin to make another hotdog as you decide that the truth is the best policy. “I’m an Avenger.”

The two men exchange a look and they seem to relax a little. The magic word! “I’ve never heard of you.” The chef says.

“I’m kinda new? I’m still learning how to…do things. I was flying home and I sorta fell.” You admit with a straight face. You’re too busy making another hot dog to care how it comes off.

The blonde man smiles nervous, amused by the idea of an Avenger falling from the sky because they don’t know how to fly. Well, at least they no longer seem threatened by you.

“Do you want a burger?” The chef suddenly asks, and he opens a second grill that you hadn’t noticed because you were so invested in the hotdogs.

You swallow hard again, your mouth watering. “Please?”

The next half hour, as the sun fully sets covering the lake in beautiful bright moonlight, is spent being fed by the chef, his husband, and their three-year-old little girl whose name you discover is Diana. The conversation is mostly lighthearted. You find out you’re in Kansas, which you’ve also never visited. However, the conversation doesn’t remain lighthearted. You do spend about ten minutes listening to them talk about how lucky they were when the world ended. Neither of their parents were still alive and they were both only children. They’d lost a friend but otherwise they were largely unaffected by the end.

“You were very lucky, and I’m glad that you three are together.” You can just imagine the number of children now orphaned or the parents left without their children, all because of Thanos. It’s a depressing spot to leave the conversation but since you’re fed, it’s time to go. You rise slowly and the men, August and Tim, rise with you. Tim, the blonde man, carefully cradles Diana who fell asleep halfway through your meal.

“Do you have a long way to go?” August asks. “Want a burger for the road?”

You laugh and shake your head. “No, thank you, I think I’ve eaten my fill. I’m so grateful for your generosity. I won’t forget this.”

“It was our pleasure.” Tim smiles.

You turn to leave but think better and turn back quickly. “It’s probably best that you don’t tell anyone I was here. If anyone asks about me, just tell them I stole some of your food and ran away, okay?”

“Why?” Tim asks, his eyes wide in his confusion.

“There are some people after me and I’d hate for something to happen to you three because of me. Please, promise me that you’ll lie about my being here. Can you do that?” You add, influencing them is not on your agenda today. Though you _could_ just force them to lie.

Tim and August exchange a quick look and nod. “We promise.”

You smile again and nod. “Good. Take care.”

You turn and decide that maybe for a little bit, running might be better. You reach the tree line and as soon as you’re somewhat sheltered you push yourself to full speed. You continue like this for only a few minutes because you’re so curious as to whether being fed and not being fed will affect how far you can fly. Up in the air, the world disappears and you’re able to focus on pushing your limits.

“I’m not saying it’s not good to see you, bud, but you show up here, take Y/N, and then have the audacity to come back _without_ her?” Tony’s voice is hard, upset, his temper close to exploding.

“I did try and bring her back, but she would not let me.” Thor replies. “She flew away after kicking me.”

“Good.” Steve says.

“Tony, you know Y/N, if she wanted to go with Thor none of us were going to be able to stop her.” Bruce interjects.

“He’s right, babe.” Pepper says weakly.

“I understand your anger, Stark, but that is why I came, to assure that she arrived safely.”

“No!” Tony snaps, his snarky tone dropped for a shorter more staccato inflection. “No, you _don’t_ understand. There are people after her. Okay? She’s not safe out there, on her own. If she doesn’t come back, then what? Hm? You go back to Jane and we’re left to pick up the pieces.”

“Danger?” Thor repeats. He’s confused but suddenly very interested and worried. “What people? Why haven’t you told me about this?”

“We had it handled.” Steve replies.

When Tony speaks again, his voice is quiet but intense, like he’s standing close to whomever he’s speaking to. “ _You_ brought her here. You brought her into this life and then you passed off that responsibility. Now you have the nerve to show up, take her, and _let_ her leave on her own?”

You don’t want to hear anymore. You move inside finally, clearing the doorway from the balcony into the atrium. The sight is one to behold. Thor stands closest to you, facing everyone else. Tony is indeed standing right beside Thor. Even though Thor is massive and towers over Tony, the look on Tony’s face is severe and threatening. Pepper sits on one of the sofas by the chess set on the coffee table, Bruce stands leaning against the back of that same sofa, and behind Tony and Thor, furthest from you, is Steve. He stands with his arms crossed over his chest, his gaze glued to the floor in what you recognize as his worried expression when he’s trying to keep everyone from seeing just how worried he is.

“Er, guys?” Bruce is the first one to see you. He stares at you with wary eyes. Pepper sees you next, her eyes filled with relief. Then Tony looks over and his faces seems to relax instantly as he sets eyes on you.

“Son of a bitch.” He mutters somewhat quietly. It’s so still in the room however that everyone hears him. “I thought I said you were grounded?”

In the same moment, Steve races around Tony and Thor until he’s at your side his hands finding your shoulders as he looks you over, the worry on his face finally showing through. “Are you alright?”

“Sorry.” You reply, both to Tony and Steve. “I’m okay. A little tired.”

Tony moves over to Pepper and plants himself beside her. “How did you get here?”

“I flew.” You look away from Steve to Tony who exchanges a look with Bruce in their excitement. Why are they so excited about your flying? It’s funny but also annoying. You don’t like those tests they like putting you through.

“How fast did you go?” Bruce inquires, eagerly.

“Arizona to Kansas in a little over an hour? Another two hours from there to here?” However the hell fast that was.

“Mach 1?” Bruce says as he turns to Tony who seems as pleased as Bruce. “That’s impressive.”

“Do you have any idea how dangerous it was for you to just up and fly away by yourself?” Steve asks you, his hands grip your arms more tightly as his anger seems to seep through.

“I know. I’m sorry, I just…” You needed to get out of that desert. You weren’t thinking. You were reacting. You turn your eyes to Thor finally and the ache in your chest angers you so much, you glare. “Why are _you_ here?”

“Welp, that’s our cue. How about we go have dinner in the den, honey?” Tony helps Pepper to her feet.

“Good idea.” She replies.

“I’ll join you.” Bruce says as he scurries after Pepper and Tony.

Thor looks as relieved as Steve had just a minute ago before he’d switched to being angry. He takes a few steps towards the two of you and you see his eyes land on Steve’s hands around your arms then move back up to your face.

“I only came to ensure your safe arrival. I did not know you could fly.” He says, sounding somewhat impressed.

“Well, I’m here, so you can go.” You’re trying not to be angry and hurt but it’s seeping out and you can’t help it. You don’t want Steve to see it. You shift your focus on him.

“Where were you?” You demand. It’s his turn to look apologetic. He takes back his hands, looks up at Thor quickly, then turns his gaze on you but doesn’t meet your eyes.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have stayed away for so long. I had something to take care of.”

You’ve never seen Steve not tell you the truth intentionally. It’s very easy to see the difference between him refusing to tell you the truth and him almost outwardly lying.

“Something so urgent you left me alone in your room in the middle of the night?” You forget for a second that Thor is there as your curiosity takes priority.

Steve doesn’t, and he glances up at Thor. “I think we should talk about this later.” Steve reaches out for you again, but you take a step away from him, hating the way this feels.

“Steve, what’s going on?”

Steve frowns and shakes his head. “Not now.”

This is stupid. You scoff as you look away from him and then look up at Thor who stands trying to blend into the room, avoiding looking at the two of you. You’ve never seen that particular look on his face before and you’re sure he’s feeling uncomfortable. Well, now he knows how it kind of felt to watch him and Jane in the desert. Though you and Steve fighting might not be as jealousy inducing as watching him fuss over Jane. Thor gives you a wide, toothless grin. With another glare you turn and move towards the hallway that leads down to your room.

“Damn it.” Steve mutters.

You freeze, here in the hallway, out of sight, you can still hear him.

“Y/N does not like to be lied to.” Thor says.

“Yeah, I know.” Steve replies.

You know that eavesdropping is wrong but they’re talking about you! The temptation is too great, so you press yourself against the wall by your door, trying to lay as flat as possible so that they cannot see you.

“Is the secret you are keeping from her really so important to keep? It would be better if you were honest with her. She is not a woman to trifle with when she is lied to.”

“I just don’t know how to tell her. It’s complicated.” Steve sighs.

“Complicated how?” Thor asks, curious it sounds like.

“I got a phone call the other night.”

“Yes.” Thor urges him on.

“It was a call from Sharon.”

“Sharon?” Thor asks, unsure of who Steve is talking about.

“She’s a girl I sort of had a thing with. We were never really official. She used to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. and then she worked for the C.I.A. When I went on the run we lost contact and then when Wakanda happened I was too afraid to find out if she’d survived or not. It turns out she did. She was on a plane when _it_ happened, and the plane went down when the pilot and co-pilot disappeared. She and a few other people survived, and they were only recently picked up. I went to see her. If I tell Y/N that,”

“She will murder you. With her bare hands. Judging from the strength of her kick which I surmise was only part of her strength, she is more than capable of really strangling you. And after what I put her through with Jane, she cannot take another instance of being pushed aside for a former lover. You say that your courtship with this Sharon was never official?”

“No.” Steve assures him. “But I’d be lying if I said that things weren’t still…complicated.”

You shut your eyes, regretting your decision to eavesdrop. You feel them begin to sting and shut them even more tightly. Very gently but in your frustration, you bang the back of your head against the wall, biting down hard on your lower lip to keep from making any noise. Why was this happening to you?

“So, what will you do?” Thor asks Steve. “This was not part of our agreement.”

Agreement?!

“Agreement? Thor, it wasn’t like we signed a contract. You said that your leaving would be best, and I assured you that I would keep her safe.”

“Is breaking her heart not the opposite of keeping her safe?” Thor asks. “Contract or no, you are breaking your word.”

“I’m not going to break her heart.” Steve assures Thor. “I can’t do that to her. Whatever there might be…whatever there was between Sharon and I, I won’t leave her.”

The room is suddenly quiet for several minutes. You wonder if maybe they’ve left.

“I am sorry for taking her to look for Jane. I was unaware of the dangers to her life or I would have never let her leave the compound.”

“I appreciate that. But if I’m honest, we can’t keep her locked up here like some prisoner. She’s going to have to get out there and fight.” Steve sighs.

“You could not stop her even if you were to try.” Thor says with a smile in his voice. “She’s so strong now. She’s changed so much.”

“Only in strength. She’s still as vulnerable as she’s always been.”

“Yes.” Thor says, remembering your fight this afternoon, maybe? “I should go, Jane will be wondering where I am.”

“How’s that going?” Steve asks, genuinely curious.

“Oh, you know, it is what it is.” When Steve doesn’t reply Thor speaks up again. “Things are fine.”

“Good.” Steve replies. “See you around.”

You quickly sneak into your room, shutting the door carefully behind you before moving to sit on your bed with your back to the door and begin to strip off your shoes, socks, and then reach behind you to try and unzip your dress. Your mind is racing with new information. Your heart is aching again, this time because once again, you’re in the way. This time it’s Steve and Sharon? How lame! Their names start with the same letter.

You huff as you find your unreasonable panic ridiculous and funny. You place both of your hands on either side of your lap and lean forward as you try to steady your breathing. You’re not going to cry again. Not today. You’ve shed enough tears today. A knock on your door makes you sit up straight. You swallow the knot in your throat and reach back towards your zipper again.

“Come in.” Your voice is steady, thank goodness.

“You still awake?” Steve asks. He moves in and shuts the door behind him.

“Yeah. I can’t,” You stretch harder, trying to grasp the little clasp on the back of your dress. “Reach.”

“Let me.” Steve climbs onto the bed and moves up behind you, kneeling on your bed, then slowly slides the zipper down to your waist. “There.”

He pushes the dress open a bit, his fingers grazing the skin of your back. You shut your eyes and fight the wave of sadness that threatens to overcome you. Suddenly you feel his lips between your shoulders and you stand up quickly. It’s a sudden reaction, like you’ve been shocked.

“Thanks.” You say and quickly peel the dress off, throwing it into the small hamper by your dresser. You reach for the same grey robe you wore the first night you arrived with Thor and slip it on before turning to look at Steve. He’s sitting on the edge of your bed, looking at you with worried storm blue eyes. “What was the call about, Steve?”

Steve sighs, his expression serious. He knows you’re not going to drop it. “It…” He swallows, and you know he’s warring with himself. Whether being honest with you is worth the pain it might cause you.

_Please be honest with me. Please don’t lie to me._

“You remember I told you that I wasn’t sure if Sharon was alive or dead?” He gets to his feet, rubs at his chin and moves to look at a few of the books you’ve been reading on the dresser.

“Yeah?”

“Well, she’s alive. That was her on the phone the other night. And I left…to go meet her. They found her on a small island, stranded with a few other people after their plane crashed. I was her first call.” This was his way of saying that she’d wanted to see him and because he’d left in such a damn hurry, he most definitely wanted to see her too.

“And you wanted to see her?”

Steve looks at you, knowing exactly where your thoughts are. He frowns and moves towards you his hands coming up to grab you by your waist and pull you towards him. “Y/N, there’s something about Sharon that I haven’t told you. There’s a reason she’s important to me.”

“You two were into each other, I get it.” You reply. You don’t pull away from him because right now, after losing Thor, you don’t want to lose Steve too. You’re not going to let this one go without a fight. Not this time. You’re done giving their ex-girlfriends a chance to steal them away. And though his touch makes your heart ache, it also makes your desire to have him be yours more intense. You reach down and run your hands along his forearms and stop only when you’ve reached his biceps. Your fingers caress his muscles gently, relishing in the way they feel underneath your hands.

“It’s more than that. You see Sharon’s last name is Carter.”

“Okay?” You bring your hands up to his chest, resting them there, reminding him of what your touch feels like. You won’t let him forget it. You’ll make him want it more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life.

“And her aunt was Margaret Carter,” Steve continues.

“Right?” You reply, your voice quiet and close to a whisper.

“Who we both know as Peggy Carter.”

Your hands freeze, and you let that sink in for a minute, eyes glued on Steve’s. “Oh.”


	22. Vex and Steve On Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You deal with the aftermath of "the call" and run a mission with Steve and the Avengers that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> B/F/N - Best Friend's Name

_“Vex, whaddya see?”_ Cap asks. His voice is quiet and controlled, barely above a whisper. The earpiece in your ear picks it up however and you silently sidle along the rooftop of the abandoned office building you’ve claimed as your lookout tower.

“You’re clear, Cap. Two guys at the front entrance. They’re distracted.” You crouch behind the three foot parapet, peeking over at the two guards seemingly lost in conversation.

Slightly beneath you, in the alleyway beside the factory warehouse you’ve been scouting the past week, Steve rushes to the opposite wall and also silently moves to the mouth of the alley. He hugs the wall, carefully peeks out towards the men then takes cover again.

He looks up at you and motions towards the roof of the warehouse. You nod and push off the wall. With little effort you simply step off the roof and soar through the air until you’re on the warehouse roof then drop silently.

“Are we going to do this together?” You ask, your voice is so soft it seems part of the wind. You hustle over to the far side of the warehouse roof and crouch by a parapet again.

 _“Just like we planned.”_ Cap says.

You peek over, down into the alley, and quickly take note of the space.

“Damn it.“ You mutter. You didn’t mean to do it out loud , it just slips out.

 _“What is it?”_ Cap’s voice, slightly panicked, rises in volume.

“Nothing.” You lie.

_“Don’t lie to me, Vex.”_

“Shh.” You stand up and face the edge. You take several steps back, take a quick breath, run, and jump over the edge. You twist your body in midair, turning yourself to face the warehouse wall. You reach down to your thighs as you begin to fall and pull four of your blades, two in each hand, from their slots.

You flick out your wrists as you release your blades and watch as they fly and embed themselves in the chests of the four bodies, men looks like, wearing black suits and masks. They fall in muffled heaps onto the black gravel alleyway.

Just as you’re about to land, only a foot off the ground, you push your hands put towards the ground as if you were smoothing out a dress, and you stop, floating for a moment before you lower yourself gently.

Once on your feet you retrieve your blades then hug the wall and sidle your way up to the edge where you peek out and spot the two guys you’d told the Cap about.

 _“What was that noise?”_ Cap wonders suspiciously.

“Success. Do you wanna go first or should I?”

Cap doesn’t seem amused as he huffs. _“How many were there?”_

You frown because he always knows how to read you. “Four.”

 _“Four?!”_ He growls, his worry coming through over the earpiece.

“Calm down, it was a piece of cake. Nobody saw me and they went down silently.” You’re not annoyed with Cap because you know why he’s worried. This is the closest you’ve come to this shadow group since they found your picture.

You were lucky that Cap allowed you out of his sight at all.

_“What did we say? No unnecessary risks.”_

_“Scolding her, Cap? Really? Vex can handle herself.”_ Nat’s voice is calm despite the obvious chastising.

_“I don’t-I’m not saying she’s not capable, I just need her to be careful.”_

_“As opposed to the rest of us who are allowed to be reckless?”_ Nat sounds amused but her voice is still more monotone.

“Nat’s right, Cap.” You weren’t any different from everyone else.

You peek out towards the men again and watch them disappear inside.

“Damn.”

Across the way, peeking out from the other alleyway, Cap frowns at you, communicating his frustrations without actually saying anything. You frown back at him.

 _“You’re different.”_ Cap insists, his voice stern.

“I’m the same as everyone else here.” You insist, still staring at his scolding eyes.

_“Not to me.”_

You know what he’s saying, and why. You know that Cap would give up his life for any of the other people on this team.

As you stare into his eyes, you see the same thing you’ve seen the past month. Since you found out about Sharon, you’ve seen the same look in his eyes every time he’s assured you that you’re the girl for him.

_You sit in Tony’s private den, the table set to the brim with food and the room full of laughter._

_“So I told him, ‘Listen, you don’t like James Rhodes, you don’t like War Machine. You don’t like War machine, you don’t like America. How would you like the President of our great country, a good friend of mine, to find out that his Secretary of Defense_ hates _America?’” Rhodey leans forward, tapping his finger against the table as he emphasizes several words as he speaks._

_Nat sits leaning back, relaxed in her seat beside Bruce. You can’t see their hands but you’re pretty sure they’re holding hands underneath the table._

_“So what did he say?” Nat asks, a smirk curving her full lips._

_“You know these heads of state types. You attack their patriotism and they clam up. Never heard another word of interference on a mission.”_

_Nat shakes her head, looking to Bruce with that same smirk. Bruce beams at her, smiling lightly but exuding utter happiness._

_Pepper sits at the head of the table, opposite Rhodey. She looks up, wincing from her recovering injuries, as Tony comes over carrying a large serving bowl of green beans, his free hand caressing the back of her neck as he places the bowl down._

_“Why didn’t you just mention my name? They know what it means. What to expect.” Tony says, his ego showing._

_Pepper laughs softly._

_Bruce looks to Tony with an amused look of gentle and affectionate scorn. “What’s that? A healthy dose of snark and sarcasm?”_

_Tony looks faux shocked at Bruce and opens his mouth to defend himself but is thwarted as Rhodey speaks first._

_“Mr. Stank? Sarcastic? I don’t think you and Tony are talking about the same person, Bruce.”_

_Tony looks down at the table in defeat, Pepper laughing again but reaching up to rub at his lower back. “Aw, babe.”_

_“You’re never gonna let that go, are you?” He asks, pointing at Rhodey as he sits in the seat to the left of Pepper._

_“I told you I wasn’t!” Rhodey says, then laughs._

_You laugh at the look on Tony’s face as he turns a pout to Pepper, who smiles at him with such sincere affection it feels intrusive to watch._

_Bruce and Nat are in quiet conversation, happy and still laughing. You look to your right at Steve and find him staring at the center of the table his face stoic and his eyes glazed over. He’s far away, who knows where, but you can see he’s not here in the moment with you._

_Your smile fades slowly as you watch him, waiting to see if he comes back to you on his own._

_How many times is this now in the last month? How many times has your heart ached and your stomach twisted uncomfortably as you watch him drift? You know he doesn’t mean to do it. You know that this was always a possibility, but it hurts. For a month you’ve tried to purge your life of Thor. You’ve given Steve your focus and commitment. With Steve is where you want to be._

_But…sometimes there are still dreams._

_So you can’t blame Steve. He’s not without his past, just as you aren’t without yours._

_Tony laughs at something Pepper has just told Rhodey and it pulls Steve from his reverie._

_He looks at you, his storm blue eyes pained as they see the pain in yours. You smile softly at him, showing him that you’re fine. That it’s okay._

_Steve clenches his jaw, his eyes blazing for a moment, before he opens his mouth to explain._

_You shake your head. “It’s okay.”_

_Steve wraps his right arm around your shoulders and pulls you towards him, his left hand finding the side of your face to pull you towards him. He kisses you, meaningfully, pouring all of his regret into it. You reach up and take hold of his wrist as you return his kiss. Trying just as much as he is._

_He pulls back and stares into your eyes, gently stroking your cheek._

_“Is this a competition? Pepper, let’s show them how it’s done.” Tony turns to Pepper and leans over the table towards her, causing her to laugh again._

_“Isn’t there a better place to have this conversation?”_ Tony’s voice is a bit stern, but not angry.

The front doors open again as the two men come back out. You and Steve both quickly duck out of sight.

 _“I’ll go first.”_ Cap whispers.

“Roger, Cap.” You lean against the wall, listening carefully for your cue.

You hear the distinct sound of the Cap gently kicking a stone out from the alleyway, drawing the attention of both men. You peek and see the man closest to him moves towards the alleyway warily, pulling a gun from his hip. As he reaches about three-quarters distance from his fellow guard, you move back and also gently kick an uneven stone out.

You know that you’ve successfully drawn the guard’s attention by the sound of his approaching footsteps.

As he reaches the corner you yank him into the alley with you. He points his gun at you. You smack it out of his hand then grab his wrist in the same motion. You spin him, he’s tall, and jump up a bit so that you can lock him in a chokehold. He tries to pull at your hands but of course he can’t overpower you.

Slowly he begins to weaken and finally goes still. You release him and land silently, his body crumbles at your feet.

You glance out towards the large metal doors and move around the corner to meet Cap in the middle, just in front of them.

“Front doors secure. Take your position Tony. Nat, you all set?” Cap looks you over quickly with his eyes, scanning for injuries probably, but then turns his gaze to the surrounding area. Having succeeded easily in the first part seems to put him in business mode and you follow suit, scanning the space to your left. The darkness of night helped in the alley but being exposed underneath the bright orange light coming from above the warehouse doors is not ideal.

You frown up at it and throw a small electrical disc—a gift from Nat—at the bulb. It fries, plunging you and Cap into darkness.

 _“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”_ Nat replies.

“Bruce? How many we got?” Cap asks.

 _“I’m showing multiple heat signatures. That warehouse is full of armed people, Cap. There’s gotta be more than thirty people. Are you sure this is such a good idea? I can’t exactly jump in if you need help.”_ Bruce is obviously worried.

“It’s now or never. You keep us apprised of any developments outside, let us worry about the guys inside. On my count.”

You and Cap both hurry to take cover by the two warehouse doors, watching each other as the tension mounts. This is it. You’re finally going to catch someone. You’ve been on a few missions since your adventure in the desert, but this is the first time you’ve caught up to these clowns. And you’re not taking any prisoners.

Excitement makes your blood pump faster, you heart pounding against your chest. Cap gives you a small smirk.

“1…2…now!” He turns just as you do, and both of you kick the doors open, knocking them off their hinges. Cap’s door flies straight for one of the guys in black and knocks him to the ground, immediately unconscious. You quickly duck towards the nearest target, underneath a steel staircase and platform, and disarm him as he holds up his gun to fire. Cap goes left, holding his shield aloft as he’s peppered by gunfire from the upper level. He slides underneath two targets, swiping at their feet so that they go tumbling to the ground.

Your target throws a punch and you block it, grab his wrist, and flip him. Once on the ground, you punch him rendering him unconscious.

Overhead you hear the distinctive sound of Iron Man’s repulsor beams as he takes out the second floor targets shooting at Cap.

_“You’re clear, Cap.”_

You spring to your right as another target comes rushing down the stairs and lunges at you with brass knuckles. You side step him and shove him towards the back wall where he hits hard. He turns towards you and slams his fists together drawing your attention as the brass knuckles spark. Distracted as you are, you don’t hear the other two men sneak up behind you.

One of them grabs your right arm and the second grabs your left. You growl, yanking your left arm so hard that you send that man flying over into Cap’s line of sight. He looks towards you but is swarmed by four men and is sufficiently detained as he throws his shield hard. It flies towards a metal beam where it bounces back, and hits two of the four men then returns to Cap’s arm. He ducks a punch then dives forward out of sight as the fourth man swings a large metal bar down towards him. They give chase.

You jump up, twisting your body so that you land behind the target still holding onto your right arm so that it’s wrapped around his neck instead. You ruthlessly twist your arm and hear a snap. His body falls to the ground. The man with the brass knuckles moves towards you and throw punch after punch, as you duck and sidestep until you back into a large rumbling motor. It’s hot and you push away from it, again, distracted, you don’t avoid it in time and the target lands a punch to your ribs.

You curve your body around the impacted spot and take hold of the man’s arm to use it as leverage to pull yourself up onto his shoulders. You throw yourself backwards, pulling his body up into the air and straight at the back wall again. He crashes against it, whimpering. You move towards him, grab his shirt front and pull him up, your fist pulled back for the punch.

The man holds his hands up defensively, his eyes quivering with fright. Part of his mask has come up and you reach down and yank it up over his head. He can’t be more than sixteen!

“You’re just a kid.” You realize. He’s big for a kid, football player maybe? He seems different now too, like a switch was turned off. All aggression is gone. “What are you doing here? Who are you?”

 _“Who’s just a kid?”_ Tony suddenly asks.

The kid watches you with trembling lips and shakes his head as tears begin to stream from his eyes. “I-I-I don’t know.” He says. “I don’t know.”

He repeats the same three words over and over as you think quickly. You pull him up with both hands and stare into his eyes. “Go home.”

 _“Vex, who are you talking to?”_ Nat says, mid-grunt.

He scrambles to his feet and you watch as he scurries out of the warehouse into the night.

A suspicion begins to overtake you. You’re so lost in thought you barely notice the two men rushing down the stairs. They point larger guns at you, alien weapons shining bright blue and purple. You snap back to reality and dive forward underneath their shots then race up the stairs, stopping when you’re level with their legs, grab their ankles, and pull them both down at once. They fall back and hit their heads hard, as you intended.

For a second they don’t move. You step over the one on the left and yank off his mask as well. But it’s not a ‘he’. It’s a girl, eighteen, maybe nineteen. Tall, athletic. She looks up at you with dazed eyes. “Why are you here? Tell me why you’re here.”

“I don’t know.” She says. She repeats this two more times.

“Go home.” You tell her, and she gets up and slowly stumbles out towards the front doors. The second body isn’t moving, knocked unconscious but a quick pull of their mask tells you it’s another underage kid. “What the hell is going on here?”

 _“That’s it.”_ Cap says.

You rush up the stairs. The second level is full of large wooden crates, each one labeled ‘Variant Z’. You freeze for a moment as you digest the sight but are then greeted by another two targets. You duck beneath their punches, bending your body almost in half as you push yourself to float forwards then turn and yank a bungee cord from a nearby box. You rush one of the targets. As they throw a punch you wrap one of their hands in the cord, then spin around behind them, wrapping their second hand tightly before you simply knock them on the head, hard enough to maybe knock them senseless. You’ll deal with them later. The second target stands tall, holding a gun on you. They squeeze the trigger. Just as the bullet is about to hit, an arm wraps around your waist pulling you close. You hear the _ding, ding, ding_ , as the target empties their clip against Cap’s shield. His face only inches from yours he stares into your slightly shocked eyes.

“That was close.” You say.

“Too close.” He replies. “What’s going on?”

“Cap, things aren’t what they seem. Some of these targets are kids.”

“What?” Cap says, unsure if he’s understanding you correctly.

The shooting stops and Cap springs forward, driving his boot into the shooter’s chest, hard. It sends the shooter flying towards the railing where he topples over it, like a ragdoll and falls down to the first floor.

You hurry forward to look down at the unmoving target. Was that a kid? Guilt begins to gnaw at you.

As gunfire soars towards you again, Cap holds up his shield, pulling you close once more. He steers you towards a short tower of crates and ducks behind it with you. “Explain.”

“Some of these targets are kids. Sixteen or so. They don’t seem to know what they’re doing. It’s like they’re under hypnosis or something. A good conk on the head brings them around but then they don’t know who they are or where they are. Something’s fishy about this, Cap.”

“Tony, you copy?” Cap asks.

 _“Another enhanced?”_ He wonders.

“Maybe.” Cap says. “Go for the stun, knock them unconscious, but no kills until we can figure out what’s going on. If these are really civilians, getting them out of here with as little damage as possible is our first priority.”

 _“Roger that.”_ Tony and Nat both say.

“You okay?” Cap asks, his hand tight on your arm.

“I’m-”

 _“I could use a little help over here!”_ Nat suddenly shouts. Both you and Cap rise, looking in her direction and see her swarmed by seven targets.

“This just got harder.” Cap sighs.

“Throw me?”

“Yep.” Cap grabs you by the back of your suit’s neck and the belt at your waist then spins you once and tosses you towards Nat.

You push yourself forward, throwing your arms forward as you crash into the ball of fighting. You knock three of the targets to the ground then quickly jump to your feet. They’re relentless with seemingly endless energy. Nat faces the opposite direction and you carefully step back towards her until you can feel her back against yours. Both you and she still hold your arms up, ready to fight.

“I really just wanna kill these guys.” Nat says, breathless. She’s got incredible stamina but how long can she last? She’s strong, you know that. But she’s your friend.

“You doing okay?”

“Are you kidding? I love fighting hypnotized teenagers.” She says, offhand.

“I go left, you go right?” You ask.

“Sure. Now!”

Nat lunges to the left and shocks the first target. Like a ribbon in the wind she slinks between two more targets and tags them with the Black Widow’s Bite as well. You yourself use a more straightforward approach and simply punch one, two, three, targets hard, in the face. Each of them falls, unconscious.

 _“Cap, there’s someone else in there.”_ Bruce reports.

_“What? Where?”_

“That wasn’t so hard.” Nat says, turning to you with a smirk.

“Yeah, not so-” You’re cut off as Nat is suddenly yanked to the ground, one of her targets seemingly awake again. He was larger than the others so probably not a kid. One of the real bad guys.

“Nat!” You move to rush towards her but a pull at your ankle tells you one of your own targets is awake.

Nat struggles with her target on the ground, locked in what looks like a violent wrestling match as she locks his head between her thighs and squeezes.

You look down and use your other leg to kick the target’s head more violently. You suddenly hear the power charge of a weapon behind you. You don’t even get to turn around when you’re suddenly sent into spasms as your body shakes and quivers with coursing electricity. You growl, pushing your body to move past the daze. You look up towards the second floor, as Tony flies upwards through the same skylight he’d crashed through to begin with, carrying two targets along with him.

On a rafter close to the ceiling, your blurry vision begins to make out a figure, pacing along the metal beam. It watches the fight for a few seconds then suddenly stops and jumps down. As you bring your gaze back forward, a large burly man tackles you hard, carrying you with the impact through a glass window onto the alleyway outside.

You fall, still slightly dazed from whatever weapon they’d used on you before. The target that tackled you rolls along the ground towards you and swings his arm down fast and hard. You react just in time, blocking the blow before thrusting your own arm out towards the target’s head. For a few seconds the two of you exchange punches before you finally swing your left leg up towards the target and straddle his waist. You break his block, shoving your hands between his arms then pulling them up so that his arms are spread wide. Then you punch him until he stops moving.

“That was close.” You sigh, still dazed, but recovering. You give your head a little shake to try and clear it.

 _“Vex?”_ Cap asks, his voice frenzied with worry. _“You alright?”_

“Yeah, I’m-” You gasp as you feel a sharp sting to the left side of your neck. You reach up and grasp what feels like a hand. You try to pull it but you begin to feel weak quickly. Your fingers follow the hand to fingers, then down to what you know is a syringe, the needle embedded deep within your neck.

 _“Vex?”_ Cap asks, again.

You roll sideways off your unconscious target as your strength fades. You groan, your body slowly catching fire from within. It’s like your blood is knives and needles again. Like when you took your serum.

 _“She’s outside, Cap, alleyway. Someone’s with her!”_ Bruce sounds panicked.

Over you, the same figure from the rafters stands, staring down at you before they move to step over your body and slowly squat down so that they can look into your eyes. They’re not wearing a mask and as they come closer, the blur fades and your sudden focus in on the unmistakable eyes of your best friend, B/F/N.

They lick their lips as they watch you squirm a bit and sigh. There’s a coldness in their eyes that you have never seen before. And they’re different. You can feel it. Like you. B/F/N is like you.

“I found you.” They say.

 _“Vex?!”_ Cap shouts.

You gasp as the pain doubles and reach down for one of your knives but you’re moving so slowly that B/F/N smiles, amused at your weak attempt to protect yourself.

“I have two options here, Y/N, I can either leave you here to die. Or I can take you with me and see what happens, maybe help you.” They lean in closer, their voice dropping down to a whisper. “But seeing as you left _me_ to die, I think I’ll just return the favor. Good luck living through the night.”

B/F/N rises and disappears into he shadows as darkness consumes you.


	23. Thor, Vex, and Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're in pain, in more ways than one.

Agony. You’re in agony. Your body is your enemy. You never thought that you would get to know what it felt like to be ripped inside out and still be alive. You’ve felt pain before, but never anything like this. This was blinding, you were here, in your body feeling every burn, tear, and cut. And yet, you were also unaware of anything else. The pain was all that mattered. It was like someone had replaced your blood with lava and you know that if this ever passes—how long has it been? A few days at least.—you would be a charred husk, empty of anything that made you who you are.

You are the pain and it’s all you see, all you feel. And still, because your senses are so attuned, trained to detect your surroundings thanks to Steve’s tireless efforts to make you as fierce a warrior as possible, you can hear them. They’re panicking. They’re loud. They don’t care that you’re in pain they keep making noise, hurting your ears. You want to focus on the pain so that you can get control of it. So that you can find the strength to push past it. But they won’t shut up!

“Bruce, what’s wrong with her?” Steve is asking. He sound so desperate, so agonized.

“I don’t know! I’ve never seen anything like this before. I’m not exactly a medical doctor, Steve, this isn’t my area!” Bruce sounds helpless. He tries to help you, examining the puncture wound in your neck.

“Do something! Why is she so stiff?” You’ve never heard Steve be unreasonable before. This wasn’t what he was expecting to come from tonight.

“I don’t know. If it’s like the serum from before, it’s probably trying to change her body.” Bruce reasons.

“Are you saying that the person at the warehouse injected her with more serum?”

“It’s possible.” You feel Bruce’s hands on your wrist, looking for a pulse. “Probably that Variant Z that we found. Her heart is racing. Her body is strong, but I don’t know what mixing two serums will do. She could mutate with consequences like my own or something different. Or-”

“Or?” Steve is beside your head, you can feel his hands gripping your stiff shoulders as he leans over you, trying to look into your eyes.

“She could d-” Bruce starts.

“No!” Steve shouts, anger radiating through the cabin of a stealth jet. It wasn’t the one you and Steve had used to go to the Grand Canyon. This one was different. It was smaller. Not as fast.

Bruce doesn’t reply again. He might have thought better of messing with Steve while you’re in such agony.

“She’s gonna be fine,” Steve whispers. “She’ll be fine. She just needs to relax.” He reaches down to your hand and tries to straighten one of your fingers. They’re curled into claws as your body is rocked with spasm after spasm of paralyzing pain.

You feel a break and a much duller ache begins at the finger Steve was holding. “Shit.”

“No.” Bruce hurries over and moves Steve’s hands away and looks your finger over. “Her body is too stiff. Doing that will only hurt her. I know you want to help, but we’ll only do more damage than good. We have to wait until we’re in the med bay back on the compound.”

“I’m so sorry. Y/N, I didn’t mean…I’m sorry.” He places his hands on either side of your face, looking into your eyes. You know his face is there, you know on some level that his eyes are frenzied. You’ve never seen him this way before. And on some level, you see something off about his panic. Something detached. “Bruce, we can’t just do nothing.”

“Tony took Nat back to the compound to pick up the jet. She’ll fly out and get Shuri. She might be the only person that knows how to at least analyze Y/N so that we know what we’re dealing with.” Bruce’s voice is farther away, in the cockpit maybe?

“The jet?” Steve repeats, quietly, and to himself. He shakes his head, staring down at you with utter horror. “That’s not fast enough.”

“What?” Bruce shouts back at him.

“That’s not fast enough.” Steve says, more loudly and with a steel resolve.

“What are you thinking?” Bruce comes back, stopping by your head so that you can see him staring at Steve in confusion.

Steve’s hands are gripped into tight fists, his shoulders heaving as he stares at the statue you’ve become. “I only hope he doesn’t kill me.”

“What are you-You’re gonna ask _him_ for help?” Bruce’s shock would have been enticing if you were not otherwise engaged in your slow death.

“He’s faster. He can get to Wakanda and bring Shuri back in no time. We need her here, now.” Steve produces the same simple flip phone he’d received the call about Sharon on a month ago. He hesitates, staring down at the keypad before he turns regretful eyes on you. “He’s gonna kill me.”

He finally dials and places the phone to his ear.

Several things happen at the same time. First, you realize that you’re being wheeled into the med bay. You’re not sure what happened with Steve and the phone call he made. What you were aware of was how much you wanted to just be dead. The room you’re in is a different one. You can see glass walls, all around. One of the walls slides open automatically as you approach it.

“Put her on the table, Steve.” Bruce orders and Steve does as he’s told. He lifts you gently from the gurney you were on and slides you gently onto another hard steel surface. “I’m gonna go meet them.”

You hear Bruce’s retreating footsteps as he runs from the operating room. Above you, Steve is staring at you again. You see him. You do. But you also can’t let him know. You’re frozen. You have no voice and even your eyes do not betray the pain. They’re glued on the ceiling.

“Can you hear me?” He asks. “Y/N?”

He reaches down and places his hands gently on the sides of your face again, caressing your cheeks gently. You hear a sudden buzzing and Steve pulls away. He moves over to his shield, which he’d deposited on a chair in the corner, and picks up his phone. He stares at the number as it rings and rings. You hear the buzzing as he stares at it. His free hand clenched into a fist as he struggles with himself.

You can see this, but you can’t tell him you can. You can’t turn your head so that he knows you’re watching. The phone stops. He sighs heavily before he begins to turn towards you. Before he can turn his head completely, the phone begins to buzz again. He turns back to it, staring at it for a few rings before he finally flips it open. “Sharon? What’s wrong?”

Sharon? He was still talking to her. Somewhere in your pain addled chest, you felt a small hint of betrayal. You shouldn’t have. You know that things are complicated. You know that she has no one. Steve is her one person. The one person that she has in the world. Like you only had Thor.

You shouldn’t blame her for that or blame him for caring. But you can’t help but realize that you’ve been right.

“I’m just a little busy. Something happened on mission.” Steve says. “No, I’m alright. Just another team member is really hurt. We’re not sure if they’ll make it.”

Another team member? _They’ll_?

“No, it’s no one you know. New member. The one I told you about last time. She’s not doing so well. Can I call you back? Okay. Bye.”

You have no words. Literally and figuratively. You can’t speak and you’re glad of it. Even if you could, what would you say?

“Steve, get her suit!” Bruce’s voice suddenly echoes from the hallway. A second later they’re turning the corner and Bruce is speeding with a young girl at his side. She can’t be more than a teenager! She looks like the kids you’d seen in the warehouse. Nineteen? Maybe younger? Maybe older? She has beautiful dark skin, her eyes are large and feline, her frame is small, and she walks with a quick and focused pace. She’s wearing a pair of simple black pants, over that she wears a tight, sheer white blouse and yellow under shirt, with an array of small colorful beads that flow down to the front of her necklace where three small and shining silver claws gleam underneath the bright lights. Behind her and Bruce, Thor stomps his way forward carrying a large black military grade box. He’s changed, wearing his black Asgardian armor, his red cape billowing behind him.

As he places the large box at your feet, he stares at you, absorbing your image before he turns to Steve who has moved to your right to begin and remove your suit. Thor reaches out suddenly, gripping Steve’s wrist hard. Bruce and Shuri freeze, staring at the two large men.

Steve looks at Thor’s hand then looks up at his face, his eyebrows knit together as he stares without words. Thor too is staring at Steve with obvious anger in his expression. The silence feels unending when finally, Thor speaks.

“I will do that.” Even as you die in agony, hearing his deep voice and feeling it reverberate through your chest gives you such happiness that for a billionth of a second you feel no pain. He moves around, the table, still holding onto Steve’s wrist. As he reaches the other side of the table he shoves it away, sending Steve back.

Just as Steve squares his shoulders to retaliate, Thor lifts one massive arm and points at Steve’s left side.

“You are injured. She will not forgive you for neglecting yourself when she is better. No matter how close to death she may be.” Thor explains. Though he is angry, he speaks for Steve’s benefit. For yours.

“She’s not going to die!” Steve growls.

“Go on, Steve. We’ve got Y/N.”

Steve huffs but moves around Thor and disappears from view. Thor turns to you, a worried glaze overtaking his handsome features. His hair is slightly disheveled. In its longer state, it’s prone to going this way and that. If you weren’t distracted with your pain, you might have reached up and run your fingers through it.

“That was awkward.” Shuri says. Her accent is fluid but staccato at the same time. She has a slight roll to her R’s and you know that it’s African, but you don’t know enough about the region to pinpoint it exactly. You do know she’s Wakandan, though that doesn’t say much.

You will feel guilty later when you remember these thoughts, but Thor consumes you. No matter how much time passes, he is your magnet. Your other half. When he’s not around you’re always in pain. You only realize it when you see him again and your pain subsides. Steve makes you happy, but if this past month has taught you anything, it’s that Steve’s heart was elsewhere. It hurts, it does, but you can’t blame him. And you’re not angry at him.

Right now, however, you’re in pain! You feel a surge of sharp razors cut your hips from the inside and you arch your back, going stiff again as the pain bends you to its will. Thor’s hands freeze on your stomach where they were working to pull your suit off. He’d only managed to open it and set your knife set aside.

“Banner!” Thor exclaims, immediately taking his hands back for fear of having hurt you.

Shuri has been unloading four tall towers. She’s placed them at each corner of your table and then finally moves over to your left wrist and places a ring of large black beads around your wrist. The beads suddenly travel down your arm and separate as they each claim a different pressure point on your body. The four towers suddenly surround you in light and it’s almost like an x-ray is projected over your body. Your body is see-through. Shuri pulls out a long flat panel which is clear until she holds it up to your body and it suddenly lights up as she walks the length of the table. She stalls for a second, staring at something, and then continues.

“What are you using?” Bruce asks, despite your predicament, he’s fascinated by the sight of the technology. “It looks like a real-time x-ray. But how are you able to expose her body to all this radiation? And us?”

“There is no radiation.” She tells him. “Don’t worry, Bruce. You are safe.”

“What do you see?” Thor wonders, his eyes glued on your x-rayed body, searching for the source of your distress.

“I see many things, God of Thunder, which you obviously don’t.” Another swipe at Thor.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He finally turns his gaze on her and she shakes her head with a small shrug thrown in for good measure.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Shuri finally stops, she presses a few things on her lit panel and it zooms in on something.

“What?” Bruce asks, finally interested in your well-being. “What is it?”

“What did you say she was injected with?” Shuri looks to Bruce with a furrowed brow.

“A different variant of the same serum she took to become a super soldier.”

“And these variants are modified?”

Bruce nods. “We’re guessing they were trying different things, experimenting on them. This one would be different to the one that she took. Why?”

Shuri turns back to you, a frown curving her lips downwards. “The serum she was injected with is attacking her cells. Her modified cells. Since her cells have already fused with her original serum, the new variant is destroying them. All of them.”

“What does that mean?” Thor asks, sounding just a little more desperate for information.

Shuri turns her gaze on him and stares into his agonized blue eyes. “It means that the serum is killing her. It will continue to attack the modified cells until they are gone.”

“Are you saying that Y/N is decomposing at a cellular level?” Bruce clarifies.

“Yes. Her organs will begin to shut down. And there is no way to tell where it will start. It could very well start with her hea-”

Your body suddenly shakes violently as your chest explodes. Thor reaches out and holds you down on the table with incredible strength and keeps you from hurting yourself and anyone else. Shuri looks to Bruce as she rushes to the box and begins to search through it. “Do you have any more of that serum?”

Bruce’s hands are on his chest as he steps back a bit so that your violent shaking won’t hit him. “What serum?”

“The one she took. The first one.”

“Variant X? Yes, yes. We have it. Tony, Tony took it. I’ll get Tony to bring some.” Bruce turns and runs out of the surgery room as fast as he can.

Thor is still holding you, but as your body begins to shake more violently he lowers his upper body down over yours to apply more pressure. He looks into your eyes, his jaw clenched and his eyes about to spill over. “You are not dying today, love. You are stronger than any serum. Fight this. You must fight it. You must fi-”

You drift out, the world falls away, and as your heart finally stops, you go very still.

Air rushes into your lungs like a hiccup. As you gasp, you open your eyes, your body overcome as your senses come to life. You feel warmth beneath you. You’re no longer on a steel table, but on a hospital bed. As your body begins to grow accustomed to the room you begin to pick up other things. You can hear people talking. Far away but talking all the same. There’s a sudden buzzing that catches your ear and before you turn to look at it, you remember the call you overheard and you quickly shut your eyes.

Someone beside you takes a deep breath, sounding sleepy. The buzzing stops, and a voice speaks.

“Hello?” Tired though it sounds, you recognize Steve’s even tone. “Sharon, yeah, sorry. No, I didn’t forget I was just…distracted. What did you need?”

There’s a heavy silence that fills the room and you know what she must be asking. You’re not listening in because you’d hate it if someone did it to you.

“Right now?” Steve hesitates and sighs lightly. “I…uh…I don’t know.”

More silence. Slowly, as slowly as you can manage, you turn to look at him. You’re so quiet and weak that he doesn’t hear you turn.

“Of course, I wanna see you, Sharon, it’s just that things are a little complicated. I need to be here right now. I know. Yeah. Sharon…don’t…Sharon. Sharon, wait. Sharon? Sharon?” He huffs lightly in defeat as he lowers the phone from his ear. He shakes his head once as he stares down at the phone in his hands and your chest aches at the sadness in his eyes. He finally looks up, his blue eyes bright when they see you awake.

“Oh, Y/N, I never thought you’d wake up.” He rushes to your side, taking hold of your right hand. He presses it to his cheek before he pulls it to his lips where he kisses it once. “You scared the hell outta me.”

He sounds so relieved you almost believe that he would rather be here than anywhere else in the world. When you don’t smile at him, his face falls, worry and embarrassment suddenly overtaking his features. He seems to realize what’s happened the longer he stares at you because your own eyes begin to water.

“Damn it.” He whispers. Shutting his eyes, he keeps your hand pressed to his cheek.

“Sit down.” You whisper hoarsely.

Steve reaches over and pulls the chair he’d been sitting in close, not releasing your hand as he does so. Once he’s seated he leans his elbows on the bed beside you as he cradles your hand between the two of his.

“I know what you must have heard. But, Y/N, it’s not what you think. Sharon is-”

“She’s in your heart.” You whisper. It hurts to admit it out loud, but you know it’s true. You’ve known for a while.

“You’re my priority.” Steve assures you.

“Steve, you’ve been trying to convince me and yourself for the past month that with me is where you want to be.” You keep your voice even, willing yourself to be strong because though your heart is breaking, you have to do this. You can’t live like this.

“I don’t-”

“Let me finish.”

You see the confusion flash across his face as your order hits him and despite your heartache, you’re glad that you still have your ability, no matter how much you hate it sometimes, it’s a part of you now.

“I know that you want to do right by me. You’re good that way. You’re sweet and kind and so self-sacrificing that I cannot sit here and watch you give up your happiness.”

Steve sighs as he watches you, his eyes pooling a little.

“You had love once, with Peggy. And you gave her up so that you could save millions of people. Here you have a chance to really be happy again. And I know you care about me. You have feelings for me. I know that. This isn’t a betrayal, Steve. This is accepting that despite our feelings for each other, I don’t really make you happy. Not in the way that counts. I’ve seen it. All month longs.” You stop after every sentence, catching your breath. “For the first time you have the ability to make the right choice about the woman you love. So, make it. Make the right choice.”

You watch as he absorbs your words, the little line that creases the space between his eyebrows deep as he blinks, trying to keep his tears from spilling over. He tightens his jaw and shakes his head.

“Being with you is the right choice. I know I failed you tonight, but you are the woman I want to be with. I belong here, by your side. So, you’re right, I will make the right choice. You’re my choice.” He’s resolved on his decision, but you realize that you did tell him to make the right choice. So, he was going to make what he thought was the right choice, no matter how wrong for him it might be.

“Steve…” You begin, taking a deep breath as you once again force yourself to stop your own emotions from overflowing. “One day, you’re going to forgive me.”

You blink and regret it because your tears fall. And as your lower lip quivers Steve’s own façade breaks down as he tilts his head to the right slightly and reaches up towards your face to wipe away a tear. His own eyes, red, cry their own tears at your pain. “Y/N, I’m sorry.” He still thinks that apologizing for the phone call is enough.

“Steve, I don’t want you to make the right choice.” You say, and his face fills with confusion. “What I want-I want you to be with whoever is truly in your heart. The person that you want to see every day. I want you to choose the person who is truly in your heart. Choose that person. Now.”

Steve’s confused face rips your heart into pieces. He processes your order, taking in every facet of it until his face finally clears. He’s not crying anymore but he can still see the pain in your face and he stands. He leans down to press a soft, sweet kiss to your forehead. As he pulls away he stares into your eyes. “You’re wrong.”

You raise your eyebrows, unsure of what he means.

“I’ll never forgive you for this.” He takes back his hand and with one final look at you, lying on your recovery bed, he leaves the room.

Now that he’s gone, you’re not afraid to let yourself cry. Sure, you knew Steve didn’t love you in a way that would really count in the long run. And he knew it too. But you did still love him. And he loved you. You both cared deeply for each other, but your love was not forever. This was knowledge that was easy to accept but painful to admit.

Eager to be away from this horrible room you very slowly work your way out of your bed. Your feet touch the cold floor and you almost topple to the ground. Though you have your ability, it feels a little as if your strength is gone. Were you weak again? Were you nothing again? Just enhanced? Had B/F/N killed the super soldier and made you into a regular human again?

As you walk, you find that slowly some of your strength returns. You walk as quietly as you can, not wanting to draw attention to yourself if you can help it. The hallways seem to be deserted. Surely someone is in the atrium?

You take the elevator, dragging your slouching, useless body up to the atrium where you approach the kitchen but find it empty. The entire atrium and living area is empty.

Pepper must be around. And Tony. In his den, maybe? You move back to the elevator and move down to Tony’s floor. As you exit, you can hear voices again, talking. Two of them. You stop just outside of Tony’s personal lab, aware that you might be interrupting some type of important conversation.

When you recognize the voices, Tony’s and Thor’s, your feet shoot forward as your heart pounds against your chest, eager to see Thor. The excitement gives you a bit more strength though you’re still a weak shell of a human being.

You enter the lab and find it as empty as the rest of the living quarters. Where is everyone? And the voices? As you move into the lab you look towards a small monitor on one of Tony’s lab tables. You move to it, lift it up into your hands. It can’t be larger than ten inches. It’s displaying a video feed though how Tony has video feed of the cabin where Thor and Jane are staying is beyond you.

Reluctantly you watch.

It’s that balcony on the floor with Jane’s bedroom and office. Judging from the height of the video feed, Tony must have taken his Iron Man armor with him to see Thor. He’s in the video however so he must have it in surveillance mode.

“I heard you almost punched Cap’s lights out.” Tony says. He stands leaning against the railing, his back to the view and his hands placed neatly in front of him. “Not that he doesn’t deserve it, but maybe it’s a little harsh? Seeing as you’re no better.”

“He’s been hiding it from her. There’s a marked difference between Steve and myself. I was up front with Y/N about my doubts.”

“Were you?” Tony wonders, sarcastic and unrelenting. “From what I understood, you only told her about Jane because she forced you to, inadvertently.”

“That may be, but I was at least-”

“Just admit it. You’re no better than Cap, Thor. More to the point, you chose Jane. So, there’s that. Sharon came back into Cap’s life and he’s standing by Y/N’s side. He’s doing the right thing.”

“That won’t make, Y/N happy. She’ll hate herself for it. My blossom is a true champion in battle and of the heart.” Thor sounds so proud of you that you consider lowering the tablet to get away from this terrible conversation you’ve stumbled upon.

“She is a fighter.” Tony agrees. “Shuri says that her system is weak. There’s no way to know what reinjecting her with Variant X will do. Steve’s keeping an eye on her, in case something should change.”

“Perhaps I should go relieve him? I could watch her for a while.” Thor offers, sounding somewhat hopeful but a little unsure.

“You?” Tony asks. “You don’t get a say in Y/N’s life anymore. Obviously, we’re all grateful that you helped but you gave up that responsibility, bud. You can’t just take it back when you want.”

Tony sounds like he’s getting slowly more and more upset. “I told you before that you needed to stay away. You coming around them, around Steve and Y/N, not helping.”

“I don’t mean to come between them, if that is what you are implying. I merely want to know that she’s safe. That she’s happy and healthy.” Thor reasons, his voice dropping into a kind of desperate pleading.

“You don’t have the right to make sure that she’s happy and healthy. She’s not yours anymore.” Tony says, mercilessly. A slap to Thor’s face it seems.

He turns away from Tony and moves to lean against the balcony’s banister, staring out over the grounds of the cabin.

“What are you thinking, Thor? Hm? Explain that to me. Explain to me your frame of mind. Do you think that you can be with Jane until she lives out her human life and then go back to Y/N because she’s a little more immortal now? That she’ll always be waiting for you?”

Thor stands taller, his hands grip onto the railing a bit more tightly as he takes some kind of offense and yet he doesn’t speak.

“I hate to break it to you, man but things don’t _work_ that way. Women don’t work that way. If things don’t happen to work out with Steve, Y/N _will_ find someone else. Who knows, it could be some other random guy.”

Thor turns. His eyes spark blue as he glares daggers at Tony at his suggestion that you could be with anyone else.

“Hey, it’s the truth. She’s a good woman.” You have never heard Tony speak this way. It’s more than a leader. More than a friend. Almost like a paternal figure.

Thor moves to the bench by the door and sits himself down. He leans forward onto his knees and clasps his hands together looking less angry and more at a loss.

“You know what I see when I look at her? I see a reckless woman who took the Super Soldier serum for you. Because she loves you. Because she wanted to be a woman worthy of ruling Asgard by your side.”

Thor looks up at Tony and shakes his head, “She already was.”

“That may be, but she didn’t feel confident enough to do it as just a regular human and you should respect that.”

“I almost lost her today.” Thor realizes. Maybe it’s the darkness or the shitty quality of the video feed to the tablet, but for a moment you think that you see a tear glistening on Thor’s cheek. “I almost lost her. Y/N is so different now, but all I see is the sweet woman who took pity on me, gave me shelter, and kindness. Who made me laugh and challenged all my previous perceptions of what love could be.”

Tony nods, agreeing with Thor. “Women like Y/N don’t come along very often. And listen, I get it. I know Jane is special, but here’s the question you have to ask yourself. And if you can answer this question then you’ll know what you need to do.”

“What’s the question?” Thor’s deep voice is tight with emotion.

“Who can you absolutely not live without?” Tony asks.

Thor stares at him, his bright blue eyes tortured and unsure.

“It was Pepper for me.” Tony says and shrugs, his hands palms up. “Who do you need in your life to survive? Who gets you through the day? Answer that question and you’ll know what you need to do.”

Tony points at Thor then shoves his hands in his pockets.

Thor considers Tony for a few seconds more before he turns to the left, to the window of the office, and watches Jane work. She’s leaning over a desk of papers, full of calculations and numbers, the ones you didn’t understand.

Seconds pass and Thor continues to stare at her. Each second rips your heart open further, tearing it into small, mismatched pieces that might never fit together the same way again. You’re already mourning your loss of Steve.

A minute passes and you’re unable to keep watching. You press the small button on the bottom right corner of the monitor and watch the image flicker out.

You’re not sure what is worse. Seeing Thor with Jane or watching him try and make up his mind about who he can’t live without. He stared at her for so long. Clearly, it’s her. He wouldn’t have left you in the first place if you had been all he needed.

You shut your eyes, resolved in your final rejection. You’ve cried enough tonight. You know that it’s over. And you accept it.

You turn and begin to head back towards the med bay, back to your room so that you can curl up in your bed and just wallow for a bit. Love just wasn’t in the cards for you. This was the truth, and this was what you had to accept. As you reach the atrium you find it still empty. Tony had said that Steve was watching you. But you sent Steve away.

So, did that mean that everyone else was out? It was probably a bad time to be feeling dizzy then.

“Shit.” You mutter as you reach out for the circular pillar by the kitchen to keep your balance. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. get…help.”

You give the order and hear her respond but you’re not sure what she says because the next second you’re falling forward into darkness one more time.


	24. Thor, Vex, and the Hulk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make the choice to fight!

You can hear the quiet murmur of two voices in conversation. The voices are whispering, rapidly, talking so quickly that you can’t focus on them.

Where are you? More importantly, _who_ are you? You try and remember for a second but when your mind continues to be blank you move past the confusion. You open your eyes and scan your surroundings.

You’re in a room that feels familiar but you don’t remember ever being in it before. There’s a hospital bed, which is what you’re on, and a chair to your right. It’s a plain stuffed orange chair but angled so that you realize someone must have been sitting in it. Across from the end of your bed is a long table with a vase of flowers. You like them. You realize they’re your favorite.

To your left is a small sofa and another orange chair. The walls are dark grey, the painting is uneven, and the color is lighter and darker in different places. The ceiling is a plain white square pane ceiling. Peppered with holes and if you focus on it you can see how dirty it actually is. Also, to your left is the open door.

You throw your legs over the edge and gently place your feet on the floor. Its black tile, cold and expensive. As you look down at your feet, you notice a small splint on your right hand’s middle finger.

Is it broken? You try to move it but when a dull ache responds to the movement you turn away and get to your feet. Your legs feel strong. They’re steady and for a moment you think about how you’d like to move forward.

Suddenly your body rises a foot into the air. It feels amazing, you know you can do it. It happens so easily, with only the hint of an impulse. With just the slightest of intent, you begin to fly towards the door, smooth and easy.

When you clear the door and want to turn right, you do. Your body floats, weightless and smooth, down a hallway. You turn on instinct as you maneuver your way through the halls. It’s like you know where you’re going without actually knowing how you know.

You find your way to a staircase and take it. Then another. Drifting through the air the entire way, flying inches above the actual steps. When you come upon a large room with a kitchen, two large tables, a sitting area, and a living area with large sofas, you move straight for a long wall of glass through which you can see the outdoors. The glass door is shut so you pull it open. A gentle gust of warm air blows your hair around you, wafting it up like an erratic pink-white crown. Your eyes are drawn to it. Distracted, you float in place between the large room and the balcony.

You reach up and take a soft strand in your hand. You don’t get to admire the pretty, very pale pearlescent pink hue because once again your eyes are distracted by the shiny silver and blue splint on your finger. You release your hair and stare at the silver before a shouting cadence of rhythmic rhyming draws your ears and gaze out towards the balcony again. You float forward to the furthest corner edge and stare out at a large rectangular green lawn. In the distance by the water you can see a troop of soldiers? They’re the ones rhyming. Chanting. As you stare out at the compound you feel the strangest sense of déjà vu. Have you been here before? How did you know where to come?

Behind you there are footsteps. The person walking must be large. You can hear the weight as it shifts from foot to foot. You don’t turn around but you smell the person before you hear them; a cool spring breeze, rain clouds, and the slightest hint of ozone. The smell is intoxicating, and you feel your chest clench almost painfully as it overcomes your senses. It’s like smelling your favorite smell though you’re not sure how a person could smell so good.

“Y/N?” The person is male! His voice is deep, penetrating, it resonates in your chest and you feel pleasure from the top of your head to the tips of your toes when you hear it. It almost lights you on fire you have such a pull towards it. It’s like someone has put a spell on you. You want to consume the smell and the voice. It’s so shocking and exciting that finally, you turn to look at the source. An Adonis with short blonde hair, shocking blue eyes so deep and pleading that you want to answer any questions he might have. His arms are massive! And he himself is massive. At least compared to you. You imagine several different scenarios all at once that should make you blush, but don’t.

He’s so tall that you have to look up, even at this distance, to admire his perfect face. His face must have been chiseled from marble though it’s partially hidden behind a blonde scruff of beard. You don’t hate it. It makes him look rugged. His arms, his torso, his long legs. Everything is just as it should be. Perfect. He takes a step towards you it’s relaxed and familiar, the way his arms swing at his sides, the way he shifts his weight, the soft and happy heartbreaking smile on his face. And though you aren’t sure why, you feel a sudden wariness overcome you. You feel threatened. You recognize your flight instinct kick in. You drift back a bit through the air, but you have nowhere to go and you hit the railing. The handsome man lifts his hands up, showing you that he means no harm but you’re not buying it. For some reason, you don’t trust him. You turn around and fly higher as you attempt to clear the balcony to go down into the familiar compound.

A hand suddenly closes around your shoulder and you react. Your body responds quickly, almost on instinct. You turn and push the man hard so that he crashes against the other side of the balcony, the railing bending around his body.

He winces, groans, and then carefully pulls himself out of the suddenly bent railing. As he steadies himself he looks up at you, the pain from your shove evident on his face. “Were you always this strong?”

You don’t answer because you don’t know this man. You don’t trust him. No matter how much you kinda wanna kiss him. Instead of moving towards the compound you begin to fly towards the door. Waiting in the room you woke up in might be best so that you can speak to someone and get things explained to you.

You’re just inside the door when the man’s hand closes around your right shoulder this time.

“Y/N, stop. What is the matter? Are you upset with me?” The man sounds desperate again and confused.

His question lights a fuse for some reason and you’re instantly angry. You twist towards him and bring your arm back hard. He manages to step back to avoid your swing.

He laughs twice, a simple and triumphant, “Haha!” As he avoids your elbow.

“I will not fall for that again.” He shakes his finger at you, faux scolding you. His smile smug. You quickly bring your left fist forward and land a punch on his chest. You must be strong because the handsome man suddenly flies through the outer railing, the steel tearing as he crashes into it. His body continues to fly through the air and you move to follow him. His body soars down towards the green lawn that you admired earlier and crashes into it, sliding for a good fifty feet, carving a large divot into the otherwise perfect green grass.

The man slowly begins to recover as he twists up from the ground to face you, his eyes narrowed as he groans and gets to his feet.

“What the hell?” He grumbles quietly to himself but your hearing is so good that you hear him as if he were standing beside you. “Y/N? Who am I?”

You tilt your head to the left as you consider his question, but you don’t feel like answering it. You land on the grass lightly and stand tall as you watch him with curiosity.

“Are you aware of where you are?” He asks. When you don’t answer he sighs, rubs his chest, and begins to move towards you again. “Y/N, it looks like the serum has affected your memory. I am going to approach you. Okay? Please, do not hit me again.”

He moves towards you slowly. You take a step back.

“Woah,” He begins. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“My lawn!” Someone behind you says. The voice is distant. Maybe on the balcony? “How is it that you _both_ destroy my lawn?”

You don’t turn around because the handsome man is close again. He’s a foot away.

“Can I touch you?” The handsome man asks. “You won’t hit me?”

He smiles at you genuinely, his eyes squinting a bit so that all you see is their breathtaking blue. The skin at the corners crinkles as he widens his smile so that you see the white of his teeth. He looks so stupid good that your mind becomes temporarily befuddled. His hands close around your biceps, gently at fist then a bit more firmly as he steps closer and closer. He’s only a foot away from you now. Ten inches. Six inches. Your bodies are almost touching.

He’s intoxicating. You want to inhale him again. Your heart is pounding and you’re not exactly sure why.

“There you go.” He whispers, quiet enough so that only you can hear him. His voice rumbles in your chest. He reaches up and tuck your hair behind your ear and the gentle touch of his fingertips on your neck sends chills throughout your body. “Do you know who I am?”

You shake your head once.

“It’s alright. I’m sure it will come back to you.” He slowly lets his hands drift down towards your hands but when he reaches your forearms he shifts them onto your hips.

Red suddenly floods your vision. You’re sure that he shouldn’t be touching you like this. It makes you angry without knowing why. You bring your right fist down and deliver a powerful uppercut. The strength of the punch doesn’t surprise you but the person who’d been speaking before about his lawn speaks again.

“Holy shit.” He says. Surprised as the handsome man suddenly goes flying into the air.

You begin to fly as you watch him go but stop about six feet above the ground as you observe him soar up high into the sky, disappearing into the clouds.

“What’s going on?” Another male voice suddenly asks. “Woah, what happened to the balcony?”

“Er…” The first voice says. “I’m pretty sure she did it.”

“Y/N’s up? Where’s Thor?”

“Uh…up there.” The first voice says.

“Up there?” The second voice asks. “How did he get up there?!”

“I think we know now exactly how the serum affected Y/N.”

“What? Made her stronger?” The second voice wonders.

“Tchyeah, you could say that. It looks like she might actually be strong enough to kill Thor. If she’s angry enough.”

“Kill-?” But the second voice doesn’t get to finish his question as he suddenly groans deeply.

You turn to look at him because he doesn’t sound right.

“Bruce?” The first man asks.

The one called Bruce groans again, but his voice sounds deeper and echoed as he grunts. Like two people talking at the same time. He looks up at you and his face slowly begins to turn green. The color spreads out from underneath his shirt at the base of his neck.

“Bruce, buddy? Come on, man. You won’t hulk out to help me save Pepper, but you’ll hulk out for that meathead?” The first man asks, annoyed. He quickly dives inside as the man named Bruce grows to tower at what must be nearly nine feet. He’s completely green now, very wide. So wide that his body rips right through his shirt as he grows and as he finishes growing he turns to look at you. With a look of pure hatred, he screams in what you can only call an earth-shattering war cry. He pushes off of the broken balcony and flies towards you in a powerful jump. He’s barreling towards you as you reach out, ready for impact.

As he reaches you, you take hold of one of his arms and in mid-air, you twist him up over your head and with a great groan of effort, you shift his trajectory, tossing him over your head towards the ground. He growls as he disappears into the distant forest, knocking a few trees down as he crashes.

You huff and lower yourself onto the ground slowly, your eyes glued to the trees where the green monster disappeared.

Overhead, the _whooshing_ sound of something fast moving towards you reaches your ears. You turn your gaze up towards the sky and find the man named Thor flying towards you, his fist extended. Was he going to punch you? He was just touching you all inappropriately!

“Uh, that’s not a good idea!” The first man shouts at the man named Thor.

You watch him grow closer and closer. When he’s right upon you, in a burst of speed you fly across the ground, sweeping out from under him so that he crashes into the ground instead. He twists his body so that instead of crashing head first, he bends his knees as he lands to absorb the impact then rises onto his feet. Slowly he looks up at you, his eyes narrowed as he considers you. You stare, your gaze stoic, irritated with him for trying to hit you.

“You are not yourself. Let me help you, Y/N. We can get you back to the way you were before.” He reasons.

“Why?” You finally ask. “What do I have waiting for me that being the way I was is so important?”

The question seems to shock Thor as he stares at you with hints of sorrow in those beautiful, shocking blue eyes. “I-”

From behind him a loud growl echoes. The green monster suddenly springs out form the trees, racing towards the two of you. He pushes up from the ground and jumps clear over Thor towards you.

“Hulk, stop! You’ll hurt her!” Thor shouts.

This Hulk doesn’t seem to care as he barrels down towards you. You narrow your brow, glaring at the Hulk. As he closes the distance you fly up towards him, your fist brought back and as he reaches you, you shove it forward and punch him right in the face, successfully flying within his arm’s reach before he can hit you.

The Hulk goes flying back up towards the sky in a large arch and then lands, once more, within the trees.

Thor watches the Hulk and then slowly turns to look up at you, a strange realization crossing his mind. His hands suddenly begin to spark with hot blue electricity. You can smell the charge.

You flinch as the shadow of a memory rushes back to you. That lightning. Why was it so familiar? You huff uncomfortably as the image of a sweet smile flashes in your mind. It’s Thor, smiling at you, from the shore of a beach. He’s amused, the corners of his eyes crinkled again.

You push past the painful memory and focus on the Thor whose eyes are suddenly dark.

“Don’t make me hurt you, Y/N.” He threatens.

The threat, the anger on his face in contrast with the sudden image that flooded your mind upsets you and you glare at him.

The hulk suddenly shouts again, this time barreling towards you on the ground running like a mad rhino.

“Hulk, stop you idiot!” Thor shouts.

But the Hulk doesn’t want to stop. He shoves himself up towards you, flying at you with his arms up over his head, ready to take you down no matter what. You turn to face him instead, real anger filling your chest as you consider just ending this green monster’s life altogether.

Thor seems to see your intent because he holds out his arm and from the building comes flying a large hammer-axe. As it flies into his hands he spins it around once and then releases it so that it flies straight for you. It crackles with the same blue fire-like electricity. As it grows closer it begins to spin quickly. You turn around to catch it but are just a second too late. The hammer side hits you square in the chest, a charge of powerful electricity surges through you as you fly down towards the ground.

You land in a weakened heap, creating a crater where you crash. Slowly you begin to get yourself up but as you do you are bombarded by vivid flashes of soft embraces, sweet kisses, and once again, a sunlit beach. You stagger, turning your body to face Thor as you try to shove the memories away.

Thor holds his hand out and the hammer-axe flies into his hand again. His extended arm forces you to flash back to a memory of you spinning towards him, a silly smile on your face as he wraps his extended arm around your waist, pulling you against him. Then you’re entangled on a bed, hidden beneath soft blue sheets. He kisses the right lower skin of your neck and you involuntarily shiver. Accompanied with this insanely beautiful vision is an ache so painful that you reach up to grasp the shirt at your chest. The pain is so vivid, and you know that Thor is the cause. You might not remember exactly why…but you know it’s his fault.

A blinding anger consumes you and without hesitation you shout, loudly, your own war cry echoing around the compound as you lift off the ground a foot and zoom towards Thor at a blinding speed. Despite your speed, Thor manages to lift his hammer, points it at you, and you’re immediately thrown back as lightning strikes you in the chest. You crash against the ground, but the lightning does not stop. It rains down on you from the sky over and over again. Your body resisting as long as it can. You cry out again, this time in pain, and the lightning suddenly dies.

You’re lying on your back, staring up at a storm cloud covered sky consumed in anger and confusion as you once again drift into unconsciousness.

This time there is no darkness. You’re reliving all of it. Every moment you’ve ever spent with Thor. Along with the memories you shared with the rest of your friends; Bruce, Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, Nat, and Steve. So much happiness and sorrow all mixed into one terrible and overwhelming recollection experience. The weight of the memories crash upon you all at once and you suddenly sit up gasping.

At the end of your bed stands Thor. He’s watching you, guilt contorting his features. You fall back onto the mattress and wait until your breathing is steady before you speak.

“What happened?” You have a cloudy recollection of a fight. Of fighting both Hulk and Thor though you don’t know why you would ever fight Thor. Hulk, maybe. He doesn’t like you much from what you can tell. But Thor?

“I nearly killed you.” Thor admits, shame tainting his voice.

“Nearly.” You assure him. “I’m not dead.” The last thing you needed was him feeling guilt for something he didn’t do.

He moves around to the left side of your bed and sits himself down.

“But I nearly killed you. I never thought that-”

“You didn’t kill me. You stopped me.” You sigh, hating that he’s beating himself up over this. As you look into his shame-filled electric blue eyes, you remember the conversation you’d overheard. “Why are you here, Thor?”

Your voice shifts from neutral to cold so quickly that Thor narrows his brow, watching you for any hint as to the reason for the shift.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. called Stark when you fell unconscious. I was with him. We came to check on you together. Y/N, where is the Captain? He was supposed to be watching over you.” Though you know he doesn’t mean to do it, you can hear the blame in his voice. He’s holding Steve responsible.

“I sent him away.” You admit, a small ache in your chest, the echo of your loss of Steve.

“For what purpose?” He clearly has no idea why you would do such a thing.

“Because he wanted to be with Sharon. I told him to pick the woman he wanted to be with more than anyone else and he chose.” You wanted to add, ‘Much like you did.’ But thought against it. Your tone says it clearly enough anyway.

“I see.” Thor says, realization painting his tone. He looks down at his hands as he thinks. His eyes shift up to you and he watches you. You can see him thinking. His eyes slightly narrowed, his brow furrowed, he watches you for so long, thinking. Its torture to watch him think and not ask him what is on his mind. His eyes then drift back down to his hands as he pulls himself up from the chair. “Tony and Bruce will keep an eye on you. I must go.”

He turns away, his wide shoulders held back with pride. He marches towards the door. As he goes, you think about not asking because you’ve watched Thor walk away from you too many times. However, your curiosity is unstoppable, and you need to hear it with your own two ears to know that it’s true.

Waking up and seeing him at the foot of your bed, you’d thought for a second that maybe he’d chosen you. But he was leaving?

“Where are you going?” You wonder, quietly, but know that his ears can hear you. You hope that he can’t hear the heavy disappointment in your voice. He turns to look at you and answers at the same volume.

“I must go to Jane.” He states simply then turns and leaves.

You shut your eyes tightly, willing yourself to accept what he’s just said. You already knew that he was going to say it, that this was the culmination of everything that has happened over the past ten months. Thor has finally made his true choice and you can do nothing but accept it. If he truly cannot live without Jane, who were you to try and stop him?

You’re not sure how long you lay on that bed staring up at the ceiling. Finally, after what must have been hours, Tony moves into the room and takes the seat on your left. He leans forward, his elbows on his knees as he stares at you with bright, curious, and excited eyes.

“Well, you’re still as vexing as ever, Ms. Mischief. Why would you send Steve away when you were all alone?” He asks, sounding a bit like he thinks you’re stupid.

“I didn’t know I was alone. And Steve didn’t want to be with me.”

“Didn’t he?” Tony asks.

“No.”

Tony watches you for a moment before nodding. “Alright, I’ll accept that you know what you’re talking about because you probably forced him to do something that he didn’t want to do.”

“He needed the push.” You whisper, looking away from Tony at the blank grey wall to your right. Your eyes however shift to the chair Steve had been sitting before.

“You’re probably right. He’s been bitter for so long. I though maybe with you…” His words drift off into silence. “You did a good thing for him, Y/N. That must not have been easy.”

“That’s me, a good girl.” Now it’s your turn to be bitter. Would Tony give you a pass if you just wanted to get drunk and forget everything? Steve was one thing, but Thor too?

Your heart was too numb to ache painfully. It was more like chronic pain now. Always there, never ceasing, and incurable. “How long was I out?”

Tony thinks for a second, sitting back. He picks up his legs again and places his feet on your bedside, his hands folded against his stomach, just below his chest. “Mmmm, the first time? Two days. When you woke up again and then Thor had to subdue you? Another six days.”

“I was out for six days?!” You ask, unable to believe that much time was lost as you remembered your life in private.

“Technically eight.” Tony smiles.

“Why did Thor have to subdue me?” You wonder, still hazy on the details, and unable to comprehend Thor attacking you.

“You don’t remember?”

You shake your head.

“Well, it looks like when Shuri injected you with more serum, it was enough to flush out the new Variant however, it seems to have saturated even more into your muscles and mind.”

“Are you saying I’m stronger now?” This sounded silly. How could you be stronger? You were already strong!

“I am.” Tony nods once, his sarcasm gone as he looks on you favorably.

How strong? You didn’t want to ask. “Well, am I fine now?”

“Oh yeah. Shuri got you all fixed up. But you attacked Thor. And then you attacked Bruce, well, Hulk. And you were going in for the kill, so Thor had to stop you. He wasn’t happy with himself. He was quite beside himself, actually. Thought he was gonna be sick. Wouldn’t let any of us touch you. He was being a bit of a drama queen.”

You know that Thor still cares about you. But he’s chosen Jane once and for all. The thought of being here without Thor and without Steve makes you feel weak. You should be able to stand on your own, like you always have been able to. You were independent. You didn’t need a man to make you feel needed or wanted or special. You were special on your own. You reach down to fiddle with the edge of your blanket as you consider why it might be so hard on you to be here all of a sudden. Perhaps it’s all the happy memories mixed in with the bad? Maybe some space will give you a clearer mind? Your poor heart is so raw that you can’t take the daily reminders in addition to the pain you’re already feeling.

“When can I go?”

“Go?” Tony asks, confused and disapproving. “Why would you want to go?”

“I just need to take a vacation or something. I need to step away from all this drama and clear my head.” You admit, keeping your eyes on your fiddling hand.

“With that person who injected you out there, with the shadow group still out there, it’s not safe for you to leave.” Tony shakes his head. “I’m only gonna say this once, alright? And you better hear me.” He’s suddenly angry, his voice is hard and sharp. The way he speaks, every word is a stab. “You’re not leaving this compound without a protection detail. You’re never going to go anywhere on your own. And you sure as hell aren’t taking a vacation. I meant it last time when I told you, you were grounded. You ignored me.”

You look at him and look past his anger. He really is worried about you. His eyes shift quickly from staring at yours to your neck where you were injected.

“You stay put. No negotiations. You got me?” He asks. When you don’t answer, he snaps his fingers, loudly. “You got me?!”

“Yes.” You say, surprised and slightly miffed.

“Okay.” He says, happy again. “Get some rest.” He slowly rises and moves around the chair towards the door.

“Tony?” You sigh as he stops at the door and turns. “Thank you. For…everything. For what you said. For coming to my defense.”

Tony smiles at you knowingly. Does he know what you’re talking about?

“You shouldn’t go snooping in other people’s labs, Y/N. It’s rude. And you never know what you’ll overhear.” He gives you a stern look, then without another word he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

He knows. You saw and heard it all that night, and he knows. Does Thor know? Tony wouldn’t betray you like that. And why would Thor care? He’s made his choice.

So, no vacation, no stress relief. No Steve. No Thor. No freedom. No independence. No love. And apparently no food.

You settle into the bed and shut your eyes. You sleep for a while.

Your dreams are full of Thor and B/F/N. It’s a mixture of confusion and regret. Maybe you should have tried to hold on harder?

When you wake up you yank the covers off and with a raging determination you move to your room to change out of your hospital gown and into the first pants and shirt you see.

Dressed you move up towards the atrium and are relieved when you find it empty. The balcony is in pieces but it’s still stable enough to hold you. You look around quickly, searching for Tony because if he catches you he might very well shove you in one of the cells in the basement and not let you out, ever.

With Tony nowhere in sight you take flight and are slightly surprised by how easy it is now. You just have to think about going up or down, left or right, and your body adjusts.

The sky is light gray, it must be early morning. Below, as you rise higher and higher, you can see the cadets running their drills and the patrol boats in the water.

You also get a full view of the damage you must have cause and feel slightly regretful at the sight of the woods where you and Steve used to run.

But you have no time to think about Steve. The fire in your chest is burning, pulling you up higher. The compound fades below you beneath a beautiful blanket of fluffy white clouds. You adjust, turning towards Washington, and with a surge of anger you speed off to get your man back.

Jane’s cabin is empty. As you drift down onto the front lawn and land softly on the grass, you notice no guards. The second floor is completely empty. There are no signs of life. Did they leave? Relocate to a different location? Is it possible that Jane and Thor have moved away on their own?

No! It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. He was supposed to be here. You were going to yell at him!

You turn around looking towards the road behind you, flanked on both sides by trees, and focus your eyesight as far as you can. Maybe they had just left? You’ll chase them!

“Y/N?” Thor’s deep tone fills your ears sending violent fireworks of relief coursing through you. You turn back towards the cabin and begin to walk towards it as Thor also moves down the front steps and stops at the edge of the lawn.

You stop when he does leaving about six feet between you.

Thor is dressed normally, a black V-neck shirt underneath a thigh-length red cotton coat, the collar popped up, over a pair of jeans. He tilts his head slightly to the right, his chin raised as he furrows his brow, confused. He’s relentless with his electric eyes and the sight of him takes your breath away but also fans the flame in your chest.

“What are you doing here?” He asks.

You try not to be hurt by this question because it’s valid. Before you can answer, the sound of a whirring engine drifts down from the cabin. Thor doesn’t take his eyes off of you but you watch a black helicopter rise up into the sky. The windows are tinted so you can’t see the people inside but this answers your question about them moving out of the area.

When the helicopter is gone you turn your gaze back onto Thor.

“I came to tell you something.” Your fire is giving you courage and your voice is strong.

“And what’s that?” Thor shifts his weight from his right to his left, leaning towards you but not moving closer.

“I can’t just let you go.” You’re fearless. He’s already left you, twice. He’s already rejected you. Once more won’t make a big difference. He needs to know how you feel because _you_ need him to know.

Thor clenches his jaw at your words but otherwise continues to stare at you with perplexed curiosity. He doesn’t speak, so you continue.

“I can’t let you go without making sure that you know how much I love you. These past few months have been the hardest of my life. We tried this being apart thing and maybe it worked for you? It didn’t for me. And I know that you’ve chosen Jane and I have no right to come in and tell you these things but for me…I was barely surviving. That’s what _I_ was doing. Surviving.” You place your hand on your chest as you indicate yourself.

“I’m not saying that Steve was a mistake because Steve was not a mistake. He was what I needed and I think I was what he needed during the time we shared together but it…wasn’t the same. Not even close.”

Thor continues to stare.

“When I’m not with you I’m not alive, Thor. If I can’t see you, if I’m not around you, I’m in pain. Physically. I can’t breathe. And maybe that isn’t healthy but you came into my life when I didn’t want to be with anyone. I pushed you away and you kept trying until you wore me down. You forced your way into my heart and nothing, my life, was ever the same after that.

“I was an idiot for letting you go. I should have held onto you, forced you to stay with me the moment you came back after I inadvertently sent you away. But I didn’t and I’ve been paying for my choices since.

“I want you…I _need_ you to choose me.” You finally take a shaky breath. You managed to stay strong, using the fire in your chest to keep from crumbling, from giving up halfway through because Thor is still just staring at you. His expression the same. Tight jaw, furrowed brow, confused but curious. Because you’re not sure you’ve gotten your point across you add, “Please.”

Thor finally looks away from you. He turns to look at the cabin and your chest tightens painfully as your fire is snuffed out. Was Jane inside? Waiting for him? This was pointless.

What are you doing here? You’re crazy. This was a mistake. You know now that having him reject you again is most definitely makes a big difference. This is gonna break you.

You look down, your flight instinct kicking in as you consider just flying away. Hell, you take a step back to run away but then Thor speak and his deep voice glues you to your spot.

“I have met only two people who have come into my life and worked their way under my skin.” He’s walking towards you, his expression determined. “Destiny has presented me with many important people but only twice has my world been turned upside down.”

He’s four feet away.

“The first is my brother. I do not have to tell you that since his death I have not been quite the same.” Was he still having nightmares? “And though I have said many times that he was indeed a terrible brother, he was _my_ brother. And I loved him. Part of me wishes and I must admit I secretly hope that he may turn up one day having faked his death again.”

This is odd and you look appropriately confused.

“I don’t understand it either. It’s like his thing.” Thor ignores the ridiculousness of what he’s just said and proceeds with his train of thought.

He’s two feet away now.

“The second is-“

“Jane?”

Thor stops a foot away narrowing his eyes as he considers you. “The second…is a woman so stubborn and rude that not only does she not believe me when I first tell her that I want to spend the rest of my life her, just as she is, but she also interrupts me just as I am attempting to renew my desire to spend the rest of my life with her just as she is.”

You stare at him letting his words sink as your heart stops. You shake your head, disbelieving. Your body seems to understand his words before your mind does. Your body feels so light that for a moment you feel like you might be flying. Your legs must be weak because you teeter back and forth.

Thor reaches out and takes hold of your arms to hold you steady. You look up at him and his lips are curved softly to the left. It’s not an outright smile but the heavenly look on his face, the soft smile in his eyes helps you find your voice.

“But Jane-?”

“Is gone.” He says quietly as he reaches up to tuck your hair behind your ear.

“But, I thought…” Thor sighs, knowing that you are not going to let it go until he explains fully.

“Jane and I have not been in the same place for some time. I care for Jane but when I asked myself who I could not love without, my answer was you. Every moment I spent with her, you were in my every thought. As I have told you before, Jane is my past. You are my future.”

You stare up into his eyes, searching for sincerity but you don’t even have to search for it. His smile widens a little and as his words begin to settle themselves into your heart, as you realize that Thor is telling you that he wants you and you alone.

You reach up to move the strands of his blonde hair that have fallen onto his forehead back and _finally_ let your hand run through his slightly longer hair. You sigh, relieved to finally be able to do it.

Thor shuts his eyes and his smile disappears, replaced by a look of pained contentment, as if he’s been waiting for this moment as much as he has.

Your hand stops at the nape of his neck where you twirl a small strand of his blonde locks around your finger.

Thor opens his eyes again.

He’s six inches away.

A sudden frenzy sparks to life in his eyes. He wraps his arm tightly around your waist. Closing the remaining distance between you, he lifts you up easily and eagerly mashes his lips to yours as your heart explodes.

He kisses you until you’re out of breath. Again, his touch quells a pain that you weren’t aware you were in until he kissed you. When he pulls away you gasp quietly but his kisses continue down your chin until his lips find the left side of your neck where he gives you a small peck then buries his face against your skin. The scruff of his beard tickles you but you’re so happy that you just sigh.

“Can I come home now?” He pleads.

His words are so beautiful a tear falls as you nod. “Yes. God, yes.”


	25. Thor and Vex Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Thor are finally back together but what does this mean for the future of your relationship?

* * *

_It seems impossible to think that you had been your own cause of unhappiness the past nine months. Thor had been just as happy and unhappy as you had been._

_You had relished in your sweet reunion for only a few minutes because you knew that getting back to the compound was the best thing to do, given that you were grounded again._

_Thor agreed with Tony and chastised you for leaving the compound so recklessly._

_“I was going to go straight back after Jane left.” He’d moved to stand before you and had placed both hands on either side of your face. He’d stared into your eyes with passion and annoyance. “Can’t you see how much I love you?”_

_And in the moment you could. You promised yourself never to doubt him again but being the woman you are, you knew that talking to him outside the cabin would not be enough._

_The two of you set off, each of you flying on your own. Halfway to the compound he’d smirked at you and sped up, goading you into a race. You smirked right back and for the moment, thankful that you had almost died if only to beat Thor in a race._

_It worked and you arrived first._

As you land you look up at the sky and watch as Thor catches up and lands gently beside you, Stormbreaker in hand. He gives you a faux chastising look before smiling and holding out his hand. You take it, interlacing your fingers.

He pulls you in so that you’re tucked behind his massive arm. He pulls your hand up and bends down to kiss the back of it and for a moment you’re so overwhelmingly happy that your eyes begin to water. You rest your head against his massive bicep and you’re so at peace that everything fades away and all you see, hear, and feel is this beautiful man beside you.

If you had ever wondered whether you loved Thor or not, this was your answer.

Of course, your bliss could only last so long. You’ve made it to the atrium, snuggled against Thor’s side when he suddenly stops walking. He’s staring into the kitchen. He leans down and places Stormbreaker on the sofa.

“What is it?” You peek around his arm and find Tony standing by the island, Pepper at his side. She reaches out, holding his left shoulder as he stares daggers at you.

You know you can kick his ass but you quickly half-hide behind Thor who understands what you want and places his hands awkwardly on his hips so that his wingspan can hide you even more. Tony mad? A bit terrifying when you know his anger is justified.

“Stark.” He says in greeting, nodding his head once with a large dorky smile. “It has been a while. How have you been?”

“You were here last night, idiot.” Tony says, sarcastic as always.

“Was I?” Thor asks, his voice rising in pitch towards the end. Then he pretends to think. “Mmmm…”

Tony takes a step towards you both and you clutch onto Thor’s red jacket.

“Where were you, Y/N? I went to your room, to bring you some food. Only you. Weren’t. There.” He sounds really annoyed.

“I couldn’t just let him choose without fighting for him.” Right now, honesty is the best policy. Tony already knows that you know about their conversation and the decision Thor had to make. Best own up to it.

“Mm-hmm. And you? What’s all this?” He gestures at both Thor and you, clutching onto him like he’s Velcro.

“I made my choice.” Thor states simply. He’s serious again though and he looks back down at you. He takes your hand again and pulls you forward so that he can wrap his arm around your waist. “I know who I cannot live without.”

You smile softly and are even more elated as Pepper places her hand over her heart, a soft sweet smile stretches her lips as your happiness makes her happy. She reaches out to Tony again, grabbing his forearm once more. “Aww, babe. Leave them alone.”

The romance of it all has her converted to your side.

Tony’s expression slowly melts into a small, knowing smirk. It reminds you of the look he’d worn after you’d stolen the serum vial.

“Well, it’s about god-damn time. I thought I was going to have to lock you two in a room.”

Pepper leans closer to him, “They probably wouldn’t mind now.”

Tony laughs, amused and then waves his hand towards the hallway behind you. “Go on, get outta here.”

You sweep forward to Tony and kiss his cheek quickly.

“Hey!” Thor protests.

Pepper laughs.

You hurry back to Thor’s side and he takes your hand in his and pulls you down the hallway towards your room. You twist to look back towards the kitchen.

“I’m still hungry.” You tell Thor. “Can you order me a pizza?” You shout back towards the kitchen.

“Of course!” Pepper shouts back.

“You’re still grounded!” Tony adds.

“I’ll take it in my room, then. Make it three pizzas!”

Thor finally pulls you out of sight and doesn’t stop until he’s in your room. His room. He stares at your bed, sighing with relief to be back home.

“Our bed.” He says and his words send a rush of butterflies fluttering into your stomach.

He peels off his jacket and tosses it onto the red chair where his robe, your robe, is draped. He moves around to his side and throws himself down on his stomach along the end of the bed, a small silly smile curving his lips. He kicks off his shoes, reaches back for a pillow and pulls it close to hug.

Seeing him fit right back in, falling back into his rightful place makes you feel bad for being the reason he left.

You move over to your side of the bed and sit by Thor’s head. “Hey, we should probably talk.”

Thor groans and peeks up at you over his pillow, his blue eyes shining up at you playfully. He scoots closer, wraps his arms around your waist and buries his face against your stomach. He inhales deeply, breathing you in.

You laugh because it tickles a bit. “Thor, seriously.”

“Can I not just indulge in the glory of finally having you in my arms again?”

You consider his request and sigh, knowing that talking would interrupt this bliss.

“Fine. But only until after we eat.” You reach down and slide your fingers into his short and soft golden mane. He closes his eyes and lays his head back on your lap.

Two empty pizza boxes litter the dresser, the third is open but only half eaten.

You sit on the bed with your back against the headboard. At the end of the bed, Thor lounges on his right side, his hand supporting his head and his left hand holds your foot. He hasn’t stopped touching you since you both got back.

“Jane was glad to see me, and we did make up but while I searched for more of my people Jane became more and more invested in her work. She was busy and I was too, at times.” He speaks casually, off-hand as he massages the top of your foot. “I think Jane’s first love has always been her work. It’s admirable.”

“So you were alone a lot?” You ask. Your own voice is simply inquisitive, no jealousy or anger. You really want to know what he did when you were apart. What was his life like?

“Mostly. We did spend time together but that was not very often. I helped her with her work. But when I found more of my people I spent a month with them in Norway. The Norwegian government has given us a generous amount of land and supplies. We shall provide the country protection in exchange for asylum. They were very generous. It is more complicated than I’m making it sound but the point is my people now have a home.”

“Well you’re Thor. Of course they’re going to be generous. An Avenger living so close? They’d be fools not to help.”

“Smart fools. Having any of us, Avengers, near—brings great danger. I only hope I can repay their kindness by truly keeping them safe.” Thor’s worry is clear, his brow furrowed slightly.

“As King of Asgard, shouldn’t you be there with them now?”

“I visit daily. If I disappear for a few hours in the morning that is where I have gone.”

One thing that you’ve always loved about being with Thor is that things were always clear and upfront with him. His lying to you about visiting Jane so long ago is the proof of what happens when he tries to be secretive. And you are always open with him in return.

“Thor?”

“Mmm?” He looks up at you and stops his massaging. He smiles at you, squeezing your foot.

“How deep did your relationship with Jane rekindle?”

He knows what you’re asking and he nods. “I did sleep with her. I’m sorry if that hurts you.”

You shake your head. His apology is unnecessary as you two weren’t together but it does hurt a little. Jealousy sucks. Jane had been touching him. Kissing him. Had it been the same as it was with you? Did they also connect on as deep a level as you and Thor did in that most intimate of moments?

“And you?” Thor asks, his voice a little more on edge than yours. You can hear how unsure he is about asking.

“Yes, Steve and I slept together.”

“Just once?” Thor raises both eyebrows, staring at you.

You clench your lips, narrowing your own eyes. “Mmm…”

“Twice?” Thor shuts his fake eye as he hopes you nod yes.

You bite your lower lip and he lets his head fall forward, his forehead pressed to the mattress.

“We were together for three months and we had a genuine connection.” You explain. It wasn’t as intense as yours and Thor’s. Nor as deep. But Steve had been, is special to you. Special now in a different way, but special all the same.

When he doesn’t pick up his head you pull your leg out of his grip and slide onto your stomach. You place your hands on the sides of his head. He lifts his head and despite his jealousy he smiles at you. Happy that you’re so close maybe? His smell is intoxicating.

“Does it really bother you that much?”

Thor sighs deeply. “It should not. I know that. If I hadn’t lied…”

“And if I hadn’t made the rash decision to take the serum…”

Thor moves, pushing you up. You get on all fours then sit back, then lie back on the bed. Thor crawls over you, stopping by your stomach and only when he can lay his body on your right—half on top of your leg, half on the bed.

“We both made mistakes.” He admits, and softly touches the skin under the hem of your shirt.

“Big ones.”

“Yes…but…Y/N can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.” Thor lowers himself more and rests his chin on your stomach, his blue eyes pure and so happy still. Did you look as happy? You feel like he looks. “You can ask me anything, puppy.”

He smiles widely at your term of endearment. You haven’t called him that in ages.

“Please tell me you did not sleep with Steve in our bed.” Despite the pleased look on his face, his voice is worried and hard with jealousy.

You shake your head, a soft smile curving your lips. “Of course not. We slept in his room mostly. I…didn’t like the idea of bringing him in here.”

Thor lifts your shirt, sliding it up so that he can kiss your stomach. He pushes himself up slowly and begins to crawl over you. You feel his heart pounding as he lowers his chest on top of yours.

“Thor, I think we should take things slow.” You’re very serious and stare up at him apologetically.

“If that is what you wish.” He leans down and gives you a quick peck then rolls to your right taking up his side of the bed. He slides one hand underneath his pillow to relax but then pulls out a plain red t-shirt. “Is this my shirt?”

You yank it out of his hands, embarrassed and toss it towards the hamper. “No.”

Thor watches you panic, amused, and lays back down on his left so that he can continue to watch you. His right hand finds yours.

“You missed me.” He says, smug and laughing.

“Shut up.” You groan.

The two of you lapse into comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other’s presence.

“How are you feeling?” He wonders.

“Honestly? I’m tired.”

“Then sleep, my love, and I promise that I will be here when you wake.”

“Never leave me again.” You request sleepily.

“Never.” Thor assures you.

You stir. Your bed is so soft that you are almost lulled back into unconsciousness. Only, very suddenly, you’re bombarded by an embarrassing confession, Thor’s life-altering response, and the fresh memory of lounging with him on your bed.

You turn to your right, panic driving you to reach out to Thor’s side of the bed. What if it had all been a dream?

At first your hand touches nothing but mattress and sheets. Then you feel warmth. An elbow? You focus your eyes in the darkness and are so elated when you see Thor’s large sleeping form. He’d taken his shirt off at some point though you don’t remember that. He lays with his left arm up, folded underneath his head. His right rests on his stomach which, as he snoozes, rises and falls with his relaxed breathing.

How can any one person be so perfect? You reach out with your left hand, shifting onto your right side, and let your hand trace the shape of his chest. He’s so still, you’re not sure he feels you.

You bite your lower lip, enjoying your chance to appreciate the sculpt of his body. You scoot a little closer and run your hand down towards his stomach, enjoying the feel of his hard muscles.

Still biting your lip you look up towards his face and your heart skips a beat as he stares at you, clearly no longer asleep.

You begin to remove your hand but Thor’s right hand catches it. He pulls it up, wrapping it around his neck as he simultaneously rolls towards you. He pushes you back onto the bed so that you’re lying on your back.

You know you should stop him. You’d told him you wanna take things slow. But there is such a hunger in his eyes that your restraint seems to crumble. You ache for him. You want his hands on you.

He seems to sense this because he suddenly slides his hands up along your sides, taking with them your shirt which he tosses off the bed.

He lowers himself so that he can kiss the skin at your neck. Slowly, torturously, he licks from the base of your neck, between your breasts, and down along your stomach. He kisses you there, his hands slide underneath your hips and glide up along your back.

Your body arches in response as his hands find the clasp of your bra. He unhinges it easily then slowly slides the straps down over your shoulders and arms until your breasts are free of the constricting fabric. He tosses it aside and takes first your left breast in his mouth, suckling lightly as his hands explore the skin of your hips.

His hands grow rougher, grabbing handfuls of your soft flesh as he pulls you closer and moves his mouth onto your right breast. You exhale softly. Your hand moving to grasp the back of his head, gently rubbing it to show him how good he’s making you feel.

He looks up at you as he nibbles your breast. The look on your face sparks something within him and his eyes are suddenly full of electric fire. He reaches down and unbuttons your pants, slides the zipper down, then deftly slides his hand between your legs.

Your breath hitches and you curl up towards him. He rises to meet you, pressing his lips to yours. When you pull back, a labored moan breaks through your lips and the sound sends Thor into a frenzy. He removes his hand–“No.” You say quietly in protest.—from between your legs and takes hold of your hand. He pulls you up to sit and then around him as he moves to the edge of the bed. He sits and pulls you to your feet, then takes you by the hips and stands you before him.

His hands work your pants off and he waits for you to step out of them then tosses them aside. His large hands take both cheeks in hand tightly, gripping the flesh of your butt as he pulls you to stand between his legs.

His left hand comes up, hooking behind your neck to pull you down into a lustful kiss.

As he kisses you his hands hook into the top hem of your underwear. He pulls back to stare into your eyes as he sensuously slips them down your legs, his hands splayed along your thighs as they work the fabric off.

You’re breathless as he lets them drop around your feet. Still staring into your eyes, he reaches under your right knee and pulls your leg up so that your foot rests behind his leg on the bed. He turns his gaze to your thigh and leans in to kiss the sensitive flesh.

You shiver as he moves closer and closer to your sweet spot.

Finally, unable to contain himself any longer, he disappears between your legs and uses his tongue to sinfully part your lips as you tremble at his kiss. You bite back a moan and he continues to delve more deeply, his tongue moving more confidently with every tremble he extracts from you.

When he pulls back he wastes no time in slipping his own jeans off, leaving them crumpled at your feet, and pulls you down onto his lap so that you straddle his hips and rest gently against him.

He wraps his left arm around your waist and uses his right to move backwards until his back is pressed against the headboard. He leans forward to kiss you again but your own lust overpowers you and you push against his chest before he can. Your strength is considerable now and you easily hold him down as you rock your hips against him.

You shut your eyes as you enjoy the feeling of him pressed against you without being in you. But you know it’s just a tease. He growls, his hands grasping your hips and you cry out as he pushes himself in you.

Slowly he leans back against the headboard and spends a moment admiring your body. He pulls your hips towards him and pushes in more deeply. Resting your hands on his chest you help him move you, again rocking your hips.

His groans mix with your breathless moans creating a symphony of carnal gratification.

“Harder,” you breathe, driving him over the edge. He leans forward, caressing your back as he pulls you into a kiss somewhere between desire and tenderness.

“Mmm,” he moans against your lips, then grips your hips tightly and falls onto the bed on top of you, burying himself in you as deeply as he can.

He begins to move with short, strong, and powerful thrusts. As his pelvis rubs against you, you wrap your legs round his waist and use your newfound strength to keep him close as he moves in and out.

He breaks the kiss and groans, leaning down to kiss and then bite down on the curve of your shoulder.

“Yes.” You whisper and this spurs his movements. He finds a fast rhythm then wrapping his left arm underneath your shoulder, he uses the leverage to pound himself in you harder.

The pressure builds within you and with one final moan, “Thor!” You’re overcome by a burst of euphoria and a shockwave of numbing electricity as Thor erupts in a flash of stinging light. It crackles around you as Thor buries himself in you once more and your toes curl and cramp.

The two of you are frozen as you both simply bask in the aftermath of your lovemaking. When a minute has passed and you’re both not so breathless he pulls up slowly, kissing your shoulder as he goes. He remains on you but pulls back enough to look into your eyes.

You reach up and cradle the sides of his face smiling softly. His blue eyes are so bright and you know that he must be feeling as complete as you do.

“I love you.” He says, his voice makes your chest hum, and you smile more widely.

“I love _you._ ”

He kisses you. His hands begin to explore you again but just as you’re tempted to give in to your desires once more, you begin to hear a quiet sizzle.

Thor pulls away. “What is that?”

“What is that?” You echo.

You both look around and just as you’re about to give up, Thor suddenly springs off of you, twisting his body to lean over the side of the bed. He quickly begins to pat a fallen pillow, smothering the fire that his burst of electricity must have started.

By the time he puts the fire out, you’re already laughing, covering your mouth with one hand to try and subdue it.

Thor turns to look at you, his left eyebrow quirked as he watches you laugh.

“What’s funny?” He demands.

“I…I said that I wanted to take things slow.” You cover your mouth as you laugh more loudly at the ease with which he seduced you.

Thor chuckles and moves to take your laughing, shaking body back into his arms.


	26. Thor, Vex, and the Good Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Tony wallow, and a new friend comes to play.

The funny thing about getting back together with an ex is how much you are unaware of the lengths to which you missed them.

You cannot fathom how stupid lucky you must have been to have this perfect being find you. How did they fall for you too? How was it that within the cosmos Thor happened to walk into a mine only a few hundred feet from your small apartment which caused you to give him shelter until he was recovered enough to rejoin the Avengers?

What if you had evacuated with B/F/N like they had wanted you to? You would not have been there to hear the explosion. Thor would have found help somewhere else, you and he never would have met, he never would have looked for you later and wooed you into being with him. And life would be so much different for you now.

As you hug your pillow more tightly to your head, you force your body stiff as you stretch your muscles, groaning quietly. You’re still more asleep than awake, lying on your stomach, and you’re not sure you want to wake up just yet. You know that Thor’s side of the bed is empty.

As he had told you, he was gone every morning for a few hours while you slept in. Today is no different. It’s been a week since you and Thor made up and it feels as if no time has passed and the last nine months had never happened.

Well, except for the random thoughts that pop into your head about Steve. Was he doing okay? Was he mad at you? Was he with Sharon? Were they happy? Would he really never forgive you? You wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

Your choice to take away Steve’s decision of being with you, to force him away from you, was also very selfish.

You had been second best already when Thor chose Jane. And Steve might have stayed with you for years. He probably would have married you! Had kids with you, if you could have kids. But then there would always be those few moments when he’d stare off into the distance or stare blankly at no particular spot and you would know that he was thinking about Sharon.

You couldn’t live like that and Steve needed his answers. You were jealous of course. Steve had been yours for three months. His hugs had been for you. His kisses had been only yours. And that disgusting half smile he liked to give you…would he seriously never forgive you?

You’re so wrapped up in your thoughts that when you feel a soft set of warm lips on the small of your back, you jump.

“I like it when you don’t get dressed.” Thor’s hot breath runs up along your spine, causing your skin to erupt in goosebumps.

He licks the last few inches between your shoulder blades before he reaches up and sweeps your hair out of the way so that he can kiss the left side of your neck.

You feel him lower himself on you and you sigh, contented.

“You scared me.” You admit.

Thor reaches up and takes your left hand in his, rubbing and caressing it as he looks up at your face.

“My blossom was lost in thought?” He wonders.

You nod. “I was thinking about Steve.”

“Oh.” Thor’s voice shifts, turning hard. You can always tell when he’s jealous.

“Not like that.” You try to focus as Thor run his hands up along your arms and then right back down to your wrists, and finally your hands where he interlocks his fingers with yours.

His hands are so large they devour yours.

“When I sent Steve away, he told me that he would never forgive me.”

“Forgive you for what?” Thor asks quietly. Since his lips are right beside your left ear, he has no reason to speak any louder.

You can feel the rumble of his chest against your back.

“For taking his choice away, I guess? He’d already chosen to be with me. He had decided that he was going to stay by my side no matter what.” You smile because Steve is such a good guy. You weren’t worthy of either of these two amazing men.

“He does not know how much torment it would have caused you to watch him want to be with someone else.” Thor knows you so well. You sigh, so happy to be in his arms again.

“Is that why you left me?” You ask, happy, despite the way your words sound.

“I knew that no matter how many times I proclaimed to love you, you would not accept yourself as my true choice until I explored every option. My only regret is that your heart was swayed by another man.”

Thor caresses your hands, releasing them and squeezing them as he wiggles atop of you.

“Not all the way. I do love Steve but it’s not like I love you.” It was most definitely romantic love but perhaps it would have only worked out in a universe where Thor did not exist. And You didn’t want to live in a universe without Thor.

“It is my own fault. I should have made it clear, without a doubt how I felt about you.”

You want to argue with him and tell him that he had made it clear but that you had been too stubborn to see it.

“I spent all morning showing Wong New Asgard and I learned something while he interacted with my people.” Thor leans into your ear and takes your earlobe between his lips.

“And what’s that?” You ask, smiling because his affection to your ear tickles.

“That if I wanted to make it clear to you that you were the only woman I could have possibly ever wanted, I should have put a ring on it. And never let you take it off.” He whispers this, his hot breath once more erupting chills on your skin.

He removes his own left hand from on top of yours but grabs your palm and angles it up so that you can look at it.

On your ring finger, where it always should have remained, is your yellow diamond ring.

You smile widely, half amused by his story about Wong and half so happy you could die!

Before you can react properly you feel Thor’s hands disappear between your bodies. The sound of a zipper catches your ear.

“What are you doing?” You demand, smirking.

“Starting your day off the right way.”

“What if…oh my God…” He pushes himself into you. You grip your pillow more tightly and forget all of your protestations.

Eventually you and Thor come out of your room, attached at the hip. There is never a part of him not touching you. Even as you stop by the island he lifts you up to sit on the counter and settles himself between your legs. He rests his chin on your shoulder as he stares over you at Tony who stands frowning at the two of you.

“Are you two done now?” He asks, sarcastic but also seriously asking.

Thor tilts his head from side to side, considering Tony’s question. “Mmm, for now.”

Thor pulls back to smile at you and you push against his chest and then hop down.

“How’s Pepper?” You as you turn around and lean against the counter. Thor stands with his hands resting against the cool concrete at first but his right hand slides over to wrap around your left. Like a reflex your hand takes his.

“She’s better enough to leave me here at home to check on the company. She’s healing along nicely.”

Your face crumbles into genuine relief. “I’m so glad.”

“Yeah, it’s nice to see her running about, ordering me around again.” And despite the joking tone of his words, Tony smiles happily. Smitten.

“Where’s Bruce?” You look around, expecting to see him pop out but he’s nowhere in sight.

“He went to see Nat. Something about seeing you two together making him want to see her?” Tony shrugs. “They’re in Wakanda, checking on Vision.”

Thor looks down at you and then back up at Tony, his brow furrowed as he turns on business mode. “How does he progress? Has Shuri made any progress?”

Thor had filled you in between bouts of love-making about Shuri’s tireless efforts to try and revive Vision. Everything had seemed hopeless but even after all this time, she still wouldn’t give up.

“A bit. She’s reading some activity now and she and Dr. Cho used the Cradle to try and patch him up. He’s physically whole now but mentally,” Tony frowns. “She’s trying.”

You squeeze Thor’s hand to comfort him for the loss of his friend. He looks at you and smiles softly, relaxing his worried expression.

“Dr. Cho has a crush on me.” He states plainly, proudly even.

You frown up at him and his attempt to lighten the mood. “Oh, really?”

“Well, it’s been a few years but I’m sure she must still like me.”

“Really? Because my like for you is fading quick.”

You release his hand, give Tony a knowing look—Tony smirks at you, “Immature.”—and move into the atrium towards the living area.

Thor turns his clueless smile to Tony who then shakes his head, disapproving and trying to communicate to Thor that maybe mentioning other women so soon after getting back together was not a good idea.

Thor picks up on it and after a wide-eyed look at Tony, he scurries after you and simply scoops you up, throwing you over his right shoulder. He walks right up to the sofa and deposits you gently, then lowers himself down onto the sofa, sitting with his arm around the back. He gives you a soft awkward smile as you push yourself up to sit against the arm and let your legs rest over his.

“I could’ve walked.”

“I know.” He chuckles then rubs your knee.

Tony follows behind the two of you and sits on the smaller sofa crossing his legs. He holds a bottle of a nasty looking orange drink. It must be healthy.

“We need to talk about what happened at the warehouse.” Tony begins, he’s being cautious however, watching you carefully in case you should become upset.

You have no reason to be upset of course. It has been two weeks since you were injected with Variant Z. Two weeks since you were saved and two weeks since you became stronger than ever before. Two weeks since you and Steve parted ways. And one glorious week back with Thor. You’re sad but you’re also happier than you ever thought you would have the chance to be again.

“What about the warehouse?” You ask, your defenses up. Thor places his hand on your neck and massages it gently as you stiffen up a bit.

“Who was it, the person that attacked you?” Tony takes a sip of his drink and waits for you to speak.

You shut your eyes, hating the need to confront what you’ve been trying so hard not to think about. But since shutting your eyes doesn’t make it go away you open them again and watch Thor’s hand on your knee as he comforts you.

“B/F/N, my best friend. We grew up together. I-I thought they were dead.”

“Well, obviously they aren’t. Why did you think that?” Tony’s sarcasm was normal for you now. You weren’t offended.

“When…when it happened, what did you call it?” You look at Thor who is also staring at your knee, his thoughts a million miles away.

“The snap.”

“When the snap happened B/F/N and I were camping in Yosemite. We’d gone rock climbing and…well to make a long story short, _I_ was able to pull myself up onto a ledge but the ropes beneath me went slack. No one was there anymore. I thought…I saw a few of the other groups fade. One poor guy fell all the way to the bottom when his anchor disappeared. My rope went slack so quickly that I thought…there was no way that I could have known,” You look up at Thor, desperate to explain yourself. “Thor, how was I supposed to know that B/F/N had survived? I looked down, over, and there was no one. I called out, but they didn’t answer.”

“Shh, it’s alright.” Thor turns so that he can sit facing you, plopping his left leg up onto the couch. He reaches up and wipes at your cheeks. It takes you a second to realize that you’re crying.

“I thought-there was no way for me to know. After they disappeared I had to climb back down on my own. I didn’t see anyone on my way down. I don’t know how they can be alive.” You shake your head and Thor pulls you into a tight embrace. He rubs your back, comforting you as best he can as you sob into his shoulder.

Tony behind you sits forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“This one…” Tony begins. “This one’s on us, kid.”

You pull out of Thor’s arms and turn to look at Tony. For the first time since you took Variant X you see the shadows of the man that was too heartbroken to be sober. That pain is still so fresh that it drains the light out of Tony’s eyes.

“What?” You ask, disbelieving. You reach up to wipe the tears from your cheeks.

“He’s right.” Thor rumbles. You look back at him and see that the spark in his eyes has died. “This is our fault. _My_ fault. If I had not been so consumed in my desire for revenge and killed Thanos properly-“

“No!” You suddenly shout. It catches both Thor and Tony off guard and they watch as you scramble off of the couch. Thor’s hand around yours remains there until you’ve pulled out of his grasp.

You turn to face both of them sternly. “I can’t afford for you to fall off the wagon and you, I know you take your responsibility to guard the nine realms very seriously but no matter what either of you did, Thanos was going to get what he wanted.”

Thor pushes himself to the edge of the sofa, watching you with a chastised expression. He also looks worried, his eyes on your hands as you ball them into fists.

“Y/N, we failed.” Tony counters.

“Everyone has to fail at some point. It’s the only way that we become stronger. You almost failed in New York. You almost failed in Sokovia. You finally failed in Wakanda and Titan. I was there. All three times. I watched New York from home. I was there in Sokovia.” You turn to look at Thor, so internally happy that you were in Sokovia when you were. “And I was always with _you_ after that. Worried and thinking about you.”

Thor clenches his jaw and stretches forward to grab your hand again. You let him pull you to him. He places one hand on your hip while the other keeps a hold on your hand.

“Thanos was a foe that you all were not prepared to face. Beating yourselves up for that is not fair to those of us that love you or yourselves.” Thor’s hand moves up a little higher, gripping the space just below your elbow as he looks to Tony. “Learn from your mistakes. I know you and Bruce have been working hard, Tony, but maybe a break would do you more good.”

Tony turns away from Thor to look up at you.

“You’re being too hard on yourself. Maybe you need to take a step back. Sometimes, when we aren’t looking for it, the right solution presents itse-” You stop speaking as a sudden _tap, tap, tap,_ reaches your ears.

You lean your head this way and that, trying to pinpoint the origin of what sounds like someone running. But it’s so quiet you doubt even Thor can hear it.

“What’s the matter?” Tony asks, recognizing your business mode face. He gets to his feet. Thor follows suit and releases you as you move away from him and move back out into the atrium.

“I hear footsteps. Running.” You turn your gaze towards the newly repaired balcony and focus in on the floor just outside the glass sliding door.

The door suddenly slides open but no one walks in.

“What the hell?”

Tony moves past you and stop by the first meeting table. “Hey, Tiny Tim, you’re freaking out Y/N, mind coming up?”

“Tiny Tim?” You look at Thor who shrugs and shakes his head, obviously not knowing who Tony is talking about either.

You’re both staring at empty space until suddenly the empty space is no longer empty as a man just a little taller than Tony fills it. He seems to grow from the ground up until he’s standing before you wearing a tight red and black motorcycle suit topped with a shocking silver helmet with red eyes shields.

Thor shifts you behind him, protectively making himself as large as possible.

The man reaches up and pushes a button in the side of his helmet it splits at the front exposing his face.

His face is a little on the sad side but he has high cheekbones, a peachy complexion, green eyes, and a kind looking face. He turns to Tony and raises his right hand in a small wave.

“Hello, again Mr. Stark.”

“Stark, who is this trespasser?” Thor demands making his voice as threatening as possible.

“Woah, you’re Thor.” The man in the red holds out his hand to Thor and waits with it extended for a handshake. “I’m Scott Lang. You're…really huge. And I thought Captain America was big.”

You realize who you’re looking at just as Scott begins to take his hand back. Despite his saddened eyes, he still manages to exude a sense of excitement at meeting Thor.

“You’re the Ant-Man.” You realize.

“Ant-Man?” Thor looks back and down at you as you speak.

“I am. Who-?”

“That’s Y/N. Or Vex, when we’re on the job. She’s a super soldier.” Tony explains.

Scott’s eyes brighten up a bit. “Wow, like Captain America? Hey, have you ever thought about having a kid with him? That would make for one really powerful baby, right?”

Inappropriate but as a man of science, you can understand the curiosity he must feel about it.

Thor squares his shoulders and takes a threatening half-step towards Scott who jumps back, reading the situation correctly. Your hand closes around Thor’s bicep and it’s easy for you to hold him back.

“Oh.” Scott realizes his mistake. “Well, if I’m honest a half Asgardian half super soldier baby would be _way_ more interesting.”

Thor sighs heavily, frustrated but you’re busy noticing the bag that Scott is carrying with him. It’s not large. Medium sized but large enough to put plenty of things in it. The reason your eyes are drawn to it is the gentle clinking of glass inside of it.

“Scott?” Tony finally says, drawing Scott’s attention.

“Yeah?”

“What’s going on? I thought you were on house arrest?”

“Oh, no. That ended. I did my time.” He assures Tony.

“House arrest? Are you saying that you are a criminal?” Thor asks, ruthless about the judgement in his voice.

“Uh…was a criminal. I’m clean now. I went to prison and paid my dues.”

“What were you in prison for?” Thor asks, curiously as he shifts his arm so that your hand drops down and he can take a hold of it.

“Stealing.” Scott says simply.

You know Thor however and he’ll like Scott a lot more if he knows what he stole exactly.

“Scott used to work for a really big company that was stealing money from it’s customers. He stole that money and gave it back to them.” If there was one thing that Thor respects it’s an honorable disposition. “It was a lot of money.”

“A crime committed for the benefit of the innocent is an honorable thing to do. You are good man, Scott Lang.” Thor holds out his hand, a kind smile transforming his formerly serious expression.

You smile, amused as Scott reaches out with his own half-smile in place, and shakes Thor’s hand.

“Wow, you’re a God. And you really talk like that?” He looks at Tony who stands looking slightly annoyed. “This is the God of Thunder. He’s huge.”

“And easily manipulated apparently.” Tony says.

You giggle but rub Thor’s arm as he takes his hand back.

“I am not.” Thor protests.

Before he can continue to argue Tony turns back to Scott. “Well?”

Scott reaches down to his bag and your eyes are drawn to it once more, the glass clinking intriguing you.

“I have something to show you.”

Tony recognizes the look of frenzy in Scott’s eyes that everyone seems to get when it comes to talking about Thanos and the snap. He nods and gestures back towards the elevator.

“We’ll go to my lab.” Tony leads the way and Scott, after a small nod to you and Thor, follows after him.

You and Thor watch them disappear into the elevator. Once they’re gone Thor looks down at your worried face and uses his index finger to smooth out the puckered skin between your eyes.

“Hey,” He begins. You turn to look up at him and relax. The softness of his smile, the pure affection in his eyes almost overwhelming. “How would you like to go see New Asgard?”


	27. Thor and Vex's Memories in Asgard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet the Asgardians and receive a mixed welcome.

New Asgard is settled on the Lofoten Islands of Norway, along beautiful cliffs with views of an ocean that seems to go on forever.

Though the view is very pretty your eyes are instead pulled to the grouping of buildings. They’re mostly made of strong wood and stone but have been reinforced by steel carved with Celtic runes and designs of the like you’ve never seen before. The roofs are tall and multi-leveled though you can’t tell if there is functional space inside or not.

Most of the buildings, as Thor escorts you along the throng of Agardians that eagerly rushed out to meet the two of you, are either small houses or medium sized public places. You see a school, a smithy—which in and of itself is a little strange to see outside of a renaissance fair—a large barn-like building that as you pass you realize it must be a bar of some sort. There’s music and loud voices wafting out from the opened door as people file out to see you.

With Thor’s hand securely fixed around your own, you are in no doubt that these people are curious about the woman who has Thor so smitten.

Each head seems to stretch this way and that as they try to look around each other, desperate to get a better look at you.

They don’t seem hostile or even judgmental. They’re just curious.

You see several women who are beyond beautiful and you wonder what the hell Thor sees in you. Even dressed in the yellow lace, maxi-dress that Pepper had insisted you wear in case you needed to look fancier, you were no match for some of these women. They were dressed in floor-length gowns of silk and silver armor. Some of them wore only armor over more practical clothing like pants with leather skirts.

Despite all of them looking like royalty, as you look from face to face, you notice a slight look of defeat in their eyes.

These people have been through hell.

Finally, the crowd begins to part and as they do your eyes are drawn up to a much larger building. It’s at least six stories high already and has easily the most steel out of all the buildings you’ve seen, which makes it shine silver in the light of the afternoon sun. The entrance is wide and arched with more Celtic designs carved into the wood and stone that surrounds the large steel doors. Thor pulls you up the flight of steps that lead to the doorway and stops only when you’ve reached the top. He turns you around and waves at his people who excitedly crowd at the bottom of the steps.

“Good people of Asgard, it gives me great pleasure to introduce you to Y/N. My-”

“Thor?” You pull on Thor’s hand, turning him towards you a bit. “Maybe we should wait?”

“Wait?” He looks down at his people and then looks back to you and holds your arms gently around the bicep. “Why should we wait?”

“Just a few days. They’ve only just met me. Let them get to know me before you tell them about us getting married. I’m not Asgardian, what if it matters?”

You’re worried and also intimidated by the prospect of suddenly being queen to a people you hardly know.

Thor sighs, clearly unhappy about having to wait to tell them about your engagement but he turns back to his people. “Y/N, is a fierce warrior and is another member of Earth’s mightiest heroes, the Avengers along side me. She is a dear friend and I am sure you will make her feel more than welcome.”

He looks at you as if to get your approval and when you smile he turns back to his people, waves, and then with your hand given a small squeeze he leads you through the steel doors of what is no doubt, his massive palace.

The next few days you spend among the people of Asgard. You really hadn’t been planning on staying so long but they were so kind and so welcoming that you find it hard to want to leave.

They’re very curious and ask you endless questions.

“Do you have one of those celly phones that His Majesty Thor speaks to us about? We saw him use it and it is magic.” A woman who looks quite a bit younger than you asks. Though, you’ve learned that most of the Asgardians present are actually way older than you despite their young appearance.

“I do. It’s in my room.” Just the fact that you have one excites her and she laughs and giggles with her friend beside her.

“Do you know this Beyonce enchantress? Her voice is transfixing. And she is most kind to let us know who runs Midgard!” A man says, excitedly.

You can’t help but laugh at times because they’re so new to everything here on Earth and it’s genuinely sweet.

On a different day you find yourself walking with more mature Asgardian women. One of them, a tall brunette, walks calmly beside you, her eyes trained on the horizon where the edge of the cliff awaits along with an endless sea. So far, it’s been polite small talk. A general interest in who you are and where you come from.

“I’ve known His Majesty since he was a boy. He was always so reckless. Such a tempestuous personality. He settled when he came to Midgard.”

“Yes, he told me. His father banished him here, right?”

“You’re right.”

You smile. Wondering what pre-banishment Thor must have been like. Wild and unrestrained. His mind focused on the fight and nothing else.

“I was sad to find out that Jane was no longer in his life.”

Your smile wavers as you both come to a stop a few feet from the edge. Behind you, the other women are sitting themselves in the grass, giving you space. This woman, whoever she is, is held in high regard by them and it suddenly makes you uneasy.

“Yes, things didn’t work out for them.” You reply, trying hard to keep your voice neutral.

“She was, I think, what really altered him. She made him the man that he is today. A good man. A good king.” She states this with such resolve that you feel like she’s trying to say more than she is. “If it could not have been Jane, I think we were all hoping that Lady Sif would return to us.”

“What exactly are you trying to tell me, Madam?” You’re trying to pick up their way of speaking if only to get along with them better and despite your sudden anger you manage to retain and use what you’ve learned. Though you’d really just like to tear this woman a new one.

“That Lady Jane is the only Midgardian that the people of Asgard will accept as their Queen and that you, _Lady Y/N_ , are not worthy. It would be a disgrace to have you sit upon the throne.” She says your name mockingly, her eyes full of distaste and vile judgement.

“Why?” You ask simply.

“Because you are tainted. We have heard the story of how you gained your strength. A true warrior, a true leader rules with what they are born with. Weakness is giving in to the temptation of power. You would make a weak queen and Asgard deserves better.”

You stare up into her eyes and after a moment you simply turn and walk back the way you came. The women on the ground look up at you, startled as you walk between them. You hear them whispering behind you but don’t care to focus and hear what they have to say. It could be bad. It could be good. You don’t care.

As you pass through the various buildings at the center of the much smaller New Asgard, several people wave and smile at you, but you can’t find it in you to smile back and they notice. Some of them look worried. You try to keep it together a bit longer. You feel the tightness in your throat and the twist in your gut and you know what’s coming.

“Is she alright?” One man asks.

“She looks upset.” A woman replies.

“Who was she with?” Another man asks.

“I think she was walking with Sibbe.”

The man groans.

You hurry up the steps of the rugged palace and the steel doors are opened for you by two guards. Luckily, they do it fast enough that you don’t even have to stop walking. Once inside you move to the left off of the main throne room and wind your way through the halls and staircases until you reach the fourth floor and the bedroom you share with Thor.

The bedroom is massive. There’s a large space to the left where several swords and shields are mounted along the wooden wall around a large and ornately carved fireplace. The wall to the right is stone and holds a large wooden desk where several papers and scrolls lie in a jumbled mess. At the very center of the room is a large King-sized bed. Maybe larger than that? It’s covered in shining silver and blue silk sheets. The entire wall behind the bed is a large rounded balcony, open to the beautiful view of the sea. You move to this balcony and stop at its edge. You teeter. You reach over until you can lean on one of the steel pillars and hold your stomach as your nausea gets stronger.

Anger courses through you but also fear and uncertainty. What if the woman was right? What if you made a terrible queen? You had already been thinking it. Thor still hadn’t announced your engagement, but people could see the ring and Thor wouldn’t let you take it off.

_“That ring has spent enough time off of your finger.” He chastised._

And he was right. So much struggling to be together only for this to happen now? This woman…who was she? Why did she feel like she could tell you these things?

You swallow hard and are suddenly grateful for the cool breeze that floats in, drying the cold sweat on your face. Wait…sweat? You reach up and wipe at your forehead with two fingers.

What if that woman was right? People would be looking to you to lead them. What if something happened to Thor? That terrible thought was horrid on its own, but they would need you to help them, to step up and take charge. You would be responsible for every single Asgardian on this planet and if they should die it would be all your fault.

Your stomach turns and churns until you can’t hold it anymore. You sprint to the bathroom where you unleash the bile of responsibility into the toilet. You weren’t a queen! How were you going to do this?

“The Guard is coming along splendidly!” Thor announces from the bedroom. You can hear the doors swing closed behind him. You can hear everything he does. He drops off Stormbreaker by the other weapons and then approaches the balcony to look out at his view. “My father knew that this would make a good home for our people. You have no idea what happiness it gives me to see it realized. It was fate that brought us back here.”

You want to respond but you still feel sick and you’re afraid he’ll hear it in your voice. You reach up and flush the toilet then slowly get to your feet.

“Did you have a good walk through the city today?” Thor asks, happily unaware of your stressful situation.

You move to the sink and quickly begin to wash your face. You rinse out your mouth.

“Y/N?” Thor asks, sounding a little worried now. He moves towards the bathroom.

With a towel and a very believable but fake smile plastered on your face you move out to meet him, drying your face as you go. “Yes, very good walk. I got a little dirty on the hills, but I had a lot of fun.”

“Oh.” Thor says, his sappy and ear-to-ear smile returning. He reaches out for you, but you quickly move past him towards the small table on the balcony that somehow always has fruit and wine. You wonder if maybe Tony might be supplying New Asgard with endless fruit. You pluck a grape and eat it. “Was everything alright?”

He sounds worried again.

“Of course, it was. I just didn’t realize how tired I was.” You sigh, because you can’t fake it forever and you do feel ill but maybe playing it as exhausted would be better?

“Tired?” Thor moves towards you again. He can’t touch you yet! Your skin is still clammy.

You move over to the other end of the balcony trying hard to make it look natural. You glance out at the Guard who are still currently running their drills. You can hear the clink of their armor and the clang of their swords.

“You said the Guard was coming along? Are you teaching them Earth techniques too? You might want to teach them to fight more hand to hand. You can only do so much with brute Viking strength.” You look at Thor and smile.

But this time he’s not buying it. He stares at you, his face livid as he crosses the distance between you in three large steps. He stops before you and you swallow hard as you try and fail to twist away from him. He grabs your arms and gently holds you still.

“Tell me what the matter is. Has someone said something to you?”

How does he get it so quickly? Maybe it’s the look on your face?

“No.” You lie.

“Don’t lie to me.” Thor insists.

His voice is deep and worried but there’s anger in it and it makes you nervous.

“Please, my love, tell me.”

How are you supposed to deny him anything when he pleads with you like this?

“It’s not important, Thor, it’s one person’s opinion.” You shrug and though you’re trying to make it look as if it’s nothing, you know that your eyes are betraying you. He can see the hurt in them and the fear.

He pulls you closer, his hands resting on the sides of your face as he holds you tenderly both with his hands and eyes. “Your opinion matters. If someone has made you feel unwelcome or unwanted I must know so that I can prove them wrong. You are my life, Y/N. No matter what anyone else may think, I have chosen you as my life’s companion and you will rule Asgard by my side whether anyone else likes it or not.”

“I don’t know anything about being a queen, Thor.” You finally admit to your worry and you hate the weakness in your voice.

“You will learn.” Thor assures you, he’s calmer but somehow more desperate as he tries to convince you. “I know nothing about being a king. My father was the king, I was the prince who got himself banished for starting wars. These things must be learned. You are not born knowing how to be king or queen. It is an endless lesson. One that even my father had not mastered before his death.”

“But Thor-”

“We _will_ make mistakes, but we will make them together.”

You sigh, shutting your eyes as you breathe in and then open them when you breathe out. “You put too much faith in me.”

“I love you.” He says, and it’s so truthful that you can’t argue with his reasoning. “That is all I need. I need a good woman, the woman I love, by my side and with that I may begin to rule Asgard with confidence. You are wise in ways that I am not. You will make good counsel for me and call me out when I’m being stupid.”

You laugh, happy that you were honest with him about this. A reminder that hiding things from him is never the way to go.

“There’s my blossom.” He smiles, happy to see you laugh.

You’re suddenly overcome with such gratitude that you push yourself up onto your tip-toes and wrap your arms around his neck in a tight hug.

He leans down and pulls you up, holding you tight. “Your struggles are my struggles, Y/N. Please, let me in.”

“I will.” You promise and bury your face into the crook of his neck.

_You don’t often have the compound to yourself. Now that you do, you take the opportunity to settle into the living area and navigate to the films that Tony assured you’d find extremely interesting. As you hover over the first title you can’t help but smile. Never in all your life, did you think that you would have the opportunity to get a look at Steve’s dirty laundry. And here it was in remastered HD video._

_You click the first title and watch as a quick recap of the war is given and then the National Anthem begins to play. The opening titles simply state “Captain America” as the lead and make no mention of Steve’s real name. Probably to keep up the illusion that Captain America was_ the _super soldier. The movie gets going and it’s the cheesiest most cringiest product of its time that you’ve ever seen._

_This is how you spend your day. You watch every film that Tony has collected and even move onto an old recording of Captain America’s live performances. The song is catchy but you’re also slightly annoyed that Steve’s lifting and touching these girls who you suddenly realize must now all be very old or dead. You feel guilty but when the music gets going again and Captain America punches out Hitler, you stupidly clap with the rest of the audience. As the series comes to a close you shut the TV off and relax on the sofa, lounging as you consider the fact that Steve has led an amazing life. Not only is he Captain America but he was an actor! Probably not voluntarily but definitely for good reasons._

_He’s told you how he had to force his way into real service and it makes you sad that he must have been very unhappy when he was dancing and singing for bonds. And yet, it also makes you smile. He has a much larger skillset than you knew._

_“Hey.” Steve says casually from the doorway._

_You lean up on your elbows. He looks at you happily, smiling lightly but he looks sweaty. Whatever raid they’d gone on must have been a tough one. It takes a lot to make Steve sweat. Luckily, you see no wounds. No scrapes or blood. He’s still in his suit however and though it’s faded and worn you bite your lip as your mind jumps back to that live performance you just watched._

_“Well, if it isn’t the Star-Spangled Man With a Plan.”_

_Steve’s face quickly shifts into disbelief. You giggle and watch as he rushes in and clicks on the TV. There on the screen, high-lighted in blue, is the live performance video._

_“Oh no.” Steve whispers._

_You laugh, quietly, your hand over your mouth as you try to stifle it._

_Steve turns to look down at you, distressed but not angry. Horrified at the exposure of his dirty secrets. He looks towards the atrium and glares. “Tony!”_

_You reach up to grab his hand. “Stop.”_

_Steve turns towards you and almost breaks the remote, clicking the TV off. “How much of it did you watch?”_

_“All of it.” You admit with a small laugh._

_“What?!” Steve sits himself down slowly. “Even the feature films?”_

_“You all were gone for so long.”_

_“Damn it.”_

_“Aww, it was amazing. You have nothing to be ashamed about. I didn’t know you could act.” You sit up more and reach out to touch his shoulder._

_“Well, it wasn’t really my choice. It was either help that way or spend my time in a lab being poked and prodded.” He sighs, still staring at the TV._

_His words sober you up and you sit up completely so that you can reach down and take hold of his hand._

_“Steve, I didn’t mean-“_

_“No, it’s okay. I know it probably seems silly.”_

_“It doesn’t.” You assure him. “You did what you could to help. You did more than some. That’s something to be proud of. You kept the country’s spirits up at a time when it would have been very easy to give up. The world was falling apart and with this, these films, you gave the people of America hope.”_

_You reach up and rub the back of his neck slowly. He turns to look at you, checking to see if you’re being sincere. And you are. This man is so amazing and kind and good…how could you be anything but in love with him?_

_“You’re a good man, Steve Rogers. You’ve always been a good man.”_

_Steve leans back, twisting over his shoulder so that he can kiss you, his lips parting as he deepens it. You lift your arms as he twists in his seat some more so that he can wrap his left arm around your waist as he continues to kiss you and then slowly lowers you onto your back._

_You wrap your arms around his neck as he settles himself over you and just kisses you._

_Your breath is suddenly heavy, and Steve is settled between your legs. You’re no longer in the living area but in his bed, wrapped in his arms, the two of you sweating and as he thrusts, you moan._

You sit up, startled by the images that flood your mind. Beside you, Thor groans as he shifts onto his left side so that he’s facing you. He wraps his arms around your waist. He’s still fast asleep.

You recover slowly, knowing that the images were not a dream but a very vivid memory. It hurts to think about it and yet your mind is full of it. Consumed by the memory of Steve’s touch. You reach up and touch your lips still feeling his kiss though it’s been weeks now since you last felt it.

“Everything okay?” Thor rumbles deeply.

You look down at him and find him staring at you sleepily. His electric blue eyes so unaware of what runs through your mind that you feel guilty.

“Yeah.” You assure him. “Everything’s perfect.”

You settle back down beside him and nestle into the cage of his arms. He reaches down to pull the sheets up over your shoulders, covering you protectively in case you should feel cold. He leans down, kisses the tip of your nose, and then you watch as he slowly drifts back to sleep.

You stand on your balcony staring out at the people of Asgard as they go about their daily lives. Every morning you wake up and you eat. Thor is gone early to oversee things and you’re left alone to think and ponder. You think mostly about what the woman Sibbe said. Would Jane have made a better Queen of Asgard? Was she better for Thor? You’ve already established that Thor loves you. He doesn’t love Jane. Not anymore. But were you the right choice for the throne?

This line of thought always makes you feel sick and you end up running to the bathroom to chuck up your breakfast because the thought of taking the throne and failing the people of Asgard makes you physically sick. So, you push onto the second line of thought. The one that you always feel guilty about because it seems that Thor always picks the time when you’re thinking about Steve to wrap his arms around you. You’ve gotten good at forcing him out of your thoughts but after the dream the other night, the memory, he’s been on your mind more often than not.

You hate that you left things the way you did. You’re happy with Thor. This is where you want to be but your love for Steve wasn’t meaningless. He’s important to you and the fact that you hurt him tears you apart.

Once again, Thor’s arms wind their way around your waist as you’re lost in thought over your possible mistakes with Steve. You shut your eyes, trying to wipe Steve out of your thoughts.

“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?” Thor whispers.

His words send a shock through you and you quickly turn around to look into his eyes. Maybe he’d shocked you himself, out of annoyance? You wouldn’t blame him.

“What?” You ask, not believing your ears.

“I can tell when you’re thinking of the Captain. Your eyes glaze over a little but there’s a deep-seated regret in them. And you chew on your lip. You only do that when you’re worried about something.” Thor keeps his arms around you.

His words however have shocked you and you pull away from him to give you both some space. He moves back until he can sit on the balcony’s banister, his shoulders relaxed but his face slightly troubled.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to think about him I just-”

“You miss him.” Thor states. Not a question.

“Thor-”

“It’s alright. I knew that this would happen at some point. You’ve always needed to end things properly or you continue to linger on it. Remember your apartment in Sokovia? You wouldn’t leave until you’d paid your deposit, despite the landlord telling you that Stark was going to cover all damage costs.”

This wasn’t the same, but you could see what he meant.

“You remember that?” You ask him, slightly surprised because he hadn’t been there for that.

“I remember everything you tell me.” Thor says with a smile.

Great! Way to add to the guilt!

“You need closure.” He says, nodding.

“Why are you being so understanding about this, Thor?” You can’t understand the ease with which he’s taking this.

“I did this.” He says. “I needed my own closure with Jane and that left you open to receive love from someone else. I failed you and I do not blame you nor Steve for what developed between the two of you.”

“But you didn’t-”

“I should have been there for you, Y/N. When you were changing, when you were learning to become the powerful woman that you are now, it should have been me there, by your side, helping you become accustomed to your new strength and abilities. And I wasn’t. I failed you. I will forever regret not being there for you. But I do have the opportunity to give you the closure you need. Just as you gave me mine.”

“What? No. I don’t need closure. I’m fine.”

Thor stares at you, a knowing look on his face.

“I don’t _want_ closure, Thor. Besides, I can’t leave you again.”

“You’re not leaving me. That ring is not going to leave your finger.” He gets up, pointing at your left hand. “You will come back and I will have you for my wife. I will be right here waiting for you to return.”

How was he so sure that you would? It was a fleeting thought but what if what you found with Steve was less stressful than what you have with Thor? What if Steve was willing to abandon Sharon to be with you? What if that had been his true choice and you’d forced him to choose Sharon? There were so many ‘what ifs’ that you feel a little crazy as you try and think of a way to stay here with Thor and not chance another separation.

“If that is what you still want.” Thor finishes, reading your mind again.

“I want you.” You assure him. You move over to him and place your hands over his chest. “This is what I want. I can’t live in a world where I’m not with you.”

And you mean what you say. Thor is your future. Nothing can change that.

“Then we have nothing to worry about. You must go and close this chapter of your life. I will wait a month, and if you don’t-”

“The weekend, Thor, don’t get crazy. I don’t need a month.” You push away from him, walking down into the room to pace.

“The weekend it is then. Two days.”

“One night.” You reply. You look up at him and see a moment of panic in his eyes as he considers the night. You hurry back up to him again and you grab the front of his shirt roughly. “And you’re going to come get me. You hear me?”

“I am?” It wasn’t an order and you wanted to keep it that way.

“I’m yours. I don’t want you to doubt that. Please, don’t doubt it.” You shake him a little and he laughs a rumbling chuckle.

“Alright. I won’t.” He reaches up and lets his hands glide slowly down the length of your back before they stop on your hips. “Can I give you a proper goodbye?”

“What do you mea-?” He scoops you up, causing you to cry out in surprise, then places you on the bed and kisses his way up your torso as he begins his proper goodbye.


	28. Steve, Vex, and Nat King Cole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some time apart, you and Steve finally reunite.

  


* * *

Leaving Thor was difficult. You didn’t want to go but at the same time you did. His goodbye was lengthy. All night long, in fact. Which made it harder to leave him. You felt a little silly sometimes, wrapped up in your little happy Thor bubble when other things were happening that needed your attention.

B/F/N was still out there doing who knows what? They were obviously like you now, different, altered, but you aren’t sure exactly how. Why did they think you left them to die? Why would they try and kill you? How did they become like you? Was there someone else behind them, pulling strings?

Then, of course, there was Scott Lang. What had he brought to the compound? What was he thinking? What was he planning?

All of these thoughts filled your head when you were allowed a moment of peace between heartache and perfect bliss. Your worry always there, slowly growing, but pushed aside because you had things to finish.

You’d have to confront B/F/N eventually but if you did and they defeated you, you want to be sure you die with nothing to regret.

So when you called Steve and he didn’t answer, you felt your heart drop. Your stomach clenched and you decided to leave a message anyway.

“Where will you meet him?” Thor asks, trying hard not to sound worried but you can hear it in his voice. The way his voice rises and suddenly falls as he finishes his question. He tries hard to make it deeper to hide it.

You look up at him as you tie your red sneaker. It matches the calf length cotton halter dress you wear. You wear it purpose. This dress has always reminded you of a modern take on an old 1940’s floral pattern day dress.

You know Steve will like it and you’re glad that Thor doesn’t know that. Guilt runs through you as you finish tying your shoe and see the submission in Thor’s eyes.

You move to him and place your hands on his large shoulders. He immediately reaches up to take your hips in his hands, pulling you just a little closer so that he can rest his forehead against your soft stomach.

“He’s in London so I gave him the address of a friend’s loft.”

“Your friend will be there?” Thor looks up at you, a little excited suddenly.

You bite your lip and bring your hands to the back of his head. You run your hands through his hair, trying and failing to comfort him.

“He’s in the States.” You say slowly because you hate the look in his eyes.

As he registers that you’re telling him that you and Steve are going to spend an entire night together alone in an empty apartment the light drains out of his eyes. The corners of his mouth droop and your heart gives a painful clench as his face gets a little pale.

“Right.” He says slowly. His face is already downcast and he sits with his shoulders slouched. Every part of his body tells you that he feels the weight of defeat and it shreds your soul to pieces.

So when he looks up at you and smiles softly, lovingly, you drop your hands onto his shoulders again.

“I don’t have to go.” You offer. “I’m not going. I’ll call him back and say I’m not coming.”

“What? You _have_ to go.” His voice rises softly in pitch as he emphasizes your need go. He’s frowning at you but his voice is soft.

“I don’t.” You insist.

Thor looks at your stomach and shakes you gently by the hips, a clear sign of his frustration.

“I am not happy that you are going.” He admits.

“Then I won’t g-“ You begin but Thor cuts you off.

“But I know you. You will never be truly happy until you tell him goodbye. The right way.”

“It’s not like I’m telling him goodbye forever.”

“I understand that but you regret not ending things properly. I can see it in your eyes when you think I’m not looking.”

You bite your lip again. Why does he have to be so observant?

“I could just force you to see it my way.” You insist, only half serious.

Thor huffs a laugh at your determination. “You could. Do it.”

Damn him. Calling your bluff.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.” You whisper, leaning down until you can press your forehead against his.

“Fate has tied your heart to mine. If losing you for a night ensures that I might keep you for eternity, I will gladly surrender myself to the anguish of knowing that you must be in another man’s arms for that single night.”

Ugh! The way he says it. You grab his shirt front and shake him lightly. “You’re not making this any easier.”

And this time you have to turn away. You let go of him and move towards the balcony because your eyes are prickling at the corners. Your throat feels thick and there’s a rising sense of nausea in your stomach.

You take a deep breath and try to settle your nerves.

You can hear his approach and know what he’s going to do before he does it so when he does wrap his arms around you from behind you lean back against him at the same time.

He leans down, placing his cheek by yours, the scruff of his beard tickling your chin as you can’t help but cry a few tears.

“How did we mess this up so much?”

Thor turns his head and presses his lips against your cheek as he considers your question. He finishes the kiss with a soft smack, then looks forward once again.

“I don’t know. But I swear to you, Y/N, not a day shall pass that I do not regret letting you go the first time and I will never let you slip through my fingers again. You are mine and I yours. From this day until the day I die.”

His assurance is so comforting that you smile, knowing that his words are true.

You stand in the small living room of your friend’s loft. It’s small, as most affordable living spaces are at the heart of London. The walls are a pale gray, the floors a refurbished wood, and the furniture a mix of carefully mismatched chairs, tables, carpets, and paintings. The living area is large enough for two sofas. Though really it’s just two love seats one just being larger than the other.

There’s a TV mounted on the wall above the small fireplace and on a bookshelf close by is one of those stereos where you can plug in your phone or MP3 player.

You’ve been waiting for over two hours. It’s late afternoon and though the sky has been gray since you arrived, it’s even darker now.

You sit on the smaller of the two sofas and glance towards the small bedroom up at the top of the narrow set of stairs and consider just sleeping. If Steve really doesn’t come…

As a strange sense of disappointment begins to take you over you get up and hurry to plug your phone into the speaker and shuffle your most recently played playlist.

It’s just noise to your ears anyway so whatever is playing doesn’t really matter.

You’re so nervous you begin to feel queasy again.

Just as you begin to consider running to the bathroom to throw up a soft _thud, thud, thud_ , interrupts you.

You jump and turn to face the door. You stare for only a few seconds then hurry to the door, take a deep breath, and pull it open.

It feels as if the wind has been knocked out of you. His beard has grown back in the last three weeks though his hair is still somewhat short. His storm blue eyes are rimmed in red and though they’re sad, his eyebrows lift slightly as they find your face, and his lips curve into the smallest smile.

“Hi.” He says. That calming tone does its job and instantly sets your heart at ease.

“Hi.” You reply quietly, afraid to talk any louder for fear of giving away how elated you are to see him. And yes, you’re nervous because this is Steve Rogers, your former lover, and you forced him to leave you, but you’re also nervous because if you don’t do this correctly you may very well lose the truest friend you’ve ever had.

You step back so that he can come in and he does. He moves into the living room, glancing around at the small loft which looks even smaller with him in it.

“Should we sit?” You move into the living room and gesture towards the larger sofa. He nods and settles himself into it.

You take the smaller sofa and angle your body so that you’re facing him.

For several minutes you both sit in silence. You can’t believe how incredibly light you feel to have him in the same room. You avoid looking straight into his eyes but you do explore every inch of him that you can see.

He looks good, unhurt, well fed, and fit. He seems to be doing the same thing to you and when your eyes finally meet you’re breathless again.

“Steve?”

He smiles and nods. “I think I should congratulate you?”

He gestures towards your left hand, currently placed absentmindedly on your left knee, and you see the yellow twinkle of your engagement ring.

“Oh.” You feel insanely guilty suddenly and you bring your left hand up onto your lap and cover the ring with your right hand. “Right. Thanks.”

“It’s okay.” He assures you. “How is Thor?”

You look up at him because you can hear the fake quality to his tone but can’t decipher the meaning behind it.

“He’s in New Asgard…not exactly happy I came but he did insist.” You admit, trying to say something to coax some type of genuine reaction from Steve.

“How considerate of him. There’s no one like Thor.” Steve says with a smile.

It sounds so put-on, so fake that you’re positive now that he’s hiding something.

“Steve?” You begin, a chastising quality to your tone.

“Tony told me that you two made up shortly after I left. I’m glad you had him by your side after everything that happened.” He nods and it looks as if he’s trying to convince himself of what he’s saying too.

It makes you angry. You came here for closure, not to pretend that everything is fine!

“Steve, stop it. What’s the matter with you?”

“Me? Nothing! I’m so glad to see you happy and settled. How are you liking New Asgard? Do they call you their queen yet?”

“Stop!” You shout, hands balled into fists at your sides.

Steve’s smile struggles to stay in place as he shifts into confusion at your order. Why is he making this so hard? Why does he make you use your ability again?

His façade breaks and he looks down at the floor in front of him, breathing hard through his nose as he struggles to compose himself again. The red around his eyes intensifies and you rush over, dropping onto your knees before him.

“Why are you doing this? Why are you fighting it?”

He looks into your eyes, serious and straining to keep it together.

“Please,” You beg. “This is why we’re here. To talk. Don’t shut me out.”

He tightly shuts his lips, stretching them into a straight line, refusing to answer your questions. The pain is there in his eyes however, and he can’t hide that no matter how much he tries.

You feel your own resolve crumble as you place your hands on his knees and break into a single sob. “I’m sorry.”

You hide your face by hanging it between his knees, staring down at the ground as your tears begin to flow.

“I'm…so sorry.” You sob again.

In a flash he’s got you up between his legs as he pulls you against his chest tightly, clutching you close in a bone-breaking hug.

“I’m sorry.” He groans. Sounding as if he’s either hating you or himself very much at the moment.

You cry in his arms for so long the light outside is finally gone when he slowly loosens his grip.

You rise up onto your feet slowly and move to the smaller sofa again, sitting back against the arm so that you can face him still. Once you’re seated you watch him as he wipes at his face and avoids looking at you until he seems to have a hold on himself. Though it needed to happen, you both seem slightly embarrassed by the way you both fell to pieces.

“I was very worried about you. Extremely worried.” Steve admits, breaking the heavy silence first. “I called Tony every day to make sure you were recovering alright. When he told me you beat up Hulk and gave Thor a run for his money I knew you were going to he fine.”

You smile very lightly, it’s barely noticeable.

“I wish I’d been there to see that.”

“I’ve been thinking about you, every day.” You confess. “About what I made you do. I’m sorry that I took away your choice.”

You’re not quite ready to joke just yet.

“I did it to Thor and I regretted it. Doing it to you…the way I did it…”

“Y/N, it’s alright.” And the way he says it tells you that he’d rather not talk about that. So he moves on. “How have you been? Really?”

“Better. I can fly much faster now. I beat Thor. And as you said, my hits pack quite a punch now. Tony explained how it worked to me but you know me and science.” You wave your hand, like swatting a fly.

Steve huffs a small laugh. “Yeah.”

“I’ve been confined to the compound most of the time except for the past five days. Thor took me to New Asgard to get to know the place. The people are mostly nice but…”

“Some people don’t welcome you?” He guesses.

You nod, not wanting to linger on that just like he’d rather not linger on his forced choice.

“I’ll have to get used to it, I guess.”

Steve nods and then lapses into silence.

“So what now?” He asks.

You sit up and look around trying to find something to do because the awkwardness is overwhelming. “You want some tea?”

You get up and move towards the small kitchen and grab the kettle.

“Sure.” Steve gets up and moves to grab a book from the bookshelf then sits back down and opens it to a random page.

“What have you been up to?” You wonder.

“Er, I’ve been staying at Sharon’s parents’ house. They’re not there anymore, obviously, so we’ve kinda taken it over. Been helping out around here, getting order restored. It’s crazier back home but there are a few crazies here too. Nothing like that Shadow order back home though. Mostly just petty criminals.”

You let his words linger in the air because you’ve been wondering about that Shadow order and B/F/N too.

While you think and wait for the water to boil and while you prepare the cups, Steve switches his attention to the book again.

As you wait for the tea you watch him. He’s wearing normal clothes. A pair of well tailored grey slacks and over that a thick black long sleeved shirt. He looks so good that you can’t help but stare. When the kettle whistles you make the tea quickly and move to place Steve’s on the small table by his sofa, then place your own by yours.

You both sit in slightly less than comfortable silence. It had always been so easy to sit with Steve and just be together but there’s so much to say and an unwillingness to say it that it hangs heavy, making things awkward.

“Was getting closure really this important?” Steve looks up at you from behind his book, his eyes shifting from yours down to your lips and back up. Has he been watching you too?

“Was I wrong? Should I have stayed away?” It hurts you to think that maybe it would have been better if you’d just avoided all of this altogether. You hate that it hurts that Steve means this much. But things changed in ways that you hadn’t anticipated. It hurts to think that he’d rather not see you.

He watches you, staring into your eyes with an intensity that takes your breath away. He finally looks down at his book, releasing you so that you can take a breath.

“No. I’m glad you came.” He shuts his book and rests it against his leg.

You sit up a little straighter, drawing your dress down over your legs a little more. Because the sofa you sit on is small, you’re curled in on yourself, legs folded neatly beneath you. “Really?”

Steve nods. “My choice…what you did…? You were right to send me away. I’m not contesting that. You know me well. But I wish you’d given me time to tell you goodbye.”

Finally! Something honest. It’s such a relief that you shut your eyes tight and open them again, glad that he’s made the first step.

“I know.” You sigh and look down at your hands. “I’m sorry. I’ve…I’m happy, Steve, but even Thor can see my regret. Not a day has gone by that I don’t regret taking more time to appreciate what we had.”

Steve’s eyes find your ring again.

“Is that why you’re here? He sent you to tell me bye?”

“He gave me the option. And I took it. I needed to see you again.” A risky disclosure. “I missed you.”

Your confession lingers heavily between the two of you and for a few moments you both sit in slightly agonized silence. You don’t dare look up at him as he suddenly rises from his own seat and moves to your phone, still docked in the stereo player. He messes with it for a bit before he moves towards you. He extends his hand out to you and as you look up at him a beautiful orchestral introduction of harp, violins, and other various wind instruments reaches your ears. You take his offered hand. He pulls you up easily, spinning you as the smooth voice of Nat King Cole fills the room.

You smile and then laugh a little as he finishes the twirl and then pulls you against his chest, his hand in yours, the other around your waist. Without skipping a beat, he leads you into a slow swaying waltz. Relaxed and sweet, he hums the melody of the song in your ear. Then he sings it.

“I’m living in a kind of daydream…I’m happy as a king…and foolish though it may seem to me, that’s everything.”

You pull back so that you can look up at his face, into his storm blue eyes and he stares right back at you, memorizing the look in your eyes. As your emotions begin to get the better of you, you turn away and look over his shoulder again. He leans down and kisses your shoulder, twirling you around the room as the song continues to play.

Being in his arms, yes, it feels right. But it’s right in the way a good song is when you hear it. A favorite song. You love the way the melody fills your chest and the way the harmonies compliment it and often times it springs chills onto your skin. For a short time, this song elevates you to a place where everything is perfect and simple. Where nothing can go wrong and the only thing that matters is the bliss you’re in.

A tear trickles from the corner of your eye and you reach up easily, your hand already on his shoulder, and wipe it away. Steve’s hand on your waist comes up to slowly rub down along your spine, up and down, comforting you. He might be appreciating the way you feel in his arms too, you can’t be sure. His arms around you feel good and you hope that for the moment, you also feel good to him.

He spins you three times very quickly and catches you up more tightly as if he were reading your mind, showing you how perfectly you fit into his embrace.

You hope this moment lasts forever, extending into an endless loop of time.

But like a favorite song, it has to end. The song slowly comes to a close, Nat King Cole’s smooth tone closing the song out. And Steve stops.

He doesn’t pull away quickly. Instead he lets his arms linger around you, dropping them to your waist so that he can slowly push you away from his form but also touching you as much as he can. His hands slide slowly up along your arms. You keep your head down, avoiding his gaze. He reaches up and takes hold of your chin with two fingers and slowly lifts your chin so that he can get a look at your face. You hope that he can’t tell you were crying but something tells you he might have known all along.

He sighs deeply and places his hands on either side of your face, wiping gently at the tear stains on your cheeks. You reach up and grasp onto his wrist as you shut your eyes and try to enjoy the way his skin feels against yours.

“I’ll never regret us, Y/N.” He admits.

“Neither will I.” You open your eyes and see the intent in his eyes before he makes his move.

You push yourself up onto your tip-toes just as he leans down and kisses you. His lips are like a balm on your aching heart. He wraps his arms around you again, lifting you so that he can kiss you more deeply. You both break away, just to catch a quick breath, and then he’s kissing you again, a small moan escaping you as you relish in the comfort it gives you.

When the kiss feels like it might go too far you pull away, sighing as Steve slowly sets you back down onto your feet. “I’m gonna miss that.” He admits.

You smile sadly but then take to staring into his eyes, searching for a sign that you may have been wrong. “You are happy though, aren’t you Steve? With Sharon I mean?”

Steve smiles and nods. “Yes. Sharon and I are making strides. It hasn’t been easy. I think both she and I have a lot of healing to do. She’s still so shaken up about the snap and she’s a little slow with the opening up. I know how you felt now trying to get me to talk about Buck.”

You smile, amused and glad that now he knows how that feels. “Serves you right.”

“Yeah.” He says with a slight laugh.

He rubs your arms, enjoying the way your skin feels. “Do you have to go right away?”

You shake your head. “We have until tomorrow. Thor’s going to come get me.”

“Was he afraid you wouldn’t leave?” Steve asks, sounding slightly judgmental and smug.

“No.” You poke his chest. “I was. I told him I would come only if he promised to come and get me.”

He seems sad again as he nods but then pulls you back over to the larger of the two sofas and sits down then pulls you down right beside him.

“You’re always going to mean more to me than just a friendship, Steve but I hope that I can still have you in my life. I need you in it.” You look up at him, worried that he might cut himself off from you permanently.

“Are you kidding?” He chuckles. “I need to be around. Who else is going to make sure that Thor knows someone will always be waiting to swoop in and steal you away?”

It’s funny but you also worry that you might drive a rift between them. But as Steve continues to smile at the thought of causing his friend some stress you’re sure that the bond they share is stronger than that and it would take something much more impactful than loving the same girl to break it.

“Can we stay up all night?” You ask him, letting him pull you down against his chest. He rests his chin on your head and nods.

“Yes.”

“And can we order pizza?” Your stomach grumbles loudly.

Steve chuckles as he gives you a squeeze. “Pizza it is.”


	29. Thor, Vex, and a Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're shocked with an unexpected visitor.

The sky is gray as the sun rises in the shadow of the tall London city buildings. Your friend’s little apartment, being on the second floor of a refurbished townhouse, very rarely gets the first rays of the day.

You’re leaning on your left side against Steve’s chest as he sits propped up against the arm of the large sofa. His arms are wrapped around your stomach, your arms resting over his as you hug him back.

Your head rests on the right side of his chest which allows you to face the window and watch the sky grow lighter and lighter. You’ve been dreading the sunrise but you also can’t wait for it to arrive. It’s a terrible feeling to love two men, though perhaps not in the exact same way, it’s similar enough to cause you distress.

The thought of leaving Steve seems to turn your stomach. Wanting to queasy from nerves, you slowly lift your head. Steve’s eyes are also on the window. You don’t want to leave him yet!

“Steve?” You begin.

“You have to go.” He realizes calmly.

“I can’t wait for him to come get me. I need to show him that he’s _my_ choice. That he’s not taking me away from something.” You sigh. “I know what that feels like.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve whispers, regret painting his tone.

You quickly turn to look at him and shake your head, placing one hand on his cheek.

“No, Steve. I didn’t mean you. I meant I know what that feels like because of Jane.” And yeah, a little because of Sharon too.

“You’re a terrible liar.” He says softly, his eyes on your lips for a moment before they find your eyes again.

You let the hand on his cheek stroke his beard before it slips back behind his head. You pull his head down towards you and rest your forehead against his. Leaving him sucks!

“How long am I going to have to wait before I see you again?” You can’t help but wish you were all living under one roof. Then you could be with Thor and see Steve all the time too.

You know that it’s selfish of you to think so, but you desperately wish you could keep them both.

“I don’t know.” Steve admits. “But you have to promise me one thing.”

“And what’s that?” You ask, feeling a little weak.

“You’ll invite me to the wedding.”

You laugh sadly and nod. “Of course I’m inviting you to the wedding! If that’s what we decide to do.”

You’re not sure what the Asgardian tradition is or if Thor may want to do things the Midgardian way since he proposed the Midgardian way.

“You okay?” Steve suddenly asks, pulling you from your thoughts.

He pulls back so that he can get a better look at your face and frowns at what he sees.

“You’re all sweaty and pale.” Steve checks your pupils.

“I’m okay.” You rise slowly and Steve holds you until you’re standing on your own two feet.

“Could this be a side effect of the serum?” Steve wonders.

“Maybe. Tony said there might be some unexpected consequences. They had to pump my system with so much serum to counteract Variant Z. He said it might be like an overdose type reaction?” You shrug.

When you’re steady you look up and smile at Steve; he sighs sadly.

“Are you going to be okay to fly back up?” Steve worries, reaching up to wipe gently at your sweaty neck.

“Of course.” You assure him. Reaching up to wipe your sweat off of his hand. Gross! You don’t want him dripping in your sweat.

“I really don’t want you to go.” Steve admits. “But I also-“

“Need to get back to Sharon? I know the feeling.”

Steve smiles dejectedly, then nods. “I miss her.”

It hurts but it also feels right.

After making sure to clean up, you and Steve head up and out onto the roof. It’s damp from recent rain and the smell of it makes you miss Thor terribly.

Steve holds onto your hand tightly until he absolutely has to let go.

When your hand is about to drop, he pulls you in suddenly before you can get too far away and passionately presses his lips to yours. He kisses you deeply, parting your lips as he unleashes the full force of his still existent desire and affection for you.

You shut your eyes, wrapping your arms around his wide shoulders, your hands gripping him as tightly as they can, trying to get it all out of your system before you leave and turn this whirlwind romance into a platonic friendship.

You have to pull away eventually and when you do you back away from Steve breathless and slow. He holds onto your hand, his fingers clinging to the tips of yours just before you’re literally out of reach.

“I would have married you.” Steve admits. Smiling softly at you, breaking your heart. That stupid half smile twisting his lips more clearly. Why does he do that to you?!

“I know. That’s why I sent you away.”

“Be careful on your way back, Y/N. And take care of Thor. He’s more broken than he seems.”

It makes you happy that Steve still clearly cares very deeply about Thor.

“I will.” You say, resolute in your promise to yourself, not to cry.

Your feet lift off the roof as you rise very smoothly up into the air to hover at about three feet high.

“I’ll miss you.” Steve admits.

“And I’ll always love you.”

“Not enough.” Steve teases, that disgusting half smile still in place. He shoves his hands into his pockets as you rise up higher in the air.

You both stare into each other’s eyes until clouds force you to look away by obscuring London below you.

With Steve out of sight, your eagerness to see Thor becomes overwhelming. You course correct a few degrees and with the sound of a cracking whip, you zoom from zero to full speed back to Norway.

You approach New Asgard as most of it still sleeps. The early risers are those that are still working to get their homes or businesses built. Workers are already attending to laying stones for roads. The city is coming together but it’s still mostly just a village. It’ll be a long time before New Asgard looks like the Asgard that Thor had told you about.

Some of the Asgardians look up at you and wave as you fly by. You wave back, feeling better but also in great need to show Thor that you’re here, voluntarily, and much sooner than you said you would be. You wanted to show him that you were just as eager to start your life together as he was.

Thor’s palace is busier than the rest of New Asgard but only because workers strive to build it up more and more each day.

You move around to the side with your bedroom and gently land on the balcony, hoping that Thor might still be sleeping.

As you move down the balcony steps into your room, you see the bed is messed but no Thor resides within its sheets.

Had he gone on his rounds already? It was still really early.

A sudden shift in the air and the sound of a throat clearing draws your attention to the bathroom doorway. But if there’s one thing you know, it’s the deep timber of Thor’s voice. And that isn’t Thor.

You move to your side of the bed, standing at the head, waiting for the person in the bathroom to come out, your senses on high alert instantly. Steve trained you well.

However, his training didn’t prepare you for this kind of shock.

“Thor, are you sure it’s okay to wear this? I don’t…wanna…”

Your heart suddenly finds itself lodged in your throat. The taste of acid rises up into your mouth as your stomach churns at the sight of Jane wearing _your_ favorite blue sweater and a pair of your looser faded blue jeans.

She’s frozen as she adjusts the collar of your sweater and stares at you with wide brown eyes.

The anger that overwhelms you, sets you aflame, blood boiling. If someone were to touch you, you’d probably burn them. Jane responds to whatever she sees in your eyes by taking a step back. You have never wanted to strangle another living creature so much in your life. Not really. Not to kill them.

The large doors to your bedroom suddenly open and in walks Thor, looking down at a tray laden with an assortment of fruits and bread, a small pitcher of wine balanced in the middle.

“Breakfast is not cooked yet, but I found some fruit and br-” Thor stops slowly, his eyes on Jane for a moment before he follows her terrified gaze to you.

For a moment his electric blue eyes sparkle in surprise and then elation as he takes you in.

He’s happy to see you. Beyond happy. He’s ecstatic. You can see it in his face. He’s happy?

Your anger quickly begins to shift into agony. He sees it in your eyes because his smile falters.

“You’re back.” Was he surprised he got caught?!

Your eyes are drawn back to Jane as she begins to move towards Thor and stops only when she’s hidden somewhat behind him.

Your agony mixes with your rage making a bitter cocktail of emotions that Thor begins to see more clearly after registering Jane’s fear.

“No.” He says, his brow lifted in surprise as he glances over his shoulder at Jane and then back at you and the betrayal in your eyes. “Y/N, no. This is not what it looks like.”

You still haven’t spoken, your hands rest limply at your sides. You seem frozen, unable to move. You know if you do, you’re going to kill her, and you’re no murderer.

Thor moves to the foot of the bed and places his tray down, leaving Jane by the door. He reaches out with his left hand towards you, his brow furrowed as he slowly begins to move around the bed towards you.

“I would never do that.” He softens his gaze, relaxing his jaw as he smiles at you to try and reassure you. His words send a barrage of knives into your heart despite the happiness they should bring you.

You had never realized how much Jane made you jealous before but walking in on this, whatever this was, has unleashed the full force of that jealousy and it’s threatening to bring you to tears…and violence.

You finally breathe, releasing a quick held breath as you focus on Thor’s face and he’s so alarmed by the quiver of your chin and the shiny wet of your eyes that he frowns, steps onto the corner of the bed, and reaches you in two steps. His arms come up to take a hold of yours but you take a small step back.

Thor isn’t allowing that however because he reaches out and grabs your elbows and pulls you back to where you’d been.

“Y/N, no. Whatever it is that you are thinking,” he turns to look at Jane but his eyes rake over the bed first and he puts two and two together. “Nothing happened here. I slept alone.”

You want to believe him but you don’t.

You find your voice, finally, and it’s a quiet, harsh whisper that’s dripping in suspicion. “She’s wearing my clothes.”

Thor turns to look at Jane again and frowns. “My fault, Blossom, I knocked the wine decanter onto what she had on and gave her the first thing I found.”

“My favorite sweater, Thor? Really?” You begin to pull your arms out of his grip but he tightens it, holding you in place.

“Favorite…? How was I supposed to know that was your favorite?” He reasons. It’s true, you had never told him. But you have no time for level-headed thinking right now.

“Would you have even told me that she’d been here if I’d come back when I was supposed to?”

“Of course, I would have.” He says, as if that is the most obvious thing in the world.

“How do I know she hasn’t been here all night?” You demand.

“She just got here, twenty minutes ago.” He pulls you closer, giving him the ability to hook his hands around your waist.

“He’s telling you the truth, I haven’t even been able to tell him why I’m here yet.” Jane interjects.

“You need to not speak right now!” You say loudly at her, it’s such a contrast to the way you’ve been speaking and dripping with venom.

Thor flinches. Jane widens her eyes, displaying her obvious opinion that you are overreacting by mere expression of face.

Thor recovers quickly and he pulls you even closer.

“Love, I swear to you from one edge of the cosmos to the other, no one will come between us again.” He reaches up, stroking your cheek softly.

As if to prove his point he hooks his hand behind your head and pulls you up to meet his lips.

It’s nice, but you’re still too upset to really enjoy it. Though, the fact that he’s kissing you with her in the room does sooth your worried heart a bit.

Jane sighs heavily by the door.

You pull away first, trying to clear out the bile that your anger and jealousy has summoned but you can’t and you pull away from Thor and run to the bathroom, shutting the door behind you.

“Y/N!” Thor calls out, his hands had tried hard to hold you there but your strength is no joke. He knocks on the door probably harder than he means to from worry but you don’t answer it.

You empty your stomach into the toilet.

When you have nothing more to give you sit back and let yourself cry silently a little. Just to let some of the excess emotion out. You were holding all of that anger, jealousy, and sadness at the center of your chest like a toxic black hole and as you sob it away, you begin to feel a bit better.

“Y/N, please. Please? I swear to you, you are everything to me. Nothing happened.” His voice is full of such remorse and fear, your heart gives one final and painful lurch before you’re up on your feet and pulling that bathroom door open.

Thor was leaning against it and he falls towards you, his eyes wide and surprised as you open it. It would have been funny had the situation been less intense. He catches himself against the doorjamb and quickly devours the look on your face.

“Were you crying?” He demands, pained and disbelieving.

“I believe you.” You tell him.

He sighs, reaches down to pick up your left hand and presses a kiss to your fingers.

“Let’s go see what she wants.” You sigh.

“And me.” A sarcastic and filtered voice mutters from the bedroom doorway.

You hear the bend of the metal first before you see him but you crane your neck and release Thor so that you can move out into the room again.

Iron Man looks over at you and waves. “Vex.” He says with a nod.

“Tony?” You look back at Thor who quickly moves to stand beside you. “Did you two come here together?”

“Well, yeah, we had to bring the jet. Jane can’t fly, Y/N.” Tony says this as if he really thinks you’re stupid but you’re sure he’s just teasing you. “You weren’t supposed to be back yet. I wouldn’t have brought Jane if I’d known you were going to be here.”

Thor sees the frustration in your eyes. All of that drama could have been avoided had Tony just been present when you’d arrived.

He reaches over behind you with his right hand and takes yours, pulling it up to rest against the small of your back where he intertwines his fingers with yours.

You sigh heavily, ejecting the remainder of your negative feelings with your breath. Well, most of them. Stupid Jane is still wearing your favorite sweater.

“Not feeling well?” Tony continues, making conversation.

“Yeah.” You find yourself eagerly agreeing, your annoyance disappearing as worry takes its place. “I’ve been feeling queasy on and off for days.”

“Could be the serum. We really flushed your system with it. Shuri wasn’t sure what dosage you’d need to fight Variant Z or if doing that would even help. There could be small side effects. Nausea, heartburn, itchy skin, cardiac arrest. Or…really big ones.” Like death? “I’ll get one of the docs up here. Get them to check you out. No worries.”

He looks up towards Thor beside you.

“I promise. It’s probably nothing.”

You turn to see what look Thor’s giving him to make him so nervous but all you find is Thor looking at you with concern etched across his handsome brow.

He gives your hand a squeeze and although you know now that all of this jealousy nonsense was nothing, you’re still not in the mood to be affectionate. You look over to Jane who stands awkwardly with her hands held in front of her as she rocks back and forth on her heels.

“So whaddya want?” You ask, your voice hard and tainted with your obvious dislike of her.

She looks at you, her eyes wide again and then clears her throat.

“We gotta borrow your boyfriend.” Tony says, before she can speak.

“What for?” Thor asks, genuinely curious.

“You remember when you came to Arizona and found me in the desert?” Jane is talking to you but you don’t respond.

Thor looks at you and then back to Jane. “Yes.”

Stupid Jane. Stupid desert. Stupid Thor thinking she’d been kidnapped and exposing you to their relationship unintentionally.

“That energy signature I detected? It moved. I’m sure it’s not so much a what, but a _who_.” She’s excited, her brown eyes sparkling and her lips curved into a smile.

You can see why Thor fell for her. This irritates you and you pull away from Thor and move stand on the balcony, staring out at the calm sea. Thor doesn’t want to let your hand go but you pull away easily again and stand with your arms crossed so that if he decides to follow you, he can’t grab your hand again.

“What? Do you think it’s Thanos?” Thor’s own voice rises an octave as his anger bubbles up. He stays where he was, Tony moves closer to you but doesn’t go out onto the balcony.

“Well, we don’t necessarily know if it’s Thanos but it’s definitely _someone_.” Jane continues.

“And we have to find out who it is.” Tony agrees. “And since it would take me years to traverse space, well, it’s nice to have a space traversing Avenger who can use his nice big hammer to jump from planet to planet.”

“So you want me to go?” Thor realizes.

You don’t like this. What if it was Thanos? And Thor showed up, alone, and faced him again? What if he got himself killed? You turn to look at Tony who has been looking at you this entire time.

“Strictly a reconnaissance mission. If it happens to he Thanos, Thor, we need you to come back so we can attack, together.” Tony knows what you must be feeling and he knows that you would never let Thor go on a mission to fight anyone alone.

You look over at Thor who is also looking at you and sighs.

So he was leaving you again? You scoff and turn back to the sea, moving to the edge of the balcony to get some distance.

You hear Tony move back into the room and Thor lumber his way towards you. He stops beside you, facing you.

“Y/N?” He’s being very careful. Trying to read your every move, word, and twitch.

“This day seriously sucks.” You don’t look at him, angry as you are, no matter how beautiful he is, you don’t want to look at him.

“Y/N, I know this was not what we were expecting and this was most definitely not the welcome home I had planned for you.” Thor looks towards the room, distracted by something.

You hear the door close and realize that Tony and Jane must have left.

He closes the distance between you, grabbing you by the shoulders and forcing you to turn and look at him. Though you look at his chest and don’t dare look up.

“I can’t believe you came back this early. Why did you-“

“Because I wanted to show you that this, you, us is what I want.” Your statement is followed with silence. When it’s been almost a minute you look up at his face and see his unasked question. He looks slightly worried and pale.

“Nothing happened with Steve and I either. We hung out on the sofa, talked, and then said goodbye.”

The relief on Thor’s face irritates you. You want to feel that relief too!

“And now I have to tell you goodbye again?” You’re so angry you could break a pillar! But that would be disrespectful to the Asgardians working hard to build Thor his palace.

“I know.” Thor rubs your arms and then pulls you in for a hug. He cradles you tightly to his chest and the smell of him drives you slightly crazy.

“I hate you.” You growl, smacking his side with your fist, and making him wince. He laughs too, though, so maybe you should have hit him harder?

“I’m sorry, love. I didn’t think-” He leans back to look at you.

“No, you didn’t! Do you have any idea what that felt like?”

“Actually…” Thor tilts his head a little to the right and back as he squints his eyes and smiles. “Yes. I do.”

His smile fades and he places his hands on the sides of your face, his thumbs gently stroking the hair at your temples.

“I was so afraid that you wouldn’t come back. Every fiber of my being told me to grab you, hold you here, tie you up and lock you in a closet if it would keep you from seeing Steve. Every moment you were gone was agony. Was he giving you something I couldn’t? Would he convince you to leave me? Maybe he’s better for you? He doesn’t have a kingdom to rule or an obligation to the nine realms. He could devote his entire existence to you.

“I cannot. Not completely.” He’s torn up about it and you hate hurting him so you reach up and wrap your arms around his neck, forcing his to drop to your waist, and pull him down until your lips meet.

He breathes, relieved, as if he was finally able to sit down after a day on his feet.

The kiss, on your side, is slightly tainted still with anger and jealousy but you push past it and focus on the little things that make Thor’s kisses amazing.

His hands are on your waist, his fingers tickle your hips as he slides his hands down lower to lift your body up against his, drawing you up onto your toes. He tilts his head to the left, opening his mouth and parting yours as he deepens the kiss.

His beard tickles, scratching your chin and cheeks as he pulls you even more tightly against his chest, if that’s even possible.

And just like that, Thor drives away any doubts you have about how he feels about Jane. You think yourself silly for even considering the possibility of Thor sleeping with Jane in the bed he shares with you.

Ugh, but your sweater! You pull away angrily and grab his shirtfront, crumpling the fabric in your fists.

“My sweater, you jerk!”

He squishes you to him, shutting you up with his mouth.


	30. Thor, Vex, and a Better Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get some unexpected news and a friend becomes an enemy.

  


* * *

Sometimes you sit and think about the possibilities that life could have brought you. What might have been different, for example, if you’d met Steve first? Or maybe you never met any of the Avengers and you went on with your life, teaching and travelling the world, searching for some type of purpose. You’d always wanted to do something special with your life. You wanted to shape the world. Change it in a way if you could. So, teaching children was a small way to affect that change.

They would come to your classroom, empty canvases ready to be painted or shapeless lumps of clay, pliable and full of potential. It would be up to you to color their life and shape their minds and souls into what you hoped would be productive and possibly life-altering members of society.

But you did meet an Avenger. You met Thor. And he changed everything. You were still a teacher for a while but then when the world ended, things changed. Most of your canvas kids, and half formed sculpture children were gone. The few that remained…some had lost their parents and were taken into foster care. Others went to live with other family. Some just moved away. When the chaos had cleared a bit and classes had resumed in a limited capacity, you showed up and found that not one of your kids had come. And with nothing to tie you to your old life you took the opportunity to escape. You moved back home and a few days later, Thor was back in your life again. This time changing it forever.

You were permanently altered—which you suspect started way back when you gave him shelter in Sokovia—and there was no going back to the innocent, aspirational woman you had once been. You have new dreams. Dreams of marrying Thor and maybe one day starting a family. Dreams of facing endless challenges with Thor and the rest of your friends. Dreams of making a bigger difference. Saving people when it really counts is a much higher calling, though Thor would gladly tell you how wrong you are to think so.

“Teaching is a noble profession. You shape the future.” He’d said, many times. And he was right. However, having Thor and being able to stand at his side through conflict both physical and situational is a blessing you wouldn’t trade for anything, maybe not even to have the world back the way it was. Which is selfish of you…

So even though sometimes you wonder what it might have been like had your life taken a different direction, you always realize that you are very happy with your current life. Or at least you were.

Right now, all you want is to get the man you came for and get out.

As you carefully, silently sidle the edge of the large open basement, you keep your eyes trained on the figure at the center of the room. His shoulders are slumped, his blonde hair dirty with blood, head down. You scan the ground around him, looking for some type of restraint that must clearly be keeping him from getting up and running out of here.

Nothing. No ropes. No chains. It wasn’t like any of that could have held him anyway. There must be a reason that he’s still sitting there, staring at the dirty concrete floor with a far off look in his storm blue eyes.

His hands are behind his back and you’re sure that his hands are at least tied. The rest of him looks alright, save for the wound on his head. You take another few minutes to carefully look about the large basement. It’s the size of the atrium back at the compound. There are short columns spread evenly throughout the room every ten feet.

Steve is settled between two of them. You hurry to one column, then quickly glance out and around at the surrounding area looking for any sort of space where someone might hide and wait for their chance to ambush you.

But there’s nothing in this basement. Just your ex-boyfriend, wounded, and so obviously bait. And yet, knowing this, you don’t care. You came anyway, against Tony’s and Bruce’s wishes. Because how were you expected to wait at the compound while Steve was held captive, and it was all your fault?

Comfortable at least that there were no traps laid, you hurry to Steve’s side, drop down onto your knees in front of him, and place your hands on either side of his head, propping it up so that you can look into his eyes.

He doesn’t seem to see you at first, the head injury perhaps? But then slowly his storm blues begin to brighten with recognition.

“Y/N?” He asks, sounding desperate and tired. “Are you really here?”

“Jesus, Steve,” You tilt his head down to look at the cut to the back of his head and hate the amount of dried blood you see. “This wound looks bad.”

Steve doesn’t want to stop looking at you and he pulls his head back up until his eyes find your face again.

“No, you can’t be-. It’s a tr-” He tries to explain sounding just as dazed but upset.

“Well, obviously it’s a trap. I don’t care. I’m getting you out of here.”

“Come on, can you get on your feet?” You reach underneath his arm and use your shoulder to try and get him up onto his feet, but he doesn’t move.

You try again but make no progress. It feels like back in the day when you tried to lift those two big bags of rice at the grocery store but then Thor had to come do it for you. You know that Steve is a big guy but you’re stronger than him. You should be able to lift him. Easily. So, what gives?

“Is something the matter with your legs?” You feel a sudden rush of panic as you think about how you might be hurting him. What if his legs were broken? You turn to look at him but find him watching you, still slightly dazed but his eyes so full of sorrow and affection that it makes your heart skip a beat. “Steve?”

“Why would you come for me? We’re not together anymore.” He whispers. It’s so quiet it’s like he’s trying to keep it a secret even though a second ago he was talking perfectly aloud.

You kneel beside him and angle yourself so that your body is facing him. Your arm is still wrapped around a portion of his wide shoulders, so you’re very close.

“Steve, we may not be together anymore but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. There are two people in this world that I would die for. And you’re one of them.” You watch as Steve shuts his eyes. You place your free hand on his left cheek and stroke it gently with your thumb. “You keep telling me that you would have married me, but I would have said yes, stupid.”

Steve opens his eyes to look at you and nods. Understanding that this was never to be repeated anywhere but between the two of you. “But you wouldn’t have been completely happy. Neither would I.”

You smile because you’re both on the same page. You had a sneaking suspicion that if things had indeed turned out differently, Steve might have very well been your soulmate. Thor was your destiny, but Steve completes you. And you can’t imagine any kind of life without him now. And since you can’t do that, you need to get him out of here. “As much as I’d like to talk about this some more, I need to get you out of here, Steve. We can’t sit here waiting for the ambush to come.”

“It’s already here.” Steve says. He struggles to speak for a second, like he’s trying to catch his breath. “They’ve been here.”

Your brow furrows as you take in his words and then quickly turn your head to look around for the ambush that he’s talking about, but like before, the basement is still as empty as it was when you arrived.

“I don’t see anyone Steve.” Steve sighs and shakes his head. You look at him and he’s watching you again. “I gotta get you outta here.”

You drop his arm and move around behind him to get a look at his hands.

“They’re Vibranium cuffs. There’s no breaking them. They’re going to fall off when the time is right.” Steve mutters. Time is right?

Still you grip the cuffs at the center where they meet and try your damnedest to break them apart. The metal is unresponsive. You grip Steve’s wrists, one in each hand, and try to force the metal apart, but again nothing happens.

“Where’s your shield?” You demand, leaning over his shoulder to look at his face.

“Taken.” He sighs. “You need to guhhhh!”

He suddenly goes stiff, his head goes back, as he struggles with a sudden wave of pain. Gritting his teeth, he stares up at the ceiling and you feel absolutely useless as you hurry back around and place your hands on his shoulders as you try and calm him. What was hurting him?

“Steve? What? What is it?”

He relaxes again breathing heavily, tired, and defeated. He looks up at you slowly, his eyes finding yours.

“You need to lea-ARGH!” He cries out again, his body convulsing with pain this time.

“Shit, what the hell is this?!” You cry out along with his own pained screams. This is beyond torture. You reach out and try and hold him steady. “Steve, please, what’s happening?”

You wanna cry because you feel so useless and weak despite your strength, you almost let it consume you but you know your focus is important. You have to get him out of here. Steve Rogers saved you before. He got Thor to get Shuri to you and because of his quick thinking, he saved you. You _have_ to save him. There is no room for failure on this mission and you’re not going to lose him. He needs to be in your life. You need him around. You need him to look at you with those storm blue eyes and that stupidly attractive half smile. Even if you can’t have him, you need him there.

When his pain passes, and he slumps forward again, weak and tired, you help keep him upright, taking his face in your hands again.

“Why is this happening?” You ask.

Steve seems to struggle with words for a second before he finally manages to push through but instead of answering your questions, he surprises you. “I love you.” He whispers. “Forgive me.”

“Forgive you?” You shake your head, not understanding. “Forgive you for what? What’s going on, Steve? Talk to me.”

“I’m…the…” He struggles. His blue eyes are steel, focused as he pushes himself to speak. It’s like someone is stopping him from doing so. Like he’s having to physically push past an obstacle to get the words out. “…am…bush…ru-”

He freezes, eyes wide, as he rocked by pain again but this time he doesn’t cry out. He stares into your eyes trying to tell you something without actually saying it aloud but you’re not sure what he wants. What can you do to help him? This is killing you and as his pain subsides again he breathes heavily, shoulders heaving as the effort to control the pain takes more of a toll. There’s a strange weakness that you’ve never seen before come over him. He sways in his spot and when he speaks he speaks with slurred words. His eyes, on you, seem a little less bright.

“There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for you, Y/N. You are the very foundation of my redemption.” Redemption? What kind of redemption did Steve need? “I had never failed before. Not really. And then Thanos came and he killed everyone. It was all my fault. But then you were there so vulnerable, kind, and weak. And strong. I’ve never met anyone so strong. Here was your life, falling apart at the seams and you faced it with a smile and a determination that I had never seen before. You became beautiful almost instantly, hypnotizing me with your gentle but fearless approach at life. I’ve spent many years trying to do the right thing but second guessing myself when no one was around. You just jumped forward, no hesitation. You made choices and followed through with them. You made me wanna be stronger.”

“Steve? Why are you saying these things?” You feel a strange, yearning ache in your heart as you listen to him describe the love he has for you. The admiration that led him to loving you. You understand it because you have it too. You have those reasons for loving him and it tears your heart in two to realize that you’re giving this up, this love with Steve.

“I wanted to keep you for myself. So, I tried to make you mine. When you jumped off of that cliff, down to me, I knew that I could never let you go. I would hold onto you until you released me, or I died.”

You shut your eyes, hating yourself for releasing him from his obligation to stay with you. For taking his choice away when all he apparently wanted was to be with you. “Steve…”

“I will live in hope that perhaps one day you might turn my way again. I know you don’t love me. Not the way I love you. I’m not enough for you. I’m weak and selfish and a coward.”

His words hurt, and you reach out, stroking his cheeks again. “No. Steve, you are not weak or selfish or a coward. You are the opposite of all those things.”

“But I’m not enough for you, right? I was never enough for you.” He shakes his head, his blue eyes pleading with you to confirm his fear.

“What?” But how can you do anything but tell him the truth when he’s asking you so clearly? “Steve, you were enough for me from the moment I met you. You’ve always been enough for me in the way I needed you to be. You were my protector, my trainer, my friend, and then my everything, my love.”

“You don’t love me anymore?” Steve asks, his voice breaking at the end. It’s a sound you never wanted to hear paired with a question you knew you shouldn’t answer, wouldn’t answer, had the circumstances been different. But here, in this rathole of a basement with the future once again uncertain how can you do anything but assure him of the truth?

“I love you.” You reply, reaching back behind his head to caress it gently. The sticky of his blood scaring you again. “How can I do anything but love you? You’ve engrained yourself in my soul, Steve. There will never be a day when I don’t love you.”

He looks down at your lips and you at his and get the impulse to kiss him instantly. You know you shouldn’t, and even as his eyes find yours again and you can clearly see a small protest in the blue of his eyes, like a warning, you pull his head towards you and press your lips against his.

He kisses you, eagerly, passionately until he pulls back and he rams his head forward into yours, sending you down onto your back.

The impact shocks you and you gasp at the sudden contrast of kissing him and then being hit. “Wha-?”

“I told you, I was the ambush.” Steve replies, able to speak perfectly now. He slowly gets to his feet and there’s a high-pitched beep, a clicking, and the vibranium cuffs fall to the ground with a metallic thud.

You scramble back away from Steve. This is Steve, right? He wouldn’t hurt you!

You watch his face as he approaches you. There’s no hatred in his eyes. No malice or intent. What there is, is blankness. No life. Like he’s being taken over. And if you’re going to survive his attack, you’re going to have to fight him.

“Why are you doing this, Steve? Is it B/F/N?” You look around for them but don’t see them anywhere. It’s still just you and Steve.

“I won’t stop, Y/N, until you’re dead.” You hear two more beeps and a sudden rush of metal through wind as Steve’s shield flies towards him from a dark corner. He catches his shield and then places his arm behind it, holding it ready.

Your back hits a pillar and you finally stop moving. Steve stops before you, staring down at you with those same, brainwashed eyes. You realize that if you’re going to survive this, if you’re going to live through this night, you’re going to have to kill Steve Rogers.

“Steve, stop!” You command and you see the familiar confusion in his eyes but then it clears.

“That won’t work this time.” He assures you.

Automatically, as if it were a reflex, your right hand comes up and you place it protectively on your stomach. Now that you know why you’ve been so sick lately you know there is no other option.

“Steve, please don’t do this. Fight it. I…”

Steve’s eyes flash to your stomach and there’s a sudden burst of familiar brightness in them but then it’s gone just as quickly as it came. He finds your face again.

“You’re gonna have to kill me, Y/N, for both you and your baby.”

Hearing it aloud brings tears to your eyes. He can’t expect you to do it that easily, can he? How can you kill him? You have to protect yourself but how can you kill Steve?

“This is where your future ends.” He states.

You aren’t expecting it when he suddenly lifts his shield and with hatred in his eyes he aims it directly at your expectant belly. He swings down with the clear intent of killing your future.


	31. Three Avengers and a Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You give Thor some news.

You know you should fight back. You should beat Steve to a bloody pulp for the threat he poses to you and your little bean, but it’s Steve! How can you hurt him?

You’re starting to overcome your hesitation as you watch Steve’s shield grow closer and closer towards you on the ground. It’s like you’re moving in slow motion.

You need to react! You can’t just let this happen. Stop him! Get up!

You blink. As you do, the sound of metal against metal reverberates around the basement. You feel the shockwave as Steve’s vibranium shield is stopped.

You open your eyes and feel a wave of powerful relief as you make out the distinctive outline of Stormbreaker above you, holding Steve’s shield at bay. Thor, who holds Stormbreaker, stands beside you, groaning as he uses his strength to push the shield up and away from you.

With a mighty roar he flings both Steve and the shield away. They fly through the air and land by the far wall.

Thor turns to look you over and offers you his hand. You take it and pull yourself up. He looks angry but that could be for Steve.

“Remind me of the conversation we had about you not being reckless.” Thor growls at you.

Okay, so he was mad at you. But, wait, what conversation about not being reckless?

“I specifically asked you not to do anything crazy until I got back and at the first sign of trouble you run straight towards it.” He turns away from you, placing himself in front of you so that he stands protectively between you and Steve.

“Thor, this was all because of me. They took him _because_ of me. How could I just sit by knowing that he was in danger?” You plead with him for understanding. You hate it when you two are angry or fighting and though this time it’s your fault, you’re glad that at least he doesn’t know you’re pregnant yet.

“I don’t care if he’s in danger. Your life is not a life to be bargained with.”

“But Steve’s is?” You demand.

“This is no time to quarrel. Stay behind me. The Captain is not himself.” Thor realizes this as Steve gets back onto his feet and with hateful eyes, stares right at him.

“I don’t wanna hurt you, Thor. Just get out of my way.” Steve holds out his hand to show that he means Thor no harm.

“You hurt Y/N and you hurt me. Think about what you’re doing, Captain, you are not yourself.” Thor’s voice is softer as he speaks to Steve than when he was speaking to you! “You love her. You would never hurt her.”

Steve’s eyes narrow and that familiar brightness returns and for a split second, you see Steve. Then it’s gone.

“Get out of my way, Thor. I’m not going to ask you again.” Steve’s voice is hard and commanding.

“Then,” Thor sighs heavily. “You’ll have to go through me, Steve. I will not let you harm a hair on Y/N head.”

“Fine.” Steve spits. “Have it your way.”

No. This isn’t what you want. “Steve stop!”

Your command seems to fall on deaf ears because Steve barrels forward towards Thor. He’s quick and he sidesteps Thor’s swing and punches him hard. Thor curves into the punch with a grunt but he reaches up and grabs Steve by the shirt front and tosses him across the room again.

“Thor don’t!” Thor actually falters but as his feet sluggishly move forward, thanks to your command, he releases a powerful shout of effort and he breaks free of your influence. He reaches Steve and lifts Stormbreak up over his head and brings it down hard. “No!”

Steve reacts quickly, shoving his foot hard into Thor’s gut which sends him staggering back. It’s only a momentary stun and Thor rushes him again. Steve gets to his feet and quickly jumps up, using a support pillar to push off of and send a hard punch right at Thor’s face. It hits and Thor stumbles to one side.

“He’s not even trying to hurt him.” You realize aloud to yourself. Thor is being as gentle as he can be. He’s not trying to hurt Steve but at this rate, Steve will end up hurting Thor. The hatred in Steve’s eyes is so unfamiliar that you’re almost sure that he’s being manipulated somehow. “That shouldn’t be possible.”

Steve breaks Thor’s block and punches his face and then his chest, alternating between the two as he delivers blow after blow. You know that Thor’s only going to put up with so much. If he gets fed up and uses his lightning…Unable to watch anymore you run to both of them.

“No!” Thor protests, as he sees your approach.

You don’t stop. You jump, wrapping your legs around Steve’s neck. He reaches up, grabbing onto your thighs as you squeeze. He throws himself back, and down, slamming you into the concrete floor where it cracks. It hurts, but it’s not bad.

“Steve, stop this.” You order him again, your legs still wrapped around his neck. You could knock him out. That would be safest.

“Not…gonna…work.” He chokes up at you. He still has his shield and he grabs it with both hands and swings up towards your stomach again.

You gasp quietly and roll back off of him as his shield whizzes by you and embeds itself into the concrete floor. Steve flips himself over and stands facing you, pulling the shield out of the floor. As he does this, Thor rushes him, his hammer held to the side as he gets ready to really let Steve have it. You react instinctively and vault over Steve’s head, nearly hitting the ceiling, and plant yourself behind him. Thor stops his swing just in time, his blue eyes blazing at your interference.

“No!” You tell him. But he has no chance to react because Steve swings back at you. You catch his arm as he’s about to hit your head and elbow him in the spine. He groans and stumbles forward but recovers quickly. He turns around to face you, rushes you and aims a punch at your stomach again. You sidestep it and Thor uses this opening to throw his hammer at Steve.

Fear grips you and you react, not thinking. You catch the hammer as it flies by you and for the second that you hold it, your mind explodes with pain. There is no coherent thought in your mind, but you still manage to keep your body spinning. You throw the hammer hard, across the room where it wedges into a wall. The toll of holding Stormbreaker even for that short amount of time brings you to your knees. You fall forward onto your hands, gasping as you try and see through the madness that has overtaken your mind.

As you work to piece yourself together Thor hurries to block Steve’s kick to your back. He catches the leg and with a mighty fist, Thor punches it at the knee. There’s a sickening crunch as the bone in his leg breaks. Steve shouts in pain and stumbles sideways onto the floor.

“No…” You say weakly. Thor kneels beside you, satisfied that Steve is incapacitated for the moment and he pulls you up so that he can look into your eyes.

“Why would you grab my hammer, I told you what would happen.” His anger is gone, taken over by worry and desperation.

“Don’t hurt him.” You plead but you know it’s already too late. Steve’s leg is broken, a minor injury all considered.

“Don’t hu-?” The sound of vibrainum against head echoes around the room as Thor is sent sideways away from you.

Steve limps towards you, his shield flying back onto his arm. Weak as you are, you try to get up, to fight. You stumble. Steve stops before you and with his shield pushes you so that you land on your back.

“Steve, please?”

“I told you, your future dies here.” Steve mutters. Once again, he lifts his shield and brings it down towards your stomach.

A sudden flash of blue light streaks across the room and Steve is sent flying until he makes impact with the other wall, his body falls in a heap over Stormbreaker who is still crackling with energy.

Your mind is beginning to make sense again and you sit up. You look over at Thor who is finally angry enough that his body is radiating electricity. “Thor no.”

But he’s beyond hearing your orders. He marches towards Steve. You quickly scramble to your feet and hurry to Steve’s side, placing yourself in front of him. Thor stops and stares down at you with glowing blue-white eyes.

“Y/N get out of the way.” Thor booms.

“No.” You say quietly.

Behind you, Steve begins to stir. You turn to look at him and find him staring straight up into your eyes. In his hands is one of your throwing knives. He must have grabbed it from you when you were fighting. You see the intent in his eyes. He thrusts the knife towards your stomach, but an all-consuming rage takes grip in your heart. With more power than you’ve ever summoned, you shout.

“STOP!” Your voice echoes throughout the room, saturating the air with your order.

You hear Thor’s electricity sizzle out behind you and Steve’s eyes finally reflect the man you know and love. Both succumbing to your desire. You’re not sure whether it’s the order or maybe the beating that he’s gotten but he passes out immediately. His leg sits at a weird angle and the bleeding in his head is worse.

“Thor?” We have to get him home.

“Not until-“

“Thor take him back to the compound!” You order, irritated and in no mood for fighting.

Thor growls angrily at being forced to do something he doesn’t want to do but he moves forward, picks up Steve’s limp body, and he doesn’t even bother going up the stairs. He takes hold of Stormbreaker and flies up through the ceiling causing concrete to rain down from the subsequent floors he flies through above.

With Thor gone you look down at your stomach. The knife Steve had been about to use to stab you, is shoved in just far enough that it’s balanced within your flesh. You reach down and carefully pull the knife out. It’s not a deep cut. Not enough to hurt your bean. You breathe heavy, the emotional trauma of the fight slowly beginning to catch up with you. Multiple times tonight, you almost lost your bean. You wrap your arms your stomach protectively and realize that this is all your fault. If you’d just stayed at the compound, no danger would have come to your little bean.

“Feeling regretful?”

You recognize B/F/N’s as it floats in from behind you. You turn around quickly, getting to your feet as you reach down and unhook two knives from your garter. B/F/N stands with their hands behind their back, feet together, chin held up as they watch you with narrowed eyes.

“I didn’t expect you to be able to break my control over him. Steve’s mind is extremely simple. Troubled, but simple. It was easy to get in there.” They admit. “Still, you spend so much time focusing on _not_ telling people what to do that I figured it would be an easy fight. Unlike you, I don’t shy away from my gifts.”

“Controlling people is not a gift.” Your retort is tainted with hatred. A hatred you didn’t realize you felt for B/F/N until this moment.

“Not the way you do it. Mine is a bit different. I can make people do whatever I want them to do. I don’t have to say it. It’s like telekinesis without the moving things with my mind thing.”

You take a step back, worried that they might make you stab yourself with your own knives.

“Don’t worry. I can’t control you. I don’t know why. Otherwise I would have done it a long time ago. Made you cut your own throat.”

“Why are you doing this, B/F/N?” Where was the friend you once had? Who was this creature filled with hate?

“That’s not my name anymore.” They say roughly. Angrily almost. “My name is Psych.”

You scoff. “That’s a stupid name.”

“Oh, and Vex is better? I know all about you, Y/N. Everything that you’ve seen. Heard. Everyone that you’ve been doing.” Psych looks at you pointedly and smiles. “So, whose kid is it?”

Psych begins to walk in a large circle, you adjust as they move, turning yourself to keep them in front of you.

“That’s none of your business.” You rage.

“Is it the Captain’s? That would suck a little wouldn’t it? Didn’t you and Thor get back together?” Psych stops walking. “You know, I never really believed you. When you told me that you and Thor were a thing back in the day? I thought you were full of shit. Making it up to get a laugh out of me.”

Psych’s eyes travel down to your ring and linger there. “But here you are, getting married, having a baby…while I…”

Were they actually going to open up? Your defenses fall a bit as you wonder whether you might be able to reach them after all.

“While I rule one of the fastest growing Shadow Groups in the world. We don’t have a name yet but give me time.” That wasn’t where their frame of mind had been at. Psych’s defenses were up but the regular human was in there still.

“You’re an idiot. What do you expect to gain from all of this? Power? You have it. Revenge? I didn’t abandon you. I thought you were dead!”

“Yeah, well, you were wrong.”

There’s a sudden burst of feedback, so quiet, that for a moment you don’t know where it’s coming from but then Psych presses their ear and you realize they’re wearing an earpiece.

“Gotta go.” Psych gives you a smile. A familiar smile. “Congrats on the baby, Y/N. I’m gonna kill it.”

Psych moves to the same hole that Thor carved out in his exit and jumps up into it, disappearing into the night.

You stand rooted to the floor of the basement, lost in thought as you play the conversation over and over. This had all just been a plot to get to you, which means you were right to come here for Steve, but you were also right to think that you put your little bean in danger because that had been B/F/N’s ultimate goal. To rob you of your baby and its future. And poor Steve…Steve!

You hurry to the Thor exit and take flight.

It takes you only ten minutes to get to the compound. When you arrive Tony and Bruce are huddled in the kitchen looking worried and stressed. Bruce looks relieved when he sees you but when Tony sees you he frowns. His anger is very apparent, but he doesn’t say anything and just watches you as you walk past them, down the hall and into the elevator.

The Med Bay is mostly empty. There are a few nurses moving about, and Thor stands at the end of the hallway pacing in front of a closed door. You hurry to him and as he spots you, he rushes forward to meet you. He wraps his arms around you, lifting you up so that he can hold you close. It’s like being able to breathe again, to wrap your arms around him.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper into his ear. “I shouldn’t have gone.”

“You did the right thing.” Thor replies, but he still doesn’t know. “You saved him.”

Still, he knows that Steve is important to you. Hell, he’s important to Thor!

“How is he?” You wonder, tilting your head so that you can look at the door.

Thor slowly puts you down, but he keeps his arms on yours, holding you there so that you can’t run away again.

“Not good. I’m afraid I might have overdone it.” He thinks this now…if you tell him what the goal was, he might wish he’d killed him.

“You were protecting me.”

“I knew he was being controlled. I should have found another way.” He insists.

“Thor?”

“What?” He looks down at you again, his hands caressing your arms or maybe he’s searching for injuries.

“There was no other way. He was never going to kill me.” You assure him. “That wasn’t what he was being made to do.”

“How do you-?”

“After you left, B/F/N showed up.” Thor’s anger flashes in his eyes. “I know, I know. I should have been right behind you but…they just talked. Nothing happened.”

“So, it was your old friend who captured Steve?”

“Yeah.” You reach up and move a bit of your hair out of your face and look down at Thor’s chest, unwilling and slightly afraid to make eye contact. “They’re like me. They can control people but it’s different. They don’t have to say it aloud.”

“Why would he attack you then if he did not mean to kill you? What reasons could your friend have for controlling Steve if not for that purpose?” Thor wonders, looking towards the door again, behind which Steve was being attended to by doctors and nurses.

“I don’t want you to be upset with me.” You begin.

“Oh, damn, now what?” Thor demands.

“I know that I was wrong to go after Steve, putting myself in danger like that but I’m…I’m hating myself even more now. I’m going to have to change the way I think about things and what’s safe and not safe.”

“What do you-?”

“I’m pregnant.” Your heart stops. For some reason, you’re so nervous you feel the arrest of your heart and the twist in your stomach and cower a little. Thor’s hands are vices around your biceps.

He doesn’t say anything. A minute passes but you still can’t look up to see what he’s feeling. Is he going to yell at you? Maybe he’s building up to it. You can’t take the silence anymore.

“All those times I’ve been throwing up, we thought that it was the serum. Side effects of flushing my system with it but this morning my test results came back and…I know back when we first started seeing each other, I told you that having children would be difficult for me. Maybe even impossible. But I’m…I’m pregnant, Thor.” Finally, you look up at him and find him staring with a furrowed brow. “I’m six weeks.”

Psych’s question in the basement rings in your ears, _“So whose kid is it?”_ and you know that you need to make it clear.

“It’s _your_ baby, Thor.” Your press your hands gently along his own biceps, assuring him that he has nothing to worry about. You look down at his chest unable to hold his gaze any longer. “Your baby.”

Thor’s right hand disappears from your arm and he gently takes your chin in hand then slowly tilts your head up so that he can look into your eyes once more. He opens his mouth to say something. The intensity in his eyes is breathtaking and you try to focus on breathing in and out so that you don’t pass out. His eyes are so warm, his mouth closes as he fails to find the right words.

“I’m sorry.” You sigh, quietly. Sorry that you took that baby into that basement and exposed it to death.

And since there are no words, Thor places his right hand on the back of your head and pulls you into a slow, burning kiss. Whatever he’s feeling, he puts into the kiss. His other arm pulls you closer, pressing your chest against his. No distance is close enough for him and he lifts you again, kissing you more deeply. There is no lust in this kiss. It’s different from your desire ridden embraces. This kiss is home. With it, Thor conveys the love and gratitude that he feels for you, the need to have you there in his arms because you complete him.

When he finally pulls away, he’s breathing heavily because he’s never kissed you with so much emotion before. He puts you down again, his hands coming up to rest on the sides of your face. His warm blue eyes search your face for any sign of regret but there is none to be had. Sure, this was a little sooner than you’d planned but with all the sex you and Thor had been having, really it shouldn’t have been such a surprise.

He strokes the side of your face with his large thumbs and smiles softly, happier than you’ve ever seen him before. “Now you _have to_ marry me. No excuses.”

You laugh because it wasn’t like you had been fighting it. Thor laughs with you. He places his hands on your hips and pushes you away a bit so that he can look at your stomach. His ecstatic expression is quickly replaced by a pale look of dismay. He drops to his knees so that he can look at your stomach more clearly and his fingers very gently poke at the hole in your suit where Steve had been able to stab you if only a little.

“I will tear his head from his shoulders.” Thor says, breathless with fear.

“I’m fine. The baby’s fine. It’s just a scratch really.” You assure him with a small laugh.

“Doctor!” Thor shouts at the door. “Leave that imbecile and come tend to my wife and child.”

You laugh again because he’s overreacting and yet he seems completely genuine. It sends a barrage of butterflies into your stomach. “Puppy, we’re not even married yet.”

“Irrelevant.” He grumbles. He gets to his feet then takes you by the hand and pulls you towards the nurse’s station. “Nurse? My blossom requires medical attention immediately. She’s been stabbed in the stomach.”

You smack his arm because his words bring a sudden look of panic on the middle-aged nurse’s face. “Thor stop.”

You look to the nurse who is already coming out from behind the desk and making her way to you.

“I’m fine, really, ma’am. It’s just a scratch.”

“You will allow these fine medical professionals to check you over.” Thor demands. He releases your hand as the nurse begins to lead you to a small exam room. “Please take great care with my blossom, madam. She’s carrying my future.”


	32. Thor, Vex, and Mercenaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another uninvited guest delivers a tool that may change everything.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

That sound was like a choir of angels to your ears. Every beep meant that Steve was still breathing. Still with you.

You’ve been sitting by his bedside for two days and he still hasn’t woken up. He looks much better today than he had just after the doctors had finished with him. He’d been black and blue all over. His ribs broken, one of his arms. The leg that Thor had broken protecting you was also in a cast. There were still small cuts covering his torso and arms. His lip was busted, and his nose broken but luckily it was set well. His right eye was completely swollen shut, depriving you of the storm blue eyes that had provided you so much solace in the past.

Now his color has returned a bit, but he’s still broken and unconscious. His bruises purple and green.

You sit leaning onto the right arm of your chair, your right hand gently massaging your temple and forehead as you stare at Steve, wishing he would just open his eyes.

You lean forward and take hold of his hand, carefully holding it so that you can’t hurt him. You couldn’t hurt him anymore.

His skin is warm, and you stroke his hand gently, relieved that he _feels_ alive even if he doesn’t act like it.

“Steve?” You speak softly, keeping your voice low so that it might be but a soothing whisper to his ears. “Can you hear me?”

You bite your lower lip, urging yourself to keep it together.

“Steve? I-“ You don’t want to sound selfish but at this point you don’t care. “I have something so important and so exciting to tell you. I know you kinda already know but I want to tell you officially, so I need you to wake up for me, okay?”

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

“Steve?” You sigh, resting your forehead against his hand as you try, once again, to hold yourself together. “Please…”

You manage not to cry but you really want to. You’re not sure how long you remain stay there, resting against Steve’s hand. You fall asleep because the next thing you know, the familiar weight of Thor’s hand falls on your back, between your shoulder blades.

He rubs it for a little as you wake up.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

You sit up slowly, your eyes taking in Steve’s still unconscious form. You lick your lips and turn to your right to look up at Thor. He’s changed and showered. Of course!

You remind yourself that just because you haven’t bothered to do anything but sit here and worry and occasionally snack it doesn’t mean the everyone else hasn’t made sure to take care of themselves.

Thor watches Steve for a few seconds before he looks down at you. He smiles softly, a tiny smile because right now he’s still running on the pregnancy announcement high. You’re happy too but your happiness is slightly dulled because of Steve.

You don’t have to tell Thor that you feel responsible. He knows, and he places his left hand on your left shoulder. You lean into him, hiding your face in the soft fabric of the white, long sleeve shirt he’s wearing.

He cups the back of your head, gently rubbing your hair.

“It’s alright, Y/N. Steve is the strongest human I know.” He gently rumbles.

You pull back to look up at him, a question akin to ‘Are you serious?’ in your eyes.

He sees his mistake. “Second strongest.”

You sigh, turning to look at Steve but placing your cheek against Thor’s stomach again. He continues to caress your hair.

“My point is, he has a strong will and the strength to match it. He will pull through. I’m sure he’ll soon be awake and I can give him the thrashing he deserves for hurting you and our little one.” He sounds only half serious.

Still, his words, _our little one_ , send a flutter of large butterflies into your stomach. “Thor.”

He smiles at your chastising. “I’m joking.”

You sigh, content for the moment that he’s behaving.

“Mostly joking.” He chuckles as you glare up at him. “I came to tell you that Sharon will be here soon. Tony called her and she’s on her way.”

“Oh.” You feel somewhat awkward suddenly and after a second of trying to figure out what would be best you get up. “We should probably clear out then.”

“Right.” Thor agrees looking slightly worried as he watches your face.

What is he looking for? Jealousy? Okay, maybe you are a little jealous, but you and Steve had only recently broken up so residual feelings were bound to remain.

Either way, your little bean and Thor are your priority. Suddenly, your stomach gives a painful clench.

You grimace, fighting the muscle spasm silently. It doesn’t hurt that much, really.

Thor’s eyes shoot down to your stomach and then back up to your face where your wince is still in place.

“What is it? What’s the matter? Shall I fetch the doctor? Are you in pain?” He lets his hands hover over your stomach protectively and your wince slowly falls away, replaced by a small smile.

The nurse and doctor had both given you a clean bill of health. A quick checkup told you that the baby was growing well but that you may find yourself feeling weak. Because you are enhanced with serum there is an inherent possibility of unexpected side effects.

So, you could do all your normal stuff but no missions. Which sucks. Thor doesn’t think it sucks. In fact, he’d smiled triumphantly when the doctor had given his recommendation.

“I’m just having some hunger pains. I haven’t eaten a proper meal in a while.” You admit, slightly disappointed in yourself for neglecting your bean.

Thor is in action the moment he realizes what’s wrong. He grabs your arms and pulls you to your feet.

“Then we shall feed you a feast. I’ll find you the largest roast pig and bring you an array of differently prepared vegetables. And soup. And wine, no not wine. You can’t have wine. What would you like to drink?”

You smile up at him as he waits for your answer.

“I don’t think I need a whole roast pig. Some chicken sounds nice. Maybe? Anything we have here will he enough.” You stroke his large arms. He looks so good and feels so good in his jeans and that slightly loose shirt that you consider taking a detour to your bedroom here.

You wince again, your stomach protesting that idea.

“I shall get you a dozen chickens.” Thor offers, still quiet but sounding more determined. He takes your hand as you laugh at the ridiculousness of a dozen chickens only for you, but you probably could eat all that and more.

“I love it when you laugh like that.” He says with a tender smile then pulls you from the room.

You glance back at Steve, hating to leave him, and watch him until he’s out of sight.

Upstairs Tony won’t stop staring at you. His eyes are bulging discs of rage as he lets you know without words just how mad at you he is for disobeying orders. So unfortunately, you eat your chicken under the angry gaze of Iron Man. Pepper sits beside him, rubbing his arm gently to try and calm him but she’s only half trying. She’s actually kind of upset with you too. So is Bruce, who stands on the other side of the island with his arms crossed, shaking his head. Nat, who finally came to visit from Wakanda, seems to be the only person not angry at you. Rhodey is oblivious. He sits on Tony’s other side, eating his own plate of chicken and veggies unaware of the tension in the room.

Thor had disappeared for a bit while he’d run out to get your food. He’d insisted on preparing everything himself and lucky for you he was a good cook. He served everyone, but he gave you much larger portion. Now he sits on your left, watching Tony stare at you in anger.

While you were waiting for the food to cook, Sharon had arrived and was currently down with Steve. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t bother you a little bit that he was being watched over by someone else, but it wasn’t your place to sit at his bedside anymore. You shove these thoughts aside and it’s easy because of your bean and the huge man sitting beside you. He rubs your back slowly, urging you to eat by tapping your plate with his finger whenever he sees that you get distracted by Tony’s glare.

Halfway through with your first plate of chicken you sigh heavily and set your fork aside. Thor hates that.

“What are you doing? Eat some more.” Thor urges.

“In a minute. Tony, I’m sorry, okay?”

“You left, again, despite us clearly telling you to wait until we could come up with some kind of plan. Steve wasn’t going anywhere, and you could have died.” Tony’s anger was saturated with fear and you know why he feels that way. Peter Parker was still fresh on his mind. And Dr. Strange. And all of the Guardians. So much loss in so small a span of time, it would make anyone a little fearful. “All you had to do was wait.”

“I’m sorry.” You repeat.

“There. She’s apologized. Now can she get back to eating?” Thor holds your fork out to you again and you look at him with exasperation painted all over your face. He drops his hand, the fork clanking against the glass of your plate.

“I know what I did was reckless, but I couldn’t just sit here and wait. You know what Steve means to me and I knew that it had to be B/F/N. Psych, now.”

“Psych?” Bruce asks. “What is this a joke?”

“No. Psych as in psychology or psychiatrist. B/F/N told me their name was Psych.”

Pepper looks at Tony who looks a little less angry but still upset. She turns to look at you with her brow furrowed. “Why Psych?”

“Probably because of their power. Psych is like me. They can manipulate people though it’s different. They don’t seem to need to say anything aloud. Psych was able to make Steve attack me by sheer mind control.” You look to Bruce who looks as confused as you feel. “I thought mind control was not possible with Steve? We know why my orders work but what Psych described sounded a lot more like traditional mind control.”

Bruce shakes his head. “It shouldn’t be possible. The super soldier serum that Steve took should have prevented anyone from straight up manipulating his mind. There must be something else to this Psych’s power. If they got it from a Variant, then maybe being a super soldier as well has something to do with it?”

You can see how that might make some sense, but you fear of what Psych might do, what B/F/N is capable of in their new hateful and angered state is almost paralyzing.

“Luckily I got there in time.” Thor says, softly. He reaches out and places his hand on your stomach but because of where you sit on the island, to everyone else it might just look like he’s got his hand on your leg.

You look at him and sigh sadly. Hating the potential sorrow you might have brought him with your recklessness. “I’m sorry.”

You look at Tony and look him straight in the eye. “I really am sorry, Tony. I know that I’ve been nothing but a headache since I got here.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be you if you weren’t causing some type of trouble, Ms. Mischief.” He says it affectionately however, you can see the fear in his eyes still.

Thor pulls you in so that he can kiss your head and then holds your fork up again. “Eat.”

“Fine.” You take the fork and start to eat again.

“Wait, what did I miss?” Rhodey asks, looking from Thor to you to Tony and back to Thor.

“Steve got lured into a trap and Y/N went to go save him alone even though I told her to stay put until we could come up with some kind of plan.” Tony explains with a sigh.

“Which is understandable.” Nat interjects. “You treat her like she’s a little delicate flower, Tony. She’s an adult and she can make up her own mind. You should really try and accept that.”

Tony looks at Nat and frowns. “I do accept that. All I ask is for a little more caution. Maybe taking an extra minute to think things through before we decide to go galivanting into danger.”

“Well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore.” You mutter between mouthfuls of chicken and steamed carrots.

“Why’s that?” Rhodey asks.

“The doctor said I’m not allowed to go on missions anymore what with my bean.” You were so used to thinking about your baby to be as your bean that the word slipped out. You didn’t expect everyone to look quite so confused. The only one who didn’t look confused was the one you’d least expect. Nat.

She looked from you to Thor then back at you before she smiled a charming half-smile and turned to look at Bruce who was looking between Tony and Pepper looking as confused as they were.

“What do beans have to do with going on missions?” Bruce wonders.

“Oh, honey, how can you be so smart and so dumb at the same time?” Nat asks, reaching over to rub his shoulder, squeezing it a bit as he looks to her with question marks in his eyes.

“Am I missing something?” Bruce asks, looking to Tony and Pepper again and then over at you and Thor.

Thor watches you eat, a sappy smile plastered onto his face as he rubs your tummy again. The movement brings Bruce’s eyes down and since he’s closer to you and Thor than Tony and Pepper are, he sees exactly what Thor’s doing. His eyes go wide and he looks to the others, each in turn, his mouth slightly agape before he lands back on Nat.

“No way.” He mutters.

“That’s right, Banner, my friend. My blossom is carrying my child.” He smiles down at you proudly, pulling you in for a quick kiss as you continue to chew on your food. You stomach was feeling much better now that it was somewhat fed.

“What?” Rhodey asks, shocked but smiling. “Are you serious?”

“Oh.My.God.” Pepper utters, her hands coming up to cover her mouth in her shock.

Tony stares at the two of you his face unreadable.

“Thor, buddy, congratulations!” Bruce says excitedly, his smile wide and pleased. He reaches out and Thor takes his hand. They share a congratulatory handshake which Rhodey then comes over to do as well. Bruce gives you a hug, which you return. As does Rhodey.

“Wow, papa Thor. That’s a little insane.” Rhodey laughs.

Everyone seems to forget their anger.

Thor joins in, too happy to do anything but laugh and smile.

Pepper finally comes around to you and gives you a tight hug. “Congratulations, Y/N. I can’t believe it. A baby.”

“Thanks, Pepper.” You hug her tightly back. Nat moves over to you and joins in on the hug.

All three of you laugh briefly before the girls move back to their seats.

You look across the island at Tony and give him a nervous smile. He nods, slowly, and though he looks pleased, the fear in his eyes from before seems to grow as he watches both you and Thor celebrate the starting of your family.

Sleeping in your own bed again and not in an uncomfortable seat in the med bay is bliss. In your worry for Steve, you’d almost forgotten how amazing it feels to sleep in Thor’s arms. Since finding out you’re pregnant, he’s offered to do everything for you from taking off your shoes to helping you out of your clothes. Though, since tonight that lead to some pleasant touching, you were pretty sure he’d only offered to do that so that he could feel you up.

In the cage of his arms, you were warm and safe. You’d fallen asleep quickly, exhausted and still full of worry.

The one thing that you hate about your super soldier hearing is that sometimes, when you’re asleep, you can’t help but be awoken by noises that the average human wouldn’t be able to hear. A cricket on the first floor. Some cadets singing and laughing in the barracks. A loud and annoyingly high-pitched squeak. A mouse maybe? No, it didn’t sound alive. It was consistent. The sound never varied.

This noise would begin to make you stir. Before long, the squeaking was so loud that your eyes shoot open. You look at Thor and have the urge to reach out and move the hair from his forehead, but the squeaking distracts you and you look at the door instead. Very carefully you lift Thor’s arm. It’s so heavy but you lift it easily. Had you been a regular human, you wouldn’t have been able to wiggle under the weight of his arm. You put his arm down beside him and smoothly slide out of bed. You pull on Thor’s grey robe and with one final look at the Adonis on your bed you hurry out into the hallway and head towards the atrium.

You listen as the squeaking seems to get louder and louder. It’s so annoying that you feel like you might go crazy. You need to find it and stop whatever is making that noise.

You stop in the atrium as the sound suddenly stops. It’s empty, not a single soul in sight. You see the TV in the living area glowing and you move to the doorway to see who is inside. But there’s no one there. You move in and shut the TV off. Just as the white noise disappears the squeaking starts up again.

“What the hell is that?” You grumble and move back out into the atrium. As you focus your hearing you follow the squeaking down the hallway that leads to the lab. You hadn’t been over here in a while. Since you’d almost killed Bruce and Tony for electrocuting you in their attempts to analyze your abilities.

It felt like so long ago. Ages though it couldn’t have been more than a few months.

As you approach the lab doors, you can see through the frosted glass that something is inside. It’s small so perhaps more towards the center of the lab where Bruce’s work table sits? Very carefully you push the door open. Maybe Bruce was just doing some late-night experiments?

Across the room, right in front of Bruce’s table a silhouette sits spinning on a rolling chair. You can’t see them clearly yet because of the darkness and your eyes are not what they were two months ago. This pregnancy really was taking a toll on your abilities which is the only reason you hesitate by the doorway. You contemplate calling Thor, getting him to come in and see who this is for you. What if it’s B/F/N?

Instead however, stubborn as you are, you move to the light switch and click the small button. The lab is pulled out of darkness, bathing the figure with bright light. Now that you can see it, the figure is dressed in a head to toe red skin-tight suit with black accents on the boots, torso, shoulders, hands, and two distinctive eye patches that remind you of the Spiderman outfit. Texture wise however, this suit looks like Ant-Man’s. He wears a utility belt around his waist with several pouches and a gun holster on each thigh. The figure sits with his hands holding onto the sides of the seat as it kicks with his feet at the floor making himself spin round and round. As he does, a loud squeak permeates the room.

As you register all of this along with the fact that the figure is clearly a man, the figure stops kicking. The chair spins one more time before it comes to a stop, facing you. The man leans back, crosses his legs like a lady, and places his hands delicately on his knee.

“Hello, Reader. Oh, wait, do you prefer Y slash N? Or perhaps the incredibly stupid name of Vex? I have no preference as I’m just a guest star.”

“What?” You ask, confused and extremely nervous by the guns on his thighs and the swords on his back that you hadn’t noticed before.

The figure gets up and you take a step back, your heart pounding in your chest as you consider the possibility that this might very well be a trap.

“Who are you?” You demand, and the figure stops.

He places his hand on his chest, indicating himself as he tilts his head to the left slightly. The mask he’s wearing is extremely expressive for just being a mask. How does he get the eyes to narrow like that?

“Pool, Dead. But you can call me Wade. How’s Chris? The kids doing good?”

“Who? What kids? What are you doing here?” Maybe you should call for Thor?

“Oh, you know a little studio jumping. Well, actually, it looks like a little medium jumping too. To be honest, I think Steph might have hit a roadblock. She was watching Deadpool 2 instead of going to sleep when she said she would and had the brilliant idea of putting me in here, isn’t that amazing? Gotta love some lazy writing.” The figure looks to the right towards a blank wall but stares as if he’s looking at something or someone.

“What do you want?” You ask, upset and annoyed that you don’t seem to be understanding anything that he’s saying despite the fact that he’s speaking perfect English. Who was Steph? What the hell was Deadpool 2?

“Well,” Wade begins. He sits himself back down and slides himself over to the large donut table at the center of the lab. He leans his elbows on the table and cups his chin in his hands, crosses his legs at the ankles and sighs. “First things first. Tell me; Thor, I get it, he’s gorgeous and all that but his dick, is it huge? Because come on, Natalie Portman? That’s one hell of a conquest. And honestly, you two? I don’t see it. You were much better with Chris E.”

Was he seriously asking you if Thor was well endowed? You kinda wanted to answer honestly but decided against it. “Are you fucking for real right now?”

“You know what? Nevermind. I’ll just go back and read the sex scenes Steph wrote.” Wade pulls a phone from one of his pouches and begins to punch buttons and scroll on the touchscreen. He’s quiet for several minutes as he reads something on his phone.

“Hey, asshole, what are you-?”

Wade suddenly holds up a finger, shushing you. “Uh-uh. Not while I’m reading.”

You sigh heavily, getting more annoyed with this dude the longer he spouts nonsense. You know that you’re not supposed to fight or fly really or anything of the like but you’re seriously considering just ripping this guy in two. He’s quiet for another minute or two when he suddenly speaks, making you jump.

“Are you kidding me?” Wade suddenly demands. “All that build up and not a single dick description? I mean, she doesn’t use the word pussy or cock or dick or any of the good erotic words that I’ve come to expect from a fic. I mean, what is she? A prude?”

“Alright,” You move towards him and with your blood boiling you grab him by the neck and lift him up. “I’m getting tired of your nonsense, Wade. So, I’m going to give you until the count of three to tell me what the hell you want or I tear your head from your shoulders.”

Aww, Thor was rubbing off on you. Wade gurgles through your grip and reaches up to grab at your small hand.

“You’ve got a really strong grip.” He chokes.

“One…”

“I’ve been decapitated before. You don’t scare me.”

“Two…” You growl.

“Come on, how big is he? From lipstick container to real life eggplant?”

“Three!” You put your free hand on his shoulder and begin to pull.

“Okay! Okay…sheesh, someone’s a little high strung.”

You lower Wade back down and roughly set him back on his feet. He stumbles and coughs as he leans over trying to catch his breath.

“I’m not high strung, I’m pregnant. Dumbass. Now talk.”

“Okay.” He holds out both hands, pumping them slowly as if to tell you to slow down. He reaches into one of his pouches and pulls out what looks like a large gold watch with a very thick rugged grey band. He holds it out to you and after staring at it for a few seconds you reach over and take it.

“What is this?”

“It’s a time travel watch. What with half the Avengers in the Dyson, I figured you guys needed it more than I do. Also, I broke it. And Negasonic Emo Teen War-bitch won’t fix it for me again. You kill one dictator in the crib and everyone loses their shit. Anyway, I blame cable, he stepped on it.”

“A what?” You ask, irritated because you seriously understand only every other word he says. Less, actually. You hold up the watch and examine it carefully.

“Everyone saw the photo leaks of Avengers 4. Everyone knows they’re going back in time. Just give that to Dr. Hulk. I’m sure he’ll know what to do with it.”

As you continue to stare at the watch you hear the unmistakable sound of Thor’s frantic gait. You look over your shoulder towards the door and a second later Thor marches in, shirtless—since you had both been asleep. “Y/N?”

He scans the room and as he spots you he looks relieved but then his brow furrows and his eyes narrow as he catches sight of Wade. He hurries to your side and pulls you behind him, glaring at Wade.

Wade on the other hand has been staring at Thor since he walked in. “Holy, homosexual erection, you’re beautiful.” He whispers at Thor.

“Who are you? Explain yourself.” Thor demands.

“Thor, it’s alright. Wade was just leaving, weren’t you Wade?” You look at Wade and wait for him to answer but he’s still staring with heart eyes at Thor.

“Elsa’s a lucky woman.” He whispers again.

“Wade?” You say, more loudly and with more authority. “You’re going to leave, now.”

“Yeah, yeah, keep your orders to yourself. I’m going. But first,” He moves closer to Thor and then points at his crotch. “How big are you?”

You twist around Thor, reaching for Wade with claw-like hands but Thor pulls you back and Wade jumps out of reach just in time to avoid your swipe.

“Jeez, jealous much? I wasn’t gonna suck it. I just wanna see it. I got a hot mama waiting for me anyway. You’re not the only papa in the room, Mr. Thunder-in-my-pants.” Wade moves towards one of the lab windows and slides it open. He jumps up on the bottom half, sitting so that he faces the inside so that he can continue to watch you and Thor. He holds up his hand so that his thumb and pinky are extended then holds them up to his ear like a phone. “Call me, Daddy.”

He obviously means it sexually but before you or Thor can respond he throws himself back and disappears into the night.

Still holding the watch in your hand, you look up at Thor and then watch as he moves to the window and pulls it shut. He stares out at the grounds and apparently sees nothing because he moves back to you and places his hands on the top of your arms, holding you at a distance as his eyes scan you for any damage.

“I’m okay.” You assure him.

“Who was that?” He asks, looking concerned but also tired.

“Some guy. He called himself Deadpool…and Wade. Does that sound familiar to you at all?” You look up into Thor’s tired face and reach up to stroke the area by his eyes. He closes them and shakes his head.

“No. We’ll ask the others if they know anyone by that name tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” You agree, slightly upset with yourself for getting him out of bed.

Thor reaches down and rubs your tummy a little before turning you around and letting you lead the way out.

As you both walk back towards your room, you hold up the watch that Wade had given you and look it over with calmer and more focused eyes. The watch looks strange. There are no hands on it and you can see all the gears underneath. It looks like it might be homemade but also very complicated to use.

With a million questions on your mind you let Thor lead you back to bed where you contemplate the watch until the sun comes up.


	33. Thor, Vex, and the New Beginning Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's your big day!

“Tell me again what he said.” Tony says as he stares at the watch in your hand.

“He said that it was a time travel watch but that it didn’t work because a cable broke it? That someone else wouldn’t fix it. And to give it to Bruce because he’d know what to do with it.”

“Me?” Bruce says, suddenly nervous. He puts his hand on his chest and moves around the sofa to sit beside you. “How am I supposed to know what to do with a time travel watch, if that’s really what it is? It could be Psych messing around or maybe it’s a bomb?”

That idea hadn’t occurred to you, that B/F/N had paid or simply forced Wade to deliver the watch, wait until the right time, and then blow everyone up.

You look at the watch with new eyes as Bruce takes it gingerly from your hand.

You and Thor seem to have the same idea at the same time because he reaches his hand out towards you from where he stands by the armchair that Nat is sitting in.

“Come away, my blossom.” He orders, his deep voice sounding grave. He curls his fingers in twice, calling you to him with a gentle sense of urgency.

You are already getting up anyway, and you take his hand as you get closer. He pulls you around his side and behind his large form so that you’re mostly shielded. He leaves his huge hand around your much smaller one, since you’d told him that you are pregnant you are his _blossom_ much more often than not and if he can touch you he will make sure to do so. He seems to need to stay in constant contact with you.

Which honestly, you appreciate, never feeling one hundred percent safe unless he’s in the room with you.

Touching you makes it better.

Bruce watches you leave, quirking a brow as you smile sheepishly at him from behind Thor.

“Well, you did say it could be a bomb. I’ve got my bean to worry about.” You explain at the incredulous expression on Bruce’s face.

You rub your stomach and watch Bruce exchange a glance with Nat. “Of course, protect the baby, don’t worry about me handling the possibly exploding watch.”

Nat leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Bruce, you know that wouldn’t kill you.”

Bruce looks at her and nods. “Yeah, well, it would probably hurt.”

“Are you done?” Tony asks, annoyed but clearly teasing him. “Or do you need some gentle stroking?”

Bruce looks at Tony and gives him a nod, his eyes wide, clearly feeling attacked. “I might.”

The banter is so amusing that it distracts you from the watch for a second before you feel Thor sigh beside you. A look up at his face tells you that his mind isn’t so easily distracted from the possibilities a watch that allows a person to time travel can present. And with the guilt that you know he still carries over not killing Thanos before the snap, this could provide a form of redemption for Thor that he feels he needs.

“Bruce,” Thor interjects. The tone of his voice draws everyone’s attention to him and you slowly rub his forearm with your free hand, trying but you know failing, to comfort him. “Can you fix it?”

Bruce watches Thor’s face for a long minute before he looks down at the watch, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know, Thor. Maybe? With Tony’s help. We might even have to recruit Shuri, actually, we better.”

“Then do it.” Thor says, trying not to make it sound like an order.

You rub his arm some more and look up at his face searching it for a bit of hope. He rarely gets like this anymore. His depression is well hidden but even he can’t escape it forever.

“Thor?” You say quietly.

They’re all watching him, pity and understanding in their eyes. Even Nat has twisted herself around to look up at him.

He looks at each of them in turn and you can see his shoulders going stiff as he bristles at the pity in their eyes.

Out of everyone sitting here, Thor has lost and also gained the most since the world ended. Tony watches him with sympathetic eyes and opens his mouth to say something. To comfort him maybe?

“Just fix it.” Thor says before Tony even has a chance. He turns, letting your hand fall out of his as he walks away down the hallway towards your room.

You look at Bruce who is watching Thor’s retreating back and Tony who is watching you.

“Go get him.” Tony urges softly, serious, and seemingly understanding the torment Thor is dealing with internally.

You don’t need to be told again, or at all really. You hurry after Thor, passing the open door of your room, you see he isn’t there. You let your feet carry you along the familiar route and when you reach the balcony you yourself had escaped to after meeting Tony a year ago, you see him, sitting on the bench by the wall, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together. You stand in the doorway and watch him.

The pain on his face makes your stomach hurt. You put your hand on it, apologetic towards your bean for making it uncomfortable.

“Thor?” You wait. If he doesn’t want you here, he’ll let you know.

He waits a minute but then finally looks at you. His brow is furrowed, his blue eyes are dark and pools of salt water. His mouth is twisted into a tight pout as he tries to fight his urge to give in to his sorrow.

His eyes examine your face before they flit to your hand over your stomach. Finally, as he looks back up at you, he extends his arm towards you and like a puppy being called by it’s long absent master, you take three large steps to close the distance and come within his reach.

He’s still watching your face as he places his extended hand on your hip, then brings his other hand to rest on the small of your back. He pulls you close until he can rest his forehead against your stomach and finally lets his tears fall.

The two of you don’t say anything and you let Thor move through this however he must. First it’s a few tears. Then he hugs you close, turning his head sideways, resting his ear against your stomach. You rub what you can reach of his large shoulders.

Then he pulls back to get a look up at your face and he kisses your stomach over and over. After a minute he lifts your shirt a bit so that he can kiss it directly and not through your shirt. His hands move to your back, working their way under the fabric of your shirt where he splays them out against your skin.

His hands begin to move gently up and down, his left goes up to your shoulder and then down, down, down, worming it’s way under the hem of your pants.

The sudden mood shift has been very gradual but you know it’s connected. His hands are more needy now with their touch.

You lean down responding to the shift the way you hope he may need and he immediately looks up so that he can meet your kiss. He pulls you down onto his lap and you straddle him. His hand on your bum pulls you against him gently while his other hand continues to stroke the skin of your back.

He suddenly rises, and you wrap your arms around his neck and shoulders to keep yourself up, your legs already wrapped around his waist. With his left arm wrapped around your waist, he lifts your shirt with his right hand so that he can suckle on your breast.

You grip the back of his head with a sigh. He walks you both into your room then kicks the door shut behind him before depositing you on the bed. He stops, leaning over you, watching your face as you wait for him to decide what he’d like to do.

It feels like an age passes before he finally climbs over you. He kicks off his shoes and then lays himself over you. His head finds your chest where he presses his ear against it to listen to your heartbeat.

Your heart aches for him. You use your left hand to rub his massive shoulder blade and your right to stroke his hair. He sighs and wraps his arms around you, holding you close as he takes comfort in the warmth of your arms.

“It’s okay, Thor.” You assure him. His arms tighten around you. “It’s okay.”

You feel more at peace now that Thor’s asleep. You hope for a dreamless sleep for him. The last thing you want is for his nightmares about Loki and Asgard to disturb him after you spent the entire afternoon making him feel better.

Getting him to laugh had been the highlight. Some light teasing and jokes about his time alone with Hulk did the trick.

 _“I_ have _seen him naked.” Thor admits._

_“I know, you told me. In the hot tub, right? What’s that like? Is he a tender lover?”_

_You toss your hair over your shoulder and lay on your stomach so that your face is by his. You cup your hands and rest your chin in them._

_Thor looks at you and smiles. Success! “Yes. Very generous.”_

_“Better than me?”_

_“Much better. More stamina.” He teases._

_“Much better kinks too, no doubt?”_

_“Oh, yes.”_

_“Are you the little spoon?”_

_Thor chuckles and your heart feels tons lighter. It’s all cake from here._

You reach towards him and gently push the hair from his forehead. He doesn’t even stir. A dreamless sleep it is.

With a sigh of relief you pull the blankets off of your legs and slide out of bed. You grab your robe, slip it on, and escape out into the hall. You walk normally, not bothering to be soundless as you enter the atrium. Tony looks up from one of the meeting tables at the sound of your feet on the cool concrete floor. Once he knows it’s you he looks back down at the papers in front of him.

As you fix your hair you move towards him and then around behind him to get a look at what he’s working on.

“Schematics on the watch?” You reach down and shift a detailed drawing with scribbled measurements and notes towards you.

Tony leans back in the brushed steel rolling chair to give you more room to look the papers over. “Yeah. These are just preliminary mockups. Bruce and Nat left for Wakanda a few hours ago with the watch. Hopefully Shuri can find a better way to analyze it. Which I’m positive she will. Kid’s a damn genius.”

You want to tell him that he is too but his head is big enough as it is. You smile, “So not a bomb then?”

“Not a bomb.” Tony agrees. He finally looks up at you, his expression more dire. “How’s the King of Narnia?”

Your smile dulls a bit but you manage to retain a small one. “He’s better now.”

Tony watches your expression for a long moment before he turns back to his papers.

“You know, I had a really tough time after New York. After Loki brought Thanos’s army through a hole in space. I didn’t cope well. I struggled but luckily I had Pepper to get me through it.” He gets up and turns around to lean against the table’s edge. He crosses his arms then reaches up to scratch at his chin. “However, even with Pepper…I mean she almost died.”

“That’s our life, Tony.” You weren’t unaware of the dangers of the life you’d chosen.

Tony smirks, or…it’s a grimace. But it looks like a pained smile. He holds up a finger.

“Yeah, but,” He points at your stomach. “That changes things. It’s not just you anymore, kiddo. So what are you going to do?”

You sigh because this has been on your mind too. The only way to truly keep this baby safe would be to leave this world behind in its entirety. No Avengers, no super soldiers, no space raccoons, no friends, no Thor. And that was not possible.

“I made my choices a long time ago. You know that.” You keep your voice hushed. If Thor wakes up, you don’t want him to hear. “Thor will never let anyone hurt this baby. Even should I die, I know he’ll go to the ends of the universe to protect our child.”

Tony watches you sadly for a moment then relaxes and smiles. “You’re right.“ He turns back around and starts to gather his work.

“Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you for a favor?”

“Sure, Y/N, what is it?”

“Tomorrow when Thor goes to visit New Asgard in the morning, can you help me set up our wedding?”

Tony laughs, amused by the request. “Your wedding?”

“Yeah. I wanna get married tomorrow. Just something small. An officiate. The certificates. And just us. You’ll need to get Bruce and Nat to come back ASAP. Tell them to bring Shuri, I’d like her here, too. She saved my life.” You watch with calm eyes as Tony slowly turns around to look at you.

“You’re serious?”

“Yes. I know we’ll have to do something more regal and official in New Asgard but I want my real wedding to be with the people I love. And that’s you all.” You smile at him.

“Right. Were you just waiting for Rogers to wake up?” He asks suspiciously.

“Well, yeah. Steve is my best friend. I want him there. The doctor said he should be up on his feet by tomorrow morning and dancing by the afternoon.”

Tony laughs again and turns back to his papers. “Isn’t it weird inviting your ex to your wedding?”

You don’t respond.

“Sure, Y/N, we’ll get it all together by the evening. I’ll call Bruce and Natasha right away.”

“Thanks.” You say with a smile. “And Tony?”

“What kid? You want an elephant to ride away on after the ceremony?”

“Will you give me away tomorrow?”

Tony freezes.

“I know that’s a little…” You let your voice trail off because you aren’t sure, suddenly, whether he will say yes, and you really want him to say yes. “My dad’s gone. My whole family is gone and you and Pepper and Bruce and all of you, you’re my family now. And if I could pick anyone in the entire world to give me away on my wedding day it would be you. So…will you give me away tomorrow?”

Tony doesn’t turn around and his silence feels never-ending. You feel a bit of disappointment starting to take hold.

“Tony?”

“Yes.” He begins to stack his papers again, his simple yes echoing in your ears.

“Wait, as in yes, yes?”

“Yes. I’ll do it.”

He said yes!

You hurry forward and wrap your arms around him and are so excited you forget that you can crush him.

“Woah, easy.” He groans.

You loosen your grip but don’t let go as you press your cheek against the back of his shoulder. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Tony’s right hand comes up to rub yours and then he pats it a few times.

“Thank _you_ , kid.” His voice sounds thick and the sound of it makes your eyes water. You blink your tears away and decide not to comment on his current emotional state. The last thing you wanna do is embarrass him.

You pull away. Tony clears his throat and throws you a quick glance. He’s smiling a small smirk, so at least he’s happy.

“Let’s keep this a secret from Thor, at least until he gets back from New Asgard. I wanna surprise him. I’ll be up earlier than normal so that I can help out. Pick my dress and such.” You move around the table so that you can get back to Thor. If you leave him alone too long he wakes up.

“So, noon, then?” Sarcastic Tony is back but he’s still smiling as you turn around to flip him the bird. He laughs.

When you get back to the room, just as you suspected, Thor is beginning to stir. His left arm is stretched out towards your side, feeling for you. As you shut the door and he realizes you are not sleeping beside him he sits up, searching for you with sleepy eyes. He spots you as you worm your way back under the covers.

“Everything alright?” He asks, groggily.

“Everything’s perfect. I was just helping Tony plan dinner for tomorrow.” You settle into Thor’s arms, wrapping one of your own around his torso.

“Mm, roast pig?” He wonders, more asleep than awake now that you’re beside him again.

You laugh, and he smiles with his eyes closed at the sound. He curls his arm in, pulling you close. You rest your head on his chest and let his heartbeat sing you to sleep.

You don’t really sleep. You’re aware of everything around you and you’re aware when Thor gets up and gets dressed. You’re aware when he moves back to you and leans down to kiss your head and the gentle way he strokes your cheek. Tough technically you would qualify as sleeping, you’re aware. When he’s gone, you slowly begin to rouse. For another hour you lie in your bed staring up at the ceiling, excited and nervous.

Marrying Thor was what you’ve wanted since the moment you first confessed because as much as he likes to say that you made him work for it, you were the one that finally caved.

* * *

_“I’ve never been to a movie before. That was fun.” Thor smiles at you walking at a slow pace to match your small stride._

_“I chose action because I figured out of all of them you’d like that the most.” You admit nervously. You’re so worried that he’s just being polite. Maybe you should have gone with the bungee jumping?_

_“I did like it. It was a bit unrealistic when you compare it to what it’s truly like to be in a firefight.”_

_“You hated it.” You stop walking and watch him, wringing your hands. “I was going to suggest bungee jumping or skydiving instead, but I figured, you know, you’re the God of Thunder. You probably do things way more exciting than jumping out of a plane with a parachute. You probably don’t even need the parachute.”_

_Thor stops and turns to look at you, holding his hand out to try and calm you. “I did like the movie, Y/N. Really, I did. I was just slightly disappointed that we weren’t able to talk more.”_

_“Oh.” You bite your bottom lip trying hard not to let your nerves get the best of you. This God of Thunder has been coming to see you the past three weeks and you’re not sure why. “Well, we can go for a walk?”_

_“I’d like that.” He says with a smile and a nod._

_You smile up at him and teeter on your heels before he extends one arm forward down the sidewalk and the two of you begin to walk._

_“How is your wound healing?” You point at his stomach, hidden beneath a thick peacoat and dark grey shirt._

_“Oh, I’m all healed up. Thank you.”_

_“And how’s Jane? You couldn’t stop talking about her in Sokovia.” You wanted to hear him talk but the fact that it was about his girlfriend was a bit bittersweet. He was clearly head over heels for her which was cute, if only you weren’t falling for him harder every time he came to see you. When he speaks you focus on the way his lips move, the timber of his voice, the way he talks with his hands when he gets really excited. He’s always smiling. Not like, a teeth baring smile, but a small curve of his lips. He’s content in his life. Sometimes he looks worried, but you suppose that has to do with Avengers business. Those Avengers have the literal world resting on their shoulders._

_“Jane is fantastic. Her work on the Convergence has been featured on several scientific journals and she’s been making her way from country to country giving lectures. She’s been busy. She’s amazingly smart. Smartest human I know.” His eyes are pouring hearts and you feel a painful clench in your chest._

_You stop walking, reaching up to scratch at your forehead. “Thor? Why are you here?”_

_“Well, for the same reason as last time. I was in the area for work and remembered you said you would be staying here for a time, teaching. How is that going?” He looks confused at first but then raises his eyebrows, interested in your response._

_Your heart gives another painful clench and you know where this is going to go. You should put up your wall. You should walk away. Tell him to stop coming to see you and to leave you alone so that this doesn’t have anymore time to build up. You’re going to be the one to suffer and the last thing you need is some guy distracting you from your kids. “It’s going fine. The kids here are smart. Eager to learn. They bring me flowers once a week. They’re very sweet. The language barrier can be a bit challenging but they’re teaching me as much as I’m teaching them.”_

_“What kind of flowers?”_

_“Why?” You wonder suspiciously._

_“Just wondering.” Thor says with a small shrug. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other as he brings his hands up to hold them at his front._

_“My favorite, y/f/f.”_

_“You must find it very fulfilling being able to shape their lives the way you do?”_

_“I do. But I’m sure it’s nothing compared to saving the world. More than once.” You smile, and he smiles back at you. The kindness in his electric blue eyes is intoxicating. “Um…”_

_You reach up and scratch at your forehead to try and hide your face as much as possible._

_“Listen, I have an early morning tomorrow, so I should really get back home.” You begin to back away from him, but he follows a few steps._

_“Oh, okay…” He says._

_“Yeah, I’ve got tons of lessons to plan and I really needed to do them like, yesterday.” You force a laugh._

_He smiles as you laugh but he doesn’t seem to buy it completely which irritates and scares you. His eyes are narrowed as he watches you fumble backwards._

_“I’ll see you later.” You finish._

_“Can’t I walk you home?” Thor wonders, taking another step towards you._

_“No!” You say, too loudly. You bite your lip and shake your head. “I’m fine. I’ll see you later.”_

* * *

You smile, remembering the awkwardness and fear you exuded when you first realized that you were really falling for him. Almost a year later, you were much more familiar with Thor. But he’d also been gone for a while at that point.

* * *

_“And what book did you read this weekend, Jack? Anything good?” You’re sitting with your kids in Pelzer Park, all twenty-two kids sprawled out on their stomachs or sitting cross legged in a large circle with you at the head._

_“Um, I read, my mum said-I read Anne of Green Gables. Mum said th-that um if I read it I would um res-respect and understand girls better.” Jack is a nine-year-old boy with shocking white-blonde hair and eyes that remind you of a certain someone who shall remain nameless because you haven’t seen him in months and you’re doing really well._

_“And do you feel like you understand girls better? Do you respect them more? Tommy, leave Fei alone. What do we say about our hands?”_

_Tommy, a slightly stout black-haired boy with toffee brown eyes sighs, disappointed he was caught bugging Fei. “We keep them to ourselves.”_

_You give him a stern look and he sits down, shoulders slumped and his eyes downcast. You turn your attention back to Jack who sits watching you, waiting for you to pay attention to him again._

_“I fell asleep.” He admits._

_You try really hard not to laugh. “I see. Well, you’ll have to try and get through it, right? And I’ll tell you what, if you manage to read Anne of Green Gables I might just read some Harry Potter for the class, how’s that?”_

_The kids get excited and they begin to beg Jack to read Anne of Green Gables tonight. You bite your lip, slightly regretting your words as it puts pressure on Jack but with a clap of your hands the kids quiet down._

_“Alright, we’ve got an hour left in our day. Please, pick up your blankets, fold them, and put them right here by me. Then you can all go to the Oxbow and have a little fun before we have to go.”_

_The kids begin to run around, ‘folding’ their blankets and then dropping them off beside you. They scamper off towards the play area and you watch them carefully from a distance. You smile as the last blanket is deposited beside you. You find that the kids’ definition of folding a blanket is to roll it up small. You reach for the top blanket, unroll it, then fold it. You’re about halfway through your stack when someone stops beside you, a pair of black boots and jeans is all you can see._

_“So, this is what you do?” A deep voice rumbles._

_You freeze, halfway done with your current blanket and squeeze the fabric tight._

_“I was watching you with them and you are very gentle and patient with them. I can see how much you enjoy your work.” The voice continues._

_You refuse to look up. You don’t want to because you know what you’ll find. You feel your heart pounding in your chest as you consider just making a run for it but across the way, your kids are playing. You blink trying to find some type of courage to speak but you can’t and you don’t. You continue to fold the blankets instead._

_“I was away too long. Is that why you are angry with me?” The voice asks, quietly and somewhat fearfully. Fear? Really? What does he have to be afraid of?_

_And still you can’t find it in you to speak. Are you angry? Is that what it is? Your hands_ are _shaking. Your breathing is somewhat labored, and your heart is pounding._

_“Y/N? Please talk to me. I know I was away for a long time, but I would not have stayed away were it not for a good reason.” When you don’t respond he finally drops down into a squat to be more at your level. “I went to find out more about the Infinity Stones and who has been behind all the madness that’s been happening here on Earth and throughout the galaxy. I would much rather have been here on Earth. Please, you are my friend. Do not ignore me.”_

_“The what?” You finally say, turning your furious gaze on Thor. It was a mistake to look at him. He has his long blonde hair pulled back out of his face and still a few stray strands fall around it. His own expression is full of worry and desperation? There’s a need in his eyes and you don’t understand it. His blue eyes are just as penetrating as ever, and it feels as if he can see right through your anger. Can he see how much you already love him?_

_“The Infinity Stones. Great sources of power. They’ve been showing up all over the universe. Even Jane was in possession of one, though I did not connect it to the strange events around the universe until after Sokovia.” His eyes never leave you and as your face falls at the mention of Jane his own brow furrows. “What did I say?”_

_“What are you doing here, Thor?” You turn back to the blankets but give your kids a long look to make sure they aren’t getting themselves into trouble. They’re having fun, oblivious to your torment._

_“I came to see you. I have missed you and our conversations.” His words are so honest and transparent that despite what you might be afraid of when he looks at you, you know very well that he doesn’t see the way you feel about him. If he does, he’s really good at pretending he has no idea. You shake your head, angry with yourself for falling for him and angry at him for leaving and coming back. You know that you’re being unreasonable. How can he know how much being this close to him hurts you when you haven’t told him how you feel?_

_“Well, you’ve seen me, now. You can go. I’m sure you have to get back to Jane.” Your jealousy is so obvious how can he not see it?_

_“Jane is in Japan at a conference. It’s just a short flight away. I thought perhaps we could have one of our walks or maybe grab some dinner? I have a few hours to spare.” He offers, happily, excitedly._

_“Well, I don’t.” You say curtly. So, you were filler? Just for a few hours to spare? You know you’re being ridiculous, but your aching heart is telling you that you don’t care, and you have every right to be angry. So, you gather up the blankets and shove them into the large bag you’d brought them in and your book on top of that._

_“Here, allow me help you.” Thor moves towards you, offering to take the bag from you._

_“I’ve got it.” You twist away from him and shoulder the bag. He drops his arms, surprised by your rejection. The last time the two of you had seen each other had actually been a good day._

_You’d spent the day walking around Turia Park in Valencia and the two of you had laughed and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. At the time, you couldn’t imagine your life without Thor. Now, all you wanted was for him to go away because being so close to him and unable to have him was unbearable._

_“Goodbye, Thor. It was…nice to see you.”_

_The confusion on his face is beyond frustrating. He seriously doesn’t know anything. He’s an idiot! You walk towards the kids in the play area and call them over._

_“Y/N?” Thor calls out to you. You ignore him._

_“Time to go. Line up. Come on, Jack. Katie, time to go.” They line up before you and you carefully count to make sure they’re all there. When you’re positive, you lead them back along towards the path and then towards the bus, not sparing a glance for Thor because if you look at him, you’ll lose it._

_Another month passes after your run-in with Thor at the park and you’re both relieved and depressed that he hasn’t come to see you again. You spend most of your time trying to distract yourself from the fact that you know he’s on Earth and he’s probably with Jane. You remind yourself constantly that he has no reason to come see you. No obligations to do so. So, it catches you by surprise when you’re walking down the halls of your school and you hear a familiar booming voice coming from one of the classrooms for the younger kids._

_**(*)** You stop dead in your tracks and listen as hard as you can, positive that your mind must be playing tricks on you. You slowly meander your way towards the doorway that the booming voice is coming from and listen to it describe how it decapitated a villain and then ate its eyeballs. You finally peek through the window of the room and feel your body go numb as you watch Thor, in full uniform, sit at the front of a small classroom. Behind him is an easel with the kids’ drawings of what is no doubt the Avengers._

_Or at least you thought it was the kids’ drawing until you spot the marker in Thor’s hand and ink stains on his palm. You want to laugh but your horror at seeing him there takes precedent._

_Thor then shifts into a depressing monologue about Captain America and Iron Man and the fight that you’d seen on the news, something about the accords. And about how neither of them called him when things went down._

_“…that friendship is not forever.” He sighs, getting emotional for some reason. “That nothing lasts. Nothing.”_

_You shove the door open quickly and clear your throat._

_“Y/N?!” Thor says, excited to see you._

_“Mrs. Williams? I’m sorry to interrupt. Can I borrow Thor for a few minutes?”_

_Mrs. Williams, a kind teacher who sits pouting and gazing at Thor with such admiration has obviously fallen for his charms. She turns to look at you as you open the door._

_“Of course. How about a round of applause for Thor, children?” Mrs. Williams urges._

_The kids begin to clap, and Thor slowly rises from his seat. “Thank you. Stay in school. Soak up all the knowledge that these fine instructors provide. You will need it. And don’t forget what I taught you. What was it?”_

_“Vengeance first.” The kids recite in unison._

_“Good job!” Thor smiles, pleased with his lesson._

_As soon as he’s close enough to the door you grab his wrist and pull him out roughly. Though if he wasn’t allowing you to, you probably wouldn’t be able to move him. You know this. You shut the door and walk down the hallway a bit, still pulling him along before you finally stop and turn on him._

_“What the hell are you doing?” You demand, keeping your voice just above a whisper._

_“What? I came looking for you, but I wandered into the wrong classroom. They were so excited I decided to spend a few minutes with them.” Thor matches your volume, though his is really more of a stage whisper._

_“Why?!” You demand._

_“Well, I don’t want to disappoint children.” He says as if that’s obvious._

_“No, Thor, why are you here? Why are you looking for me?”_

_“Oh. This again?” He sighs, frustrated with you for some reason. “I wanted to see you.”_

_You grit your teeth and reach up making claws with your hands, moving them toward his throat as if you’d really like nothing more than to strangle him. “You can’t just show up here. I work here. I could get fired.”_

_“I’m sorry, I just wanted to see you and since I don’t know where you live-I remembered the name of the school from the bus you left in last time. Y/N? What have I done to anger you? Please, tell me so that I may fix it.”_

_Your heart flutters at his words and as he moves closer to you, his hands grasp your arms to hold you still._

_“I need my friend back.” He adds._

_You shut your eyes as he dashes all of your nervous energy and replaces it with heart aching disappointment. “Thor?”_

_“Yes?” Hopeful, his voice goes up an octave and his stupid goofy grin lights up his face._

_“I need you to leave me alone.” You open your eyes and watch as his brow furrows and he slowly drops his hands._

_“Why?”_

_“I just…I need you to leave me alone. Okay? It’s best for both of us if you don’t come see me anymore.” You nod, convincing yourself that this is the best thing to do. The right thing._

_“But I’m living here, in Australia. I can see you often now.”_

_Great. Just great. “Thor…leave me alone. I beg you.”_

_You poke his armored chest as he tries to take a step towards you. Your desire to have him be close is overwhelming. The pain you feel when you remember that you can’t have him be close because he’s already with someone else is heartbreaking._

_“Stay away.” You back up slowly, getting a good look at him one last time._

_“Y/N? Please.”_

_You spend a moment memorizing the exact shade of blue of his eyes and finally turn away moving at a brisk pace down the hall and out towards your car._

_The next few hours are tough. You’d been set up with a guy by one of your friends and tonight, of all the nights, was finally the date. You choose a casual navy-blue maxi dress with short sleeves, a rounded neckline, and a matching sash to tie through the belt loops. You pick your hair up, tying it up in a loose bun at the back of your head._

_You keep your makeup minimal because you know that you’re going to be outside for this date and don’t want to be sweating your makeup off. You give yourself a quick look in the mirror and try and adjust the slit of the dress a bit. It’s at the front on the left side and if you stand a certain way it exposes most of your leg._

_Maybe you should change?_

_Your phone beeps with a text telling you that Malcolm is outside and with no time to change, you grab your wallet clutch, shove your phone in its spot, and head out. He drives a slick black crossover and waits by the passenger door as you walk out towards him._

_“Hello.” He says._

_He’s very handsome. A sweet-looking face with a wide forehead, straight nose, high cheekbones, a bit of scruff on his chin, and deep blue eyes. His hair is brown though you swear you see some red in it too. His smile is calm, sweet, but genuine. He’s fit. His shoulders are wide and his hands large._

_“Hi.” You reply and awkwardly hold out your hand so that he can shake it._

_He laughs and takes it but then pulls you in for a brief hug, which you return. Nervous beyond your mind you get in when he opens the door for you. He’s wearing a pair of grey slacks and a simple striped white and blue shirt that reminds you of those Abercrombie ads of people on boats._

_It takes the two of you half an hour to get to the Brighton Jetty, a pier that extends out from the beach behind a war memorial arch. At the end of the pier is a tall cell tower. Though you think it’s a shame that the tower obstructs the otherwise beautiful view, you read that the cell company that owns it provided the funds to rebuild the pier, so you can’t really be too upset._

_Malcolm buys you both some fish ‘n’ chips from a food truck parked just opposite the arch and the two of you walk along the pier eating._

_“You’re a lot different than I expected.” Malcolm admits._

_“Oh? What were you expecting?” You finish off your last chip and deposit the tray in the trash can on your left._

_“Someone, I don’t know, nerdier? From the way Allison described you, I thought you’d wear glasses, taped up in the middle because you break them so much. Permanent ink stains on your fingers? Unwilling to eat from a food truck?” He laughs because the image he paints is stereotypical and although you don’t find it as funny, you smile politely. He’s also assumed you’d be high maintenance which is a slight turn off._

_“Disappointed?” You look over at him as he finishes his own food and tosses the tray as well._

_“No, not at all. You’re exactly what I hoped you’d be.”_

_You both turn and continue down the pier._

_“What do you do for a living, Malcolm?” You wrap your arms around yourself, feeling a slight chill as the sun begins to set._

_“I’m a systems analyst for an engineering company. I work with computers mostly.”_

_“Ooh, computers. Coding. Science? Not my cup of tea. I suck at all that stuff.” You laugh at yourself._

_“Oh, you probably just haven’t tried hard enough to get it.”_

_Excuse him?!_

_“Allison said you were really smart.” He explains because the look on your face is clearly showing your dislike._

_“I am. With words mostly. Not science so much. I get how to use the stuff I just can’t explain the mechanics behind it. It kinda flies right over my head.”_

_“Well, maybe I can show you a few things some time?”_

_He stops and gently takes your hand, holding it softly. Your initial instinct is to pull it away, but you remind yourself that you can’t be single forever. You have to try dating at some point. Malcolm is nice so far. Save for that one comment. Two comments…_

_“That might be nice.” You say with a smile. You look up at him and wonder if it would be wrong of you to kiss him. Just to get it over with and see if there are any sparks. Your mind is so full of Thor you need to find a way to get him out of there._

_Malcolm is taller than you but not by much. Not even six feet probably. You could lean up and kiss him easily._

_He seems to sense your train of thought again because he pulls you closer. You should be nervous, with butterflies and excitement building up in your tummy but you find yourself wishing for an escape instead. He places his free hand on your neck and begins to lean down to kiss you._

_“Y/N?” Your head snaps to the left towards the end of the pier as Thor’s deep booming voice reaches your ears. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt.”_

_He’s fidgeting, wringing his hands as he watches you with hesitant eyes._

_“Thor?” You’re so relieved for the interruption but this is not what you had in mind. He also looks way too good in dark jeans and a plain white t-shirt underneath a black leather jacket. “What are you doing here?”_

_“Thor? As in, Avengers Thor?” Malcolm asks, turning towards Thor with an awed expression. He rushes forward, and since he’s still holding your hand, pulls you along with him. He stops when he reaches Thor and holds out his hand for Thor to shake. “It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Thor, wow. I’m a big fan.”_

_You sigh, irritated by Malcolm’s excitement and the relief you feel for having your kiss interrupted. You look at Thor who stands watching Malcolm with a furrowed brow. He looks down at Malcolm’s hand and then looks at you with the same relentless expression._

_“Can I talk to you? Alone?”_

_Malcolm takes his hand back slowly, feeling rejected and looking embarrassed._

_“Actually, I’m on a date, Thor. Can’t this wait?” Your irritation is showing, and you can’t find it in you to feel bad about it._

_“No.” Thor assures you. You don’t see it, but he looks down at your hand in Malcolm’s as Malcolm gives it a squeeze._

_“It’s alright if you need to talk to your friend. It might be important. He’s an Avenger.”_

_Just as you’re about to protest, Malcolm’s cell phone rings. He releases your hand and reaches into his pocket, pulling it out._

_“Oh, it’s work. Give me a second.” He answers the phone and wanders a few feet away._

_You turn your gaze back on Thor and you’re so angry you don’t even know where to begin. You chew on your lip for a bit and try to pick your words carefully._

_“Thor…” You begin._

_“I can’t have you be angry at me without knowing why.” He explains, quickly because he knows you’ll cut him off if he gives you the chance. “This is driving me mad, Y/N. We were such good friends before I left, and I apologized for being away for so long. I need to know why. Now. Or I won’t leave.”_

_“Are you kidding me?!” You whisper angrily at him._

_“Y/N, I must have you in my life. You’re my only true friend.” He suddenly looks up at the sky and shrugs. “Human friend. You know what I mean, Heimdall.”_

_“Thor-” But before you can yell at him Malcolm comes back._

_“Uh, sorry, Y/N? Can I have a word?” He gestures over his shoulder with his thumb. You lick your lips and nod. “Listen, I hate to do this on our first date, but it seems there was a breach in the security system at work. I have to go in and deal with it now. I’m so sorry.”_

_You give him a tight smile. “It’s okay. It’s work, right? Go do what you gotta do.”_

_“I’ll make it up to you.” Malcolm assures you._

_“Okay.”_

_You’re caught only slightly by surprise when he leans down and kisses your cheek briefly. “Mr. Thor, it was really great to meet you.”_

_Thor just watches him as he waves and then runs down the pier and out of sight._

_With no one there now, you and Thor are plunged into a tense and awkward atmosphere as you cross your arms over your chest to try and combat the chill night air. Also, because you very well might hit Thor. You’re so irritated with him, it’s driving you crazy._

_He wants to know so badly why you can’t be his friend. With your blood boiling, you feel it might be best to just come clean. Before you can form some kind of argument against that idea, you move to stand in front of him again. He looks at you, his eyes pleading with you to explain why you can’t be in his life._

_“I like you.” You say, simple and fast._

_“I like you, too!” Thor suddenly says, exasperated with you because he can’t seem to understand that if you like him and he likes you, you have no reason to not be friends. He eyes your arms and quickly slips off his jacket then wraps it over your shoulders. “So, we should be friends.”_

_“No,” You swallow, your voice starting to lose a bit of its edge as your body begins to respond to your brain’s realization that you’re confessing to Thor and that this will change everything between you two. He’ll have to stay away now. He has Jane who he loves. You’ve seen it in his eyes every single time he’s talked about her. You can’t compete with that. You won’t compete with that. You don’t want to come between them. Not that you could, which was the entire point. This was too painful. How can you be friends with him when just being near him kills you?_

_He looks confused, staring down at you as he takes a step closer._

_“No, Thor, I_ really _like you.” You let the words sit there for a moment. You need to explain more clearly maybe? He hasn’t understood so far. “I’m…I’m falling in love with you and I know you’re with Jane. Being around you, feeling the way that I do…I can’t do it anymore, Thor. It hurts too much.”_

_He’s watching you, staring with such a stoic expression you’re not sure what you’re looking at. Did he finally realize that you can’t be friends? He was so desperate to be friends that you know he must feel sad about it._

_“And I’m sorry that I’ve ruined what you say is your only true friendship. I really am, but the truth is I’ve been falling in love with you since the moment I let you into my apartment back in Sokovia.”_

_He turns his electric blue eyes onto the ground and stares at the wood of the pier as you speak._

_“I get that you want to be friends but that hasn’t been enough for me for a long time. So, go back to Jane and just pretend you never knew me. You’ll forget me soon enough and I’ll go out with Malcolm again. I’m sure with a few more dates he and I will be able to build something, and I can forget you.” You nod, convinced of your plan. “Then we can meet again then, when I don’t want you anymore, and we can be friends like you want to be. Okay?”_

_He still doesn’t look up at you. The area between his eyes is puckered as he considers your words however, and his hands are clenched into tight fists._

_This sucks. “I’m sorry.” You say one more time then turn and move down the pier. How were you gonna get home?_

_You manage to take about five hurried steps before Thor’s large hand closes around your wrist. He pulls you to a stop and you turn to look at him. He’s staring at you with that same intense furrowed brow and narrowed eyes. “That’s why you can’t be my friend?”_

_You nod. You twist your wrist in his hand trying to get away from him. “I’m sorry. I ruined everything. Please, Thor, let me go.”_

_You chew on your lip, wishing he’d release you so that you can go bury your head in your pillow and regret everything you just said._

_“Then don’t be my friend.” He states simply._

_You look up, confused by his words. He closes the distance between you, wraps his arm around your waist and dips his head until his lips meet yours. You’re stunned for a moment, but you close your eyes instinctively. Your heart seems to have left your body and all you can feel is the euphoria of a billion butterflies in your stomach. Thor’s lips are strong as he kisses you. He steps closer, his hands moving up to hold your head still as he slowly tilts his head to the opposite side. Your hands seem to have found a mind of their own as they move up along his chest, resting softly as you return his kiss and the world blurs and falls away in a golden aura of pure bliss._

_The kiss is perfect. Paired with the setting sun and the way the warmth of his arms in contrast to the chilly night erupts goosebumps on your skin, this kiss, your first kiss with Thor, will go down in history as one of the best first kisses ever._

_Just as you’re about to be completely consumed by the kiss, like cold water down your back, you remember Jane. Your hands, already on his chest, push him away._

_“No, wait, stop.”_

_“What?” He asks, still slightly dazed from the kiss too, it seems._

_You look up into his eyes and he seems to take this as a ‘go ahead’ because he begins to lean down again to kiss you once more._

_“Thor, no. Stop.” You push him away a little harder and he drops his hands as you take a step back away from him._

_You put your hand on your chest, trying and failing to catch your breath. You were so happy but so confused at the same time._

_“What are you doing?” You demand, clutching at your chest as you struggle to understand his motivations._

_“Almost from the moment that I too, met you, I knew that I needed you in my life. I did not realize how until tonight. I too, am falling in love with you.” Thor confesses._

_You’re knocked breathless by it and you have to focus to breathe. “But…Jane…” You reason._

_“Jane and I have broken up. It has been a long time coming. She and I are not where we once were. She is focused on her work, as she should be, and I…I’ve been coming here, to see you.” There’s a smile in his voice and the sound is so pleasant that you almost forget to speak._

_This can’t be true. You feel your heart soar for a moment, your eyebrows rise as you accept his words. “So, you’re not dating anyone right now?”_

_“Well…I could be dating you, if you will have me.” He supplies, and you laugh nervously._

_He smiles in response, closing the distance between you again._

_“Really?” You smile, biting on your bottom lip._

_“Yes.” Thor assures you as he reaches up to stroke the sides of your face._

_You smile up at him, eager for him to kiss you again and as he leans down to do so, you suddenly realize something. “Malcolm!”_

_Thor frowns. “Er, what?”_

_“Malcolm, I…I just feel bad. My friend Allie went to all the trouble of setting us up and he thinks we’re probably going to go on another date.” You sigh, wondering how you’re going to tell Malcolm that there will be no making up the first date to you._

_“That reminds me.” Thor says, and then leans down to kiss your cheek in almost the exact same spot Malcolm had._

_“What was that for?” He’s successfully wiped your mind of worries. You’re smiling like an idiot._

_“These are my cheeks now.” He rubs them, smiling widely with pride._

_“I’m pretty sure they’re mine.” You counter._

_“Then how about your lips?” He asks._

_You let him wonder for a bit before you shrug. “I guess I can let you borrow them from time to time.”_

_“How generous. You cannot send me away anymore. Promise me.”_

_“I promise.”_

_He smiles down at you and once more pulls you up into a tender kiss._

* * *

You reach up and gently trace your lips with the tips of your fingers, remembering that first kiss on the pier in Australia. So much has happened since then. You broke your promise to him, sent him away, and still he found his way back to you.

The alarm on your phone begins to ring, telling you that it’s seven in the morning. You roll out of bed and quickly pull on some pants and a shirt before you wander out into the atrium where you’re surprised to find a full team of coordinators sprawled out on the two meeting tables. Among them, Pepper walks quickly pointing and giving orders. Tony sits with a pair of older women, all three of them look up as you walk in.

“Here she is.” Tony says and gestures you towards them with a curling of his fingers.

You sit yourself down on the sofa opposite the two ladies who are smiling at you but also looking you over, head-to-toe, jotting down notes.

“Y/N, this is what we were thinking. This design here with a sheer overlay. What do you think? I’ve been assured that it can be done by five. An hour to spare. And then this one, for the party part of the night.”

You look down at the two images that Tony gestures to. One is a long white gown made with sheer material, over it one of the ladies has pinned a different sheer material embroidered with white and pink flowers. The second image is a short lace dress, slightly longer in the back than the front. It has a high neckline and very short sleeves, with a silver sheen to the bodice. They’re both so beautiful that you can’t help but nod.

“It looks amazing.” You assure them. The two ladies beam and Tony sighs, slightly disappointed. “What?”

“Well, if you’d waited another week or two I could have gotten you something custom.” He hands the ladies back their plans and they scurry down the hall and into the elevator.

“Tony, what I wear isn’t as important as having you all there. I just want to marry the man I love and share my happiness with my family. You could marry me off in a plastic trash bag and I’d be happy.”

Tony smiles at you, sarcastically because obviously he would never let that happen. “You’re gonna be in the way. Go feed your kid. I’ll call you if you’re needed.”

You watch him get up and float to Pepper’s side. They both bend over the table and start to thumb through several pages of who knows what.

Having been given the boot, you meander into the kitchen to make yourself some breakfast.

It’s amazing how quickly the day passes when you’re nervous about something. You definitely want to marry Thor. You are so ready to be his wife. But you’ve also never been anyone’s wife before. And Thor isn’t just anyone. He’s Thor, God of Thunder, Avenger and King of Asgard.

How are you supposed to live up to all of that? You aren’t just becoming Thor’s wife, you are becoming Queen of Asgard. In Thor’s absence, you are going to be responsible for these people.

Your stomach churns as your nerves get more intense. You’ve already changed into your wedding ceremony dress and it is absolutely the most beautiful dress you’ve ever seen. Long white silk chiffon makes the dress flowy and light. Over that and embroidered into the lace bodice is an endless array of flowers, vines, and the occasional crystal to make the whole thing shine on a thin, sheer organza netting which drapes over your shoulders like a delicate cape.

Just as your stomach threatens to make you puke, a knock on your door startles you. “Who is it?”

“It’s Nat.”

“Oh!” They were finally back! “Come in!”

“I have Shuri with me.” The door opens anyway.

“That’s okay. Come in.” You press your hands gently against your stomach and sigh lightly to calm your nerves.

Natasha comes in wearing a bright red dress, form fitting, with a beige belt around the waist. Her hair is neatly styled but nothing fancy. She always looks beautiful. Her eyes brighten as she spots you. “Oh, my God, Y/N, you look beautiful.”

Behind her, Shuri walks in wearing a form fitting three quarter length black dress with golden straps. Around her neck she still wears those colorful beads with the three vibranium claws at the end. There’s a strange sheen to her dress however. When she moves in and out of the light the dress seems to shimmer a bright orange, blue, green, and purple. The way the colors mix with each other reminds you of a parrot you’d once seen at a zoo in Spain with Thor.

“Look at you two.” You counter, close to tears suddenly. As your eyes water Nat hurries forward and gently wafts air into your eyes.

“Oh, no, none of that! You’ll ruin your makeup.” She laughs, amused at your emotional state.

“I’m sorry!” You stomp your foot lightly and dab the corners of your eyes. “I think it’s mostly hormones making me emotional.”

Nat laughs at you again and Shuri moves around towards your left.

“I have a gift for you.” The way her R’s roll and the strange smooth transitions from word to word of her accent makes you smile.

“You shouldn’t have!”

“Yes, I should. I have never met anyone so prone to getting themselves into danger.” Shuri smirks at you as you pout at her sass. Nat chuckles.

Shuri stands right in front of you and holds up a shiny golden necklace. The chain is slightly dainty enough to look nice on you but from it dangles a thick solid round pendant about the size of a nickel.

“This will protect you and your little one. It will adjust in size when you start to show. I think your skin tone would have been better complimented with silver but as you are to be Queen of Asgard, I think traditional gold is better. All you have to do is summon the armor with your mind.” Shuri explains all this as she leans over and carefully clasps the necklace then lets it fall against your collarbone.

“Summon it with my mind?” You ask for clarity. Mind stuff was something you were familiar with.

“Yes. Go on, try it.”

It’s easy for you. As soon as you picture the armor on you the chain suddenly thickens into a choker that then flows down along the sides of your neck, over your shoulders, down your back and stops at the base of your hips. At the front is a large cut out V leaving your collarbone and chest slightly exposed.

“Beautiful. It works. I wasn’t sure how it would fit since all I had to go on was what I remembered your size being last time. And you can wear this with your other suit so that opening will not leave you so exposed.”

You look down at the beautiful golden armor and feel your eyes start to burn again. “It’s amazing, Shuri, thank you so much.”

You give her a hug and she returns it gently.

As you pull away, the armor begins to retract back into its necklace form.

“You know, I knew that you and Thor were end game. He just needed to get his head out of his ass.”

“End game? I guess we are end game.”

“When he told me that his former fiancé needed my help I couldn’t understand how it was possible that he meant former. He nearly threw me over his shoulder and kidnapped me to get me over here. I’m so glad that the two of you patched things up.”

“We all are.” Nat agrees. “All the angst was getting out of hand.”

You smile for Shuri’s shared story and pout as Nat expresses the apparent state of annoyance everyone had been in while you and Thor weren’t together.

“You two better make this stick because I’m not gonna put up with anymore pining.” Nat points her finger at you and shakes it once.

You raise your hands up in the air in surrender. The three of you laugh and you suddenly begin to feel sick again.

“Hey, you okay?” Nat asks reaching out and placing her hand on your right shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m just…morning sickness doesn’t really mean morning sickness, it seems. I’ve been feeling I’ll at all times of the day. It’s never the same.” You frown.

Shuri nods. “That is normal. You’ll probably have it for another month or so.”

You groan.

“Y/N? Can you lift up your dress? Just a bit so that I can see your shoes?” Shuri suddenly asks, she points down to where your feet are hidden underneath the fancy skirt.

You frown but lift the dress up enough so that she can see the amazingly simple and worn white flats.

Slowly Shuri looks up at you and sighs. “Are you going to make me say it?”

You frown and carefully step out of them. “They were all I had.”

“Luckily for you, I came prepared. Here, try these.” Shuri places two white soles on the floor. You hesitate but then carefully step onto them.

You reach for Nat as the shoes suddenly lift you four inches off the ground, building wedges beneath your feet, a rounded, curved toe, and a single strap around the ankle to hold it in place.

“Much better. And they will match your other dress as well. When you’re ready to take these off, tap the back of the strap four times and they will retract.”

“They’re so comfortable! Can I get these in all colors?”

A knock on your door prevents Shuri from answering. “Who is it?”

The door opens and in walks Pepper wearing a navy-blue pencil skirt and jacket. “You ready?”

She shuts the door and you’re suddenly nervous again. Your stomach flips over and over as you realize that in a few minutes you’re going to marry Thor. You bite your lip and sigh trying to calm yourself. You look at Nat who smiles nervously and excitedly at you. Shuri who is still smirking, and finally you look at Pepper who stands looking so peacefully happy that you suddenly realize this wedding means something to all of them.

It’s not just a wedding. It’s a new beginning. The first real reason to be happy after all the tragedy of the end of the world. As you realize this, you feel your sorrow build up suddenly and you can’t help but wish your family was here. You reach up and quickly dry your watery eyes.

“I’m ready.” You assure Pepper.

“Well, come on then. We’ve got a very nervous groom waiting in the clearing.” Pepper waves one hand towards the door.

You move out into the hallway where you find Tony waiting, wearing a navy-blue suit to match Pepper’s dress, with a light blue undershirt. He looks very snazzy and that suit has to have cost him thousands of dollars. As he finally sets eyes on you, he looks as you suppose he must have looked before he lost Peter and Wanda and everyone else. There is no sadness in his eyes, just pure joy. He moves towards you and offers you his arm then slowly leads you and the other women into the elevator and onto the compound grounds.

Shuri and Nat quickly leave you all behind, hurrying to no doubt take their seats. The closer you get, Pepper also leaves you two so that she can make sure that the officiator is also ready to go once you arrive.

Now that the two of you are alone Tony clears his throat. “Nervous?”

“Yes. And so…ready.” You look at him as you walk and try hard not to walk on your dress. “I think I’ve been waiting to marry Thor since I first met him. I’m ready to begin the rest of my life.”

“You should have seen Thor’s face when I told him what you were planning. At first, I thought he was going to pass out, he was so shocked. But then he wouldn’t stop smiling. I couldn’t get him to wear his jacket. Said it was too constricting.”

You laugh because that sounds like him.

“I had my doubts about you two. You struggled so much to come together but when you finally did, when I saw the two of you together again, it seemed righter than anything I’ve ever seen before. You’re going to have to be very strong. You’re not choosing an easy life, Y/N. But I believe the two of you can do it together. And I told him that if he hurt you again I’d find a way to kill a God.”

You laugh again, at a loss for any words. You can’t seem to find your voice as the two of you finally approach the opening in the trees that leads into the clearing that you’d inadvertently created when you beat up Hulk. Tony stops just before you break the circle, knowing that you need to catch your breath. You breathe deep, your soft white-pink hair blowing in the gentle warm breeze of the coming evening. You can hear Bruce and Nat laughing, Rhodey and Shuri talking with Wong. Rocket’s voice is mixed in with Steve’s and Sharon’s.

“Ready?” Tony asks, giving your arm a gentle squeeze.

You look at him and smile, your stomach in utter flutters as your heart pounds against your chest. You nod, and he finally pulls you into the circle clearing.

It’s beautiful. There are two long wooden picnic tables, on top of which are fancy plates and wine and champagne glasses, empty for the moment but ready to be served. There are small floral centerpieces that match your bouquet, white hydrangeas arranged with peach carnations and baby’s breath. Overhead there are white lanterns, ready to be lit. Around the perimeter along the tree line are more white lanterns spread out with more flowers around the base of the trees. It’s simple, just as you asked, but elegant and stunning. All of this your eyes devour in less than a second because that’s all the time you give the decorations as your eyes search for the object of your affections.

You spot him, standing beside the officiator, an older gentleman probably in his sixties.

You smile as your eyes find his own electric blues and a shockwave of electricity passes between the two of you. You can’t even begin to describe the pure bliss you see in his face which he no doubt, sees reflected at him in yours. As you smile, Thor smiles too and all the times you’ve ever doubted if he loves you are wiped from memory because there is no way that he could look at you the way he’s looking at you now and not love you. As you get closer, you finally let yourself take in the rest of him.

He’s massive, as always, and you laugh when you see that Tony was right, Thor wasn’t wearing the jacket for his suit. The white dress shirt he wore was rolled up, his large forearms left exposed and folded just underneath the elbows. The top button of his shirt was left undone, his silk vest fit him so nicely that you were made breathless by the sight of him in his black vest and trousers.

As you finally reach him, it takes all of your self-control to keep from jumping him right then and there. All you want to do is wrap your arms around him. As Tony pulls you to a stop, you finally tear your eyes away from Thor and look at your surrogate father. He smiles at you, his eyes rimmed red as they water. You quickly lean in and give him a tight hug.

“Thank you.” You try to keep from crying, but your eyes are watery when you pull back. Tony gently pulls your head closer and plants a soft kiss on your forehead. You shut your eyes, wishing you could cry freely, you’re so happy. He pulls back and takes your hand and very deliberately places it in Thor’s.

Thor takes it, watching you until Tony lets go. He looks at Tony and gives him a nod, which Tony returns before he moves to stand beside Pepper.

Now that you’re holding Thor’s hand, you can’t seem to make any sense of what’s happening. You’re aware of the officiator talking. Thor’s eyes are glued on yours and your heart swells over and over again as you cherish every bit of agony you might have felt waiting for this angel to come into your life. To complete it. To give you purpose and a chance to make a true difference.

“Y/N…” Thor begins, and you suddenly realize that you’ve reached your vows. You take a shaky breath, preparing yourself. “There are so many things I want to say to you, but I don’t know if I can find the words to describe the way you have changed my life. For over a millennium I have wandered the cosmos getting by on my thirst for war, for vengeance, and for strength. I cared about my family and about my friends and when they were taken from me there was only one thing that kept me from falling over the edge into madness. My love for you is a strength of the likes I have ever known. When I think that I can no longer live another day, when I am at my darkest and my mind urges me to give up and give in, the thought of you has always pulled me back. I know that over the years I have hurt you. I’ve disappointed you. I am a shamble of a man, broken, weak, and I was incomplete until I met you. Though I loved you from the moment I saw you, it was your courage to tell me how you felt that first opened my eyes to the possibilities of a life beyond battle. I can never thank you enough for being my savior but if you will accept me as I am, in need of a little repair, I promise to love you until the day I die.”

You’re a puddle. You’re crying, your makeup be damned. As your heart aches with desire and pure love, you lick your lips and take a deep breath to recover.

“Thor,” You smile because you can’t believe that this man is actually marrying you. “I have never felt worthy of much. As a child I felt inadequate, average, and ugly. Out of place and lost. As a teenager, I was overlooked, misunderstood, and replaceable. As an adult woman, the day I met you I knew that my life would never be the same. I wanted you but I was a nobody. And yet, somehow, you made me feel like I was worth paying attention to. You made me feel worthy of being seen. Equal to that of any other woman on the planet. Which for someone like me, is not an easy feat. I have tried from the very beginning to be worthy of you. Every morning I wake up and I watch you sleep for a few minutes, asking the Gods how it was that I was lucky enough to catch your eye. You’ve given me so many gifts over the years, but the best ones are the ones you’ve given me most recently. Your love, our baby, and a purpose. I will never stop trying to be worthy of you, Thor. You are my love, my destiny, and I am grateful for any time that I get with you. I promise to try and not be so jealous. Especially now that I can break your arms.”

Thor laughs, and you laugh with him because his laugh is so beautiful you feel like you might just die right there.

“I love you, more than you will ever know and if you let me, I would be so happy to spend the rest of my life showing you.”

Thor’s eyes are also wet with tears and as he reaches for your left hand he sniffles. He slips a thin, dainty Celtic knot wedding band onto your finger.

“You couldn’t even get through your vows without threatening me.” Thor says, his voice making your chest quiver.

You laugh, loudly, as do your friends and Thor. You take his hand and slide onto his finger a matching wedding band, slightly thicker and heavier than yours.

“You may kiss the bride.” The officiator says happily.

He doesn’t even finish saying it before Thor, still chuckling, is wrapping you up in his arms and crashing his lips against yours eagerly. You laugh as he kisses you, his enthusiasm almost overwhelming. He pulls back to stare into your eyes.

“I love you.” He whispers.

“I love _you._ ” You reply.

He leans down again and plants several quick pecks on your lips, making you laugh once more as your friends, your family, clap and cheer.


	34. Thor, Vex, and the New Beginning Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to dance and cement your union!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are several gifs included for the dance sequence. I'm hoping that I wrote them in a way that is understandable but if they aren't, then enjoy the gifs.

xoxo

* * *

You’re married? You’re married. You’re married!

After immediate congratulations from everyone, Pepper steers you back towards the compound for your outfit change, leaving Tony and Bruce to supervise the speakers and audio system setup.

You have to admit that you like your second, shorter dress more than the first. It matches your lingerie for one. And second, it let’s you move more freely.

Pepper does up the long row of button on the back that lead into the high neckline. She carefully spreads the skirt, making sure that the longer back is pulled out fully.

“You look so beautiful.” Pepper gushes. “Do you like it? Tony thought this one fit your true personality a little better than the first one. “

You smile, nod, and look yourself over in the mirror. “He was right.”

As you return to the clearing with Pepper in tow, the two of you giggling excitedly you begin to slow as you approach the tree line of your clearing. You can hear soft piano music playing.

Pepper nods. Urging you forward.

You walk back into the clearing and Thor, having been talking to Steve, watches as his friend’s jaw falls slack. Steve seems to realize he’s staring at you because he clears his throat and moves to stand with Sharon where she’s happily chatting with Nat.

Thor turns around to see what could possibly make Steve retreat so quickly and his own mouth opens in awe as he takes you in head-to-toe.

“Wow.” He whispers.

You chuckle and move towards him. He meets you halfway and as the light and happy piano version of ‘Your Song’ comes over the speakers, he sweeps you into his arms and into your first dance as husband and wife.

Your friends clap.

You don’t hear them. They and everything around you that isn’t Thor seems to fall away. Your husband is smiling down at you. Your husband is chuckling. Your husband is spinning you in circles, his hand tight around your waist as he giggles with you, just as giddy as you are.

As the piano slows down, Thor lapses into a slower sway and leans down to press his lips against yours. He pulls back but gives you several more pecks as the song comes to an end.

As another peaceful song begins a tap on your shoulder pulls you out of your bliss.

“May I?” Tony stands, his hand held out towards you.

You look at Thor who is still smiling and nods. You take Tony’s hand and he leads you into a slow sway.

“I gotta say, out of everything that I’ve come across since all of this craziness started you and Thor are the most surprising.” He cocks his head to the left quickly.

“Why’s that?” You wonder.

“I guess I never saw Thor as the marrying type. He was always so fixated on the next challenge, the next battle. Even with Jane. We could tell he loved her but he wasn’t committed to her. Not the way he’s committed to you.”

You nod, understanding what he means. “I think the end changed everything for him. If the world hadn’t ended, we may not be here.”

You realize this as you think about the watch Wade gave you.

“Maybe. No parents. No brother. No people. His obligations were down to zero. So, possible. I can see how you’d think that.”

You lapse into silence, sighing as you consider what travelling through time might do to your current happiness.

“But I think it’s you. You’ve changed him. Not drastically. You can’t really ever change anybody. Not truly. But you’ve shifted him. His core. He’s still Thor, just maybe a little more focused.” Tony looks at you with a smile and you return it.

He most definitely was still Thor. Tony was right, he’d shifted. Just slightly. His priorities less about the universe and a little more about this little family you and he have created.

Another tap on your shoulder draws your attention to Steve. “Mind if I cut in?”

Tony shakes his head and offers Steve your hand. He takes it.

“I don’t, but the groom might.” Tony looks pointedly behind the two of you as Steve takes you in his arms.

Thor, who is dancing Natasha around the floor, watches the two of you with a furrowed brow.

You smile and give Steve your undivided attention.

“I guess I should congratulate you?”

“Yes, you should.” You reply with a smirk.

He gives you that half-smile but for once your heart is so gleefully happy that you don’t swoon.

“Congratulations, Your Majesty.” He teases.

“Oh, God, that’s terrifying.” You admit with a grimace.

Steve laughs and as he watches you lapse into a comfortable smile, he sighs lightly.

“You know, I’m still a little sorry I let you go but,” He pauses and glances back at Thor who is stealing glances at the two of you between spins with Pepper now. “Seeing you so happy, I can understand how this was how it had to be.”

“Yeah.” You agree. “And you and Sharon? You never looked at me that way.”

You deliberately make yourself sound jealous and it makes Steve nervous.

“Oh, uh, I guess I just, um-“

“Relax, Steve, I’m kidding.” You chuckle.

Steve does to. “Right. Of course.”

Sharon stands up from her seat at the table and looks over at the two of you.

“I think you’re wanted.” You whisper.

Steve turns to look at Sharon and nods. “She’s amazing, isn’t she?”

“Yeah.”

Steve pulls you to a stop and then leans down to plant a soft kiss on your cheek.

“Thanks for the dance, it’s been one hell of a ride.”

“Yeah. You too.” You let him go and watch him wander over to Sharon.

You look for Thor who is dancing with Shuri and you can’t help but laugh. She’s so little next to him.

He turns and smirks at you, shrugging. You huff a laugh.

With all partners taken up and a sudden need for solitude you wander into the darkness of the trees. The music shifts to something more upbeat but you can hear the lake nearby.

You walk to the edge of the water and wrap your arms around yourself as your mind wanders.

Behind you, everyone is laughing. Their happy voices make you smile. You turn around to look back at them and sigh lightly as you wonder if your family would have gotten along with them.

You watch Tony and Pepper begin to dance and shortly after Nat pulls Bruce up from his seat at the table and though he protests, he wraps his arms around her all the same.

Steve sits resting, having danced with you and spun Sharon around the dance floor, his recovering body must be demanding he relax.

You’re so unbelievably happy and like always, when you’re happiest, the darkness creeps up on you.

You turn back to the inky water and watch the distant light of the lanterns reflect up at you.

You wish so much that your parents were here and the rest of your family too. Your friends, the ones not currently trying to kill you, you wish they were here too.

Your heart aches painfully, ripping at scars not fully healed as you think about how Thor is also alone. He must wish that his mother and father were here too. You wish you could give him that.

You reach down and rub your tummy. You’d never met Heimdall, Thor’s best friend or had the opportunity to meet Loki. Would he have liked you?

You don’t realize you’re crying until a heavy tear falls on your wrist. You shut your eyes and try to move past this.

Suddenly, warm arms are wrapping around you from behind. Large hands slide slowly along your bare arms until they reach your hands and intertwine their fingers with yours.

You sigh heavily and let your head fall back against Thor’s chest. He leans down and kisses the top of your head, letting it linger for several seconds.

“What is it, my blossom?”

You shake your head and try to keep from crying but your tears fall again.

“Y/N?” He seems to realize you’re upset and he leans over to try and look at your face.

“I-” You stop because your voice is broken. You sniffle, swallow, and try again. “I just wish they were here. My family. Yours. I never got to meet Loki and I know how important he was to you. I wish he could be here, for you.”

“Oh, my love.” Thor’s arms tighten around you and you cry more. Everyone is so happy and here you are, crying in the dark. You hope that they don’t notice. “My brother would have loved you. Perhaps not at first. But with your strong will and the ability to break the arms of Gods with minimal effort, he would no doubt have respected you.”

You smile and after a second, laugh once.

Thor’s smiling when he speaks again, you can hear it in his voice. “I also wish he was here. And my mother most of all. I wish she could have met you…and our little one.”

Thor rubs your non-existent baby bump and leans down to kiss your cheek. He whispers so that only you can hear him.

“Heimdall knew you. Or at least, he watched over you. He gave me a lot of grief over you. He teased me. Knowing my heart before I did. He knew I liked you though he never came right out and told me.”

“Punk.” You grumble. You might have had Thor a lot sooner had Heimdall said something.

“Yes. I should have had him hung for treason.” A clear joke.

“We will honor our fallen comrades by living every day to its fullest. We will create a new family, strong, and with you at its helm, full of love and honor there is no doubt in my mind that it will be as strong, if not stronger than the one we lost.” He’s silent for a moment before he pulls back a bit. “Shall we make a toast in their honor?”

You nod. Thor turns you around and carefully wipes your cheeks with his thumbs. You let him clean you up and when he deems you done, he holds your face in his two large hands and leans down to press a kiss to your lips.

You grab his forearm as you return it and when he pulls away he takes your hand in his and leads you back underneath the soft glowing lantern light where your friends are enjoying your wedding reception.

As the two of you approach, Pepper and Tony slow their dancing and Pepper’s face gives her away. She knows you’ve been crying. Like her, Natasha looks concerned. Before either of them can ask you what’s wrong, Thor clears his throat and moves over to the table to grab you a champagne glass full of sparkling white grape juice. He hands it to you and you take it with a smile.

He then moves to pass out champagne glasses to everyone. As he does a rustling reaches your ears. You turn to look into the darkness past the lit perimeter of the clearing and really have to focus to see in the dark. Maybe the baby was going to sap all your powers away?

A figure suddenly breaks through the wall of trees. It’s Scott, wearing a pair of tan trousers and a nice steel blue button up with a red tie. He smooths the tie as he walks and smiles a toothy grin when he spots you.

When he reaches you he opens his arms.

“Can I hug the bride?” He asks, friendly and gentle.

“No.“ Thor says from the other side of the two picnic tables. He’s only half serious.

You turn an amused frown on Thor before looking back at Scott.

“Of course! I’m glad you made it.”

Scott hugs you quickly, eyeing Thor as he pulls away.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. I got caught up in some work.”

The way he says the word _work_ makes it sound like code for something and Tony, holding his glass of champagne loosely, moves a step towards him.

“Oh?” He asks, eager. You can see him mentally salivating.

“Hey,” You chastise, drawing both of their eyes with your tone. “No business tonight.”

You let your gaze stay on Tony as you frown at him with disappointment.

“You’re right.” He suddenly says. “Sorry.”

As he backs up towards Pepper he turns towards her, probably making a face where you can’t see!

“My bad.” Scott mutters. His eyes scan the guests and brighten when he see Rocket sitting by Steve, both of them holding their champagne on the table. “Hey! Captain America’s here. ‘Scuse me, Y/N.”

As he passes Thor on his way to sit with Steve, Rocket, and Sharon, Scott takes the full champagne glass that Thor offers him as Thor moves back towards you.

When he reaches you, he wraps an arm around your waist, kisses the top right side of your head, and lingers there as Rhodey also comes back into view from the darkness of the trees.

“Man, I forgot how much alcohol you have.” He’s holding a bottle of champagne and another bottle of wine.

“That’s a forty thousand dollar bottle of Dom!” Tony protests.

Rhodey halts by the edge of the tables and holds up the champagne. He gives it a glance as everyone watches in silence. He looks back at Tony, at you, then gestures towards you with the bottle.

“Isn’t Y/N worth a bottle of Dom?”

Tony looks at you and after a slow consideration he gives in, resting his forehead against Pepper’s shoulder.

Thor waits for Rhodey to grab a glass and then holds it out in front of him.

“Y/N and I were talking only moments ago and both of us realized that when the world as we know it ended we both lost everything. Everything that tied us to our past selves was lost and from that loss we found each other. Which led us to you.

“We have, some of us, had our differences.”

Steve and Tony exchange a brief glance.

“But at the end of the day we, the Avengers, are family. Though we may bicker like children or an old married couple. Yes, I’m talking about you and Bruce, Stark.”

“Hey!” They both say in unison.

Everyone smiles.

“We have truly bonded and I am proud to call you my family. I promised my blossom that we would honor our lost, for they may not be here with us today, they remain forever a part of us, having shaped and changed us. To Heimdall, Loki, and all my fellow kinsmen, lost on our way here.”

You’re struggling to keep your composure but Thor tightens his arm around your shoulders, giving you strength. He looks down at you. Your turn.

“To my family and friends. My parents. And all the friends I never got to meet.” You sigh, your breath shaking.

You look at Scott who licks his lips. “To Hank, Janet, my Hope and…and…” But Scott can’t finish. His eyes glisten and he shakes his head once.

Beside him, Shuri stares at the ground. “For my fellow Wakandans, my friends, and for my brother.”

Sharon is so upset she can’t speak.

Nat holds up her drink. “To Nick and Maria.”

She looks at Steve and he slowly gets to his feet.

“To Bucky, Sam, Wanda, and Vision.” He holds up his glass, his face severe.

“Rabbit?” Thor urges Rocket.

“To the Guardians…to Groot…” He says the second one weakly, as if he’s suddenly so very tired.

Your lip quivers as you realize that next to you and Thor, Rocket has lost almost everyone too.

Lastly, Tony takes tilts his head to the left, fighting the pain as it rushes up on him. He swallows hard and holds up his glass.

“For Strange. And for-“ He sighs, his eyes suddenly red rimmed and wet. “For Peter.” His voice shakes on Peter’s name.

Pepper is already there, comforting the Iron Man.

Thor’s expression is serious, sad, as he holds his glass a little higher. “To those we lost.”

Everyone echoes him, “To those we lost.” And everyone drinks.

For several minutes there is nothing but silence.

The atmosphere somber and a little depressing you suddenly feel bad that Thor felt he needed to honor your lost family and friends with a toast.

Almost as if on cue Tony clears his throat. “Well that was depressing.”

“Just a bit.” Shuri says, still a little shaken from toasting to her brother.

From the speakers suddenly comes an attention grabbing, “Bust it!” followed by a catchy guitar riff and then a foot tapping beat.

“Alright.” Rhodey suddenly says, fed up with the lack of dancing. He does a literal slide towards you, shifting into dance with a single move, and holds his hand out to you. “Let’s get back to the party part of this party.”

You can’t help but smile as the music starts to seep into your limbs. You take his hand and Rhodey spins you down underneath his arm over and over then brings you in and spins you back out. He moves towards you, nodding his head and moving his hips to the beat of the music.

You laugh as you also let your own body respond to the music, bobbing your head and shifting your weight from left to right as you alternate rolling your shoulders back.

“Okay!” Scott exclaims and pulls Nat up onto her feet. He moves animatedly, a tooth baring grin stretching his lips. Nat moves with him towards you, smirking as they reach you and she takes your hand to spin you under her arm then lets go as you begin to sway your hips in time with the music.

“Hey!” Bruce complains as Nat is taken away from him. He quickly gets to his feet and joins the group, Nat shifts to face him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders loosely as he places his hands on her hips and sways left to right.

You feel a tap on your shoulder and turn, laugh once as Steve rolls his shoulders back and steps back to his left, then steps again with the same foot, rolling his body slightly. He shifts to the right, stepping back, lifting and dropping the same foot again with the same small body roll.

You tilt your head to the right. Then the left. Smoothly snaking side to side, your hands held out at your sides as you move with the beat.

Sharon meanders her way over, shyly moving to the beat. You nod towards her pointedly and Steve looks to see what you’re gesturing to. When he sees her, his eyes light up and he snaps his fingers to the beat and moves towards her. Her smile is stunning and though it could have been very weird, you’re glad she came.

You turn back to Rhodey who has now taken to dancing with Tony and Shuri, Pepper having wandered over to Nat and Bruce.

Still swaying to the music, you notice the way Shuri is nodding pointedly at you her eyes on a spot over your head. You follow her gaze over your head and turn around only to find Thor moving towards you taking his steps to the beat of the music. His large arms bent at the elbows, his hands in loose fists as he pumps quickly in time with the music in front of his chest.

You’ve never danced with Thor. Well, not hip-hop. Slow dances mostly. You’re impressed with the ability he has to move along with the music. It’s slightly sloppy but fluid and he bites his lip as he moves towards you, doing his best to give you _the look_. You place your hand on your chest, so excited and happy that you’re sure you’re going to burst.

You move towards him, rolling your arms in circles at your sides as if you were spinning wheels, stepping out towards the left and then right every other step.

As you reach him, Thor shifts into the cabbage patch.

You scream! The music is so loud it doesn’t matter that you’re overwhelmed with glee. You laugh as he does it very well.

“Yeah!” Shuri exclaims. You glance back at her and see her nodding in approval at Thor’s success. You know that she must have shown him these new moves because when would Thor have the time to research 80s dance moves?

You turn back to him as he finishes his cabbage patch. He’s smiling down at you, that large dorky grin as he abandons the learned moves to sway his hips from side to side with the music. He puts his hands on your hips but you quickly escape his grip as you place your right hand on his stomach and slowly walk around him, your hand sliding along his torso.

You admire the way his form moves, dressed so deliciously in his half-tuxedo. You let your hand wander low, gently grazing the top of his bottom over his pants, as you round your way back to his front, under his left arm.

He catches you this time, holding you back against him as he continues to sway side to side. His hands grip your hips and he leads you along, matching your hips to his.

You look over at the tables and though he’s not dancing—too busy drinking—Rocket is gently tapping his foot, his hand keeping time on his knee with the music. He looks happy and content for the moment.

Your heart is soaring again as you watch your family have a blast with Thor swishing his hips behind you.

The night is late and the party has mostly died down. Steve and Sharon were the first to go. Steve was tired and you didn’t blame him for needing to get some rest. He’d hugged you, kissed your cheek, and shook Thor’s hands.

_“Congratulations, you two. Really. I can see how this was the way it had to be.” He smiles gently, his eyes bright with mischievous intent._

_Thor has his arm draped over your shoulders, pulling you close against his side. His hand gives your shoulder a squeeze as he smiles genuinely, pleased that everything is normal and easy with Steve._

_“But, Y/N,” Steve begins, glancing towards Sharon who stands waiting by the tree line. “Remember, if he hurts you or you change your mind, I’m_ always _ready to take you back.”_

_You smile, having seen that coming._

_“What?!” Thor demands, his smile gone as he looks with a worried brow from you to Steve and back._

_“Don’t hurt her again. I’ll be watching you, Odinson. Well, night.” Steve says, then walks off towards Sharon who waves at you one last time._

_You wave back and watch them disappear into the darkness._

_“What does he mean?_ Always _waiting? Watching me? I could never hurt you. Not again.” Thor protests._

_It makes you chuckle. You turn to face him, reach up and take hold of his collar, then pull him down to kiss his lips._

_He relaxes his expression, giving into the kiss. A few more seconds and he’s smiling again._

Scott had to leave and then Rocket drifted off towards the compound, drunk as a skunk…er…raccoon. Rhodey, Nat, and Bruce all left to run patrols only slightly impaired. They’d promised to get a cadet to drive them and come right back after an hour.

So at the end of the night, as the music turns slow and the volume is lowered, you stand behind Thor, your hands on his shoulders, rubbing gently. Across from you, Pepper sits resting her head on Tony’s shoulder who sits with his elbow on the table, his chin in his hand as he watches you and Thor.

“So, guess this means you’re moving out?” He sounds a little disappointed but he’s also a little drunk.

You lean forward a little to get a look at Thor’s face. He looks back and up at you, reaching up to take hold of your right hand with his. He holds it there on his shoulder, keeping it still, his thumb gently rubbing the back of it.

When he looks at Tony he’s smiling softly. “Actually, Y/N and I have discussed it and we’re both still Avengers. And we both feel like this is much more our home than New Asgard is. Naturally we will have to spend a lot of time in Norway however-“

“We have a duty to the people of Asgard, but our hearts are here. If you don’t mind, we’d like to continue to live here. Me more than Thor.”

“Though, where she goes I will go…” He pulls your hand forward and presses a kiss to your palm.

“Is that okay?” You look back at Tony, Thor also staring at him, exuding nervous energy, as if he really believes Tony would run the two of you off.

Pepper smiles and then twists her head so that she can look up at Tony. “I told you, you had nothing to worry about.”

Tony sighs but he’s smiling, and you smile back at him. “It’s really late. Let’s get you to bed, hun.”

He begins to get up and then helps Pepper up too.

“Oh, and Thor? If you wanna have a proper wedding _night_ I suggest you leave soon.” Tony and Pepper begin to walk off.

“Right.” Thor agrees. He too rises from his seat as you look at Tony’s retreating back.

“Leave? Leave for what?” You’re perplexed, and the way Thor is smiling tells you that you’re not the only one that planned surprises for today.

“Oh, and Thor?” Tony calls back, an echo of himself. “Please don’t destroy my tent.”

“No promises.” Thor smirks and holds out his hand. Stormbreaker flies out from the shadow of a tree, right into his hand. He wraps his arm around you. He’s so careful with you, holding you around your hips as opposed to your waist. “Hold on.”

Your hearing has been coming in and out since you got pregnant but at the moment it is hyper focused and you can hear Tony and Pepper as they walk back to the compound.

“We should really go consummate this marriage.” Tony says, the smirk in his voice so obvious Pepper laughs.

“This wasn’t our wedding. We aren’t the ones that got married.”

“Still, just to be on the safe side.”

Thor suddenly thrusts Stormbreaker up into the air and you have just enough time to grab hold of him before the two of you are airborne, Tony and Pepper’s playful conversation still echoing in your ears.

Having been flying around for almost a year now, you know that as Thor begins his descent that the two of you are somewhere in the tropics, the Caribbean being the most likely. Sure enough, as you reach fifty feet from the ground you hear the roar of the waves.

You twist your head around and get a quick look at the small island as you approach. It can’t be more than a mile long and half a mile wide and is comprised mostly of sand with a few dunes and a grouping of palm trees towards the center.

When the two of you finally land you feel soft sand beneath your feet. You look down at the shoes that Shuri gifted you and reach down to tap the back of the straps four times and just like that, they retract back into their soles and you quickly scoop them up. Thor takes them from you and shoves them into the pocket of his trousers.

“I had a great desire to bring you someplace special and Tony generously offered us his secret hideaway.” Thor caresses the side of your face and then gestures over towards his right.

You find it hard to tear your eyes away from the beautiful water that, lit by the moon, still manages to shine up at you in a transparent turquoise blue. You turn to look at where Thor is gesturing and feel your jaw drop. This, if anything ever was, is the definition of glamping. The tent is easily the size of your old apartment, beige in the light of the soft solar powered lights by the entrance. A wooden deck extends down from the entrance and stops just a few feet from you.

“Thor, it’s beautiful.” Two wooden chairs sit out by the entrance for stargazing and ocean watching.

Thor smiles and takes your hand. “Come on.”

He pulls you up to the narrow deck and then leads you up towards the entrance. He reaches for the zipper and slides it all the way up before holding the thick and heavy fabric aside for you so that you can walk in first. You move in and your jaw drops again. The interior is decorated in bronze and gold hues, white and purple silk sheets cover the bed in the distance. The tent is made up of two large rooms separated by a dark grey netting. In the first room is a small living area with two small sofas, a table for two, and a small kitchen with a narrow counter on which sits a tiny sink and a stainless-steel grill for cooking. Beside that is the half-fridge, probably full of healthy food.

The floors are covered in lush carpets, except for the kitchen area where the floor is made of bleached drift wood.

The second room is the bedroom. You move into it to take a closer look. To your left is a large copper tub, big enough to fit two. To the right is a dresser and a single chair over which are draped two thin grey robes, similar to the one you use back home but lighter for the hotter weather. The bed takes up almost the entire far wall, a sheer canopy creating a second cozy tent-like feel to the bed which you notice, is very subtly—not really—scattered with flower petals. They aren’t rose petals, which you like. And on every flat surface in the tent is at least one small bouquet of y/f/f.

You suddenly remember Thor asking you what your favorite flower was, all those years ago in Spain. You turn back to look at him and find him watching you with a peaceful smile stretching his lips.

“Do you like it?” He wonders, suddenly nervous.

“I love it. So much.” You cross the room to him and push yourself up onto your tip-toes, wrap your arms around his neck, and softly press your lips to his. His hands gently run along your back as he pulls you up towards him, returning your kiss eagerly. When the two of you finally pull apart, he stares into your eyes, unable or unwilling to look away.

“You looked so beautiful tonight.” He whispers. The huskiness of his deep timber sends chills up along your spine where they spread out along the rest of your body. “Especially when you were blubbering by the water.”

You groan and lean forward, hiding your face in his chest. He chuckles and rubs the back of your head, caressing it softly.

“I thought this day would never arrive. And here you are, my wife, standing before me. Mother of my child.”

You look up at him as your heart begins to pound. It finally happened! You and Thor are married. You are Queen of Asgard. You and Thor will forever be tied to one another through your little bean and the love you both share for each other. You wish so desperately that you could keep the dark thoughts at bay, especially when all you want to do is enjoy the moment. But as you look down at his chest, away from his happy face, you can’t keep the time travel watch from coming to mind.

Once more you push yourself up onto your tip-toes and wrap your arms slowly around his neck as he wraps his own around your waist, thinking you just want to embrace. But you’re holding on, yearning to keep him here in this tent, newly married with a baby on the way and your entire future ahead of you.

You know that it has to happen however, even if they can’t get the watch to be fixed, Tony, Steve, and Thor will not stop until they’ve found a way to fix what Thanos did. It means too much to them.

Suddenly, Thor reaches down and plucks you up into his arms bridal style, and carries you over the threshold into the bedroom.

He kisses you, sweetly. It’s different from all the other kisses he’s given you before but reminiscent of the kiss he gave you when you’d told him you were pregnant. It makes you both nervous and eager to match his energy and it’s so distracting that it successfully wipes the watch from your mind.

He pulls away and you lean towards him as he does, wanting more but he’s already putting you back on your feet. He smiles at you devilishly and moves to stand at the edge of the bed where he proceeds to spread his arms out before he lets himself fall back onto the plush soft mattress.

He knows very well what that kiss did to you and he’s purposefully drawing out the wait.

He sighs heavily then makes a big show of yawning, eyeing you out of the corner of his eye before he shuts both of them and folds his arms underneath his head.

“Long day.” He explains sleepily.

So that’s how he’s going to play it? “Yeah. Really long. I woke up at seven.”

As silently as you can—which honestly, you’re a ninja thanks to Steve’s training!—you move around to the right side of the bed and cautiously remove a pillow then soundlessly hurry back to your previous spot at the foot of the bed.

“That is very early. You must be exhausted.” He agrees.

“Mm-hmm. I think I’m too tired to do anything tonight. I’m just gonna change and go to sleep, since you’re also obviously too tired.”

“Yes. Good idea.” Thor affirms, his playful smile all too evident. “I am much too tired.”

“Shame. I bet a certain mutual friend we have, very similar to myself in the sense that he’s a super soldier would have been able to go the distance. Perhaps I’ll call him in the morning?”

You jump up onto the bed at the same time that Thor suddenly bolts up, looking for you where he left you with frenzied eyes but instead finds you standing right beside him on the bed, pillow at the ready.

The look of surprise on his face is priceless as you swing your pillow down and get him right in the face.

He falls back onto the bed with an ‘oof’. His hands reach back to grab their own pillow as you continue to whack him on the chest and stomach, and occasionally his head.

He swings his own pillow at you landing very soft and deliberate hits to your legs and arms. He’s so obviously avoiding hitting your stomach that you begin to feel bad for your ambush but then he begins to laugh.

Your heart swells and you giggle with him. You stop hitting him and he follows your lead, looking up at you as you giggle some more and bite down on your bottom lip.

You make as if you’re going to hit him again and he winces, shutting his fake eye as he stares up at you with a slight curve to his lips.

You laugh at his reaction. “Scared?”

“Have _you_ been hit by you?” He demands, chuckling as you pretend to swing again and he winces in response.

“Good point.” You giggle again, feeling giddy, like you can fly. You drop your arms, relaxing as you continue to look down at him.

Thor watches you relax, just as amused as you are. Slowly, as he stares up at your smiling face his own begins to shift. He blinks as his smile slowly fades only to be replaced by a look of intense scrutinization.

You’re breathing heavily from your pillow fight and feel suddenly self conscious because of the way he’s watching you, his eyes glued to yours. You shift nervously, still smiling.

“What?”

Suddenly, like a coiled snake, Thor lunges out towards you. You shout, surprised. He grabs you behind the knees and pulls your left leg over his and as you fall, you fall on his lap straddling his hips.

He’s sitting up, his hands slowly worming their way down your calves then back up, past your knees, and along your thighs where his hands make sure to grab onto their flesh firmly.

You smile, pleasantly surprised by the sudden shift, and place your hands on his shoulders.

He smiles at you, more of a smirk really, then leans forward to just give you the taste of a kiss. His tongue grazes your bottom lip but he pulls back again, like before, and leaves you wanting more.

“I meant what I said, blossom. I will love you, prove it to you until the day that I die. I will never cease worshiping you. You are my greatest victory. My queen.” His voice is heavy with desire and tenderness, his hands winding their way up onto your hips over your dress.

“I’m surprised you didn’t say that you conquered me, my king.” Just saying that aloud drives you bananas. If you weren’t so invested in the conversation you’d tear his clothes off and jump him this instant.

“I think we both know that if anyone has done any conquering in this relationship, it is you who snuck up on me in Sokovia. You changed my life even before I knew you’d changed it.” He smiles softly, giving your hips a tantalizing squeeze, pulling you against him.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly expecting you either.” You admit, amused but distracted with what is waiting between your legs.

“No, I suppose you weren’t. But I’ll always be grateful that you were there and invited me into your home. That your nursed me and I will never forget the way I could not get these eyes out of my head.”

He reaches up and gently caresses the outer corners of your eyes.

Your stomach is in flutters but only because you remember the way you gawked at him from across your apartment, stared at his large, dirty arms and wished you could be wrapped in them.

You reach down and take hold of his wrists and wrap his arms around you more tightly.

He takes the opportunity and shimmies his way to the edge of the bed then gets up on his feet. He takes you by the hips again and gently puts you down.

Your disappointment of being stripped off of him is quickly vanquished by the fact that he moves around behind you and literally starts to strip you.

You stand still, letting him do what he wants.

He slowly undoes the buttons on the back, kissing your skin as he exposes more and more of it. When he finishes with the buttons, he pulls the high-necked dress down over your shoulders and kisses each one before he moves to stand before you again and finishes sliding the dress down onto the floor. He kneels in front of you, unbuttoning his vest before tossing it aside, shortly followed by his shirt.

You press your hands gently against the middle of your chest as you ogle his sculpted form, perfect and tanned and so tempting you almost give in to your impulse to touch him.

He must see it in your eyes because he keeps eye contact with you as he grabs your ankles and slowly slides his hands up along your calves, knees, and thighs again. He leans in, kissing the wiggly flesh of your left thigh, then your right. Hooking his pinkies into the hem of your lacy off-white lingerie—Pepper had insisted you do the honeymoon right—he slides them down and lets them fall around your ankles.

He rubs your thighs in large circles as he holds your gaze then deftly slides them up along your hips and around to your bum. He gives each cheek a squeeze before he leans forward and kisses the top of your pelvis. Slowly he works his way down until finally, leaving you with bated breath, he disappears between your legs.

He pushes you in with his hands and at first kisses you. You moan, your hands coming down to grip the hair on his head as you’re overcome with sensual pleasure.

He glances up at your face, and your expression must be something to see because he finally begins to lap you up.

He licks you slowly, concentrating on your sweet spot, probably because you tremble with every other lick.

As your body is suddenly rocked by a surge of ecstasy, Thor pulls back and kisses your thighs again. His hands splayed on your hips, he let’s them wander along your heated skin.

As they wander, he slowly begins to get up. His lips move with him and he kisses whatever part of your body he can get close to. Your hip, your waist, your tummy, the spot just beneath your left breast.

His hands wander up to your bra and he’s so excited he simply breaks the clasp. You gasp, excited by his enthusiasm, your own hands trying to touch as much of him as possible. He stands up straight and slowly slides your bra down over your arms as your hands make quick work of his trousers.

He steps out of them and slowly pushes you towards the bed. Your legs hit the edge and you fall back, seated.

Thor moves to push you back, to lay you down, but before he can you take hold of him in your hand and gently begin to stroke him.

He sighs, hesitating at the pleasure of your movement. He so very clearly wants to simply worship you, as he had said before, but you are making it hard for him.

He shuts his eyes, almost giving in but then a resolve overcomes his expression, his eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed. He reaches for your shoulder again to push you down onto the bed but before he can you quickly lean forward and take him in your mouth.

He clenches his fist in midair by your head, the hard muscles of his thighs tighten in response to your tongue wrapping gently along his underside.

Your hands move around his hips to gently stoke at his bottom, pulling him more deeply into your mouth. When you can’t fit anymore you pull back, sucking gently, watching with wide eyes as he stares down at you. His hand finds the side of your face and he gives in, letting you please him.

You work him for a few more minutes before an intense concentration twists his features into an intense grimace. He licks his lips and pulls away from you.

You drop him, gasping in some air as he leans down and finally pulls you up onto the bed and lays you on your back. He kisses his way along your stomach making small zigzags with his tongue, sprouting goosebumps on your skin. He nuzzles your breasts for only a few seconds, his eagerness beginning to take precedence.

When he reaches your face, he pulls you into a lustful kiss. As he hooks his right hand underneath your left knee, spreading it wide as he settles himself between your legs, his kiss grows slower, more emotionally charged.

It turns into the same dizzying kiss that started this whole mess when he carried you in here.

He pulls back, stares into your eyes with deep and burning electric blue eyes.

“My queen.” He utters it as a prayer, still worshiping you it seems.

Before you can respond he’s inside you, slowly thrusting, and making your body quiver. The soft _slap, slap, slap,_ of his skin against yours intoxicates you. You wrap your arms around him and your hands become unintentional claws as you try and control how hard you rake your nails across the skin of his back.

He kisses you again, groaning against your lips as you release a stream of mm’s with every thrust he makes. His hands find the sides of your face where he strokes at your cheeks. He pulls back to stare into your eyes, passion flooding through them at you.

“I love you.” He says clearly. Then grunts as he picks up the speed a bit. He wraps both of his arms underneath your shoulders, curling his hands up and around the top of them for leverage as he pumps faster. He flattens his chest against yours, clearly enjoying the way your bare breasts feel pressed against his bare chest.

Your hands spring downward, gripping large handfuls of his butt to press him harder against you. He knows what you want and makes his movements tighter, grinding his pelvis against yours.

“Oh, Thor, yes…” You gasp.

He grunts in response and though you feel him shudder against you, his body emitting a literal burst of crackling electricity that engulfs both of your bodies, he keeps thrusting.

He unwraps his right arm and takes hold of your rear, pressing you harder against him.

It takes another minute of his frantic thrusting before your body hums and your legs suddenly shoot up to wrap around his hips to hold him in place. Your toes cramp as you curl them and let the ecstasy wash over you, slowly dissipating until all you’re both left with is a comforting numbness.


	35. Thor, Vex, and the Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone crashes your blissful honeymoon.

It’s not the roaring water or the sound of seagulls that wakes you. These sounds serve as the opposite, lulling you into a deeper sleep.

What wakes you, what first stirs your mind, is the lack of warmth around your body. The large arms that had been holding you all night are gone. You don’t feel the pleasant warmth of your husband’s body against your back.

The second thing that stirs your mind is that very thought. _Your husband._

You’re a married woman! And you have a husband. And that husband is Thor Odinson, King of Asgard, and God of Thunder.

Oh, shit! You’re the Queen of Asgard!

There’s the third thing that wakes you.

The final thing that wakes you is the intense demand for food from your stomach. Your hands drift down to rest over the bare skin as the sound of metal tinkling and the sound of a sizzling grill finally prompts you to open your eyes.

The sizzling suddenly stops and you hear plates clink against each other. You slowly push yourself up, not bothering to smooth your hair because, who are you kidding? Newlywed or not, Thor knows what you look like in the mornings.

In fact, he seems to get overly excited by it sometimes.

You hold the sheets up against your chest and tuck them under your arms to hold them up.

Thor suddenly moves towards you from the front room, two ceramic white plates balanced in one of his large hands, the other holding two glasses of orange juice.

You smile, amused as you watch him walk towards you, butt naked, a soft smile plastered on his face. He puts one foot on the corner of the bed and walks towards you hunched over so that he doesn’t hit his head on the low roof.

He sits himself down in front of you and places the plates aside before holding out a glass of juice for you. You take it and give it a look before you give him all of your attention.

“Good morning, wife.” He says with a proud smile and then grabs one of the plates and places it on your lap.

“Morning, husband.” Ooh, stomach flutters!

You look down at the plate and stare at what must be five or six good-sized sea bass grilled well with a sprinkle of lemon and mango. “Jeez, if people saw me eat, they’d think I’m eating for two.”

Thor smiles shaking his head, obviously thinking you’re silly. “You are.”

“Oh, no, not really. I lied. I just said that so you’d marry me. Now you’re trapped.”

Thor looks up and stares at you for a few seconds to see if you’re serious then relaxes into a grin. “Joke’s on you. I would have married you either way. Now, feed my child.”

You frown at him. He’s getting too good at telling when you’re playing. Damn.

“Spoilsport.” You pick up your fork but have no chance to take a bite because Thor’s face is suddenly inches from yours.

“Have I told you how beautiful you are in the morning?” He smiles that large dorky smile at you, his eyes crinkled at the corners as he waits for your response.

You relax, hunching your shoulders as you stare into his ocean blue eyes and try and keep as straight a face as you can.

“You mean do I know about the secret kink you have for my bad breath, unwashed face, and messy, un-brushed bed hair?” You tilt your head to the right, admiring the shift of his smile from dorky to sultry. How can he look so much like the puppy you love one minute and then completely transition into the God of Thunder the next?

It must be witchcraft.

Suddenly you realize the seriousness of that sultry look of his as he’s suddenly moving the plate from your lap. He shoves it to the far side of the bed, out of his way, then takes your glass of juice and places it on the floor as he begins to crawl over you.

You lean back, this massive man using the natural space he takes up to move you in the direction he wants. He uses his left hand to grip the sheet wrapped around your chest and pulls it away as you lay yourself back against your pillows.

“Shall I share something with you?” He asks, using his right knee under your left thigh to push it up so as to spread your legs. The way his muscles constrict and shift as he settles himself to your right, his large hand sliding sensuously along the side of your hip, is so erotic you feel your mouth salivate in anticipation.

“What?” You ask, nearly breathless.

“This secret kink of mine with your messy hair and unwashed face, this perfection before me?”

He’s so full of shit but you know better than to question him when it comes to his opinions on your beauty. “Yeah? What about it?”

He leans towards you, his lips hovering over your collarbone then slowly he drifts up along your throat where his lips finally come to rest over your ear. As he’s moving his lip upwards, you can feel his hand, the one on your hip, disappear between your legs.

He’s lying mostly on top of you, the hard muscles of his stomach pressed flush against yours. As his hot breath engulfs your ear sending shivers along your back, a soft and gentle prodding between your legs pulls your attention down towards his hand.

He’s moving himself against you, gently touching, the dome-like tip hot and demanding.

“It’s not really a secret.” He finally whispers.

“Oh, my God, Thor you’re such a tease.” You complain.

He smiles against your ear but he takes his right hand and gently runs it up along the bottom of your left thigh, spreading your legs further apart as he finally buries himself in you.

You shudder against him, your arms snaking their way up around his shoulders as he adjusts his weight to lay evenly above you, nudging your legs open wide as he shifts closer to you, burying himself deep.

He watches your face and gains pleasure from the look you must be giving. You bite your bottom lip and groan as he pulls back and pushes himself in to the hilt.

He finally leans over you, his hands gripping your bottom as he begins to pump himself in and out, his lips finding the skin of your neck to salaciously kiss.

You try to wrap your legs around his waist but he doesn’t let you and presses your knee down with one hand as he continues to move in and out.

Since he won’t let you grip with your legs you run your hands up along the hard hills of his arms. His muscles contract as he adjusts his position so that he’s lying completely flat against you.

He rubs his pelvis deliberately against your sweet spot with every thrust.

“Ah, Thor…” You moan, unable to hold yourself back. You’re trapped beneath him and as he slows his thrusts to grind against you, your toes curl as your body is rocked by ecstasy.

This time he can’t hold your legs down as the strength in them returns in your bliss. You wrap them around his waist pulling him harder against you as he continues to thrust for another minute as you quiver.

He pushes himself up so that he can pull you into a kiss and thrusts one final time as his body explodes in a small shock that sends static into the air.

He’s so conscious of your delicate condition that he throws himself to your right beside you, his arm winding around your waist so that he doesn’t crush your stomach.

The two of you lie there, breathing heavily. You stare up at the ceiling and Thor stares at the wall on your left.

You lick your lips after a few more minutes of silence and find your voice.

“You know what I just realized?” You ask.

“That I am a sex God?” He asks, he sounds serious but also like he’s joking.

You laugh because that shouldn’t even be a question. Of course he is!

“No, puppy, you-before I took the serum, when you and I slept together you never did that lightning thing when you finished.” You look at him and find him watching you with a soft smile.

“No, well, I couldn’t. To be honest, I never really let myself really be with you. I would have hurt you.” He reaches over and runs his hand lovingly across your cheek.

“So you’re saying you always held back? Did you never-?”

“Of course I did, but I was always more worried about hurting you than enjoying myself.” He thinks for a moment, narrowing his eyes. “Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t think that’s happened with anyone else. Or I think it might have once. But it was so long ago that I don’t even remember who it was with.”

“That’s lovely. My husband had over a millennia to cultivate his sex moves.” You realize he must have slept with so many women. Maybe not just women! Not that you mind but that’s another gender or species to compete with.

“Perhaps I have? From the way that your toes are still curled, I would say it has paid off.” He leans in towards your ear, using his arm to pull you close. “But no one has ever made me set fire to a pillow before.”

You chuckle at the way his breath tickles your ear and then turn to face him, pressing your lips against his. He returns your kiss, his eyes open as he watches your happy face.

“I’m so glad I married you.” You whisper.

“As am I.” Thor agrees and rubs your bare shoulder gently.

You move to lean in and kiss him again but the sound of your complaining stomach freezes you and Thor bolts up to grab your food again.

His focus is back on your pregnant belly, still not showing, but obviously in need of feeding.

You sit up and he places the plate of fish back on your lap.

“Eat. And then, I shall give you a bath.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you, smiling flirtatiously, and holds out your fork.

You spend the next few hours lounging around the tent with Thor. Rather than give you a bath he takes you outside and the two of you bathe naked in the sea.

It’s pleasant, the waves lapping against your naked bodies and the entire time, Thor holds you close. With brine coated skin, glistening in the sun, Thor eventually leads you back inside to feed you again.

Once you’re fed he finally gives you that bath. He fills the large copper tub you’d spotted on the way in and then lowers himself in. He coaxes you in and cuddles you between his legs, gently sponging your arms as the two of you soak in the pleasantly hot water.

Although everything that you’ve done today could have easily turned sexual, it doesn’t. Instead, Thor relishes in feeling you there beside him, making you smile, caressing your body in appreciation but never sexually.

You sit up between his legs and he sits up straighter so that he can rub your back with the sponge.

“Are you having a good honeymoon?” He asks. You can hear the curiosity but also the smugness in his voice.

He knows he did good planning this little trip.

“Yes.” You admit and smile widely.

Suddenly you turn yourself around to face him, the water in the tub sways with your movements. You take hold of his biceps and pull yourself closer to wrap your legs around his waist but still leave a bit of space between you.

He’s so beautiful. He smiles at you, his blue eyes crinkled at the corners, his arms reach down to hold your waist. The chiseled planes of his chest and stomach glisten in the water and you reach out, running your hands over them as he supports your back.

“Do you remember our first kiss?” You watch his face as he thinks for a moment, narrowing his eyes as he stares into yours.

“Well, there have been so many.” He reasons, and you feel your disappointment curve your lips downwards. “Here, perhaps I just need a reminder?”

He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to your lips then pulls back, grinning. He’s teasing you.

“Of course, I remember our first kiss, love. You were wearing that blue dress with the big slight on the front. I was able to see all the way up to your thigh when you walked.” His eyes suddenly tighten. “And I remember hating the man you were with because you wore it for him.”

He does remember! “Malcom?”

“Yes. Tried to shake my hand. I would’ve broken his hand if I’d gotten hold of it.”

“What? Why?” You ask confused.

“He was holding your hand! I had yet to hold your hand. And honestly, I did not realize that impulse existed within me until I saw his hand around yours. How dare he touch you?!”

You laugh, enjoying the new version of the night your whole world changed. “You weren’t jealous. How could you be? You didn’t even know you liked me until I told you I liked you.”

“I knew that I wanted you in my life. And I knew that when I saw you walking with him, hand-in-hand that my heart nearly broke. The pain of watching him kiss your cheek was nearly unbearable another thing I was not aware I wanted to do until I saw someone else do it. But you are right, I had not the words to explain why I was feeling that way until you told me you were falling in love with me.”

He reaches up pushes your wet hair away from your face.

“If I remember correctly, you were quiet for a long time after I told you.” You slide your hands up along his chest again, taking pleasure in the feel of his tanned skin and toned muscles.

“I was a little sad, if I’m honest. I still remember the turmoil I struggled through in those moments when you were confessing. I should have stayed away from you. I realized. Here you were living a normal and peaceful life, but I had forced my way in and turned your life upside down.”

The pain in Thor’s eyes is real and you can see why he hid his face from you that night.

“Oh, Thor…”

“But as soon as you told me that you were falling in love with me I knew that I’d loved you from almost the first moment we met.”

“What? That’s not possible, you were still with Jane. I could see the hearts pouring out of your eyes every time you talked about her.” Man, that had sucked.

“I did love Jane. Or rather I loved who she had been. I loved what we were together. I admired her fortitude and her determination and the focus she had for her profession. She was a scholar and an amazing woman.”

You sigh, married or not, hearing the admiration in Thor’s voice as he talks about Jane still sucks.

“But…” He adds, seeing the discomfort in your eyes and the way you remove your hands from his chest. “I continued to seek you out. I could not get you out of my head. You were in my every thought. I really didn’t think anything of it until I left for that year and came back, and you were so angry at me and told me to stay away from you.”

He narrows his eyes again, remembering some type of pain from back then.

“Well, I was doing well. I wasn’t pining after you all day long anymore and I was starting to get my life together again. I even had that date lined up. Then you show up at the park and talk to me like you never left.”

“I know,” Thor admits. “It was foolish of me to think I could just come back into your life. Truth was, I was facing the same problem with Jane. She was tired of me disappearing too. We had quarreled just before I came to find you and then _you_ sent me away and told me to stay away from you. I thought I must be having some sort of nightmare.”

“All I wanted to do was hear you and look at you and you ran away from me.” He sighs heavily, and you think back to that day in the park and how angry you were not only at him but yourself too. How could he have been gone for so long and as soon as he’s back it was like he never left?

“I already loved you, then.” You confess.

“Why did you not tell me?” Thor asks, pained. He takes your face between his hands and strokes your cheeks.

“You were still with Jane, dummy.”

“Oh, right.” He drops his hands. “We broke up that night. I went back to Japan when you sent me away and Jane and I ended our relationship after another quarrel. I was devastated. And my only thought after that was if I could not be with Jane then I would do everything in my power to get you to see how much I needed you as a friend.

“Of course, I didn’t know it then but now that I think back on that night I think I was waiting for Jane to let me go. It would free me so that I might pursue you openly. So engrossed in my relationship with Jane I did not see that what I really wanted was to be with you.”

You smile, hating him for not seeing it sooner but loving him for following his instincts so blindly.

“I was quiet the night you told me you were falling in love with me because I knew that I wanted you. I needed you in my life not as my friend but as the woman I loved. And I also knew that if I gave in that I would be dooming you to a life of danger and death. I did not want to bring you into my world, Y/N. I wanted to protect you from it. I had almost made up my mind to reject you. To lie and tell you that we could never be more than friends.

“But then you started to walk away from me and my heart was almost ripped from my chest and I reached out instinctively. The thought of you in another man’s arms was unbearable.” He caresses your face again. “So, I made you mine.”

You smile, happy for the sneak peek into his mindset on one of the best nights of your life. You tighten your legs around his waist, pulling yourself as close as you can get.

Thor drops his hands and wraps them around your back, pulling your chest against his own.

“And now it’s forever.” You whisper.

“Forever.” Thor agrees.

He leans forward, and you meet his lips, channeling all of your pining from back in those days into it. You wrap your arms around his wide shoulders.

It was a miracle, the two of you together. You could have kept walking along that pier. Thor could have let you go and this, kissing him, touching him, feeling him bare beneath you, could have all remained a wistful wish.

But he does have his arms around you. His lips are moving with yours, and his body is yours and yours is his. And the baby growing in your stomach is also a miracle. One that you never thought you’d be able to have.

As you kiss your husband and he lets his hands fall to your lower back, you realize that with Thor, anything is possible.

You wish you could say that the honeymoon was all smiles and laughter and hot newlywed sex, but the truth is that you’re trying not to let Thor see how much you’re worried.

After a third day of bliss, reading as you scratch Thor’s head in your lap, giggling under the covers after an afternoon delight, eating a ton of steak because Thor says his baby needs to be strong, getting a foot massage from the God of Thunder—it’s fucking paradise, let’s face it—as you settle into bed and watch Thor sleep, your dark thoughts creep up on you.

You reach over and softly rake your nails across Thor’s muscular bare back. He hums, content with your touch, but sleeps on. You want to be there for him.

More than anything he needs your support and you can’t help but think about his meltdown with the stupid watch Wade brought you. He’s so desperate to fix things that you wonder if he’s even thought about what messing with the timeline could do for you two.

Does he think about the fact that he may no longer be married to you or that he might wipe your baby from existence? There is no way that he does not care. You see how much he loves your bean already. You’re sure that he just hasn’t thought about it.

But you have. When Thor isn’t distracting you, you’re thinking about that stupid watch. You know it’s wrong of you and you know that you should want Thor to get his chance at redeeming himself, but this is your bean! Your life. Your husband. Your future.

You know that you’re trading your entire family, the entire world in fact, no. It’s worse. You’re trading half the universe to be married with Thor, and to have a family with him and honestly you can’t find it in you to really feel bad about that impulse to sacrifice everything to protect your little slice of heaven.

Frustrated with yourself for _not_ feeling bad and irritated that it seems you have no control over your future, you pull the covers off of yourself and escape the confines of your honeymoon tent.

The wind outside is warm and humid but welcome as it helps clear your mind. You look down at yourself, wearing a thick sleeveless white cotton nighty decorated with beautiful lace along the bust above the empire waistline. It’s short and you wonder for a fleeting moment if maybe you should have grabbed your robe.

But the air feels so nice you ignore the thought and move down along the wooden pathway before you turn to the left and walk along the shore. Bathed in the moonlight you ignore the warning to go back inside because without you by his side, Thor will wake up soon.

You need this time alone to process the watch and the surrender of control you must perform to make your husband happy.

Maybe you should talk to him? No. You _know_ you need to talk to him. Nothing good ever comes from not talking to Thor about the things that need to be talked about.

You stop about halfway down the mile-long stretch of beach to think this thought over. He has to think about it too, right? You can’t worry about this particular possibility on your own. It involves both of you.

You’re almost resolved to go back to the tent, wake him up, and hash this out when bright lights suddenly blind you from the left. You turn inland and squint through the light and watch as the rear door of what is unmistakably one of Tony’s jets opens and out walks Steve in full uniform. He freezes as he spots you, probably not expecting to see you so far away from the tent, and you see him take you in, gaping at what you’re wearing for a moment before he swallows hard and turns his storm blue eyes on yours.

“Steve, what are you doing here?” You ask, shocked and slightly embarrassed.

You’re also fairly certain that having your ex on your honeymoon isn’t exactly good luck. Especially when he still looks amazing in his suit.

“I’m sorry to interrupt the honeymoon but I need your help. A friend, she’s actually more like a kid sister, she’s missing.”

You stare at him, not believing your ears because in all the time you’ve known Steve he has never talked about anyone that fits that description.

He seems to read your silence because he sighs and moves closer to you, lowering his voice so that he’s not speaking as loud. The rush of the waves behind you still makes it hard to hear.

“She’s the reason I never wanted to talk about Bucky. I…I failed her and because I failed she…” He struggles with the words and shakes his head.

“Bucky? What does he have to do with your friend?” You wonder, pressing your hand down on your nightgown to keep the wind from blowing it up.

“They were kind of married?” He shakes his head. “It wasn’t official. I have no time to explain. I need you. Will you come with me, Y/N?” He stares down into your eyes, boring into you with desperation. There’s a broken quality to his despair and you realize that this is extremely important to him.

“Yes. Of course.” You reach over and places your hands on his arms and he relaxes a little into your touch. He almost seems as if he’s about to hug you, but he straightens up again thinking better of it.

“Where’s Thor?” Steve wonders.

“Right here.” Thor’s deep voice floats softly from behind you and you look up at him as he stops by your side.

“We’re gonna need you too.” Steve tells him, letting all the vulnerability he’d been showing you wash away with the tide. He squares his chin and when Thor nods he moves back towards the jet.

You look up at Thor and he smiles softly down at you, his hand finds its way into yours and you can see the sorrow he feels at having to cut your honeymoon short. Your talk about the watch will also have to wait. You lace your fingers through his and look back towards the jet.

“Where are we going?” You shout to Steve.

He looks over his shoulder at you standing hand in hand with Thor. “Wakanda.”


	36. Thor, Vex, and the Missing Dove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You arrive in Wakanda and Steve lets you in.

You have never been to Wakanda. This place, once believed to be a third world country of farmers, is the most beautiful and technologically booming place you have ever seen.

Your jaw drops at the sight of the sprawling city.

“It’s called Birnin Zana.” Steve tells you. He watches your awed reaction and smiles before reaching over to rub the space between your shoulders.

You look at him and smile but see the shadow of fear in his storm blue eyes.

He’s worried. This friend of his, this Sophie, Bucky’s wife for all intents and purposes is very important to Steve and finding her, getting her back is critical to Steve’s wellbeing. Who exactly is this Sophie? And how the hell did she end up married to Bucky Barnes?

He moves forward, heading closer to Nat who’s piloting the jet, seemingly oblivious to all the dramatics going on behind her.

The Golden City is bustling when you arrive in the early morning.

As the jet begins its descent you watch the people disappear and the buildings clear as a large black landing pad encircled by an array of brightly colored buildings and a majestic black palace stretches out beneath you. There are also small clearings with trees and grass between the buildings that keep the space from looking too developed.

The sudden shift in altitude makes you queasy and you press your hand against your belly.

Thor turns his gaze on you. Standing on the opposite end of the jet he moves to your side and places his hand on the small of your back.

“You alright?” He asks, quietly. It occurs to you that he might be trying to keep your unsettled nature between the two of you.

At the front of the jet, Steve turns back to check on you, hearing Thor’s question.

“I’m fine. Just morning sickness. The swerving jet doesn’t really help. Really, I’m fine.” You give him a reassuring smile.

Steve leans down to whisper against Nat’s ear but you can hear him easily. Your Super Soldier hearing working well today.

“Level the jet.”

Nat looks up at him then back at you and evens the jet out.

As the jet lands, you reach out to Thor and grab his arm to keep yourself steady.

“Perhaps we should have gone home first?” He says with worry.

“Thor, I’m fine. We knew this pregnancy was going to be tricky.” You remind him.

Still he continues to stare down at you his eyes narrowed in worry.

You reach up and place your hand on his bearded cheek and smile.

“Really, puppy, I’m fine.” True. But you are feeling unnaturally dizzy. He doesn’t need to know that though. You’re sure it’s just the jet.

Thor sighs heavily but smiles down at you sweetly, his body relaxing but his eyes taut in the corners. If he really wasn’t worried then his smile would crinkle his eyes.

Your hand wanders up to those corners to trace the space. He’s been worried since the two of you left Tony’s island. You’re sure that it’s only because Steve found it easy to recruit you into this search and rescue. Your abilities, even iffy as they’ve been acting, are useful.

So even if Thor may not like it, you know why Steve must want you here.

You’ve changed into your suit and you completely forgot to have Tony repair it for you after you saved Steve. You had been much more worried about the fact that he wouldn’t wake up, at the time.

Without repairs the suit looks a little battered and the tear from the knife wound that Steve had inflicted that night keeps grabbing Thor’s attention. A reminder of how much higher the stakes are and what a risk it was that you’d taken by going after Steve alone that night.

As you look into his eyes you think about the golden pendant around your neck and it obeys your thoughts and extends down over your torso effectively covering your stomach with the vibranium mesh that Shuri had gifted you.

“Better?” You rub his cheek again, loving the pleasant scratch of his beard.

He sighs again.

“Thor, I’m fine. And the baby will be fine. I’m not going to be doing any fighting. I’m here to give my input and see how I can help.” You assure him. “Isn’t that right, Steve?”

Steve turns to look at the two of you and focuses his gaze on Thor.

“We’re not doing any fighting. I swear. Besides, what did you think I brought you for?” He smiles at Thor, trying like you are, to reassure him.

Thor looks to Steve and you see a flash of something behind his eyes. You’ve seen it before. Once. Not that long ago. But you can’t remember where you saw it, or when.

“I won’t let any harm come to her.” Steve promises him.

Thor looks back down at you and reaches up to stroke your cheeks affectionately. You close your eyes and relish in the love that you can feel pouring from him.

“I am going to hold you to that, Captain.” There’s a hard edge to Thor’s voice and you quickly open your eyes to see what expression he might be wearing.

You find nothing but his love for you. But you know without having to see it in his eyes or hear it in his voice. You don’t need anymore proof than what you’ve already seen.

Thor is angry at Steve.

“Are you sure you can do this? This guy hasn’t said anything since we caught him almost two and a half years ago.” Steve stares in at the thin man on the other side of the two-way glass.

He has the distinct look of someone who used to be large, very muscular, but has now wasted away to almost a natural form. Still defined muscles but softer. His skin was a pale peach, probably due to being imprisoned and exposed to very little sunlight. His dark almost jet black hair was fuzzy and short, like it was growing in after being clipped short.

There was an almost bored look to his eyes. Nothing new had happened for him in a long time and he wasn’t expecting anything new to happen. He stares at the mirror, looking through it to you, Thor, and Steve though you know he can’t be sure there’s anyone there.

He’s used to being watched.

“I’m sure. Shuri really thinks that the Shadow are behind Sophia’s kidnapping?” You look away from the prisoner to Steve who turns around, arms crossed across his chest as he stares at the floor and leans against the glass.

“It’s the only thing that makes sense. We’ve been suspecting the Shadow of being after her since we caught this guy. Well, technically, _she_ caught him. Well, more like, left him for dead before she left Wakanda for a bit.” Steve seems to be in another world, another time. Remembering events you had not been present for.

“Why did she leave?” You wonder.

“Bucky. They didn’t exactly hit it off when they first met.” Steve’s eyes reflect a pain as he speaks his dead best friend’s name.

“So, she ran away?” You can’t help but judge her a bit.

“Well, she was in love with him and he pushed her away. He was deliberately mean and cruel. Buck struggled after Vienna. Always at war with the demons of his past. He didn’t trust himself to be safe for her, so he did the only other thing he could think to do.”

“That sounds extremely toxic.” You frown at him.

“They really loved each other. They just didn’t know how to go about getting around the obstacles.” He looks at you, seeing the judgement in your eyes. “Not everyone is as willing to open up as you are.”

His words are a little cruel but mainly it’s his own defensiveness that hurts.

This makes your heart sting, hating the way it reminds you of all the times you tried to get Steve to open up to you and he refused.

A particular cozy afternoon on your peninsula springs to mind sending painful flashes of sitting on his lap, tender kisses, and the way his body had felt beneath you.

You tear your eyes away from his as he sees the hurt in them and ignore the panic that rises in his storm blue eyes. You hear him stand up straighter.

“Well, why did she come back?” You ask, offended. The hurt seeps into your voice and the sound of it brings both Thor and Steve towards you but Thor reaches you first. He stands on your right, leaving the space between you and Steve empty but he wraps his arm around your waist as Steve stops two feet away staring up at Thor’s face.

You’re so grateful for Thor and the comfort he gives you but you’re also very careful to control your hurt about Steve from here on out. The last thing you want is for Thor to be left with the memory of his wife struggling with the residual feelings left for her ex.

“Bucky went to go get her. Almost got blown up by Rhodey in the process.”

“She was at the compound?” Again, surprise takes the place of your hurt as you realize that there was a whole different life at the compound before you were there.

The Avengers had become your family so completely and the compound your home that it was hard to picture a time where you weren’t there.

“Yes. For about two months. She worked in the archive.” Steve looks in at the prisoner again, eyes narrowed as he remembers the past.

“Tony let her work in the archive?” There’s that hurt again. It brings Steve’s eyes back to you.

“She betrayed his trust, Y/N. That’s why the archive is off limits for most of us now.” Steve’s face is harder like he disapproves of something.

“How did she-?”

“That’s not really important right now.” He’s putting his walls up again and it makes you so angry that you pull out of Thor’s grip and move around to the door of the interrogation room.

“Wait.” Thor and Steve say in unison.

“Stay back. I’m going in alone.” You say flatly and push into the room.

As the door closes and the air settles you realize it’s much colder in here than it is outside. An interrogation tactic maybe? When the black door clicks behind you the prisoner looks up from his seat in the corner.

He stares at you and his dull green eyes suddenly spark to life. You move over to the seat against the opposite wall, grab it, and place it a few feet in front of him before sitting down.

You lean back and place your hands neatly on your lap. The prisoner watches you with those excited green eyes, examining every little move you make. His eyes flit to your hands as you let them settle on your lap and finally he looks into yours, frantically searching for something.

You open your mouth to speak but he interrupts before you can.

“You’re the other one.” His voice is slightly hoarse, like he hasn’t used it in a while but it isn’t what you were expecting. You had half been expecting a high reedy tone but his voice is smooth and even.

It transfixes you for a moment as you consider his words. “Other one? Other one, what?”

Rather than answer your question, he stares at you, a creepy sinister smile curving his thin lips to expose yellowing teeth. Maybe they weren’t letting him brush his teeth? Or maybe he’d always had bad dental hygiene? Either way, it unsettles your stomach and makes you nervous.

“Do you know why I’m here?” You wait. You keep your voice low so that the conversation is personal and quiet.

He doesn’t answer. He bites his bottom lip, gripping the front of his chair between his legs tightly which makes his arm muscles bulge. For a normal person that might have been threatening to witness but you are focused again on his smile.

He’s excited to see you. There is no doubt about it. He looks like he’s just seen his favorite celebrity.

“Answer me.” You steel your voice and give your command. He narrows his eyes in slight confusion then returns to his amused expression.

“You’re here about the girl.” He says.

“What girl?” You ask, just to be sure you’re both on the same page. With your superior hearing you can hear Steve shift closer to the glass as the prisoner speaks of who you’re sure is this sister-like person to Steve.

“The younger one. The one who outmatched me. She’s astounding. Just like you. Such pure specimens. Now defiled and infected.” His face suddenly slacks as he seems to drift into memory. “Running away from the assassin, the Winter Soldier. That’s when I caught her. Women in love have such exposed weaknesses.”

You take offense on behalf of this Sophia woman and frown at him and also really wanna smack him _defiled and infected_?! He’s talking about Thor and your bean, the bastard!

“Is that why she kicked your ass? Because she was weak? Answer me.” You add the order quickly, as an afterthought.

You curse yourself for neglecting your ability. Psych was right. You were weak because you avoided it so much.

And now you’re so used to being careful not to give orders. It’s become such a habit to shift almost everything you say into questions to avoid terrible mistakes like sending Thor away. Now you have to remember to say thing right.

“She was faster than we expected. Trained by the soldiers. They were always there. Preventing us from finding the opportunity. Still, we didn’t expect her to be so prepared already. We thought we could take her easily and she’d be too weak to fight back.”

You narrow your eyes and lean in closer. The prisoner responds by leaning in towards you as well. Unafraid.

“Tell me who _we_ is.” You lower your voice more and you hear Thor shift behind the glass this time. The way his weight shifts from foot to foot is louder than Steve’s and it’s so familiar you could find him in a crowd without even having to look up.

The prisoner’s smile falls slowly. He looks down at your collarbone and stares with his mouth slightly agape and his eyes slightly clouded over.

“ _We_ are Shadow.” He looks at the glass and stares towards Steve and Thor.

You follow his gaze, look at the glass then turn back, watching him stare into the mirror.

“He is Shadow so, _we_ are Shadow.” He continues to stare at the two-way mirror, his head tilted slightly towards the right. He keeps the tilt but rolls his eyes to you and smiles again.

“She will be Shadow. And you…” He drops his smile again, staring into your eyes as his emeralds burn. “You will be Shadow, too.”

“Tell me about Psych.” You instruct but don’t feel particularly effective. There’s no intent in your voice and the prisoner’s face remains unfazed, no confusion crosses his mind.

“A happy accident. We did not think she would adapt so well to her serum.” He admits anyway.

“Is that what you’re going to do to Sophia? Inject her with serum? Why?!”

He says nothing.

“Tell me!”

The heavy silence that follows your words stretches for what feels like several minutes. You watch his eyes, the excitement in them growing until he’s leaning only inches from your face.

“Have you heard his call?” He whispers, so quietly that even you wonder if he actually spoke. His lips didn’t seem to move.

Your skin suddenly erupts in goosebumps as his words strike a cold shiver in your heart. Your abilities aren’t working anymore. Damn it.

The door behind you opens and the prisoner leans back, his green eyes moving to look over your shoulders. He seems to clam up, leaning back completely until his back is pressed flat against his metal chair.

“Who is _he_?” Steve’s normally even and controlled voice comes out commanding and aggressive.

The prisoner’s green eyes narrow as he seals his lips and refuses to answer.

“Answer him.” You growl. Irritated by the deep seated fear you’re feeling.

The prisoner eyes you and despite your order not working, he opens his mouth.

“He…is…is-is-i…” He’s trying hard to speak but the way he’s struggling reminds you of the struggle that Steve had gone through when he’d been taken and used as bait only two weeks ago.

He’d struggled to tell you that he was the ambush you were expecting but he hadn’t been able to push past his mind’s manufactured obstacles, choking and sputtering as he tried. Eventually his body had begun to feel pain.

You push out of your seat and drop onto your knees in front of him, staring into his struggling eyes.

“Who is _he_? Tell me.” You insist.

The prisoner’s green eyes shake as he struggles against his own mental blocks.

“Who is _he_?” You demand once more.

“H-h-he…h-he…” The prisoner shakes his head, achingly pushing against the restraints of his mind.

“Tell me!” You shout, losing patience, leaning up towards him feeling frenzied because of the cold fear coursing through your veins.

The prisoner seems to snap out of his daze and stares right down at you, a sadistic mirth curling the corners of his lips.

“Shadow will consume you.” There’s a beat of silence when you feel your heart stop and then before you can react, the prisoner jumps forward, knocking you towards the ground. His strong hands wrap around your neck and his arms flex as he tightens his grip much more strongly than you thought he’d be able to.

Your abilities had been working perfectly fine all morning and now, when having them is critical, you lose them.

You reach up, gasping against his grip, struggling to breathe in and claw at his hands as hard as you can. You forgot what this felt like. Being weak and vulnerable sends your heart into overdrive and your thoughts race to your bean.

_No. Not my baby._

You’re not even on your back yet when you suddenly feel a large warm body pressed behind you. Large arms wrap around your torso and a dark blue clothed leg lands a massively powered kick against the prisoner’s chest.

He goes flying and crashes against the wall, crumpling in a heap on the floor as you and Steve go skidding across the floor, his arms wrapped protectively around your form.

You gasp, struggling to breathe, your hands still clawing at your neck.

“I’ve got you.” Steve assures you, his grip only tightening to try and show you that he physically has you as well as figuratively ensuring his grip on your safety.

In the same moments that Steve kicks the prisoner and sends the two of you flying back, the interrogation room door flies off of its hinges as Thor flies in, Stormbreaker in hand, eyes burning with blue electric fire, as the rest of his torso crackles and fills the room with the scent of ozone. The sheer power emanating off of him would strike fear in the hearts of his enemies.

He lumbers over towards the prisoner who is no longer moving then rushes to your side. You reach for him and without hesitation he scoops you into his arms, almost ripping you from Steve’s grip, and carries you out somehow balancing Stormbreaker in his hands as well.

He doesn’t stop until you’re away from the interrogation rooms, up a floor, and in a long stretch of empty hallway.

He moves to one of the benches that line the wall and very gently places you on the sleek seat. You keep your hands on his shoulders as you settle on the surface and he places Stormbreaker beside you.

His hands explore the soft skin of your throat, leaning this way and that in search of marks and bruising.

You catch your breath as he fusses over you and reach up to place your hands over his as they glide over the skin of your throat in slight panic.

“Are you hurt? Can you breathe?” He asks in strained worry.

“I’m fine,” you assure him. “I’m fine. Really.”

“No, you are not fine.” Thor replies riled up and clearly upset. “You were strangled. I knew we should not have come here.”

“Thor,” He stops his fussing and looks into your eyes. You can see the fear in them, the terror of what he had just seen.

You’d seen Thor worried and stressed before but fear like this, you have never seen this type of agony in his eyes. You’re sorry for being the cause of it and are eager to make it right.

You grip his hands more firmly, still feeling weak and so utterly human again. You reach up, caressing his cheeks as his hands move down towards your stomach. He tears his eyes away from yours and stares at your belly before he leans down and kisses it then he rests his head in your lap.

You stroke his hair, trying hard to convey your assurances that both you and the baby are fine.

The two of you sit like this for what feels like both seconds and hours, each of you wrapped up in thoughts about what just happened in that interrogation room and what the prisoner’s words meant.

For you, this is suddenly much more personal than you thought it would be. The prisoner had singled you out and grouped you with Steve’s friend. You were _special_ to him and you aren’t sure why. Your mind is racing, thinking about the time when Thor was with Jane and you and Steve stayed up at night, wondering why the Shadow wanted you so badly. You had started using the term after your second encounter with Psych because that’s what the people in black had reminded you of. Now that you know that is what they are actually called, you wonder if maybe you didn’t know that for some other reason. Maybe Psych had planted it in your head somehow?

You can understand why this is not a priority for Thor. His urge to keep you as far away from this as possible stems from wanting to keep you and your bean safe. But he hadn’t been there when this had been looming over your head those three months with Steve. He hadn’t been part of your life when the threat of kidnap had worried your mind.

As he comes around the corner, you look towards him, Steve. His hands are clenched into fists and when he sees you and Thor he falters for a moment staring at the intimate position you’re in, Thor’s head in your lap, your hands gently rubbing the back of his head.

When he’s about six feet away he stops, and you shake your head. You’re not saying no. You’re in denial, staring into his storm blue eyes as you realize that all of his suspicions and Tony’s had been correct.

“They have been after me. I mean, we knew that they had been. A little but not like this.”

Thor lifts his head slowly and looks up into your face, his hands tightening around your waist as he watches you look at Steve.

“I don’t think any of us expected this to be as complicated as it’s turning out to be. Will you come look in her hut with me? Maybe a fresh set of eyes can-?”

“No.” Thor states, slowly rising from his position at your feet to stand at full height. His arm muscles flex, rippling threateningly as he moves himself to stand in front of you.

“Thor…” You begin but he doesn’t even look at you.

“You promised me that no harm would come to her. You broke your promise. From here on out you do not-”

Anger courses through you and you react instinctively, rising up onto your feet. “Hey, that’s enough.”

Thor looks confused and you’re glad to see that your abilities are working again.

“I understand your fear, Thor. I do.” You reach out and take hold of his hand. He grips it tightly and looks down at your angry face. “But you weren’t there. Things happened with these people when you were with Jane and I need to know what they want with me. I need to know what they want with Sophia. I need to pull this string.”

Thor turns to face you, grabs your elbows and lowers his voice, pleading with you. “Some strings are best not pulled. Look at what happened in that room. You are not safe.”

“Thor, I know you’re scared. So am I. That’s why I need to see where this leads. They want us for something. Sophia and me? I need to know what for. She is important to someone to. I can’t just ignore her plight because it’s dangerous.” You look over at Steve and gesture towards him. “Steve was quick in there. He saved me, protected me like he promised he would. I’m safe with Steve.”

Thor looks at Steve and glares. “History would suggest otherwise. It was under your watch that they almost killed you, do you not remember?”

“I do. But he also knew to call you because he knew that you’d stop at nothing to save me. Puppy, please…I need to know. And you can’t stop me.” You remind him, harshly. You don’t mean to, it just comes out that way.

You regret it almost instantly. He releases you, his eyes shifting in disbelief and pain as you insinuate that with your abilities you can make him do whatever you want. And in this case, you’re willing to use them. He takes a step back from you and you panic, quickly moving to keep the distance between you small. You reach up, grab the front of his suit by his chest and pull him back towards you.

“I don’t want to do this without you, Thor but I need you to let me follow this lead.” You shake your head, fearful that you’re driving a wedge between the two of you so shortly after your wedding. You were supposed to still be on your honeymoon! “Please, please come on this journey with me. Hm?”

“You are willingly putting yourself and our child in danger.” You sigh as his words fall hard on your heart making the guilt twist your stomach.

“No, that’s not-” You begin.

“Do what you like. I have no way to stop you.” He looks away from you to Steve and then with that same flash of strange emotion that you’d seen in the viewing room, he turns and walks down the hallway.

“Thor…” You call out to him and follow a few steps. He opens his hand and you quickly move aside as Stormbreaker flies through the air and into his grip. He rounds the corner leaving you and Steve in the hallway alone, taking your heart with you. “Fuck.”

You sit yourself back down and chew on your lip as you struggle with two impulses. One to chase Thor, the other to go with Steve and see what you can find in his friend’s hut. Steve seems to read your silence and he moves to stand closer.

“We’ll only be fifteen minutes. Twenty tops.” He keeps his voice low trying hard not to steer you in the direction of choosing Thor.

“Let’s go.” You get up and wait for him to lead the way.

“This is where she lives?” You look around the circular room, a simple bed a little bigger than a twin sits against the far wall of the hut. This is not what you’d been expecting.

“No. This is Bucky’s hut. This is where she was staying when they took her.” Steve explains.

Seeing as this is Wakanda, you had been expecting something more modern and less primitive. The floor is natural, the walls a painted light orange adobe. The ceiling was thatch and clay. The inside furnishing of the hut is simple. Aside from the bed there’s a small table with two chairs, a brick and stone cooking pit on the right wall. A small shelf with some books and a cabinet with cups and plates beside the pit. There’s a smaller set of drawers by the bed where you expect there will be clothes. What draws your attention, however, is the broken picture frame sitting on the drawers.

You move to it and lift the photo. You find yourself staring down at a man with long brown hair that falls just above his shoulders. His face is handsome, dark, with a full beard but his steel blue eyes sparkle as he smiles out towards you. He has his arm around a girl who, for one fleeting moment, you think is you. She looks so much like you that it seems impossible. A doppelganger maybe? How could she look so much like you?

“Is this her?” You hold the picture out to Steve and he takes it. He runs his hand along the broken glass and nods.

“Yes. It’s her and Bucky.” His eyes glaze over with pain as he looks at their smiling faces. Wanting the pain to stop, he hands you back the photo and moves to stand by the doorway.

You stare down at the picture again, reading the expression of pure joy on both her and Bucky’s faces. The love they have for each other pours from their eyes up at you and takes your breath away as you think about Thor and wonder if you’ve ruined the trust he has in you. You hadn’t meant to threaten him with your ability but as you’d walked here with Steve, you realized that’s exactly what you’d done.

_Either you let me go or I will make you let me go._

You put the frame down, shutting your eyes as you struggle to push past the guilt again.

“Why didn’t you tell me she looks so much like me?” You take a breath then turn to look at Steve.

Steve shrugs. “I guess I didn’t realize how similar you looked until right now.”

He’s never had reason to compare and you can understand that.

“It’s eerie though, Steve.” You look down at the photo again and simply stare at it. This Sophia in the picture, she was so happy in this photo. You know why she’s been staying here, in Bucky’s hut without needing to ask. If Thor was suddenly gone, taken from you the way Bucky must have been taken from her, you’d haunt his room and his things just to be near him again.

“Are you still angry with me?” He suddenly asks, and his tone pulls your attention back to him.

“What?” You ask, confused.

“What I said outside of the interrogation room. About everyone not being as willing to-”

“I know what you said. You don’t need to repeat it.” You sigh, looking away, your mind once more driven back to that afternoon by the lake. Your rendezvous spot on the peninsula where many afternoons were spent cuddled up in his arms. Kisses and declarations of love thrown in for good measure, just to make your heart hurt.

“I didn’t mean to-”

“But you did. You threw it in my face like my asking you to open up to me had been wrong. I just wanted to know you. I wanted you to let me love you and you wouldn’t.” You shake your head, the pain of what you now realize had been a rejection every single time you’d asked him to open up to you, washes over you and makes your stomach clench uncomfortably.

“Y/N-”

“It’s for the best.” You assure him. “If you had let me in, then maybe I wouldn’t be where I am now.”

You reach down and rub your stomach gently. You think about the pendant around your neck and the armor retracts leaving you in just your suit.

“I wouldn’t give up my bean for anything now. Or anyone.” Your mind shoots to the time-travel watch and you finally acknowledge that no, not even to bring back this Sophia’s Bucky would you give up your bean. It’s wrong of you and you don’t care. Eager to move on from this terribly painful conversation you bring your focus back on the missing girl.

“There’s nothing here, Steve. Is this how the hut was found? Clean? The only broken thing the picture?” You turn, and you realize your abilities must have given out on you again because you hadn’t heard him cross the room towards you.

You come face to face with his chest and stare for a moment before you look up into his storm blue eyes. He stares down at you, conveying his grief with such intensity that it takes your breath away. The way his blonde hair falls across his forehead, itching to be put back into place, makes your fingers twitch.

“You haven’t been able to sneak up on me in a while.” You tell him, he doesn’t respond.

You recover quickly and stare back at him with unphased curiosity.

“There was no sign of struggle in here but the ground outside was slightly torn up which means they probably took her while she was tending to Bucky’s goats.” Steve speaks quietly, a whisper, intimate and pained.

“Steve…” You begin, disappointed that he’s doing this now. You don’t want to do this now. Or ever. This should not be happening.

His hand is suddenly on the base of your stomach. It moves along the surface of your uniform making your hands tingle and your breath catch. His index finger finds the small slash from the knife he’d plunged into your stomach and he traces the tear. You swallow hard. You hadn’t been expecting to be this close to him. To feel this intimate with him again. Ever. But your pounding heart tells you that you’re still not over him. Not even close. And it fills you with terror and guilt.

“I’m sorry.” He says quietly. “For hurting you. For failing you.”

Did he mean the knife wound or something else?

“Steve what are you doing?” As his finger suddenly makes contact with the flesh of your stomach through the tear in your suit you quickly reach up to grab his hand and hold him still. He needs to stop touching you.

“I didn’t know that shutting you out like I did…I set us up for failure.”

“Steve, please don’t do this. We said our goodbyes in London.” You sigh, hating the way your heart is lurching.

“I could have kept you if I’d only been willing to let you in.” He realizes, pained and saddened by his late realization.

“No.” You shut your eyes and breathe in deeply, your breath shaking as you inhale. You feel the heat of his body move closer and you shake your head, trying hard not to cry.

“I would have married you.” He whispers, and the words fill your body with warmth.

You steel your nerves and tear your eyes open, hating him for bringing this up now. “But you didn’t. And I _am_ married. To Thor. Which is where I would have ended up anyway. I would have chosen Thor, Steve. Every time.”

You can see the ache of his heart in his eyes and you know it’s reflected up at him in yours. He reaches around your waist, pulling you closer but you rip your body away from him and move across the hut, hand pressed against your chest as you try and calm yourself.

“What’s going on here, Steve?” You turn to look at him and find him sitting on the edge of Bucky’s bed.

You can see the pain, but you also see the guilt and the shame and a deep sadness. And though the pain is yours and the shame is yours, the sadness is not for you.

“Is everything okay with Sharon?” You realize that there’s something bigger happening here.

“I thought that things were progressing with us. That she was letting me in but-I meant it when I told you that now I know how you felt, trying to get me to open up to you. She won’t let me in.” His eyes shift to you and back to the floor, reminding you of those rare moments when you'd catch him in white lies when you were still together.

You sigh with relief, however. He's having relationship problems! Duh. This was why he was reaching out towards you when he shouldn’t be.

“Steve, she’s been through a lot. You need to be patient with her. Give her time and if she needs space then give her space.” Why the hell didn’t she need space when he was still with you?!

“I don’t know if that’s enough. I feel like I have to prove to her that I really want to be with her and I don’t know how to do that.”

“Then ask her. And maybe stop seeing your ex so much? Especially alone?” You smile, move back towards him and sit beside him on the bed. You reach out and take his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. “I’m going to give you some advice. No one can topple your walls unless you let them. Sometimes you have to take the first step and lower your own defenses before you can expect someone else to lower theirs. The only reason Thor and I have been able to grow together is because we talk about the things that matter. If you’re feeling shut out, then tell her you are. Ask her what you can do to help her let you in and if it’s time that she needs she’ll tell you. Don’t let your fears and insecurities cloud your judgement. I saw the way she looked at you at the compound. She loves you, Steve. Don’t make assumptions and just ask. It’s what I should have done with you when I saw you drifting away from me when she came back into your life. Even though I was afraid you’d only shut me out more, I should have asked. Maybe we both would have ended up where we belonged that much sooner?”

Steve nods, then shakes his head, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. “You make me sound like a real jerk.”

“Well, you were talking to your ex behind my back. Hiding it from me wasn’t exactly a good-guy move.” You smile at him, over the hurt you’d felt with the sneaking around he did to hide his friendship with Sharon from you.

“Guess not.” He admits.

“Talk to her, Steve. You’re not going to get anywhere in your relationship if you don’t communicate.”

“Yeah.” He agrees. You squeeze his hand and he looks over at you and smiles, squeezing your hand back.

You get up and move towards the arched hut doorway and move out into the afternoon sun. Steve follows you.

“Where are you going?” He asks, stopping just outside the hut as you continue to walk.

“To go apologize to Thor. And to tell him he can’t control me. And that I love him.” You hope he’s not too angry and that he’s willing to forgive you.

“Good luck.” Steve chuckles.

“And Steve?” You stop and turn to look back at him.

“Yeah?” He says, smirking at the idea of you telling Thor that he can’t tell you what to do.

“Please don’t hug me like that again.” The energy between the two of you suddenly shifts and it’s painful again. He stares at you and you can see the yearning in his eyes the way you feel it in your body. How much longer is this going to remain between the two of you? You’re happy you’re married to Thor and that’s where you want to be. That’s where you belong. But as soon as Steve’s arms had found their way around you, both of you were back in that apartment in London, so desperate to be together but knowing that you never could be.

Steve nods. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” You shake your head, hating the way you really enjoyed being in his arms again. “But don’t let it happen again. I’m married. And we’re over.”

“I know.” He sighs.

The two of you stare at each other for a minute before you look towards the hut and remember the girl in the photo. “I’ll try again with the prisoner when he wakes up.”

This time you were going to make sure Thor was in the room with you.

“We’ll find her, Steve.” You assure him with a firm nod and a cementing desire to meet her in person. If this girl was like you, special to the Shadow for whatever reason, you need to meet her, and you realize that you’ll stop at nothing until you do.


	37. Thor, Vex, and the Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally tell Thor what you've been worrying about.

You search high and low for your husband, but Thor is nowhere to be found. Afraid that he’s left without telling you, you find Steve and even he begins to help you look.

It takes the two of you another hour before there’s even a hint of him anywhere and finally, Steve finds you in one of the guest bedrooms of the palace where Shuri has invited you to stay for the night. You are technically visiting royalty and so it makes sense that you stay in the palace.

“He’s on the roof.” Steve moves into your room and shakes his head. “One of the guards saw him fly up there. He said that he’s not exactly happy.”

You sigh with relief and rush to your feet.

“It’s a long way up, Y/N, maybe you should-”

But you don’t let him tell you what you should do. Instead you move down, out onto the grounds and after staring up at the tall peak of the building you bite your lip nervously as you consider the fact that you haven’t flown since you found out you were pregnant, and your abilities might be affected. It was too dangerous. The only way Thor got all the way up there was with flight and you aren’t about to find a way around it, so you focus all of your energy on lifting yourself up off of the ground.

It’s easy and your body obeys. You smoothly soar up into the sky, higher and higher until you’re about halfway up and you feel a shift in your body’s center. You gasp as you fall several feet and force your mind to push your body harder. It works, and you shoot up a little faster.

You have to concentrate so hard to keep yourself moving that your fear begins to win out and you’re almost panicking when your feet touch softly onto the small landing where Thor stands, his red cape billowing out behind him in the wind. He’s staring down at the city with a furrowed brow and a small sad downturn to his lips and you regret leaving with Steve so much you think it might choke you.

“Thor?” You call to him and he seems to be shocked from his thoughts as he turns to look at you. His brow is still puckered, the skin gathered just above the bridge of his nose, his eyebrows drawn low over his slightly dull blue eyes. He watches you for a moment as his mouth opens slightly before he turns to look away from you again. “So, you’re ignoring me now?”

He doesn’t answer you. You’ve seen him upset but he’s never been upset with you to the point where he refuses to talk to you. How do you make this right?

“You’re angry because I went with Steve?” You wonder, and you don’t need to hear him say it’s true. You see it in the way his shoulders hunch a bit more and you feel a horrible sting of guilt. You hurry over to him, and for the first time since you’ve been back with Thor, you’re not sure if you can touch him. Will he pull away from you?

It’ll hurt so much if he does. Afraid that he’ll reject you, you sigh. “Thor?”

This not talking is not good for either of you. You’d been so happy just yesterday! “Thor?”

Finally, you reach out to take his forearm and when he pulls away from you it hurts just as much as you thought it would. You clench your right hand into a tight fist as you struggle to keep yourself together.

“Thor, I’m sorry if I made you feel like…I don’t care about Steve, Thor. I mean, I do but not like that.” That’s such a lie and he looks over his shoulder at you with a skeptical look and you bite your lip. “Okay, I do care about him like that but…Thor you’re my husband. I would never do anything to ruin that. To hurt you in that way. I’m sorry if I made you question that.”

If this was not why he was upset you were going to have to start reexamining what you know about you and Thor. He sighs heavily, that look from before he’d stormed out on you returned. You realize it’s insecurity. Jealousy maybe.

You reach out to him and this time, he doesn’t pull away. Your nervous heart clenches painfully as you remember the way he jerked out of your grasp. You never want to feel that again. It was unbearable.

You place both hands on his arm and lean forward to kiss it. You squeeze it, relishing in the way he feels under your palms. He sighs again, heavily. His face is no longer angry but pained as if he were struggling with something, but he also turns towards you and after a moment of you reaching up to give his biceps a squeeze, he lets his own hands find their way onto your forearms.

“Oh, Thor, I’m sorry.” You push yourself up onto your toes and quickly wrap your arms around his neck as he breathes in deeply and then wraps his own around your waist. No tightness is tight enough. You tighten your arms around him.

“Hold me tighter?” You beg, but ask. If he’s angry at you still you want him to express it.

The ache in your chest won’t go away. How had you possibly done something to make him pull away from you? If you had ever wondered whether you wanted to be with Thor or Steve, here was your answer.

He obeys and holds you tighter. When he finally pulls back he reaches up to push your hair back out of your face. “Promise me you’ll give this up.”

What? Not possible. How could you walk away from this? This was _about_ you.

“Thor…” You begin, your eyes shining with fear and guilt again because you know you’re going to let him down by clinging to this mission of finding Steve’s friend and pursuing the Shadow.

His soft expression suddenly makes way for a deep, angry scowl. He pulls away from you again, moving towards the opposite end of the roof and you hate that he’s not holding you anymore.

“Why can you not let this go? Can’t you see that it is dangerous for you to be pursuing leads on the Shadow? If it is true and they want you, you need to be as far away from this as possible. I will help Steve if you must have your answers, but I will not have you traipsing about into evil lairs to get yourself and our child killed.” He’s so angry that he growls almost all of what he’s telling you.

“Thor, I can’t just abandon this. This is my life, this is about me. I need to know what’s going on and I need to be there when we find out.” You argue.

“ _Your_ life?” He demands. He suddenly points at your belly. “Have you forgotten that you are carrying my child? Or do you simply not care about our baby?”

His words are harsh and like a slap to the face. Your guilt makes way for a terrible anger that bubbles into your stomach and raises fire in your chest.

“Excuse me?” You narrow your eyes, glaring at him in disbelief. How can he even think that? “How can you even say that to me?”

You press your hand against your belly and your anger is joined by a terrible anguish as you stare at his scowling face.

“Do you regret marrying me?” You ask quietly, but so solemnly that Thor’s slightly thrown by the sudden question.

“What?” He asks, slight shock and worry on his face.

“Do you wish I’d never gotten pregnant?” You feel the sharp sting of tears at the corners of your eyes and the dark sorrow in the pit of your stomach making you whimper as you watch the confusion on his face increase.

“Why would I-?” He begins.

“Or maybe you just wish you’d never come to get me from my apartment, huh? That must be it. You don’t want me as your wife. You must not want me as the mother of your children. You must _hate_ the idea of spending the rest of your life with me.” You’re on a roll and with every word Thor’s anger seems to dissipate until it’s replaced by complete shock.

You feel your eyes finally spill their tears and though this conversation was happening in a way that you hadn’t wanted it would be nice to finally hash this out.

“Those are the questions that I’ve been asking myself every day since Wade brought us that stupid watch.” You confess.

“The watch?” Thor asks, confused as he takes a step towards you. “The watch to travel through time?”

“If you use it, yes, you’ll get Loki and Heimdall and all of your people and the Avengers back. Not to mention the half of the universe that Thanos erased from existence. That’s a lot to ask for.“

You let that sit there and let him think about what you just said.

"Wiping me from your life and our baby from existence is a small price to pay for such a gift, right?” Your voice is cracking by the end of it as you consider that life. “That’s what you want, right? To have them back despite what it’ll do to us?”

You reach down and place your hands protectively over your belly. "Because we’re not important. Right?”

Thor is in shock. You hadn’t thought it possible that he hadn’t made these connections yet, but you’ve shoved them under his nose and it’s like he’s realizing them for the first time. These sudden unavoidable consequences of travelling through time and messing up the timeline.

“You’ll have to excuse me if I’m a little miffed at _you_ telling _me_ that I don’t care about our baby. Maybe I’m wrong for thinking it and selfish for hoping that stupid watch doesn’t work but I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to lose us. You and this baby…how am I supposed to live without the two of you?” You plead.

Thor closes the distance between you again and cradles your face between his two massive hands, staring down into your tear-filled eyes as he tries to communicate with his own eyes alone how much he doesn’t want that.

“I-” He begins but he doesn’t seem to have the words.

“Well, it’s all I’ve been able to think about.”

“My love, I’m sure that even if we use the watch there must be a way to hold on to what we have. This love between us does not just disappear. And we can make this baby again.”

His words are so hopeful, but you know that there’s no guarantee. It’s such a terrible risk to take. A risk that should not feel like a guillotine hovering over your neck.

You also know that there’s no talking him out of using the watch. Tony, Steve, and Thor are all desperate to fix what’s broken. What they failed to stop.

“Thor, you can’t know that. What if you don’t come find me?” You ask. “The only reason you came to look for me was _because_ of the Snap. If it doesn’t happen, what reasons will you have to come check on me?”

He’d been gone for so long already that you were sure he was never going to come back to you. As devastating as that was, it was at least based purely on a shorter relationship. Your love had been strong, but it had still been in its beginning stages and it had been so long since you’d last seen him. Eventually you would have stopped wanting to see him, probably. You suspect that he’d already forgotten you, moved on with whatever life he was living. In between finding out he had a sister, his father’s death, and then Thanos? When would he have even thought of you?

“I love you. That is reason enough.” He assures you but you shake your head, unconvinced.

You reach up and take hold of his hands. “Thor, I don’t want you and Tony to use that watch. I don’t want to lose you.”

He strokes your cheeks as more tears fall.

You caress the sides of his face as he drops his hands down to your waist. “You’re all I have. You’re all I want. How can you risk it? Risk us?”

You don’t understand it. You’re reminded of how selfish you’re being, but you don’t care. You’ve pictured your life. You Thor and your baby nestled in your large bed in New Asgard. As the morning trumpets sound announcing the Guard’s drills your little one will jump to their feet and race to the balcony to watch but since they can’t reach over the banister they’ll come racing back to pull Thor awake so that he might hold him over the edge to see the Guard.

You lean forward and place your forehead against his chest as you let your sorrow overflow. “Please, Thor, please don’t take this away from me.”

Thor pulls you up into his arms, holding you so tight but for you it’s still not enough!

“I’m sorry.” He whispers. “I didn’t think.”

He pulls back to wipe the tears as they fall from your eyes and then he leans down and kisses you.

“I’m sorry.” He says between kisses. “I’m sorry.”

He pulls you back into his embrace and only after the sky has begun to glow orange with sunset does Thor pull back to look down at you once more.

“Let’s go home.” He suggests and you’re so emotionally exhausted that you nod.

He pulls you against his chest again and calls Stormbreaker from where he had propped it up. It flies into his hand and he uses it to fly down to the ground beside the jet.

Steve and Shuri just so happen to be walking by, headed towards her lab apparently, and with a stern glare, Thor informs them of your intentions. “We are very grateful for your hospitality, but we are afraid that we cannot impose on you any further. My wife is not feeling well, and I must take her home.”

Shuri is slightly surprised by this and Thor’s harsh formality that she blinks several times without saying anything. “Of course. Will you need the jet? Steve can-”

“We do not require any assistance. Captain, we will see you back at home.” Thor gives him a nod and without waiting for Steve to reply, or maybe he deliberately decided to fly off before he could answer, he shoots up into the sky with Stormbreaker held aloft with his right arm and you cradled securely in his left.


	38. Thor, Vex, and the Dove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months have passed and you're finally showing but things are not as peachy as you'd like.

Thor reaches for you, grabbing your wrist and forcefully turns you around to face him. “You’re not going.”

“Thor let go of my wrist.” You order, and he lets you go. “You can’t keep me locked up in here. I need to help Steve.”

“Even at the risk of our child?” He asks, upset but more worried. Hurt even. You can hear the strain in his voice as he asks you this most delicate of questions. “You would risk our child’s life to help him?”

You shake your head, mashing your lips together hard as you reject the implications that you hold Steve or anyone else above the importance of your baby. You press your hand against your belly, now actually swollen so that you’re finally showing through your dark grey boy shorts and blue t-shirt.

“How can you even ask me that?” You reply, just as hurt as he is. You look at Thor, his deep blue eyes stare at your feet, full of uncertainty. “This baby means everything to me.”

After the very painful conversation on the roof of the Wakandan palace, you and Thor have had this argument several times. He continues to accuse you of willfully putting your baby in danger and you continue to accuse him of being reckless with the life you’ve built together by wanting to use the watch.

It has made for a very tense four months at times and more than once you have fallen asleep crying and Thor with his arms tightly crossed over his chest with anger. Some time in the night you always end up in his arms again and he kisses the tear stains on your cheeks, expresses his sorrow at causing your tears, and swears that you and your babe are the only two people who matter to him in the world.

Even if you know that’s not true. He is a King and you and your little girl can never be his only priority.

“Then stay.” He pleads and looks up at your face. “Please?”

“I-” You can see his desperation and it kills you that you can’t give him what he wants. You have to go. You need to be there with all of them. This isn’t about Steve anymore. It’s about the people that took Sophia. It’s about the unanswered question of the Shadow and why they had your picture for so long. It’s about the implications that taking Sophia presents. Why take her? Like you she was no one. You’d been a teacher. She’d been studying to be a doctor. She wasn’t some genius like Tony or Shuri and they’d taken her anyway. Why?

Thor’s hand closes around yours and you turn your eyes to it. He holds it gently, reaching with his fingers first then pulls you into the space between his legs. He leans his forehead against your bump and you cave into his search for comfort. You reach up and stroke the back of his head, softly running your fingers through his hair. Thor’s hands find your hips where they grip your underwear tightly, pushing against this unexpected challenge the two of you must work through.

“I’m going, Thor.” You look down when he looks up, your eyes boring into his. You place your right hand on the side of his face and stroke your thumb across the beard on his cheek. “And you’ll be there with me. And I’ll be wearing my suit and the armor that Shuri gave me.”

You suddenly reach up with your left hand and place your fingers gently over the small golden pendant, feeling the warm metal half expecting it to be cold.

Thor sighs and nods. “I suppose there is no stopping you. I married a stubborn woman.”

“You knew that _way_ before we got married.” You point out and chuckle lightly.

Thor smiles softly, liking the sound, then pulls you forward and lifts your shirt to kiss your stomach gently. He rubs his nose against it then rests his forehead against it once more.

There’s a sudden knock to your door and the door opens. Steve moves in, “Oh, sorry.”

Thor straightens up and you hurry to pull your shirt down to cover your pregnant stomach feeling slightly embarrassed. “What is it, Steve?”

“Tony’s ready to go.” He gives you an apologetic tilt of his head and shoots Thor a glance. Gesturing over his shoulder with his thumb he slowly backs out. “We’ll wait in the hangar.”

There’s also something in his gaze. You’re not sure what it is. You know it’s not jealousy. You’ve seen the longing looks that Steve shoots you occasionally when you’re alone and he knows that no one can see him. That’s the only time you can express your own throw-away desires too. You and he can never be together and though the two of you have accepted this and nothing has happened since that day in Wakanda in Bucky’s hut, it doesn’t make it any easier to be around each other.

Sharon is also nowhere to be found these days but you’re too scared to ask him about her, afraid of what he might say.

“Tell Stark we shall be down in a moment.” Thor rumbles not embarrassed and not upset, but still very worried.

You’re glad that at least Thor seems to have accepted that you meant what you said. Steve, though you do care about him, will never come between you.

Steve nods and shuts the door.

“Well, if you’re going to come, you better get suited up. The new suit, Y/N. The one Tony has just finished.” Thor gets to his feet and moves around you towards Stormbreaker. “I will wait for you by the elevator.”

“Okay.” You nod, watching him move to the door. “Thor?”

He stops by the door, opens it but turns in the doorway to look at you.

“You and this baby are my life. You know that, don’t you? I will do _anything_ to protect you. _Both_ of you.” And you mean it.

You’re almost completely certain that destroying the time travel watch is definitely for the best. Now all you need is the opportunity. Steve, Tony, and even Thor will probably hate you for a bit, but you don’t care. You rub your tummy. This little life is worth their anger.

“As will I.” Thor assures you. “Hurry, my Blossom. Steve’s friend cannot wait any longer.”

He shuts the door and leaves you to change. You do so quickly, thinking about how you might be able to steal the watch. How would you destroy it? Take it apart? Smash it? Blow it up?

As you finish pulling on the more pliable suit Tony had constructed for you, you watch as the fabric stretches over your six-month bump. You think about your armor as you caress your baby and the armor also stretches down protectively over it.

You don’t plan on doing any fighting. You’re going in last and only when most of the fighting is done.

Your powers three and a half months ago had been waning. Now that your pregnancy has gotten further along, they’re back at full force but you’re still afraid to fly so the jet is a must. What if they should go out mid-flight and you fall to your death?

You don’t want to take any risks with your little one and this risk, going to get Sophia, only qualifies as a tiny risk. You have Tony, Rhodey, Steve, Thor, Pepper, and Nat all available and willing to protect you with their lives.

If you have ever wondered if this adopted family of yours really loves you, this is how you know they do.

Thor paces the space in front of the elevator and you feel bad for making him worry. He looks up at you as you approach and hurries you forward with a wave of his hand.

You climb in, his hand on the small of your back, as he looks your suit over. He runs his hand along the armor as the elevator moves and he tightens a strap here and there before he turns you to face him so that he can look down at your belly.

“All secure in there?” He wonders.

“She’s fine.” You assure him.

He sighs nervously then wraps you up in his arms quickly, his right hand placed on your belly while his left helps lift you up slightly so that he can kiss you. When he pulls away, he stares into your eyes and his electric blues are full of pleading.

“You are not to leave my side the entire time. Do you hear me?” He demands and because you know he’s desperately worried you nod.

You won’t play with this pregnancy. You won’t jeopardize your marriage by wandering off. You’ve never been into the _obey_ part of marriage vows which is why you both wrote your own but for today, with so much at stake, you’re going to do what Thor says. He will protect you and your baby with his life.

As the doors open, he takes hold of your hand and then two of you file out but see that the jet is already gone.

“Did they leave?” You panic.

“They couldn’t wait. The distress signal was fading.” Rhodey moves towards you and Thor, his mask off as he looks you over.

He seems to feel like Thor in that you’re being reckless for coming along and you suddenly realize what you’d seen in Steve’s expression in your room. He had also been disapproving of you going. Damn these men. And you’re sure that Tony would have also insisted you stay if he’d had the chance to offer an opinion. He’d been so distracted since he found out that Sophia was missing. He seemed so distraught and when you asked him why, he’d explained that she was vulnerable and naïve in some ways.

_“I don’t know she’s just so innocent in the way that she thinks. She doesn’t suspect the worst of people when she meets them. In fact, she seems willfully willing to overlook their darkest flaws.” He seems to be talking about himself just as much as anyone else._

_“I should have protected her. I knew what she was like. As soon as it happened, and I knew he was gone, I should have brought her home.” Tony laments and you see for the first time, that you’re not the only girl in his life who seems to have taken a daughter-like spot in his heart._

“They left.” You realize with disappointment and shake your head.

You only allow your disappointment two seconds to stay.

“You two go.” You suddenly insist.

You release Thor’s hand and grab his beefy bicep instead. He looks down at you and knowing you’ll have to part with him, you admire his beautiful visage.

His blonde hair has grown in the past four months. While the Avengers searched for Sophia, Thor had let it grow and it’s smooth and flows like golden waves.

It’s long enough that he can pull it back into a very short ponytail. The longer parts reached the curve where his neck and wide shoulders meet. Right now, he has it down, and it blows in the breeze that’s wafting in from the open hangar door.

His blue eyes search yours and you nod.

“Go. I’ll stay.” You assure him, trying your best to hide your disappointment.

“It’s probably for the best.” Rhodey agrees and heads towards the hangar door.

“No.” Thor suddenly says. “No, I’ve got you, love.”

He reaches down to wrap his arm carefully around you, placing his hand on your bump.

“I’ve got both my girls.” He says with so much affection in his tone that your heart melts and you reach up to grab his ear to pull him down for a quick kiss.

“Rhodey’s right, Thor. I need to stay. I was being stubborn wanting to go. And the truth is, I can’t anymore. Until our Princess is born, I need to accept my new limitations.” You hate admitting it, but you know you’re right.

Your baby girl must come first now, no matter how much you want to go.

“Then I will stay with you.” He leans back to look down at your face with a severe expression of determination.

“And leave everyone without your strength? You need to go Thor. Go _for_ me. I can’t be there for Steve, but you can.”

“My place is by your side.” He complains.

“Which will be ready for you when you get back.”

“And I leave you here, unprotected? What kind of King am I to leave my Queen when she is in such a vulnerable state?” He shakes his head. “I will not leave you alone.”

“I think we both know that Y/N isn’t what most people would call vulnerable. Not physically anyway. But you’ll be more help to Steve than I will. Go. I’ll stay with Y/N.”

Rhodey moves towards the two of you and stops with a nod to Thor.

“See? Now go. They’ll need you.” You speak with assertion, but you make sure to leave your voice free of orders.

“You’ll need this.” Rhodey reaches out and places a small black earpiece in Thor’s hand.

Thor reaches up and fits it in place before he turns back to you, caresses your baby bump as he dips his head to kiss you quick.

“I will be back before you know it.” He promises.

You run your hand through his hair, caressing the side of his head as he pulls out of your grasp.

“We’ll be waiting.” You rub the sides of your bump to indicate you mean you and your little one.

With one final, hesitant look, he shoves Stormbreaker up when he clears the hangar door and disappears into the sky.

You look at Rhodey and shrug. “Sorry. You really don’t have to stay though. You could just tell him I made you go?”

“And get my ass toasted by his lightning? No thanks. Besides, half the medical staff is on vacation. I’m gonna go see if I can wrangle up whoever is left. Get a hold of the ones on call. Something tells me we’re gonna need all hands on deck when they get back.”

Rhodey leads the way back to the elevator and waits for you before taking it down to the medical bay.

You think about your armor and it retracts back into its pendant form. Thinking about the possible state the team might be in when they get back sends you into a consuming worry. You rub your tummy as nervous butterflies suddenly erupt within and without warning a strong push wipes all thoughts but that of your baby from your mind. It feels like a sudden, powerful, but also gentle _pop!_ You gasp and Rhodey turns towards you with wide, worried eyes.

“What? What’s the matter? Is it the baby?” He asks.

You nod as you look up at him still full of shock yourself. You feel the pressure, the flutter again and you laugh this time.

“Hurry, your hand!” You sputter and Rhodey’s suit opens back and he steps out quickly, leaving War Machine standing behind him, then offers you his hand.

You guide his hand gently along the right side of your stomach and hold it there. For a few quiet moments it feels like nothing will happen. Both you and Rhodey stand with your breath held and then, another kick!

You gasp and laugh as you look up to see Rhodey smiling, his eyes full of amazement.

“Whoa! That’s a strong kick.” And you realize that your baby’s kicks would naturally be stronger than the average human baby’s. Not only is your DNA saturated and altered with Serum, but Thor is Asgardian!

This baby was going to be so strong when she’s finally born.

“I guess she takes after her daddy.” You happily celebrate.

The elevator door opens and Rhodey takes his hand back. “I’ll get everything prepped. You and the Princess get up to your room and rest. We’ll need you later, I’m sure.”

You nod. “Rhodey? Can you keep this between us? She hadn’t kicked yet, and Thor hasn’t felt it. I don’t want him to-“

“Understood.” He assures you with a smile. “Y/N? Congratulations.”

Maybe it hadn’t felt real for Rhodey. That was the first time he’d addressed the baby in a pronoun that wasn’t _baby_. She was real to him now like she’s always been real for you. Maybe if Tony and Steve felt her, they would reconsider the watch?

_The watch!_

As the elevator doors close on your smile, you quickly press the button for Tony’s den and lab. With your smile gone, rest your hands on your bump and watch as the floors change.

Now is your chance. Everyone is out. Tony, Steve, Thor, and Rhodey is busy in the med bay. When will you ever have this opportunity again?

The elevator doors open on the floor to Tony’s den and you lithely make your way along the hall and into his private space. You’re scared as you enter. Not because you aren’t allowed in the den but because this is the first time you’ve gone somewhere on the compound with ill intent and it makes you nervous. Will F.R.I.D.A.Y. tell Tony that you were in here poking around?

You move along to his lab and look around the busy room. There are gadgets and clutter on every surface. You take your time and begin your search. You make it as thorough as you possibly can and half an hour later you curse under your breath when you realize that the watch is not on any of the tables. Where would he hide it?

 _“Can I help you find something, Y/N?”_ F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s accented voice makes you jump, and you press your hand to your chest as you try and calm yourself.

“Jesus, F.R.I.D.A.Y., you scared me.” You growl.

_“Sorry. You seem to be looking for something. Can I help you find it?”_

“Actually, yes. The watch that Wade gave me, the time travel watch? Do you know where Tony’s keeping it? I just want to have a look at it.” Your lie falls from your lips naturally. If F.R.I.D.A.Y. plays this conversation back for Tony, it’ll sound like you really just want to look at it.

_“Mr. Stark has secured the watch somewhere even I am not aware of. He seems to be especially protective over the device. Would you like me to ask him where he is keeping it?”_

“No! No. That won’t be necessary. Thanks.” You sigh heavily and head out with lead in your heart.

So, Tony didn’t trust to leave the watch out in the open? Not that you can blame him. You are planning on destroying it. How are you going to get to that watch?

You think about the possible places he might have hidden it the whole way back to your room. You sit on the edge of the bed and slowly undress, dropping your suit onto the foot of the bed until you’re back in your underwear and blue t-shirt. You carefully hang your suit back up then crawl into the lumpy cocoon of yours and Thor’s blankets and sheets. You pull his pillow close and inhale his intoxicating scent. Glad that maybe, with your worries so clearly stated for him to understand, he might be on your side now.

If you ask him to help you find and destroy the watch, will he help you?

You shove your pillow between your knees, and stare at the door. You want to say that he would help you, without questions. But with the fates of half his people on the line, not to mention Heimdall and Loki…you can’t trust your own husband to protect you and your baby girl.

You feel sad about it and you let yourself wallow in the feeling of being alone. You’re the only one that wants to protect her at any cost. Thor might love you both, but his priorities are never just going to be you and your little one. And you hate that.

You’re not sure when you fell asleep. Somewhere between wondering if Thor will help you find the watch and hating his inability to just be your husband and the father of your baby. Though you knew what he was before you married him, so you can’t really be angry at him for being King. You can be angry at him if he refuses to help you protect your little one.

Your dreams are fraught with Thor walking away from you into darkness where you can’t follow, a crying baby in your arms that suddenly disappears leaving only the echo of her crying.

You jerk awake, gasping as you reach out and grab a wrist.

“Hey, it’s just me.” Nat’s voice reaches your ears and you instantly relax.

“Sorry, you scared me.” You admit as you fall back onto the bed.

“Nightmare?” She wonders. She looks down at your belly and gently presses her hands to it.

“Yeah.” You admit, openly. You have no reason to hide anything from Nat. She’s so resolutely in your corner that you definitely know that if you asked her to help you find the watch she would. But you’d be putting her in a position to choose her comrades or your baby and you don’t want to do that to her…you’re not that desperate. Yet.

“Did you just get back?” You wonder as you eye her suit and scan your body for any injuries. She’s still in full uniform and her red hair is carefully coifed so that it stays back out of her face.

“Yeah. Just a few minutes ago. Thor asked me to come and tell you he’d be back in a few hours. He’s gone to New Asgard to make sure things are okay.” Nat looks a little worried as she delivers her message.

“Did something happen?” You ask, your heart dropping into the pit of your stomach as you consider why Thor might race off to New Asgard just after a mission and without coming home first.

“No, no. He didn’t go this morning and he just wants to show himself for a bit. Check up on things. Valkyrie wasn’t exactly excited about being left in charge.” Nat explains.

You still haven’t met this Valkyrie woman. Thor speaks very highly of her and he places a lot of trust in her ability to keep New Asgard safe in the absence of its monarchs. You haven’t been back to Norway since this whole business with Sophia began but you know that the Asgardians know that you’re pregnant. You weren’t even able to have a wedding there like you’d planned but Thor says they were not upset. Most of them were just happy to have Thor married and now with an heir on the way they were content enough that as long as he informed them of your health and the baby’s steady growth, they felt included.

At some point you’re going to have to go see them. Most of them were so kind and welcoming to you.

“Is it the watch that gives you nightmares?” Nat asks, her voice low and very spy-like in its secrecy.

“How did you-?” You begin, pushing yourself up to sit with your back against the headboard of your bed.

“The bigger you get the more the watch comes up in conversation. Never when you’re around and never around Thor but Pepper, Steve, and I worry about what using that watch will do for you, Thor, and little Natasha.” She’s serious and you would normally smile or laugh at her insistence that you name your little girl Natasha but, in this moment, you’re just so overwhelmed at the allies you suddenly have. One thing stands out for you and as you rub your belly you tilt your head to the side slightly as you repeat her words over and over.

“Steve is worried about us?” You rub your tummy, an array of flutters erupting in the pit of your stomach which then makes your baby kick. Excitement floods through you and you want to reach for Nat’s hand to show her, but you decide to wait until Thor feels first. You don’t want to add to the lift of people who have felt your little girl kick before her own daddy.

“Yeah.” Nat shrugs, trying to play it off but you see the seriousness of her words in her eyes. “He can see how much you love her. All of us can. I think he’s worried about what it might do if changing the timeline takes her away from you.”

Steve is worrying about you and your baby? He’s on your side? How is it possible that he, of all people, having lost as many teammates as he did, would be on your side?

“Nat, why hasn’t Sharon been coming around?” Voicing your worry out loud to someone who isn’t Steve helps keep your heart at ease but you’re still nervous as you wait for her to answer.

“I’m not sure. He doesn’t talk to her on the phone either. The last time I talked to him about her he said that they were trying to see if some time apart might help in the long run. I guess she’s not adapting to well to the way things are now.” Nat shrugs. “And if I’m honest, I don’t think Steve is as eager to patch things up as he should be.”

This was exactly what you were afraid was going to happen. “He can’t seriously be expecting that I-?”

“No. No, of course not, Y/N. Steve knows that you and Thor are forever. He’d never dream of coming between you. I think he’s settled himself on being single again. It took me forever to get him to ask Sharon out, but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be?” Nat sounds slightly defeated. “You work in our line of business for long enough, you learn to be alone.”

The amount of guilt surging through you is unbearable. It clouds all of your thoughts with Steve and you wonder if maybe you really made a mistake sending him off so many months ago. He was choosing to be alone? He and Sharon had seemed so in love at your wedding…or maybe that’s what you’d wanted to see?

You think about that night with clearer eyes and realize that Sharon had been a little standoffish. She’d danced a bit, but she’d kept to herself for the most part. She didn’t really laugh or talk. Even with Steve, they’d sat in silence most of the night.

_What the hell did I do?_

“Where’s Steve?” You have to see him.

Just seeing him will make you feel better.

“He’s down in the med bay.” Nat says.

“What? Is he-?”

“He’s fine.” Nat assures you as you sit up straighter. “He’s just with Sophia. That’s where I just came from.”

Nat and Sophia had apparently also spent lots of time together. They were very good friends and as soon as Nat had learned about her kidnapping she’d been just as adamant in finding her as Steve and Tony.

“How is she?” You wonder.

Nat shakes her head. “I don’t know who the Shadow are, but they took some pretty big cues from Hydra. We thought they _were_ Hydra back in the day and maybe they started out as Hydra but they’re something else now. We’re looking into it.”

You throw your blankets off and swing your legs over the edge of your bed. You’ll have to pull on something else. You move to your dresser and pull on a simple white cotton dress. It’s soft and casual and perfect for just wearing around the compound when you’re intent on lazing about.

“Y/N? I need to tell you something else. This isn’t going to be as easy to swallow but…”

“Nat, just spit it out.” You turn to look at her as you pull your dress down over your bump and smooth it out.

“It’s about Psych, we found them in the warehouse where Sophia was being kept.” Nat says it slowly, hesitantly, gauging your response as she speaks.

She doesn’t need to finish. You already know where this is going. You reach back and lean against the dresser, keeping yourself stead as you take a deep breath. “B/F/N’s dead.”

Nat nods. “It looks like they’d been dead a while. Whoever took Sophia killed them. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

You’d known this was the only ending that could come to your once best friend. They’d threatened your baby and you’re glad that you weren’t the one to do it after all.

“What room are they in?” You ask Nat a little breathless.

“They’re in the big surgical room.” She says.

Without another word you move out of your room and head for the elevator. You know exactly what room they have Sophia in because it’s the room that you’d been in when you’d been injected with Variant Z of the serum. It’s the room where you’d heard Steve talk to Sharon on the phone and you’d felt so betrayed by him keeping the secret of still being in contact with her that you’d made what you realize now was the hasty decision to break things off with him. Before he could hurt you more, you were going to end it.

And Thor was so much a part of you even back then you couldn’t give Steve everything that he deserved anyway. Or at least, that’s what you tell yourself as you exit the elevator and move down the right hallway of the med bay towards the familiar room.

It’s so silent you’re not sure what to expect. As you turn the corner towards the glass doors you find Tony leaning against the reinforced glass wall, staring at the floor, still in his Iron Man armor. He’s bleeding from the corner of his lip and his eye are glazed over with worry. You don’t want to bother him, so you move up to the glass doors and they slide open for you. The girl who is laying on the same metal table that you’d laid on so many months ago takes your breath away.

Seeing her picture and seeing her in person are two different things. Now that you can see her up close you can see just how much she looks like you. It should be impossible. She’s almost your spitting image. A little younger. But the face shape, the body, though you can’t see her eyes, you’d seen in her picture with Bucky that they’d been the same color as yours. She’s beaten. Her right eye bruised but not swollen. Her arms are also bruised but aside from bruising, she doesn’t seem to be harmed.

Sitting with his back to you, staring at the girl on the table, Steve doesn’t even turn to look at you. He stares at her, his breathing heavy. You move towards him, move around to is left to get a good look at his face and find him beaten too. The right side of his forehead is cut, large, still bleeding. There’s a bruise forming on his left cheekbone, but otherwise he seems fine. Still in his suit, he simply stares at Sophia, unable or unwilling to speak. His storm blue eyes seem lighter, gray in the grief he seems to be experiencing. She’s alive so you don’t understand why Steve is so upset, other than that she was kidnapped and injured. He’s staring at her as if she’s dead.

You worry is for Steve in the moment however, and you reach over to the rolling table with gauze and cleansing supplies and quickly move to tend to his cut.

As you wash the cut on his forehead, he suddenly seems to realize you’re there. He turns to look up at you briefly, before he’s got his eyes back on her. He doesn’t pull away as you clean his cut and then press a small towel to his forehead to stop the bleeding.

As you hold the fabric in place, he finally seems to cave a little. His lips curve up into a grimace, as he blinks against the rush of tears that suddenly begin to spill. He sobs once and it’s so heartbreaking that you pull his head against your side, resting it against your stomach. He sobs again and then reaches up to place his right hand over yours, still holding the towel in place as he lets himself cry.

“I-I failed her.” Steve sobs.

“She’s here, Steve. She’s alive. You found her.” You assure him as your heart continues to break for him.

“No.” He insists. “They injected her…she’s…”

You know what he means without him needing to clarify. She had her own serum now. You look at her and sigh lightly. For you, taking the serum had been a choice. Is that why they hadn’t kidnapped you, too? Because you’d taken the serum on your own?

“They…they made her…she’s…” You’re not sure what he’s trying to say but you turn him around and tilt his head back so that you can get a look into his eyes which cry out for relief.

“What did they do?” You ask.

He stares into your eyes, gaining some sort of strength from staring into them. “They made her like him. Like Buck.”

“A super soldier?” You ask, knowing that already.

“No…they made her a weapon.” He explains, and it hits you, knocking the wind from your lungs as you realize exactly what he means.

Sophia has been brainwashed, turned into everything that Bucky had been when he’d been the Winter Soldier. It’s in this realization, as Steve leans forward and hugs you close, resting his head against your baby bump, that you know even if Steve had been on your side before this…with Sophia in this state now. There will be no way that he’ll help you destroy the watch now when any possibility of reversing this is possible.


	39. Thor, the Dove, and the Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Thor bond over your little girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Anything that is Bold is the reader from You’re My Mission’s perspective. (I will begin to post what I have of this story so far soon.)
> 
> Sophia - You’re My Mission’s reader.
> 
> Olivia - The End of the World’s reader.
> 
> Names are only used to keep from confusing the readers. YOU are still the reader in these stories!

Nestled on the small sofa that you had moved into the corner of the large surgical room, you don’t hear Thor at first when he comes in. Steve’s head is gently nestled into your lap, his face buried against your baby bump as he clings to you tightly, even in his sleep. He’s curled in on himself, too big for the small sofa, but he wouldn’t let you get up earlier so that he could stretch out.

You didn’t blame him. And he’s finally sleeping. You don’t want to move him.

So, with his cut now stitched up and healing, you watch his sleeping face. It twitches and occasionally a few tears fall from his sleeping eyes. It hurts to watch him in pain, a pain that you can’t take away. Well…you could. You could make him forget Bucky and Sophia and the struggles that now as a pair they seem to share. What kind of fate is it that Bucky is taken, forced into being an assassin, stripped of his identity and used as Hydra’s fist for so many years and now even his bride has been twisted into the same tortured creature?

You gently run your hand through Steve’s blonde hair and he relaxes a little more against you, but his arms are still tight around your waist. You rub at your right temple, your elbow propped up on the sofa’s right arm, as you contemplate the terrible luck that Sophia seemed to be having the past two years. First, she loses Bucky. And now, she’ll never be like her old self. Not only is it tragic, but it fills you with fear.

This twist of fate is going to affect you in the worst way possible. Steve is going to want to use the watch now. It won’t even be a question of whether they should or not. He’s going to insist and because this thought scares you, you shut your eyes as a single tear rolls down along your right cheek. You wipe the tear away and look up at the medical table at the center of the room where Sophia is still unconscious. You know you should only be thinking about her health and safety but you can’t help it. The baby kicking in your stomach refuses to let you forget that she’s there and she wants to meet you and her daddy.

You sit up straight as you notice Thor stop. You see the confusion on his face as he stares at the girl on the table and he struggles to understand what he’s seeing.

You know what he thinks he must be seeing. She looks so much like you did before you took your serum. Same hair. Same eyes. Same skin tone. Your faces are so similar that unconscious as she is, you can see how the mistake could be made. The only thing that tells Thor that the girl on the hospital bed isn’t you is her lack of pearlescent pink hair with a single black strip down the side.

You swallow hard and the sound draws Thor’s eyes to you. He sighs in relief and you try to smile at him, but it turns into a grimace and you look down at Steve and you let yourself finally cry. Your fear is gripping. It chokes you and you try to keep your sobs silent as Steve sleeps on your lap.

Thor closes the distance between you and drops to his knees slowly, watching you with worried blue eyes. His left hand finds its way onto your back and his right takes hold of your own free right hand which sits resting against the arm of the sofa. He doesn’t speak. He’s going to wait for you to talk first.

You swallow hard, pushing the sorrow and fear down and shake your head as you finally look up into those sparkling cerulean eyes. “This changes everything, Thor.”

Thor shakes his head. “I know what this means for us.”

He doesn’t need you to specify what you mean because he knows that you’re talking about you and your baby girl. He looks down at your baby bump. “I will protect you. Both of you.”

His assurance, once enough, doesn’t do anything to comfort you.

“Did you see Tony?” You ask him and try again to control the way your sobbing hitches your voice.

“He’s-”

“They’re both in pieces, Thor. There won’t be any changing their minds after this. I…” Did you want to admit to your scheming? You can’t keep it from him anymore. “I went to look for it in Tony’s lab. I was g-going to destroy it. I was going to make sure that no one could take her away from me. Either of you. But he’s already hidden it, Thor. I don’t know where it is. How am I supposed to destroy something that I can’t find?”

Your voice is a strangled whisper as Thor’s hand comes up from your back to rest against your cheek. He wipes a tear with his thumb slowly and stares at you with a strange mix of admiration and horror. Maybe he hadn’t known how desperate you had become? The more that this little girl in your belly grows the more frenzied your motherly instinct becomes. You want to protect her. How can you do anything other than fight for her? She and Thor are your world. You won’t sit by and let them wipe her away.

“I’ll talk to them.” He assures you, but you know it won’t do any good.

You reach over and wrap your arm around his bicep and bury your face against it as he watches you cry. His other hand finally comes up to caress the back of your head and the three of you stay this way. Steve sleeping restlessly with his head in your lap, you with your face buried against Thor’s bulging bicep, and Thor’s hand gently massaging the back of your head.

You’re not sure when you also fall asleep, but you do. You’re aware for bit that you’re being cradled against a wide chest. You can smell the ozone on him and the gentle aroma of an approaching storm. It lulls you into a deeper slumber and the darkness of unaware bliss consumes you, allowing you, for a few hours, to escape the torment of an uncertain future.

_**Pain. Excruciating pain. The only thing you can remember feeling is terrible pain. Over and over again. Then searing electricity as it surges through your body, frying every nerve end and every cell in your body is ignited. You hear a strangled scream and then it’s suddenly cut off. A large looming figure approaches you. It stands in shadow and though your eyes are open, and they stare up at the metal roof of the warehouse you’ve been in for what feels like months, you can’t make out the figure’s face. You can tell that it’s male. It frightens you. But you can’t move to react. Your body is frozen as another doze of some liquid courses through your veins.** _

_**“Hit her again.” A lilting male voice says. It’s dark and sinister in tone and it fills you with more dread.** _

_**“This will complete the full dosage. Two vials. Are you sure you want to give her this much, my Lord? She’ll be unstoppable.”** _

_**“That is the point, idiot.” A sudden tan hand pulls the gaze of your eyes. Each finger on this hand wears a ring. As the hand clenches into a fist, the ring on the thumb shines brightly and there’s a sudden choking as if being strangled from the second voice. “Shall I repeat myself?”** _

_**The choking turns into a gasping of air as the hand unclenches and falls back into shadow.** _

_**“No…” The gasping voice says, and you feel a sudden pin prick in your neck.** _

_**Your burning is renewed and though you can’t scream, and you can’t be any more rigid than you already are, your body convulses for a moment before it refreezes in its state of agony.** _

_**“Now, listen girl. You are going to deliver a message for me. Tell Stark the Mandarin sends his regards. When you wake, you will deliver my message, by shoving this knife into the heart of your equal.” Silence follows this ridiculous declaration. As if you’re going to do anything for this idiot. You’d never hurt Tony! Or anyone else on the Avengers compound.** _

_**It suddenly feels as if all the air in the room is gone and when the figure speaks again, his lilting voice fills you with sudden fear.** _

_**“Orphan.“ He begins, and your heart races.** _

_**“Lone.” Your blood begins to race and the fear that builds up in your chest threatens to overpower your pain.** _

_**“Dance.” You look into the darkness where the looking figure speaks and with terrified eyes, you stare, pleading for him to stop but your lips useless to be aloud.** _

_**“Sorrow.” You shut your eyes, your body still rigid but no longer feeling the pain. Instead your mind is suddenly buzzing. Like bees trapped in a jar, the buzzing becomes deafening.** _

_**You tune out lost in the madness of your mind.** _

_**“Six. Twelve. Shatter. Lover. Sibling. Dust.”** _

“I think she’s waking up. Get Steve!” Bruce shouts. Nat turns on her heel and races out of the surgical room.

You move quickly to stand on Sophia’s right, staring down at the girl who could be your slightly younger twin. “Are you sure? She still looks out to me.”

“Her heartrate is increasing. Her body’s relaxed. And her eyes fluttered.” Bruce insists. “There, there, you see it?”

He points at Sophia’s face and you stare down at her as her eyes do indeed flutter.

“Sophia? Can you hear me? You don’t know me. My name is Dr. Bruce Banner. Sophia?” Bruce sighs. “Where the hell is Steve?”

You see the frustration on his face and realize that he must think that hearing the voice of someone she knows might help revive her more quickly.

There’s a rush of running feet and Steve and Nat come around the corner a moment later. Steve moves around to your side of the hospital bed and stands on your right, reaching out to take hold of Sophia’s right hand.

“Sophie? Sophie, can you hear me?” Steve’s desperation is palpable. You move over a little to stand closer to Sophia’s head.

Steve takes better hold of her hand and uses his other to gently stroke the back of it.

“Sophie? I’ve got you. Can you hear me?” He sighs, frustrated and on his last shred of sanity. He looks up at Bruce who is watching Sophia with narrowed eyes. “You said she was waking up?”

You look at Steve and nod. “She was. Her eyes fluttered.”

Bruce’s eyes go wide again and Steve clings more tightly to her small hand. “Soph? Come on, Soph. Wake up. Please?”

“Give her a minute, Steve. It’s disorienting waking up the first time.” Steve had a serum, sure, but his hadn’t been excruciating like yours had and no doubt Sophia’s as well. Only unconsciousness had helped ease the pain and even then, when you awoke, it was to a wildly different world. Things you aren’t supposed to be hearing you can hear. Things you shouldn’t be able to detect in the air you can smell. And then when you open your eyes it’s all the harder. You see small shifts that you’ve never had to concentrate on before and it was crazy distracting.

Sophia’s eyes suddenly shoot open and you no longer recognize them. She’d had eyes just like yours before but now they were ice blue. Bright and penetrating, it reminded you very much of the blue in Bucky’s eyes that you’d seen in his picture in the hut.

Of course, the serum was going to change her somehow. Your hair had completely transformed. Her change was smaller but just as dramatic.

Steve falters for a moment as he stares into her strange eyes but recovers quickly.

“Soph, can you hear me?” He pleads.

Very slowly, Sophia turns her blue gaze onto Steve. She stares at him for what feels like the longest minute of your life before very deliberately she looks at you. You jump slightly as she suddenly pushes herself up, never once breaking eye contact with you. You take a small step back as she sits up then throws her legs over on your side of the hospital bed. Steve weaves in towards you, trying to get Sophia to look at him.

“Soph?”

She finally looks at him and when she opens her mouth, she speaks quiet and deep. “Tony.”

“Tony? Bruce, get Tony down here.” Steve tells Bruce who is out the door with Nat at his heels in less than a second.

Sophia’s gaze finds your own again and she stares, watching you as you offer a small smile that you hope is comforting but she doesn’t respond. She just stares.

You nervously rub your baby bump and Steve’s eyes are on you again. He seems hesitant for a moment before he also reaches over and very carefully rubs the right side of your stomach.

When he’d slept on your lap he’d suddenly become privy to the fact that your baby girl was kicking already. A little late but it was also your first pregnancy.

You feel guilty that still, because Thor took his detour to New Asgard, he still hasn’t felt his little girl move. And like Rhodey, though he’s been watching you get bigger every day, having his head kicked by your baby has made Steve realize that there really is a little someone in your belly, getting bigger every day. And he sees the way you love her even more now and when he watches you, the way he’s watching you now, you can almost see him arguing with himself about the watch.

His hand on your stomach makes your heart flutter lightly and your Princess responds by kicking his hand.

Steve smiles and then looks up, dropping his hand as Tony skids to a halt outside the sliding glass doors. He marches in, circling around the bed with his eyes glued to Sophia’s face.

Her blue eyes stop him in his tracks and slowly she turns to meet his gaze.

You watch as her right hand twitches by her leg but then she speaks pulling your gaze back to her face.

“Tony?” She asks, almost as if she doesn’t recognize him but there’s no way she couldn’t.

“Yeah, Soph, I’m here.” He assures her and moves to stand at the foot of her bed. He looks a little nervous. Why is he nervous?

“The Mandarin sends his regards.” She says flatly.

Confusion courses through you and you see the same confusion reflected in not only Steve’s face but as you both turn to look at him, Tony’s too.

You see a flash of silver and react instinctively. You’re fast, very fast, but it seems that Sophia is your match. Just as she thrusts her arm forward, large shining knife catching the light and reflecting silver across your face, you push her hand out towards your left.

The knife, aimed at your heart, misses but still buries itself to the hilt into your left shoulder.

Your scream of agony pierces the room, flooding it with loud echoes.

Warm wet floods your white dress, dripping down across your shoulder and saturating your left side.

You yank yourself back and Sophia’s grip on the blade is so tight that the movement pulls the knife from you.

Steve quickly turns to face you, pressing his large hand against the deep wound in your shoulder.

You scream again from the pain of the pressure.

“No!” You hear Tony shout and look up to see Sophia with the knife aimed straight for Steve’s heart.

Steve reacts quickly, moving just in time so that her arm lands awkwardly along his forearm. She pulls back and Steve pushes you away as Sophia throws her knife in the air with a flick of her wrist then catches it with her other hand and begins to swipe at Steve’s throat who manages to keep some distance between them.

You press hard against the wound on your shoulder and move towards the small sofa you and Steve had been sitting on earlier in the day.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. get Thor!” You shout as Tony moves to a metal panel on the wall behind the bed where he keeps a handful of his nano-suits.

He quickly attaches the unit to his chest and it immediately begins to engulf him in red, gold, and silver.

When he’s fully suited up, he simply stands there, staring at Sophia and Steve as they engage in a fast and elegant dance as she tries to stab him and he expertly blocks each blow and avoids each strike.

There seems to be a familiarity in Steve’s reactions to Sophia’s attack. It’s almost as if he’s fought her before.

He finally manages to get in a blow to her forearm, hitting her hard enough that the knife flies from her hand. She turns to her right, moving with the momentum of his attack and reaches for a silver tray which she swings back at his head with immense speed.

Steve steps back and just barely avoids the blow.

Gasping, you watch them, hand pressed hard against your shoulder.

As you watch Steve and Sophia fight, you notice that she continuously shifts herself left and right, readjusting her body every time Steve blocks her. And he’s blocking her because she keeps turning her blue eyes on you, a wild sneer on her face, as she tries over and over to get to you.

She suddenly stops, and she yells loudly with effort as she spins her body hard, twisting around until her fist makes contact with Steve’s head.

He isn’t expecting the strength of her hit and he goes flying through one of the glass walls, crashing through it and falls out into the hallway.

Tony hurries forward as Sophia turns for you again and before she can take another step towards you, he grabs her arms, holding her back as he tries to adjust his grip to hold her more securely.

“Come on, kid, snap out of it.” Tony says, his voice half pleading and half exasperated.

Sophie struggles against Tony’s hold, glaring at you with gritted teeth. When she can’t make any headway, she suddenly throws herself back against Tony so that her back hits his chest.

She twists under his arms and when she’s facing him, she brings her legs up to both kick and push Tony hard in the center of his chest. The power of her kick is strong enough that Tony releases her and she fall towards the ground as he falls onto the hospital bed with the loud creak of metal.

Like out of a horror movie, Sophie throws her arms back up over her head as she falls and catches herself on her hands and feet. She stares at you, her head upside down, those blue eyes unsettling.

In a move that screams Nat, Sophie throws her legs up over her head as she does a handstand then finishes her flip and lands upright on her feet.

She turns around, eyeing that Tony is busy untangling himself from the hospital bed, and charges you.

You think of only one thing, your baby girl. Your armor extends down over your bump, applying pressure on your stab wound as it does. You curl your arms around your bump, intent on protecting your little one.

You see blue eyes, sparkling with success as a fist flies towards you.

Suddenly, you’re obscured by a large body. You hear the impact of Sophia’s fist against hard muscle and the body in front of you slides back a foot or two. You place your hands on the gray fabric of his Henley shirt and thank Odin that Thor made it down in time.

The smell of ozone permeates the air, a sudden charge in the room makes your hair stand on end, and you quickly pull your hands back as Thor begins to crackle with blue-white electricity.

He bellows out a booming groan of effort as he glows a blinding white and electricity shoots out towards Sophia.

“No!” Both Tony and Steve shout at Thor but they’re too late.

Sophia is blasted with a full charge of Thor’s lightning. She flies back, hits the metal wall behind her where her head makes a sickening thud. She falls to the floor, a crumpled heap of motionless flesh.

Tony races for her as does Steve while Thor turns to look you over. He’s still coursing with electric charge, angry as he is, as he reaches out for you and you wince as you’re shocked.

He quickly pulls his hands back. “I’m sorry!”

He’s frantic to get a look at you but he doesn’t dare touch you again.

Around him, Steve moves towards you. “I’ll get her.”

Thor watches him move to your side and help you down onto the sofa. Your armor retracts into its pendent form, exposing your stab wound again. Blood gushes forward, coating Steve’s hands and your dress in more blood.

“It’s deep. You’ll need to be stitched up.”

“What was all that-” Nat freezes, her eyes wide as she takes in Tony’s now armorless form curled protectively over Sophia as he looks her over.

She then surveys the absolute destruction in the room, and finally her eyes find you, covered in blood.

She’s at your side instantly. “Steve, get me gauze.”

Nat looks at Thor as she presses her hand against the wound on your shoulder.

“Are you better now? She needs you.” Her voice is stern and slightly chastising.

Thor nods and moves to you.

“I am fine.” He assures both you and her.

Nat nods. “Then put one hand on her shoulder and get her into one of the other rooms, I’ll be right there with some supplies.”

Nat releases you and Thor is quick to replace her hand with his own which does a better job of applying pressure to your wound. He reaches down along your waist and manages somehow to lift you up into his arms.

He carries you out as you strain to get one last look at Tony who, with Bruce’s help, is lifting Sophia back onto the medical bed which has been stood up once more.

You watch her until Thor turns the corner and she’s no longer in sight. You look up at your husband and the sorrow on his face sends a non-literal dagger through your heart.

“Thor?” You reach up and place a bloody hand on his cheek. “Thor, we’re alright. We’re safe.”

He looks down at you, his lips curved and puckered as he tries to fight the sadness that seems to be filling him up. His brow is furrowed and his eyes, slightly narrowed, fill with water and obscure the blue.

“Puppy, we’re okay. I promise.” You rub your thumb along his bearded cheek and he shuts his eyes, allowing his tears to fall.

He doesn’t say anything. He gets you into one of the examination rooms and very carefully places you on the bed. He keeps his right hand pressed against your left shoulder, leans over you, places his left elbow on your other side and hovers over you half protectively and half because you expect he simply needs to feel you close.

You reach up with your right hand and grip the front of his suit, pulling him closer so that he can rest his forehead against yours. “We’re okay.”

Your whispered assurance does nothing to calm his sorrow.

A moment later, as the two of you relish in feeling the other close, Nat walks in with a small tray with lots of gauze, antiseptic cleanser, thread, and a sewing needle.

It’s funny, you haven’t thought about it the entire time you’ve been here but literally every single one of you knows how to administer stitches.

Thor stands back up, moving to stand by your head with his hand pressed against your shoulder until Nat is sitting by your side, tray propped on the rolling table, and motions for him to remove it.

Thor doesn’t leave your side the entire time you get your shoulder cleaned, stitched, and wrapped. He moves to your right side instead and takes a seat, clings to your right hand, pressing it against his lips as he watches you with worried and slightly defeated eyes.

“What happened?” Nat finally asks as she grabs a bit of medical tape to secure your bandages.

You reluctantly tear your eyes away from Thor and look at Nat. “She woke up. Then she asked for Tony.”

You think about the events that led up to the craziness of half an hour ago and shake your head.

“She just stared at me the entire time while we waited for Tony to show up. She wouldn’t say anything or respond to any questions, just sat there, staring.”

“You were her target.” Nat states plainly. “Then what happened?”

“Well, Tony came in and she said something about the Mandarin sending regards? Then she stabbed me. She was aiming for my heart, but I reacted and managed to push it to the side. Who’s the Mandarin?” You turn to Thor but he’s still just staring at you with defeat in his eyes.

“No one that’s any real threat. I mean, there was a Mandarin a few years ago but he turned out to be some actor. Made up as a coverup for someone else to work their magic undisturbed. Gave Tony a lot of hell. But that guy’s in prison. It couldn’t have been the Mandarin. Are you sure that’s what she said?” Nat finally drops her hands into her lap and stares at you with a confused and furrowed brow.

“I’m positive.” You assure her and nod. “That’s what she said, ‘The Mandarin sends his regards.’ Then she stabbed me.”

“You’re all set. You, papa bear, get her to bed and stay with her.” Nat orders Thor and Thor is on his feet already slipping his hands underneath your knees, the other around your shoulders to carry you up.

“Thor, I can walk.” You say, but he ignores you and lifts you up.

He follows Nat out of the hospital room and when she hurries forward towards the surgical room Thor turns to the right towards the elevator.

The trip back to your room is entirely silent. You can feel Thor’s heart hammering against his chest and wonder if he’s still panicking a bit. You look terrible still, covered in blood. When he reaches your room, he carefully sets you on your feet. “Stay.”

He presses down on your shoulders as if he were trying to stick you to the floor. He moves away from you to your drawers and after rifling through your clothes for a bit he pulls a pair of stretchy red shorts with tiny white polka dots all over and a loose, gray, off-the shoulder top. You open your hands to take the clothes from him but instead Thor throws the shirt and shorts over his shoulder and then moves to stand in front of you. He grabs the bottom of your dress and carefully lifts it up. You pick up your right arm and he slides that sleeve off first then as carefully as he can, he helps you maneuver your left arm out of the dress so that you don’t have to lift your arm up over your head. When the dress is clear of your head, he moves tosses the dress towards your hamper in the corner but then stares at your half-naked body, frowning at the red blood, still drying, along your left shoulder.

“Don’t move.” He says again and tosses your clothes onto your bed then disappears into the bathroom.

The agony in his eyes is scaring you and as much as you want to reassure him, you feel as if you’re the one that needs reassurance. Why won’t he talk to you? What is he thinking? You hear the water in the bathroom running and the unmistakable sound of Thor probably wetting a towel. When he reemerges, he is indeed holding a damp white hand towel. He moves back to stand before you and very careful not to bother your bandage, he cleans first around the front and then he moves around you to clean your back. The blood must have dripped down further than you thought because he wipes down almost your entire back before he tosses the towel into the hamper as well.

He moves back around and grabs first your shorts then lowers himself a bit holding the waistband wide so that you can put them on.

You place your right hand on his left shoulder and as he supports your weight, you step into the shorts. He slowly pulls them up and carefully lays the waistband just underneath your belly. His hands, you’re not sure if he just can’t help himself because he’s already down there, begin to pass over your extended stomach. He sighs heavily then drops himself down onto his knees as he wraps his hands around your waist and pulls you closer so that he can rest his head along the side of your stomach.

You feel like you can breathe suddenly, and you realize that you’ve been waiting for him to show some sign of anxiety and this is it. This was his fear escaping. He leans back, runs his hands along the sides of your stomach and then places a soft, careful kiss to the right of your navel. He shuts his eyes tight as he kisses you and you remember his tears from before. Placing your own hands on the back of his head, your fingers winding their way into his hair, you sigh lightly.

“We’re okay, Puppy. She’s okay.”

“How can you say that?” He demands from you, anguish in his every word. “I had your blood on my hands.”

He holds his right hand up towards you, and you look at it but it’s clean now. No more blood. Washed off when he grabbed your towel, probably.

“I know.” You caress the side of his face and then gesture at your shirt on the bed. “Come on, finishing dressing me. I’m cold.”

A lie, but necessary to get him moving. He gets back to his feet and grabs your shirt and just as he had with your dress, he helps you slip into it, one arm at a time. The shirt hangs around your shoulders. You move to the bed and sit yourself down on the edge then shift on the bed using only your right hand until you sit with your back pressed against your pillows. You lean back, sighing as you rub your tummy. Your shoulder stings but you know it’ll probably mostly healed by the morning.

Thor stands watching you, his hands balled into fists at his sides. You see him as he was, down in the med bay, blue eyes full of tears as he carried you bleeding to one of the exam rooms and you reach out for him. “Come. Sit by me. I wanna show you something.”

With a small smile of encouragement, Thor moves to your side and crawls along the bed until he’s beside you. He realizes that he can’t lean on your left, so he quickly shifts over you to your right and then leans his head on your shoulder, staring down at your pregnant belly.

“What do you want to show me?” He wonders, sadly. Unenthusiastic.

You frown. “I can’t show you unless you laugh. It’s the only way that I know to make it happen.”

Thor shakes his head. “I am not in a laughing mood.”

“Fine. Then make me nervous. Make my heart flutter.” You explain.

“How?” He wonders.

“You’re my husband, Thor. Out of everyone in the world, you can make my heart flutter like no one else.”

“I don’t-” He shakes his head in confusion, still staring down at your belly.

With a sigh of exasperation, you reach down to his chin and gently coax his gaze up to meet yours. You bite your lip, hating the look of defeat in his eyes. You want to wipe it away. “Tell me you love me.”

“You know I love you.” He replies.

“I know. But I want you to tell me.”

He blinks, boring into your eyes with his own shocking blues then reaches up to hook his hand behind your neck. This move alone does the trick. Your heart stutters and butterflies erupt in your stomach.

Just as you expect, there it is, a kick. You smile wide and before he can tell you he loves you, you reach up to pull his hand from your neck and quickly press it against the left side of your tummy.

But she’s not kicking anymore. “Damn.”

You look back into Thor’s eyes and he into yours.

“Tell me you love me.” You ask, desperate for him to feel her.

He lets a long, serious moment pass, then licks his lips. “I love you. You are my world and I will do everything in my power to protect you and our baby girl.”

It doesn’t make your heart flutter like before, but his words mean much more, and your eyes suddenly feel hot.

“Thor…?”

“I would rather die than live without you. I will strive to prove my love for you and our child even if it should kill me.” He promises.

“No. Thor…”

He suddenly leans up towards you, his face stopping just inches from your own as his hot breath fans across your lips. Your heart flutters and she kicks. Right where it counts!

Thor’s eyes clear of sorrow and there’s the unmistakable spark of glee and surprise in them. You swallow hard, smiling. “There. Did you feel her?”

Thor turns his shocked gaze down onto your stomach, staring at his hand where your baby girl just told him, _“Daddy, I’m here.”_

“You felt her, right?”

Thor can’t speak. He leans down to get closer to your belly and rubs the spot where she just kicked. You want him to feel it more, so you think about his lips on yours. The way his hands feel when he touches your sides with the clear intent of ravishing you. Your heart flutters at the memory and once again, she kicks.

He chuckles this time, forcing himself up onto his knees as he presses both hands around your belly and leans down to press his lips against your stomach. Hating the shirt in the way, he yanks the fabric up and presses his lips directly against your skin. His beard tickles. Your heart flutters again and she kicks him again.

He laughs, and he kisses her. You reach over and push his hair back, happy tears in your eyes, and bite your lip just happy that he finally in this small way met his daughter.

“She’s really in there.” Thor says, excited. He turns to you, beaming. He leans in and kisses your lips, holding it for a few seconds. “Thank you.”

You’re not sure what exactly he’s thanking you for. Maybe he’s thanking you for showing him that she’s kicking or maybe he’s thanking you for giving her to you? Maybe he’s thanking you for being pregnant or maybe just for existing? Or maybe he’s thanking you for all of those reasons?

His gratitude is genuine, and he kisses you again, slow and meaningful, like he did when you told him you were pregnant. With his kiss he tells you how much you mean to him and there’s no denying that he loves you and your Princess. He settles himself down beside you, kissing you over and over with his left arm wrapped around your shoulders and his right on your stomach, searching for each kick as he makes your heart flutter again and again.

_**You feel a warm hand around yours. You feel safe. For the first time in months, you feel safe. How many months?** _

_**If you’re honest, it’s been almost two years now that you haven’t felt safe. With Bucky gone how can you ever feel safe? Without your soul, how can you possibly feel anything but empty? The only other thing that you feel, aside from the emptiness is a terrible and unquenchable longing.** _

_**You miss him. You miss the way he smelled of soap, earthy Warka tree, and the slightest hint of peaches. You miss the way his arms or as you remember him last, with only his right arm, wrapped around you tightly. He didn’t need two arms to make you feel safe.** _

_**He didn’t need any arms at all. Or limbs. Just having him near was enough for you to feel complete. The black hole in your chest widens and threatens to swallow you whole as you remember the way his smile lit up your day. His blue eyes, speckled at the center with just a little bit of brown and green, always reassuring you that his love was yours and yours alone. It was in his every gaze, his love for you. You even miss the way he argued with you about the correct way to hold a quarterstaff. Even after all that time, he’d still insisted that you were holding it wrong.** _

**“Not everyone holds it the same, Bucky.” You complain.**

**“Why can’t you just listen to instruction?” He argues, exasperated and tired of arguing.**

**“Because you keep insisting that this is the only way that a person can hold it! I don’t feel comfortable holding it that way. Can’t you just let me do it my way?”**

**“No!” He shouts, frustrated and letting his temper get the better of him.**

**“Ugh! You’re such a dick!” You shout back.**

**“And you’re a stubborn pain in the ass!”**

**You grab the staff and throw it at him, not really aiming for him but definitely letting your own temper get the better of you. He ducks, and it clatters noisily against the spongy floor of the training room.**

**“Did you just throw a staff at me, doll?” Bucky asks, not believing what just happened. He runs his hand through his long hair, grabbing it a bit more tightly than he intends with frustration.**

**The term of endearment he uses sends a fire into your chest and you move a step back as he takes a step towards you. “James Buchanan Barnes, how many times have I told you that I _hate_ that fucking nickname?”**

**“A couple dozen.” He growls, taking another step towards you. “And what did you just call me?”**

**You take another step back. “James.”**

**He takes a step towards you and you step back.**

**“Buchanan.” He takes another step forward and you take another step back.**

**“Barnes.” You gasp as your back hits the wall. With a hard swallow you watch as Bucky’s hands stretch, and you know what’s coming.**

**“You know how I feel about you calling me by my full name.” He says low, his eyes suddenly black.**

**“Shit.” You spring towards your right, running for the door of the training room but only get two feet when a cool metal arm is wrapped around your waist. The softer, flesh hand finds the back of legs. He tosses them over his shoulder as he drops his metal arm, using only his right to hold you on his shoulder. As he walks towards the door with you, you grunt in frustration as you bounce with each step. Your head is just beside his chest. You push against his side so that you can lift it up and look at him.**

**“Bucky, put me down.” You complain. “Now.”**

**He says nothing but keeps on walking. You’re not sure where he’s taking you. When he finally stops you begin to recognize the scent of chlorine and just as you’re about to ask why he’s brought you into the pool room, he tosses you off of his shoulder and with a scream you crash into the warm water of not the pool but the large square bathing tub in the water therapy room.**

**You find your center and push yourself up onto your feet. You’re lucky you had already taken your boots off earlier when the two of you had been sparring! But you’re soaked, and you gasp as you break the surface. “Damn you, you jerk!”**

**You rub at your face, pushing your hair back and blowing out to get the water off of your lips. You hear two thuds and finally turn to focus on your husband who you suddenly notice is watching you with those same dilated eyes. He smirks down at you, peels his shirt off, exposing his stupidly sculpted torso then moves down to his pants where he begins to undo his belt.**

**“Bucky, we’ll get caught.” You point out but you’re already licking your lips.**

**He drops his pants and slowly lowers himself into the water and this time, as he approaches you, you don’t pull away. And as his hands wind their way around your waist, under the waistband of your shorts to grip handfuls of your butt, you gasp as your body begins to tingle in anticipation.**

**He suddenly leans down, and his gaze softens a bit. His eyes shine blue once again as he stares at you, admiring the curve of your lips as you breathe deep, lust making your skin burst into chills. He huffs a laugh then presses a soft kiss to your cheek. It’s not what you’re expecting. As he kisses your other cheek, he brings his hands back up, hooks his fingers into the bottom hem of your shirt and lifts it up over your head. He licks his lips then leans down to kiss your exposed breast before trailing kisses up between them, up along your neck, and finally to press a tender kiss to your lips.**

**“I love you.” He whispers against your mouth, the peach scent in his breath driving you slightly nuts. “So much.”**

**“I love you more.” You insist.**

**“Not possible.” He argues then pulls you against his body, squashing your chest against his own.**

_**“Why is she crying?” You recognize the voice attached to the warm hand. “Is she in pain?”** _

_**“No. I don’t think so.” The second voice you don’t recognize.** _

_**“She was always crying in her sleep before she got taken. She’s probably just dreaming about him again.” This voice is definitely Shuri’s!** _

_**“Y/N?” And this one is Steve’s! He’s the one holding your hand. “Please, open your eyes.”** _

_**“Did you really have to strap her down like that?” Shuri asks angrily.** _

_**“She stabbed Livi.” Steve suddenly says. “Until we know what we’re dealing with, I don’t want to take any risks.”** _

_**“Why didn’t we just take her back to Wakanda? I could have scanned her more fully there.”** _

_**“Shuri, I get that you want her home, but I need to make sure she’s alright. If she’s okay, then the both of you can go back together.”** _

_**“And I’m telling you that she’s not okay. If the brain scans from earlier are accurate, her brainwashing is more advanced than any brainwashing I’ve ever seen. This is more than what Hydra did to Bucky. I was able to take the memories and separate their root from the programming. This, what I’m seeing, she’s been altered. Not just with the serum but something else has shifted her mind. Steve…” Shuri begins, somewhat solemnly.** _

_**“Don’t say it.” Steve pleads, low and angry as his hand tightens around your own.** _

_**“I don’t know if I can fix her like I fixed Bucky. This might be permanent.”** _

_**Hearing Bucky’s name so much drives your consciousness up. Your eyes flutter as you struggle to force them open.** _

_**“She’s waking up.” Steve says excitedly. “Y/N? Can you hear me?”** _

_**As you begin to see light and make out the shapes of a metal ceiling you find access to your lips and open them slowly. “Wh-where…?”** _

_**That’s as much as you can get out. But Steve seems to know what you’re after.** _

_**“You’re back at the compound. We found you in that warehouse where the Mandarin was keeping you and brought you to the Avengers compound.”** _

_**What? You’re back at the Avengers compound? But Tony…Tony had told you never to come back! You’d chosen Bucky and you’d hurt Tony so much that he’d told you to stay away.** _

_**Your eyes flutter open fully and you search the unfamiliar surgical room, never having needed surgery when you’d been here before, and find first Steve. He stares at you with worried, storm blue eyes, his hand is indeed around your own, but you can’t see it because you can’t lift your head to look down. Your hand feels tied down.** _

_**You continue to look around and find Shuri over by your feet, but you can only see her from the neck up. She smiles at you, trying to look reassuring, but there’s a tightness around her eyes that gives away her concern.** _

_**You turn your head fully to the left and find the face you’re looking for. Tony stands leaning against the glass wall, his arms crossed over his chest, his lip cut but no longer bleeding. A large black bruise covers his left eye and cheek.** _

_**“Tony…” You begin, intending to apologize for showing up when he’d clearly warned you to stay away. You aren’t supposed to be here!** _

_**“Hey, kid.” He says, a slight twitch to the corners of his lips for a moment makes you think he’s smiling. “Welcome home.”** _


	40. Thor, Vex, and the Unknown Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophia threatens your peace in the conclusion of The End of the World.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *If the text is in bold the story is from the You’re My Mission Reader’s perspective - Sophia
> 
> Thank you so much for reading The End of the World! This was literally my first fic ever, not just Marvel, but ever. It is the second part of a series in my Ashes to Ashes Universe. I am currently still working on You're My Mission (Bucky x Reader) and Parallel which is a direct sequel to this one (Steve x Reader). I will be posting both on here eventually. I hope you enjoyed the ride and continue to journey with me as this reader's story continues.

  


Sometimes, hope is all we have.

Hope that things won’t get worse. Hope that things will get better. Hope that things will stay the same. Hope is also fleeting but it can also be resilient.

You lie on your bed, staring up at the dark ceiling of your shared bedroom with Thor and hope that your little girl’s kicks were enough. It had sounded like they were. He sounded converted.

Thor had been so happy when he felt her kick. For a moment you believed that he will put her first. Still, despite the fleeting spark of relief you felt when his blue eyes lit up in pure bliss, you know that things are never that easy.

You don’t doubt that Thor loves her or you. If it was just Thor and no one else—No Asgardian Kingdom, no Avengers, no vaporized half of a universe—then he would choose you and your baby in a heartbeat.

But even though you know that he may want to choose the two of you, he will have to steel himself with selfish resolve to do it which is not in his nature.

It would be so much easier to do it yourself, but the meeting yesterday did not go well and now you have other things to think about in addition to that cursed watch.

_“How is she?” You ask as Steve wanders in from the hallway. He looks up at you and moves to sit on the small sofa across from you._

_He’s gotten good at looking at only you and not at both you and Thor, even though you’re sitting on Thor’s lap. His hands are pressed firmly against the sides of your baby bump, waiting for more kicks._

_He’s addicted. He’s been showing up around corners and surprising you with kisses and spontaneous love confessions just to make your heart flutter so that he can feel her kick. It’s downright adorable until you begin to wonder if it’s enough._

_“Not great but not bad. Depressed. She misses Bucky.” Steve frowns, looking down at his hands in his lap as he leans forward, elbows on his knees. He grips his hands together and the shadow that passes over his storm blue eyes bothers you more than it probably should._

_“Of course, she does.” You try and imagine what it would be like if you woke up and Thor was suddenly gone._

_No body to bury, no goodbye shared, just gone._

_You trace his forearms, appreciating the way he feels in your hands, and only stop when your fingers intertwine with his around your belly._

_Thor looks at the seat to his right and gives Bruce his undivided attention. “What have you called us here for, Banner? Is something wrong?”_

_Bruce looks across the coffee table between all of you, to Tony who stands behind Pepper’s chair, where she sits with her hand pressed lightly over her mouth._

_She knows something. Her red hair, always pulled up recently with having to go in and out of her Rescue armor, rests prettily on her shoulder._

_She turns her gaze to the seat beside Steve which is currently occupied by Rhodey._

_“Are we not waiting for Nat?” Steve wonders. “Or Shuri?”_

_“I’ve already told them what’s going on. They’re actually down with Sophia letting her know what this is about.” Bruce speaks quietly but his eyes are tight with stress and his hands fidget with nervousness._

_“Bruce, just…spill it. Dragging it out isn’t gonna help things.” Tony urges, impatient and distracted._

_Pepper reaches over to take hold of his wrist, offering him some comfort._

_Rhodey watches Tony and his curiosity seems to get the better of him._

_“What’s going on? Please don’t tell me we’ve got another damn space terrorist to worry about.” He sighs._

_Steve looks at him then turns his gaze back to Bruce._

_“Maybe it’s best if you just spit it out, Bruce?” He suggests._

_Bruce watches him then slowly turns his gaze on you. For a moment you think he’s just looking at everyone in turn…but his eyes stay on you._

_Your heart flutters nervously and your little girl kicks Thor hard but like you, he’s so distracted by Bruce’s trained gaze on you that he doesn’t seem to notice it._

_“Bruce?” You probe, worried._

_Is it the baby? Did something come back weird in your routine check? You rub your belly nervously and shift your gaze to each Avenger in turn and they’re all watching you. Steve is the one that finally tears his eyes away, back to Bruce._

_“Bruce…?”_

_“Sorry.” Bruce shakes his head, reaching up to pull his glasses off then shoves them into his breast pocket as he speaks. “There’s really no easy way to say this so I’m just gonna…say it.”_

_He moves his hands out from his chest in two large circles as if he were expelling something_

_“I was running some tests, routine blood tests and analysis, on Sophia’s blood and DNA. Just to see how much she’s been altered not just by her serum but also by whatever new special brainwashing this Mandarin seems to have found.”_

_“Okay, but what does that have to do with me?” You demand, getting more and more nervous._

_Thor rubs your belly, offering comfort. You can feel his pounding heart, however, so the fact that he’s also scared like you counteracts his gesture._

_“Well, we have your blood and DNA analysis on file too because of when you took Variant X and all the other times you were injured, so I took the two samples and ran them. I wanted to see if there would be a difference or even what kind of difference between the two of you there might be.” Bruce suddenly goes silent as he reaches to scratch at his left forearm with his right hand, turning his gaze down onto the untouched chessboard on the coffee table._

_“And?” This time its Steve’s worried voice that urges him on._

_You’re too distracted to realize that Steve has double the reason to be worried. They all do, all of them that knew Sophia really well before. But Steve is different because he loves you both in different but very strong ways._

_“Well, I think the reason that the Shadow and Hydra have been after Sophia since the night they killed her parents and the reason they were looking for Y/N is because they’re related.” Bruce talks with his hands, pulling up the sleeve on his right hand but gesturing towards you with an open palm._

_He looks up at you, his brown eyes boring into your own. “You and Sophia are sisters. Half-sisters, actually. The two of you share the same mother.”_

_You’re not sure what everyone starts saying after that because his words fill you with a strange weight in your chest and it’s all you can do to keep your mind going. Thor’s heart stops pounding so much and his hands renew their comforting strokes, more genuine this time in their efforts._

_You can hear Steve and Rhodey asking questions and you know that Pepper and Tony are having a quiet conversation by themselves, but you can’t hear anything any of them are saying._

_You’re aware, after a few minutes that Thor’s deep timber is rumbling against your back, his mouth wafts warm air towards your cheek and then slowly his words begin to clear._

_“Blossom?” You force yourself to look at him and watch his furrowed brow crease more deeply as you stare wordlessly at him._

_You turn your gaze back to Bruce and when you speak, everyone goes quiet. “Are…are you telling me that I’m a-adopted? That my parents, the man and woman who raised me all these years, were not my real parents?”_

_“My Blossom,” Thor begins but stops when your raise your hand._

_“You didn’t know?” Steve realizes but seems to be searching your face for confirmation._

_You lick your lips as you look at him then look back at Bruce._

_“Oh my God, I-I didn’t realize that you wouldn’t know. I thought that-“ He stops when you get to your feet._

_“I need to know when and where and who…who my parents are. Tony, can you look into it?” You look over at him feeling really dizzy and find him staring at you with a mixture of pity and sadness._

_“Of course, Y/N. We’ll get on it right away.” Pepper is the one who responds when Tony doesn’t._

_Rhodey simply sits watching you from his spot, thinking through Bruce’s revelations. “So, that’s their connection?”_

_He looks at Tony then at Bruce. “Their mother, that’s why they were after both of them?”_

_“What’s so special about their mother?” Thor wonders, his right hand around your right wrist, tethering you to him so that you don’t float away._

_Which you could technically do but you’re not even thinking about flying._

_“We don’t know yet.” Bruce confesses._

_“Well, we must find out. We must search the interwebs to find out what makes this normal human woman special.” Thor says, thumping his fist against his knee._

_“What does it matter, why?” Tony asks, irate. “All of this doesn’t have to happen. Sophia was brainwashed and our resident Doogie Howser doesn’t know how to undo it. That leaves us with one solution.”_

_“What are you talking about, Tony?” Steve asks, looking over at him with a small frown on his face. Clearly, he doesn’t like talking about Sophia’s new weaponized state._

_“The watch. We use it, kill Thanos before he can even get his hands on the stones and problem solved. Barnes never dies, neither does anyone else. Sophia doesn’t get taken. No. Brainwashing. All of our problems solved! Like, that.” Tony reasons and snaps his fingers. The sound makes you jump._

_His words send a cold dagger through your heart. Is that what she, your baby, is to him? A problem? Your hands wrap around your tummy protectively._

_Thor looks at Tony with an anger that fills his eyes with venom. “Not everything that came after the Snap is a problem.”_

_Tony seems to realize his mistake, holds his arms out and shrugs. “Sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the good of the universe.”_

_“That is easy for you to say when you are not the one making the sacrifices. You have only everything to gain from using that watch.” Thor accuses him angrily._

_You don’t want to hear it. They’re already planning to take her away from you. Tony doesn’t care!_

_“Look, Thor, I’m sorry. I really am but we can’t not use the watch because you have a larger stake to lose. We need to do what’s best for everyone. And when I say everyone, I mean_ everyone _. The entire universe hangs in the balance and you want to let them down to play house?”_

_Play house?_

_“Repeat those words again, for me, I am not sure I heard you correctly.” Thor threatens at the same time that Steve speaks._

_“Hey, hold on a second, Tony.” Steve says._

_It hurts. Too much and you swallow hard because you can’t believe what you’re hearing. This is Tony! He welcomed you here. Gave you a home. He protected you. Defended you. He treated you like a daughter. He gave you away at your wedding! And here he is talking about you and your little girl as if you aren’t standing five feet from him._

_You shut your eyes, fighting the tears that begin to pool in them._

_“Guys, I don’t think this is the time to be discussing this.” Rhodey reasons._

_“You’re crossing a line, Tony.” Steve says, a venom similar to Thor’s in his voice too._

_You can’t listen anymore. You force your mind to focus on what you can control._

_“I need to see her.” You say and pull out of Thor’s grip to move towards the elevator._

_“Y/N, we’ll go with you.” Steve offers._

_Thor is on his feet, moving after you as you squeeze through the seats._

_“No, I-I wanna talk to her alone.” You reach up to rub at the spot where Sophia had stabbed you. Is this what the Mandarin set out to do? Pit sister against sister?_

_Clearly, you’re older than her so you were born first, abandoned by your mother. Maybe she had good reason for giving you up?_

_Why is this girl so damn important? So important that Tony puts her well being before your own? Fuck you and your baby so long as the universe is fixed, and Sophia is back to normal and happy._

_Your dizziness begins to overwhelm you as anger and pain take hold of your heart._

_“Catch her!” Pepper calls out._

_“Y/N!” Steve shouts._

_Darkness consumes you as your legs give out and you’re caught by the unmistakable arms of your husband._

Now, here you are. In your bed. Waking up with the knowledge that not only is your baby still at risk of being erased but you have a half-sister. A birth mother and father you didn’t know about. Your parents, the people you loved but admittedly didn’t always fit in with, were not your parents at all.

They are gone, and you can’t even ask your mom why she never told you that you were adopted.

And Tony…his words with Thor…did you really mean so little to him?

Your sorrow threatens to consume you again when you hear the sound of your door open.

Your sensitive nose picks up the scent of a coming rainstorm and what is no doubt chamomile tea.

The door is shut, and Thor’s bare feet move across the carpet. You look at him when he comes into view and he gives you a soft smile when he notices that you’re awake.

“Hello, my Blossom.” He states, relieved and you feel bad for making him worry.

He places the little blue cup and saucer on the bedside table before moving to help as you push yourself up to sit. He sits himself down beside you and reaches for your hands.

“Steve thought that you might like some tea when you wake. I’m not sure what kind it is.”

“Chamomile.” You say with a nod. Steve always knew just what you needed when you were stressed but right now, even tea won’t help.

“How are you feeling?” Thor asks, looking at your tummy. “How’s our little one?”

He’s trying hard to distract you. Bringing up your baby is probably not the best tactic but there’s no distracting you anyway.

“I need to see her, Thor.”

“It’s late, Blossom. She is probably sleeping.” He says, his face slightly sadder.

“Thor, I _need_ to see her, now.” You don’t want to order him, but you have a sister that you need to re-meet. The first impression she left you with is definitely left much to be desired.

Thor sighs. “I told him you would not drink tea. Come on. I will escort you and then I will leave you be. That is what you want, is it not?”

You stare at him, his blue eyes sparkling with affection despite his disapproval of you being out of bed.

“Yes.” And there’s another thing. “But we need to talk about what was said at the meeting.”

“We will not talk about that anymore. I will find the watch and I will destroy it for you. For us.” He leans down and kisses your stomach through your shirt and then sits back up to fix you with a look of sheer determination.

“Thor?” You’re not sure you heard him correctly. Not to mention, if you did, this was the most selfish thing he will have ever done or will probably ever do. So many lives hang in the balance and here he is promising to throw them away for your little family. His little family.

“When I married you, I told you that you were my new strength. You have completed me. When I lost everything, you gave me the courage to live on. I also told you about regretting that I’ve hurt you…I’ve disappointed you. I will not do so again. I love you, my Blossom.” He seems to think better of his words and he edges closer to you, his hands moving up from your tummy to your shoulders. “Y/N, you are my life. You and our daughter are all that matters. I will always protect Earth but you and not the fight are my new priority. I will destroy that watch for us. For her.”

You want to cry at the sincerity of his words. He means them. He loves you. He loves your little girl. He’s going to put you first and he’s going to destroy that watch. And you don’t feel bad about it. Selfish as that may be, this is your baby girl! Your husband. Your chosen life.

Your fingers climb up along his biceps until they can grab the back of his neck. You pull him towards you until you can press your lips to his in grateful relief. Thor places one hand on your stomach and the other he wraps around your right shoulder to pull you closer so that he can kiss you with more passion. He parts your lips with the tip of his tongue and you sigh with pleasure at the way his beard scratches your cheek. This is how you and Thor seal your futures. With a burning kiss and a kick from your baby.

**The glass doors slide open with an audible _whoosh_. You’re still in the medical bay and you’re still strapped down to the hospital bed. You’ve stopped struggling. You’re scared too.**

**Nat and Shuri told you several things when they were down here earlier in the night. First, you’re safe. Second, you stabbed a girl. Thor’s wife, actually so you’re lucky that he didn’t kill you. Third, you did it because you were told to. You’re brainwashed, just like Bucky was and it’s apparently worse for you because Shuri doesn’t know how to fix it. Fourth, Shuri is not giving up. She’s running continuous tests and scans but she’s desperate to get you back home to Wakanda so that she can scan you properly with all her resources. Fifth, she said she’d probably have to put you under like she’d done with Bucky. Sixth, you’re a super soldier…or a variant of one. The pain that you’d been in was because you had been in transition. The Mandarin, Hydra, the Shadow, whoever the hell it was that had kidnapped you had injected you with a modified version of the super soldier serum that turned Steve and Bucky into who they were. Seventh, you’ve got a sister.**

**Well, technically, she’s your half-sister. It seems that your mom had, two years before you were born, had another baby. She gave this baby up for adoption. A year later she married your dad. Then a year later, she had you.**

**Your half-sister is also the girl you stabbed. So, you feel kinda bad about it, but you weren’t exactly in control? How many times had you told Bucky that his mistakes had not been his? The people he killed were killed by Hydra, not him. They’d used him, hijacked his body, and forced him to do things that no one should ever be forced to do. You are no different. You didn’t ask for this though it seems that being born of your mom is reason enough to be kidnapped and experimented on. You’re not sure what makes her so special, but she had been an incredible woman.**

**So, her being special? Not surprising for you.**

**As you turn your head towards the doors, you strain to see who it is that’s come to see you.**

**A strange head of pearlescent pink hair wanders into your view. You recognize the girl now and remember stabbing her. She’s pregnant! You stabbed a pregnant girl! What the fuck?**

**She doesn’t say anything, so you look her over. She looks so much like you. Almost exactly like you except she’s pregnant, he hair is almost white with a very faint pink tint to it and a thick strip of dark black hair that runs from the top center of her head down the right side. She’s also clearly older. Or maybe she’s just been through more? Not that she looks old she just…her eyes are tired. She’s got a lot on her mind, you guess.**

**The girl stops and crosses her arms under her chest, resting her forearms along the top curve of her pregnant belly. Wait, you’re going to be an aunt!**

**“What’s your name?” The girl asks.**

**“Y/N.” You say, calmly, analyzing the girl’s every move. The way she shifts her weight, the way she breathes, her shoulders moving up and down minutely. This is all thanks to the super soldier serum. You know it. “You?”**

**The girl watches you and after a shake of her head she moves over to your bed and presses the button by your head to help you sit up more.**

**“Oh, thanks. I’ve been wanting to look around for a while.” You admit, finally taking the opportunity to look around at the sterile room. Lots of the glass walls are broken. Nat told you that you did that.**

**“Olivia.” The girl suddenly says.**

**“No, my name is Y/N.” You explain again, confused.**

**“No, my name is Olivia.” The girl says. “Steve calls me Livi.”**

**“Oh.” You feel stupid, you miss your fool. The idiotic way your mind works now reminds you of your Bucky so much that you want to cry.**

**You throw your head back, angry suddenly at the sorrow you feel in your chest. Olivia jumps.**

**“Sorry.” You mutter through gritted teeth. “These mood swings are no joke.”**

**“Yeah, I remember.” Olivia replies, and your head turns towards her.**

**“Wait, you’re like me?” You ask, desperate for answers.**

**“Not exactly like you. The serum I used is called Variant X. I think they used M on you. Tony and Pepper are looking through the warehouse to see if they can find what version you have.” Your sister explains.**

**Your sister…woah.**

**“And I’m not brainwashed.” Olivia says, reminding you of your earlier attack. You watch as she reaches up to massage her shoulder gently.**

**“Sorry about stabbing you.” You say with a grimace. “I didn’t-”**

**“I know.” Olivia says, cutting you off.**

**“So, what can you do?” You ask, curious about the abilities that your sister might have gotten from the serum. Were they different from yours? You hadn’t really discovered all of them yet, but you knew of one.**

**“I can manipulate and change body structures. I can convince you to do anything I want, and you’ll do it with a smile on your face.” The words she’s using sound cool, but her tone is not happy.**

**“Wait, so can you maybe fix my brain? The brainwashing, if you can change body structures you can change my brain back into what it was. Can you tr-”**

**“It doesn’t work with other variants. Because you’ve taken your own serum, the way that they change your DNA structure prevents us from using our enhancements on each other.” She cuts you off again. Rude.**

**“Are you saying that you can’t make me do anything?” You ask for clarity.**

**“That’s right.” She nods.**

**“So, then you can’t make Steve do anything either?”**

**“No, that’s different. Steve is not a variant. He’s _the_ Super Soldier. My abilities work on him.” She nods.**

**“How do you know?” You ask again, for clarity.**

**“I made him get drunk once.” She looks like she wants to say more but she looks sadder suddenly and quickly changes the subject. “What do you know about our…our…”**

**You watch her struggle with the word and when she can’t seem to spit it out you provide her with it. “Mother?”**

**“Yeah. That. I mean, her.” Olivia mutters and for the first time since you started talking to her, she seems like she could be your sister. Her awkwardness is familiar. You see yourself in her.**

**“I don’t know any more than you do. I’m sorry. I…my dad was a poor man. Worked out jobs for most of his life. He fell in love with my mom and married her, but it pissed off my-our grandpa, so he cut her off. He was really wealthy apparently. Plantation money.” You struggle a little against your binds and Olivia’s eyes move to them then back up to meet your eyes.**

**“Where was she from?” She asks you quietly. Again, you see yourself in her. You remember asking Bucky questions about his imprisonment with Hydra with the same quiet and nervous tone.**

**“Missouri.” You smile, thinking about your mom bring you a little comfort. You wish she were here. Your dad, too. You think back to the boat ceremony that Bucky had given you on their six-month death anniversary and you’re suddenly thrust back into a wave of pain.**

**You miss him so much. You look at Olivia’s pregnant stomach and wonder that if you hadn’t been so stupid about not having kids then maybe you’d have a little Bucky running around. He’d give you comfort at least and be proof that it hadn’t all just been one long, really good dream.**

**“How many months are you?” You wonder.**

**Olivia’s face shifts. She’s so happy suddenly, her eyes shining with pride as she reaches down over the dark blue of her shirt to rub her extended belly. “Six months. Going on seven.”**

**“I’m so glad you didn’t say it in weeks.” You admit, still jealous.**

**“Ugh, I hate that.” Olivia admits and smiles at you, genuinely and you see your mom in her face. She really is your sister.**

**“You and Bucky-?” She suddenly stops talking and looks apologetic.**

**She’s probably responding to whatever pain she sees in your face. You force yourself to relax your face and shake your head.**

**“No, we…I was on mission when it happened. I mean, I was there but I got back and-” Curiosity gets the better of your sister and she moves closer. She reaches for your hand and you feel comforted as she takes it. She’s so genuine in her worry for you. You can feel her empathy and sympathy in her touch.**

**“What was it like?” She wonders.**

**“On the battlefield in Wakanda?” You ask.**

**She nods. “Thor won’t tell me. It’s hard for him to-to talk about it. So, I never ask anymore.”**

**“It was…chaotic. I just remember the blood the fighting. The growls and the screams. I remember looking for him, fighting my way through but when I finally got there, to where he was…” You’ve never told anyone this and it feels good to say aloud. It also hurts and your eyes water before finally your tears overflow.**

**“People were already going when I was close and when I got to Steve it was all over. I d-didn’t even get to say goodbye.” You bite your lip hard, urging yourself to keep it together. You’ve spent so much time crying these past two years.**

**“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I can’t…I mean I know what you’re going through because I lost a lot of people in the Snap but to lose _him_ , that one person you love and can’t think to live without…I can never understand it.” She squeezes your hand and you squeeze it back, for a moment you and she are not strangers. She really is your sister and this instant connection is astoundingly beautiful.**

**The _whoosh_ of the doors sounds again, and Olivia releases your hand to turn and look to see who’s coming in. You aren’t really happy with the interruption since you were actually kind of enjoying spending time with your sister alone. But when you see that it’s Tony, you relax.**

**Being back on the compound is strange to say the least. Tony has been very welcoming and hasn’t mentioned your last encounter. He’s been really supportive about Bucky too. He spent some time listening to you talk about your relationship with him before he’d left earlier in the day and you were surprised, he was able to listen without rolling his eyes or getting angry.**

**After what Bucky did to his parents…but you being suddenly brainwashed seems to have softened Tony’s thoughts on the whole situation. You stabbed Olivia and he seems to love her very much, but he kept reminding you that it wasn’t your fault and that someone had made you do it.**

**When you frowned at him for that explanation he smiled, embarrassed but eager to move on.**

**“Good. You’re both here.” Tony stops at the foot of the bed and drops a large thick file onto the table of surgical utensils with a clatter.**

**Olivia pulls her hand from yours and crosses her arms over her shoulders. The look she’s giving Tony tells you that things are not peachy with Tony and his second adoptive daughter.**

**“What do you want?” Olivia asks, angrily.**

**The fact that Tony doesn’t sass her when he responds, shocks you and you stare at him as he avoids Olivia’s gaze and stares down at the open folder.**

**“You asked me to look into your birth so, I did. Do you want to hear what I found?” He finally looks up at Olivia and she reluctantly nods.**

**“Well, you _were_ put up for adoption by Y/M/N about a week after you were born. There was no father’s name on the birth certificate, just a single letter ‘E’, if that means anything to you.”**

**“An ‘E’?” You wonder and try and think about who your mom might have mentioned with a name that began with the letter ‘E’ but you don’t remember any such name.**

**“So, I’ll never know who my dad is? He might still be alive, and I wouldn’t even know it.” She sounds so sad that you feel bad and wish you could help.**

**“I won’t stop looking.” Tony assures her**

**“Except you will.” She suddenly spits.**

**“Olive, not now.” Tony says, sighing with slumped shoulders.**

**“You’re making promises you’re not willing to keep.” She accuses him.**

**“What going on here?” You ask, confused by the sudden tension in the room.**

**“We-” Tony begins but Olivia suddenly takes a step towards him.**

**“Stop talking.” She says and the authority in her voice sends a shiver down your spine. Something happens to your body. It wants to respond to her order, but you shrug it off easily.**

**Tony looks confused for a moment then looks like himself again as he stares up at Olivia and strangely enough, doesn’t speak.**

**“Is that what you were talking about before? The manipulation thing?” You ask.**

**You look at Tony and shake your head. “Tony, what’s my name?”**

**Tony looks at you and stares with a furrowed brow, trying hard to push past the mental block.**

**“He really stopped talking. Will he not talk until you tell him he can?” You look up at your sister and see that her previously angry and resolved expression has already begun to crumble.**

**You can see the guilt on her face. She feels bad for making him do something that isn’t his choice and you watch as her anger melts away, replaced by a look of deep sorrow as she rubs her belly again. “Talk, Tony.”**

**Tony sighs heavily before shaking his head. “I really thought that this time-”**

**“I should make you shut your mouth forever. I should make you give it to me so that I can destroy it. How can you _want_ to do this to me?” Olivia demands, her pain so thick in her voice that you feel a sudden offense because Tony’s hurting your sister. Your family! You have family again!**

**“I don’t _want_ to do it, kid but what choice do we have? This will fix everything-”**

**“And you might break me in the process!” You watch as Olivia cradles her pregnant belly, desperate to protect it. Tony was trying to hurt your niece or nephew?!**

**“That’s a risk I’m willing to take!” Tony shouts suddenly overwhelmed with emotion himself. “I need to fix this, Olive. We failed, and I need to make it right. For Peter, Wanda, T’Challa, Quill, for each and every one of them and all the others who were taken.”**

**You suddenly realize what he’s talking about and your heart begins to pound in your chest. Excitement and desperation floods through your system making your blood race.**

**“And yes, even for Barnes.” Tony adds as he looks at you then back to Olivia.**

**“No.” She insists, her lip quivering and her hands once more, protective around her bump.**

**“Wait, wait, wait,” You struggle against your binds. “Are you saying that there is a way to get Bucky back? T’Challa and everyone else too?”**

**Olivia looks at you, her own desperation shining through.**

**“Going back in time could alter our timeline into something worse.” She tries to explain to you but all you care about is that Bucky would be back! You wouldn’t be brainwashed.**

**“So?” You ask, annoyed with her reluctance.**

**“I might never meet Thor again. We might never get married.” She explains, but she’s pleading with you, too. “Which means we will never have our little one. My daughter is important, Y/N.”**

**And you feel sorry for her. You feel bad about it, you do but Bucky is everything. Not to mention everyone else! How can she possibly think to bargain all of their lives for one?**

**“So is everyone else.” You insist, already squarely set on Tony using this time-travel method now.**

**“No!” Olivia shouts. She glares at you, her hands shaking on her bump.**

**“Oh, fuck off! This isn’t only about you, Princess!” You don’t know why you use the old name that Bucky once teased you with. Is this what you’d sounded like back then when you’d whined about your workouts? He’d called you a princess only a few times, but this must be what he felt like. You miss him so much.**

**You need him back. You need to feel his lips on yours. You want his body on top of you. You want his arms around you. You need to hear him laugh his soft, lazy, easy flowing laugh. The smooth cadence of his voice. Even the scars on his shoulder are necessary.**

**Olivia glares murder at you and Tony is suddenly there between the two of you, blocking her from moving closer.**

**“I’m stronger than you, little girl, I can make you bend to my will!” Olivia threatens.**

**You scoff because the way she speaks, her husband is rubbing off on her big time. “I’m not scared of you. I’ve faced worse and I’ve gone through worse. Besides, you said your power doesn’t work on me.”**

**Stupid.**

**“I never said I would use my abilities.” Olivia threatens again, and you honestly do believe that she’d break your body in half if she could.**

**“I think that’s enough quality family time for one night. Visiting hours are over so, get out of here, Olive.” Tony nods towards the door.**

**Olivia glares at you for a few moments longer before she turns to look at Tony. “This isn’t over, Tony. I won’t let you do this to my family. If you do anything to hurt my baby, I will kill you.”**

**Her threat is real, and you suddenly worry for your substitute father.**

**Olivia turns on her heel and leaves the surgical room with a heavy silence.**

**Tony’s shoulders slump as he watches her go and for several minutes he stands there, staring at the door.**

**“Tony?” You press.**

**Tony turns slowly and smiles down at you. “So, how’d that go?”**

**“Well it was fine until you came in. Forget, Olivia. Is there really a way for you to get Bucky back?”**

**“This isn’t just about Barnes, Y/N. This is about everyone.” He assures you but it’s pointless and stupid because either way it means getting Bucky back.**

**“Just answer the damn questions.” You plead, struggling against your binds again.**

**“Yes. Yes, there’s a way but it comes with risks.” He admits.**

**“Look, I get where she’s coming from, but this is too damn important. We can get everyone back! Everyone. Not just Bucky or Peter or the other Avengers. Everyone in the universe that was wiped away, we can get them back. If you go back far enough, if you can get ahead of Thanos, then you can save people he killed even before he snapped those stupid fingers.” It’s all so easy. How can he hesitate?**

**“Just do it.” You insist.**

**Tony stares down at the ground. He smacks his leg twice, thinking hard about what you’ve just said and no doubt what Olivia just said too. His face is so somber, so heart wrenchingly torn that you almost feel bad for him. But he needs to use it. There is no doubt in your mind.**

**Tony Stark is the man that will save the universe and if he doesn’t do everything within his power to do it, he’ll regret it until it kills him.**

Laying in Thor’s arms is bliss. He wraps you up tighter, pulling you flush against his body so that he can feel you connected to every part of him.

“Thor…” You say quietly, teasing a little.

He’s managed to settle your mind and your heart after your encounter with both your sister and Tony in the med bay. Thor is your harbor, your home, and he will also be your savior.

“I want you.” He admits, and you sigh lightly. Your small baby belly doesn’t really get in the way yet. In a month’s time you’ll start to really be huge.

His hands wander down along the small of your back before he slides his hand up under your shirt to feel along the skin of your back. You’re not wearing a bra because, let’s face it, right now they’re not comfortable and he seems to like that fact.

This thumb grazes the side of your breast as he leans down to meet your lips with his own.

His kiss is soft and tender, but promising. He’s so intent on showing you that he’s chosen you and your baby that he’s trying to do it with every touch he gives you.

“Mmm.” You reply to his kiss and the way his hand slides down along your ribs to rest on your stomach where your little girl is kicking away.

He smiles against your lips before he carefully rolls you over onto your back.

He gets up, moving down to grab the waistband of your shorts and pull them down until they’re free of your feet. He tosses them over his shoulder, a little whistle thrown in before he pulls your underwear off as well. He reaches for your hands and pulls you up a little so that he can work your shirt off with one hand.

When you’re lying there, completely naked on your bed with your hands gently rubbing your belly, Thor sits and stares.

He’s already shirtless and the sight is a blessing from Odin himself.

You hold your arms out for him. Wanting him as much as he wants you. “Come here, Puppy.”

Thor is staring at you with such love in his eyes, such admiration and worship, just as he had on your wedding night that you have the need to give in.

He moves over you, leaning down so that you can get your arms around his neck, but he supports his weight on his hands, refusing to settle himself on top of you. He’s been ultra-protective with you lately and now, with your baby bump, he refuses to lay on top of you.

He kisses you eagerly however, his kiss needy and passionate. His tongue searching as he lowers himself a bit more to rest on his forearm so that his right hand can massage your breasts. He slides his hand down along your tummy, but finally stops between your legs where he coaxes them open a little more by sliding his middle finger up between your lower lips.

You moan, breaking your kiss as you quiver at his touch. Thor’s mouth diverts to your neck where he nips at your skin, tasting you before moving down to suckle your breast.

You moan and squirm until you can’t take it anymore and push him hard in the chest to get him up. You know he won’t lay on you, so you push him until he’s standing then move towards your dresser, turn around, and lean forward slightly, placing your hands and spreading your legs for him as if you were waiting to be frisked.

He follows you, his hands find your waist and you feel the heat of his chest press against your back as he leans down to kiss your neck.

You sigh at his touch, leaning your head back onto his shoulder as his hands squeeze the soft flesh of your bottom. With his right hand he traces its curve, stopping when he’s reached your lower thigh then coaxes the leg up, all the while, you can’t help but focus on the hard rod poking between your cheeks.

“Hurry, Thor…” You beg, moving your hips up and down to rub him a little. Tease him into moving faster.

He almost growls as you plead with him. Supporting your leg, he uses his right hand to line himself up at the entrance of your lower lips and slowly, almost torturously he slides himself within you. He stretches you, your muscles constricting around him, drawing from him a delicious groan.

“Oh, yes…” You moan and lean forward a little more to give him more leverage. He grips the left side of your hip with his left hand and slowly begins to thrust himself in and out of you.

He moves so slow at first that all you can hear is your heavy breathing, intermixed with the few groans Thor releases as his hand slowly tightens around your hip.

Gradually, his thrusts become more demanding. He shoves himself into you hard, making you moan. Faster and faster he moves himself within you, drawing gasp after gasp. He lowers your leg, freeing his right hand. He wraps his left arm around your torso, just under your breast, pulling you against his body. His right hand wanders back down between your legs to massage your button.

You shiver and moan slightly louder than you intended to as he moves with faster but smaller movements, his own legs spread wider so that he can get low enough to pump himself in and out.

“Like that?” He asks, his voice husky and hot as it wafts along your neck and ear.

“Oh, yes, Thor…just like…AH!” You moan as he growls and moves faster.

He reaches down to run his left hand down along your tautly stretched belly, up to your breast where he gives it a passing squeeze before he reaches for your face. He gently holds your chin as he turns you to face him, his lips finding yours once again as he kisses you breathless.

His right hand flicks at the nub between your legs until he feels you shudder against him as your body is overrun with golden ecstasy. The world fades away as your orgasm washes over you, numbing you pleasantly.

Thor continues to thrust, holding you tight against his chest. His hand grips your right hip tightly, squeezing it hard as he pumps himself in quick thrusts until he finally shoves himself into you one last time and you feel his heat spread through you. He groans, mashing his lips against your neck as he suddenly bursts into sparks of burning blue electricity. The charge makes your skin tingle with pleasure.

The two of you stay like this, with him comfortably nestled within you, gasping for breath for a few minutes. He finally pulls you towards the bed and makes sure to lay you down first, on your back, before he kisses his way up from your knees, up to your belly where he rests his hands, staring at the life already growing inside of you.

You run your hands slowly through his hair, loving the sparkle of contentment in his eyes. You are in no doubt that he loves you. All of your fears about the watch are gone and you know that things are different. With his life held between his hands, he smiles up at you, a soft peaceful grin that makes your heart flutter and your baby girl kick.

“There she goes again.” He says with a smile then leans down to kiss your tummy. “My daughter is a warrior.”

“She knows you’re there.” You bite your lip, enjoying the sight of Thor by your stomach. “Talk to her. She knows your voice.”

“Does she?” He asks. Almost as if in response to his question, she kicks his hand.

You chuckle, and she kicks again. This time Thor laughs, and she kicks harder. She already loves him so much.

“Hello, my princess.” He whispers against your belly. “I am your daddy. I am the God of Thunder and King of Asgard, but you are my most precious creation. You are the dream I didn’t know I had. You are my light and my heart, and I cannot wait to meet you, my little one. I hope you cannot wait to meet me, too.”

As if to answer him, she kicks his hand again, harder than before. He laughs, looks up at you with those devastatingly piercing blue eyes so full of love and happiness, then leans down to kiss your princess.

Is it really possible to be this happy? Thor presses his lips lightly against your stomach, whispers, “I love you.”

And you know; Yes. It is possible to be this happy.


End file.
